Why I Love Celine Dion, Pt. 8

BECAUSE WHO ELSE GETS A MOVIE WITH "THROUGH THE EYES OF THE WORLD" FOR A SUBTITLE?



OMG. She's my favorite alien. I can't wait to see this in 3D and hopefully not get shushed too much for laughing/weeping.

And if you're dying to catch up: all previous posts explaining Why I Love Celine Dion

Brad Fail

I love where I work. Seriously. My boss just handed this to me in a fit of giggles, post-it note included.



Suffice it to say, we wont be using that brad for any scripts anytime soon.

Ginger Midget

I gave my roommate Becca a copy of the screener for Sherlock Holmes last night before she went to bed.

I checked my email right before I fell asleep at 11pm to read what may be my new favorite email:

From: Becca
Date: Mon, Jan 25, 2010 at 10:50 PM
Subject: ginger midget
To: Annie

There's one in this movie and they call him Ginger Midget.

Pudding and Mustaches

I was enjoying a Jello snack pack after lunch today, and decided to send out a little tweet about it. You know, because Jello pudding now reminds me of this funny quote from Lie to Me (because at this point, why wouldn't everything in my life make me think of a television show?) and long story short, this spiraled into some Twitter riffing on a show called PUDDING AND MUSTACHES.

Why?

Well, mustaches are like the NEW HOT THING in TV (or something). And then there's pudding... a treat that's slowly been creeping onto the airwaves for some time now. Okay, sure pudding is almost always featured in hospital scenes (and on a side note, when I was in the hospital post-surgery, I did not get any pudding), but I'm starting to notice pudding is popping up EVERYWHERE. And I am not alone. A friend of mine, who is a TV reporter (yes! A real live TV reporter! And when I say "friend" I'm not even talking about myself! This is someone else who is a TV blogger! I KNOW!) jumped in on the fun, and together we came up with some potential loglines for what is sure to be the next massive hit on NBC:

PUDDING AND MUSTACHES: Pudding thieves plot to take over the JELLO plant, but are thwarted by mustached men. Rights to JELLO are pending.

PUDDING AND MUSTACHES: A teenage girl discovers the only way to get rid of her puberty-induced mustache is by smearing it with pudding.

PUDDING AND MUSTACHES: The sordid tale of Tom Selleck's mustache gone rogue. Its weakness? Tapioca pudding.

PUDDING AND MUSTACHES: In which a monkey grows a mustache. And eats pudding.

PUDDING AND MUSTACHES: New reality competition to see which team can make the best/most creative facial hair using only pudding.

PUDDING AND MUSTACHES: Crime show where the only way to collect forensic evidence is with pudding. Half of the cops must have mustaches.

So which one of these is NBC most likely to buy? I'm guessing the one with the monkey.

Sandra Bullock, like, gets me

Um. Have you seen Sandra Bullock's dress from Saturday's SAG Awards? If not, please take a gander below. (Feel free to ignore her husband. Just look at the sequins).

Okay, this dress? IS SO ME. Like if I were going to an award show, this is the dress I would wear. First of all, the colors are FAB. We're talking shades of blue, like ROYAL blue, which, um, I LOVE, and then black, which is obviously smart and slimming and safe, BUT IT'S SO NOT SAFE BECAUSE THE SEQUINS GIVE A BIT OF CRAZY. And I love sequins. And shoulder pads. And anything that looks like it could have been worn by an extra on Dynasty.

Hey! Have you heard about this show?

Have you heard about Friday Night Lights? Me neither!* But this LA Times article makes a convincing case for why I should watch.

*Note sarcasm. I don't shut up about this show.

"frequently confused with ringworm, but antifungal creams won't help, because it is not a fungus" OR "that time I got f-ed over by the rain"

So. It's raining a lot in LA right now. A lot a lot. So much rain that highways are being closed, houses are being evacuated and oh, also? I have a rash. Because of the rain.

This morning I had a pre-scheduled doctor's appointment for a regular monthly check-up on my various medications (that's right folks, I've go the drug regimen of a divorcee circa 1997). I love my doctor. Been seeing her since when I first moved out to LA. We're tight.

Right after she tells me all my vitals are looking great as usual yada yada yada I say to her:

"Yo I have some sort of crazy rash all over my upper body." Which is true. A few days ago I noticed a weird mark on my back (two of my friends said it almost looked like a spider bite, however the general consensus was ringworm. Spoiler alert: it's not ringworm).

