LA is Burning

Dear Los Angeles,

Enough already. Seriously, just stop it. All these earthquakes and fires and mudslides and pollution and botched plastic surgeries--ENOUGH! Well mostly enough when it comes to the natural disasters. I don't like looking up at the sky on a Saturday, when I am enjoying what should be a lovely day at the beach, and seeing some giant mushroom cloud of smoke over the city. Nor am I okay with it being late Saturday night when I might be enjoying some libations with a few friends and I see that parts of the hills are in flames like it's that one scene in The Lord of the Rings when they light up all those watch towers. And there's no pretty soundtrack playing in my version.

And sure, yeah, SURE--the fires make for nice time lapse videos online but I'm not down with the smoke in the air and the oppressive heat. And I am not even that close to ground zero!

So on second thought, maybe this should be an open letter to the Santa Ana winds who probably have something to do with the most recent fires, but you know I am just over LA and it's natural disaster issues.

Sincerely,
Stamos

P.S. Time lapse videos, because they are pretty:

Time Lapse Test: Station Fire from Eric Spiegelman on Vimeo.

Timelapse - Los Angeles Wildfire from Dan B. on Vimeo.

Statistics

I'm bad at math, but I'm good with numbers:

Number of things I am wearing today that I purchased at a flea market: 2
Number of things I am wearing today that are broken yet I wear them anyways: 1
Number of times I washed my hair this week, with shampoo AND conditioner: 1
Number of times I washed my hair this week with Pert Plus: 3
Number of times I stood in the shower and contemplated washing my hair, and then didn't: 1
Number of times I hit snooze on my alarm clock this morning: 5
Number of martinis I drank last night: 3
Number of dollars I paid for 3 martinis last night: 3

And perhaps the most shameful...
Number of times I went to McDonald's this week: 3*
*Twice for iced coffee and yes, admittedly, once for a Happy Meal (what? I wanted the toy!)

shhhh

HI READERS!

Don't worry, I haven't forsaken you! But with a new job comes new responsibility and less time to do personal things. OBV. So blogging will be LIGHT for a bit while I adjust.

But let's see what can I share, what oh what....

Welllllll Maine was AWESOME but mostly because I ate a lot of ITALIAN SANDWHICHES. Which if you are a devoted reader (and let's get real, WHO ISN'T) you know are maybe my most favorite thing EVER. So delish. Especially if you add in the Cape Cod Sea Salt & Vinegar Chips into the sub. YUM. Not awesome? The humidity on the East Coast. I've become even more of a wimp when it comes to miserable heat. It was a nice excuse to say the word "muggy" a lot, which is not often used or understood in LA.

OK gotta get back to work. (I KNOW! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? I am doing lots of REAL work and not just tooling around on the interwebs!)

Introducing, for the first time ever, A REAL VACATION

Hello friends, loyal readers, family members, and whoever it is that searched "can I smoke a cigarette with my jaw wired shut" (no you cannot, and what are you doing smoking in the first place? It's so passé); I have an announcement:

I am going on vacation. Yes, a REAL vacation; I am not bringing my computer with me.

Please, pick up your suddenly dropped jaw up off the floor and pretend to not be so surprised! It is true--for the next 10 days I shall be computer free.*

What a momentous occasion this is! I am not only going to be computer free, but temporarily JOB FREE. (Is this what it was like during the Neolithic Age or something? Shall I become a hunter and gatherer? The nomadic life would suit me well, I think it would!). Yes, I am going to be completely unhinged, detached and enjoying every second of it. There will be dancing, and swimming, and sailing, and kayaking, and running, and tennis, and laughter OH THE LAUGHTER!

I anticipate that I will experience slight withdrawal, almost at once, however I will have a six hour plane ride to New York to prepare** and then I will be swept away from one activity to the next, from the city to Rye for a wedding, back to the city briefly and then off to Maine--the true one and only love of my life. Computer shumputer. I don't need that nonsense! I'm bringing four books! And a journal! I am going to love it!***

*I will have my iPhone as well as access to my dad's laptop and probably my step-mom's too. So maybe I am exaggerating. So maybe I am not completely without computer access. But this is HUGE for me, am I right or am I right?
**By prepare, I mean take a Xanax and pass out.
***Within three hours I will be freaking out and will take more Xanax.

