Boston Snowfall, Measured in Shaq

Shaq-o-meter: Does season's snowfall measure up to Shaq?

Just brilliant. 

How Social Media Users Watch Video

The answer: online. Check out this great infographic (click to enlarge).

Source: Mashable and Lab42

I too whip my hair from time to time!

So I might as well just start dressing like Willow Smith:

I mean, I'm already halfway there.

Are you people watching 'Cougar Town' yet?

You really should be. Remember, it is NOT ABOUT COUGARS. Also, Cougar Town is meta and self-referential in the BEST way possible.

Twitter BFF Necklace anyone?

Source: Geekologie 

Look, I know I love Twitter and all but if anyone ever gets me these necklaces I'll drink myself into a dumb stupor from a cheap White Zinfindel and then go ransack the nearest 7/11.

Okay I won't do that, but, like, I'd be annoyed. And not-so-secretly think you are a tool. And then go tweet about it.

That one time I brought Silly Bandz to the people of Peru

This was a highlight of my Peru trip:

I bet it was a highlight for those kids too - by which I mean, hearing this crazy American lady attempt to say the word "star" in Spanish was obviously a real special moment.  

(It's estrella by the way.)

Caption Contest: Steven Tyler

What is Steven Tyler thinking here?

Leave your ideas in the comments and I'll repost later with the winner's copy. (Assuming people actually comment and stuff.)

If you could end up in an animated hallucination, what would it be?

I would very much like to have an animated hallucination in which I find myself absolutely dominating the casino level in Sonic 2.

I mean right? How SICK would that be?

Think about it: if your life was a stoner movie and you got to the part with the animated hallucination, and you could end up anywhere, where would it be? I think a video game from my childhood would be rad and I always loved the casino level on Sonic 2 because playing the slots was a damn good time. Although it's a toss-up between that and one of my favorite cartoons. Oh, like the friends portion of Garfield and Friends. I totally wanted to hang out on Orson's farm!

What about you?

Side note: Amir from MetroMix sent me this SICK video of a Sonic/Michael Jackson conspiracy theory. WATCH IT whilst you ponder what animated hallucination you'd like to end up in, then tell me your thoughts in the comments!

all the commentary on NBC's programming directive that you'll ever need

Source: The TV Addict

Aziz Ansari and his best friend Rob Lowe!

The best comedy you're not watching (besides Cougartown) returns to TV tomorrow night: Parks and Recreation! I've seen the first six episodes of the upcoming season and have to say that it's without a doubt some of the funniest shit on TV right now. I laughed my face off. Rob Lowe is, simply put, a revelation.

Here's a fun spoof of the credits, featuring Aziz Ansari and the incredible cast:

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

I have to say that while half the time I think Aziz is overexposed and annoying, he always manages to make me laugh. I do appreciate that he can take a good jab at himself. Man, I would love to hang around that set! Fun, right?


Remember: watch this show!

There's a Reason Bill Nye is the Science Guy, You Guys

Okay. So, Bill Nye, you know, the Science Guy? Well he predicted this whole Zodiac shift years ago. Six years ago to be exact:

Source: Gawker

You guys, there's a reason HE's The Science Guy, you feel me? And fine, maybe astrology isn't the most precise of "sciences" but it's obviously something we all care about (if the outrage from yesterday tells us anything) so, my point here is that science is cool and scientists know stuff and global warming is real and unicorns might be too.

And I'm still a Capricorn by the way. Apparently the whole astrological sign shift only applies if you were born after 2009.

the only thing they love more than justice is wearing scarves

It's like our Law & Order, just more British:

Hey I relate to those British people! I TOO LOVE SCARVES! AND TEA! (And I also love Jamie Bamber - of Battlestar Galactica, DUH!)

Actually, that hilarious clip has effectively convinced me to watch the UK Law & Order. Which is ironic, considering I've never even seen one episode (not even one) of the American version.

Excuse me? Because of the moon I now have to be a SAGITTARIUS?

This is bullshit. BULLSHIT. 

Have you guys heard about this? Apparently the earth has "wobbled" (you'd think they'd come up with a more scientific term, but OKAY) and it was all the MOON's fault and now the Zodiac signs have changed. Which doesn't make a lot of sense to me, but all I know is that according to some chart I'm no longer a Capricorn.

WHAT THE HELL, MAN! I am a Capricorn! I like earthy colors! I'm stable! I have a good work ethic! I'm very rational! And there's something related to a goat even though goats are weird! And I am PROUD of these things. I am NOT a Sagittarius, okay? 

 

SKINS aka Partying with High Schoolers

When I was in high school, I was one of those girls. You know the ones - the popular, over-scheduled, well-rounded girls, not quite of the Mean Girls caliber, but certainly cliquey and self-involved.  And yes, I partied. But I'm pretty sure the parties I went to in high school looked NOTHING like the party depicted in this extended trailer of MTV's new show Skins.

Skins - MTV Shows

Racy, huh? This makes me wonder if this is an accurate depiction of high school parties today. And if it is, well then, shit. I'm never having kids.

Midseason TV to Watch: LIGHTS OUT

As I previously wrote, I loved the pilot for the new FX show premiering tomorrow night, Lights Out. I may or may not have a little something to do with the show (like, really, super, duper, indirectly, but I feel the need to be straightforward and own up to my slight bias before I wax poetic on why you should watch the show, other than to support something I am distantly connected to) - however I've only seen the first episode, and while all 13 episodes of this much-buzzed about first season are at my disposal, I plan to watch the show in real time - it just has the appeal of one of those shows you want to soak in with the collective pop culture group, ya feel me?

However, I'll say this - you should for sure check out the pilot tomorrow, and to whet your appetite here's an in-depth character piece that FX has put together in anticipation of the show's premiere. Check it out:

Hello 2011!

Well. It's 2011 and I am 27 years old. I think that's a good thing? I don't know about 2011 because that's one year away from 2012 and apparently that's the year everything goes to shit, but I think being 27 is a good thing. Everyone talks about the Saturn Return which I guess starts around when you turn 27. So, here's hoping this is going to be a banner year for me.

One of the things I am hoping to do this year is to actually make the risky step of attempting to become a full-time writer (you can tell how nervous I am about that, considering how many bullshit modifiers I just used in that sentence). It's totally scary and overwhelming and risky and crazypants but I figure it's about time I go for it, right? Right. So I'm not sure what sort of impact that's going to have on my blogging, but I'm hoping to devote much more time to my writing writing. So that also means I'm actively seeking representation (gross) and a studio to pay me lots of money to make my amazing movie(s) and or TV show(s). Cool? Cool.

However, going forward, I'm once again considering a relaunch of Jaw Wired Shut. Should I move it to Tumblr? Get a nicer site design? Ditch the TV commentary and stick to personal anecdotes? Vice versa? Move the focus to social media consulting? Just keep doing the nonsensical blogging I'm doing? 

As always, opinions and comments are welcome!

 

this is probably what I look like when I dance

I value honesty and I gotta be honest with myself - I like to think I am a good dancer but if I were probably watching myself dance, I imagine I'd look like something of a cross between Elaine on Seinfeld, and this girl: