Sweet Valley Confidential

I've gone into a Sweet Valley High blackhole over at my tumblr. Also - please do yourself a favor and check out the website for the new SVH book Sweet Valley Confidential. My favorite section is "Remember It!" where we are reminded that Lila Fowler was Jessica Wakefield's rival AND best friend." In other words - FRENEMIES.

Lila you were SUCH a bitch.

Does Tara Reid's Funny-or-Die video redeem Tara Reid?

Okay. We all know Tara Reid. She used to party with the Hilton sisters, she had some botched plastic surgeries, she makes my tanorexia look like childs' play, and her best acting role was probably as Bunny in The Big Lebowski.

Speaking of, in this Funny or Die video Tara Reid plays all the characters in the fictional The Big Lebowski 2. Not only is it pretty funny, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say GOOD FOR YOU TARA REID! This may redeem you. In fact, I think it does. 


See for yourselves:

The Big Lebowski 2 with Tara Reid from Tara Reid

Okay. What do you think? You know what. Don't answer that. Just fill out this poll. I KNOW! A POLL!

Dear Voldemort, You are like, the master of all evil. Can't you just make yourself a nose or something? You're ugly. Love, Stamos

Seriously, bro. That's nasty. Just like, try? Okay?

Source: Vulture

(Yes that's the first official poster for the final Harry Potter film, highlighting Voldemort's lack of nose).

this is literally my worst nightmare

In Freak Accident, 34 Katherine Heigl Films Released At Once

Female Stoners in Pop Culture History

Flavorwire's got a piece up about female stoners in pop culture history - Jane from the movie Smiley Face makes the list, which reminds me that this might be my favorite movie to ever accurately capture the sensation of being high. Check out the preview below, and it's on instant Netflix so you should just go watch it. Even if you don't smoke pot, it's seriously hilarious.

What Exactly is a 'Social Media Expert?'

Oftentimes when I'm talking to brands or individuals, or even just my co-workers in TV development, I'll start to wax poetic about being a 'Social Media Expert.' In fact, if you were to ask me what my dream job was, if it weren't writing TV shows and/or features, it'd be acting as the Social Media Expert at a TV network. 

But what does that entail? What exactly is a Social Media Expert? I always tell people that it's an intense, round-the-clock gig, and there's no better way to explain it than with this infographic (click to enlarge):

Source: The Daily Infographic

Ellie Goulding

One of the best parts about writing that SXSW piece for CulturePOP was that as a result, I myself was able to discover some new music.  I'm totally loving Ellie Goulding, the UK sensation who's somehow still an unknown over here. Everything she does is amazing - I especially love the multiple remixed versions of her song "Lights" - but I'm totally blown away by her cover of Rihanna's "Only Girl in the World." You MUST listen:

Ellie Goulding - Only Girl (Rihanna Cover) by Pretty Much Amazing

Dear Future Husband

HINT HINT

CulturePOP

Have I mentioned the new website I'm writing for? (Apologies again for that pesky short term memory if I have). I am going to assume no... so yay, I am writing for CulturePop.com which is all about "Ingredients for an Artful Life" or as I like to call it "A publication besides The Huffington Post that my family can be proud I write for."

I've done a batch of "Picks" pieces for them - but my most FAVORITE posted today - "Some of Our Favorite 80s Inspired Things." Not only did I get to plug my favorite hot pink lipstick but I got to share my love for the new Cut Copy album again.

Make sure you guys check out the post - and better yet, - subscribe to CulturePOP's regular newsletters!

Friday, Friday, Gonna Get Down on Friiiiiiidaaaaaaaaaaay

Because I'm a good person, I'm not going to post that atrocious music video in which a 13-year-old wails about her inability to choose between sitting in the front or back seat.


I trust you know what I'm talking about. (If not, you have no business being on the internet. In fact, you should be ashamed of yourself).


Have a fantastic weekend, don't drink and drive, wear a helmet, wear deodorant, don't let the bed bugs bite, and all that jazz.


Toodles.

The Strokes' New Album Now Streaming

great album cover, no?