Dr. G takes one look at me, says "I need to see your back" turns me around, takes a quick look and goes:

"Yep, you have Pityriasis Rosacea,"

"Say what?"

"Pityriasis Rosacea. That mark on your back there is the herald mark. It's a rash you get once in your lifetime, usually lasts 4-6 weeks, and that mark precedes it."

"So you're saying it's going to get worse."

"Yes. It will be everywhere except your face, your hands, and the soles of your feet. And it will itch a lot. But don't scratch it."

"Okay. Why did I get it?"

"It's usually caused by periods of extreme stress or massive changes in the weather. Are you under high stress?"

"No."

"Then it's weather."

"Okay so my room is sort of not insulated..." (This is true. I live in the studio room, which lacks insulation, and as of yesterday had a leak).

"Yep that's not helping. It's the rain. As soon as it's sunny again you'll start feeling better. The UV will help."

"So can I go tanning?"

"No."

"Oh, why? Will that make it worse?"

"No. You'll get cancer."

"Oh."

"I'll prescribe you some medicine to help the itchiness. But it's going to last for about a month. It's like the Chicken Pox but not contagious."

Awesome. Just awesome.

On a side note, I did some research. Apparently UV light can help. Don't tell Dr. G but I'm going tanning. I mean, this shit is freaky. And my herald mark is in the exact spot equivalent of a tramp stamp. I could probably get some good cash busking on the streets of the Jersey Shore.

Now I'm going to douse myself in calamine lotion and alternate between crying and laughing at the sweet sweet irony of it all.

Trendy Mario

Mario is so trend forward these days:

Eau du Cafe

Hello. My name is Annie Stamell and I smell like coffee.

I'm not one of those people who sweats coffee because they drink it so much. No, I smell like coffee because I spill coffee on myself 3 out of 5 workdays, every week. My car also smells like coffee. A this point, I've practically given up on perfume, and am going to hope that people like the scent of a freshly brewed cup because that's what you're gonna get if you're sitting near me.

Leno Victims Unit

You Snooze You Lose (But Also Win)

One of my favorite TV shows is Lost. Obv.

Lost is one of those shows that inspires various degrees of pandemonium before, during, and after viewing. Two years ago I recall watching a season finale when my roommate pretty much had a full-fledged panic attack (this included her throwing various items at me, for no other reason than she just couldn't believe what was happening). It's one of those shows I love, but also find incredibly exhausting, because it's just so good, and sometimes just too difficult to keep up with, and I sometimes don't even want to start watching it because I can't handle the suspense, or I don't want it to end.

Last spring I wasn't home the night the finale aired. About a week later I went to watch it, after hearing so much buzz, and just being really excited in general, only to discover our stupid DVR deleted it. Okay, this was my fault because we record well over 30 shows and if we don't put a "keep" on things, shows get deleted within a few days to make more room. And sure, I could have watched the finale online, but I refused to watch it on Hulu, or some other site, because a show like that is not meant for the computer, it is meant for a gorgeous flat screen television.

But here we are, many months later, the final season of Lost is about to start and I still haven't watched the finale. I almost can't believe it's gone on this long.

However, this has turned out to be a blessing in disguise: just recently all of last season became available on Netflix streaming. We have Netflix streaming connected to our PlayStation 3. And voila: I will soon be able to see the finale on my TV. And even better, unlike the rest of all you suckers, I don't have to wait a gazillion months to find out what happens.

Resolution FAIL

Um. Yeah. So I haven't been the best about fulfilling that resolution about, you know, blogging at this here blog every weekday, but good news is I am posting more regularly at HuffPo! I know you are exciiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiited.

Have I been going to yoga once a week? No.

How about those hikes? Not yet.

Well... we can't win them all, huh?

I should have included "WATCH MORE TV" as a New Years Resolution. Woulda nailed it.

F U Leno

Okay, I realize I posted a pic of Leno not two days ago on this here blog, but that was to make fun of his outfit choices.

All I am going to say on this whole Leno-Conan-NBC fiasco is that I really don't like Leno, don't think he's particularly funny, think that NBC screwed the pooch on this from the get go, and feel bad for Conan (at least as bad as I can feel for someone insanely talented who has a massive contract and makes lots of money).

It will be interesting to see how it all plays out from here...

Jumpin' Jiminy Cricket!

(Is that a saying, by the way?I mean I feel like it is but I could be wrong.)