Au Revoir, Death Star

So it's my last day at work today. You know what that means, surely? It means I pulled out all the stops and put together one of the brightest outfits I could create.

Here's what I am working with:

-Electric green dress that is sort of like one of those potato sack/mumu dresses
-Crazy scarf with tassels that is pink, blue, yellow and white with some glittery stripes
-Neon orange Obama Watch
-Neon pink arm bracelet that Adubs brought me back from Argentina
-Neon orange nail polish on toes
-Gold and tan gladiator sandals
-Neon orange purse
-White Oakley frogskins (when I am outside, that is)

It feels good.

And this morning when I got into the elevator with four other people wearing the drabbest color suits, I couldn't have been more pleased. And I am psyched to move onto a world full of color, where maybe my affinity for neon won't stand out as much. And if it does... well, I'm used to it.

And now I actually have work to do (I KNOW! HOW DARE THEY MAKE ME WORK ON MY LAST DAY!) but there's no erasing the smile on my face.

And have I ever mentioned that the nickname for my office building is the Death Star... fitting for a Star Wars geek, no? So many times I've wanted to declare "This Death Star is fully armed and operational." Maybe that will be my final farewell? Nah, I'm thinking a "STAMOS OUT!" as I mime the tossing of the mic. Too much?

Some Thoughts in my Mind Right Now That You Probably Don't Care About

If you are looking at this list thinking HEEEEEEEEEEELLLLL NO I am not reading that much of her mindless rambling, just skip to NUMBER SIX.

Thx,
Mngmnt.

(1) I seem to attract angry seagulls. Last weekend, there I was, just minding my own business at the beach, enjoying my crime thriller novel au moment, when BAM! a seagull craps on my leg. Although I've been told it's good luck (can anyone verify this?). And this is a mere three weeks after that other seagull divebombed for my sandwich. So I'd like to know: WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THE CALIFORNIA SEAGULLS?

(2) In other news, I have three days left at my current job (including today). First of all, who knew that two weeks notice flies by so quickly? It's exciting but also very surreal. And sad... but also great... so it's just a ROLLER COASTER of emotions up in here.

(3) You know I am sad my job will no longer be as a trend forecaster. Because then I will lose credibility when telling random people things like "MIMOSA IS THE NEW HOT COLOR" or "YES IT IS PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE TO PAINT YOUR NAILS MULTIPLE SHADES OF NEON COLORS."

(4) Which brings me to my next point... at the new job how long do I have to wait before I can bust out the neon clothing? Today I am wearing pants so neon they may as well be nuclear (seriously, they are the color of a yellow highlighter) and a bright purple tye-dye t-shirt. Sure it's my form of silent rebellion, of sticking it to the MAN, of saying "SUCK IT SUITS" but in all honesty, while I do love bright colors I've definitely exaggerated my love and frequency when placed in such a corporate environment. Good news is that the new gig appears to be much less corporate. So yeah maybe less neon?

(5) And better news? I am going to be in MAINE soon. I FUCKING LOVE MAINE. In case you didn't know that. You probably did. I love it so much. I also love the ocean. The ocean in Maine feels infinitely crisper and cleaner than here in LA. Probably because it's significantly less polluted. I want to live in the ocean. (OK contribute that last quote to Becca).

(6) And MOST IMPORTANTLY: I am now following John Stamos on Twitter. Yes, the REAL John Stamos (not my dad), and I need to begin tweeting at him, to facilitate the mind blowing experience of a real life Stamos vs. Stamos but I NEED YOUR HELP. I need to use STRATEGERY to go about this. Because imagine what would happen to the universe if we were to meet or EVEN DUEL over Twitter (okay, we wouldn't duel, per se, but the universe would probably explode). Personally, I think Uncle Jesse and I could be the best of friends but I WANT TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN. Help me make this happen! SERIOUSLY! Leave comments, email suggestions... oooh what if all 30 of you regular readers began a Twitter campaign for STAMOS TO MEET STAMOS. HOLY SHIT. Let's do it! In the words of P. Diddy "LET'S GO PEOPLE!"

The Lovely Bones Trailer

I loved this book. I love Peter Jackson (LOTR anyone?). This movie is going to be amazing.

Go check out the trailer NOW.

I FUCKING LOVE BILL CLINTON

I just had to say that.