After a horrible ending to her trip to India, DiTonto is finally home. Thank God. I mean, we have our massive joint birthday party this upcoming weekend, which is, oh, I don't know, the most important social event of THE YEAR?!?

Nah, I just can't wait to see so many people! And wear something weird! Like, weirder than usual. Although today I am looking quite sharp I will say (it's no Canadian Tuxedo, but I've got my shit together).

I think 2010 is going to be a good year. Mark my words.

Also, this is hilarious: Family Revenge Facebook Style

The Story of Pocohontar

So, I saw Avatar twice in the theaters. Yeah, TWICE. So WHAT. I liked it. Sure it's a terrible script that reeks of 90s lines like "You're not in Kansas anymore" and "numb-nuts" and "I'm going to take it to the next level." But it's an IMAX 3D joyride, that is for sure.

But back to the story, because that is much more entertaining. It's very Fern Gully/Dances With Wolves/Pocahontas -esque.


No really.


Check this out:




via my brother, who found it at Boing Boing

That dude's a genius. IMHO.

A brief diatribe on the Canadian Tuxedo

Well, call me Denim Dan. And call 2010 the year in which the Canadian Tuxedo made a return. That’s right folks, you heard it here first: denim on denim is back in a big way. I mean, don’t tell me you are surprised. It’s only natural that we’d move onto 90s fashion after the 80s were such a hit the second time around. You’d have to be an idiot not to have seen all the plaid and flannel everywhere the past two years (and I can’t even tell you how much I regret not holding onto every L.L. Bean flannel I ever had in middle school). The hipsters hip-ified the grunge look, but before they ruin the Canadian Tuxedo and all it’s ironic glory, I’m embracing this timeless look.

First let me clarify something: I have no idea why it’s called the Canadian Tuxedo. I mean, do a lot of Canadians wear jean and jean shirt combos? The only Canadians I’ve ever met are the French speaking ones who frequent Maine beaches in the summer. They're usually wearing bathing suits. And once I met this cool chick from Toronto when I was backpacking Europe in college but I couldn’t tell you what she wore. It was Amsterdam. Or Vienna. Or something.

Actually, one of my co-workers called my look today the Redneck Tuxedo, which leads me to wonder if many people think Canadians are rednecks (and I’m pretty sure they’re not) and if there really have been people rocking this often unflattering denim uniform consistently over the years in some of America's greatest flyover country. You know what? I am going to go ahead and make an educated guess that for some, this look never went away.

But you see, there is an art to the look. I mean, that is if you really want to sell it. You either go all out and look like jackass, or you go all out and look like you're just too cool to care; thus what is probably unflattering you have consequently made amazingly flattering. Now, to avoid an unflattering Canadian Tuxedo you have to be particular about the denim you chose. For example, a lighter denim shirt paired with dark denim pants is a wise decision. And I recommend against a jean jacket (although I suppose that is the true Canadian Tuxedo right there).

And I must say I’m feeling pretty footloose and fancy-free in my denim duds today. That is, until another co-worker said I remind her of Jay Leno in his Jay-walking sketches. I’m not okay with that comparison. I’d much rather be Canadian.



Can anyone verify if this look was actually heralded by Canadians? Someone else is now telling me they call it a Mexican tuxedo. Now I'm just starting think this is all an opportunity for some stereotyping. In which case, don't call me Denim Dan, just call me an asshole.

I wonder if I was Canadian if my unabashed love for Celine Dion would be more acceptable...

Happy Happy

Happy 2010 Everyone. And Happy Birthday to Me. Yeah, because if there’s anywhere you can wish yourself a happy birthday it should be your own blog, the hub of all things narcissistic, right?

Anyhoo… I’d like to share some of my New Years Resolutions, because I mean, if you share them then you feel a bit more committed to following through, right? I mean I really did fulfill most of mine from last year. Still working on getting my shit together however...

• Blog every weekday (off to a rip-roaring start!)
• Submit a HuffPo pieces on a more frequent and regular schedule
  
• Watch The Wire (I mean how can I claim to be a TV buff when I haven't even watched what is apparently the best show of the past decade?)
• Do yoga once a week
• Go for a hike once a month
• Create – and stick with – a regular writing routine (for my non-blogging endeavors)
  
• Don’t buy anymore sunglasses (I have a problem)
  
• Travel more
• Save more
• And as always… BE PROFESSIONAL (or something)