Music fans! You can stream the new album Angles from The Strokes at their website. I love that the first song is called "Machu Picchu!" (Aw, Peru!) I'm psyched to see them at Coachella this year...

The fear of earthquakes is known as "Seismophobia" but I just call it "The Reason My Doctor Prescribes Me Xanax."

Not to belittle what's happening in Japan right now, but I'm totally freaked out by the earthquake and again... what it means for LA and the chance of the BIG ONE happening and yes it's really horrible to make this about me but last night I started crying and I couldn't sleep so then I took a Xanax - which I am prescribed because of my fear of earthquakes (seriously, that's why Dr. G, my most favorite doctor in the world, has to give me anti-anxiety medicine because I've wound up in a routine physical crying on multiple occasions because I am just that scared of earthquakes) - and then I had a really weird dream in which I was hanging out with acclaimed television writer Jane Espenson and we had a meeting somewhere and Steven Spielberg gave us a ride but he was driving a batmobile and it was really weird, and when I woke up the tsunami was headed toward my backyard aka Venice Beach. But it's okay. I'm okay. Deep breaths. Not okay? The many people effected by the terrible wrath of Mother Nature.

My thoughts and prayers go out to all the people of Japan who are suffering right now. It's absolutely horrible and terrifying and so sad. Oh and I'm really glad that Maru is okay.

Trolls Now Look Like Sluts

You guys remember trolls, right? Well check out what the NEW trolls look like:

Via The Hairpin

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

First of all, trolls are not only an American pastime, they are, in fact (and more traditionally), a Norwegian pastime.

I only know this because growing up my father did a lot of business with Norway and there were always Norwegians just like chillin' at my house with names like Bjorn and Peter-Bjorn and Bjorn-Bjorn and we always used to get trolls as gifts and they looked a lot more like the trolls I already played with (the ones on the left in the picture, duh), except a lot uglier. So, like, they ended up in our formal dining room in a weird diorama setting that served as an ode to my dad's foreign business. Or something.

So already, the Americanized version of the troll was just a lot prettier than the original Norwegian ugly/scary version (no offense to Bjorn, Peter-Bjorn or Bjorn-Bjorn). I don't even know how this Norwegian tchtochke ever transitioned to the United States, but it did, and man - trolls were awesome. I had a LOT of trolls. And I even recall going to a troll-themed birthday party. And remember the baby trolls? Those little fuckers were cute.

I remember playing with trolls with my friend Amy the day I found out my grandma died. I was so upset that Amy offered me one of her most beloved trolls (one of the ones with the gemstone in the belly-button, which was like, the MOST awesome) which is not only a sign of true friendship (yes, Amy remains one of my best friends today - and it's her birthday tomorrow, so this is all quite perfectly timed) but a sign of how awesome trolls were. I mean, if you think about it, it's totally weird, but it was just like, one of those phenomenons of the 90s (although apparently these trolls first came onto the scene in the 1960s? Who knew!?!).

So imagine my outrage when I discovered today that the look of the trolls has been updated. And what do they look like? Sluts. Trolls are now slutty.

Look, no one wants a slutty troll. Part of the joy of the troll doll is that it's ugly, yet somehow also cute. Like a Furby or a Chia Pet or certain breeds of dogs. Trolls are certainly are not slutty. 

Speaking of slutty - apparently all these AMAZING toys and characters from our youth are being updated - and yes, they all look slutty. THIS. IS. BULLSHIT. I mean look at those trolls! I know the midriff-baring look is all hot in the fashion circles right now, but again, ON TROLLS - trolls who no longer have pudgy bellies and potato-sack clothes (if they were even wearing clothes) - they should not be wearing midriff-baring outfits. You know what? These trolls look like Bratz dolls.  In other words - slutty and gross and inappropriate for children to be playing with. 

In sum, I'm going to tell my dad to get me Bjorn or Peter-Bjorn or Bjorn-Bjorn on the phone because I vote we just get those nasty little Norwegian trolls over to America to show all these new slutty trolls what's up. Who's with me?

Rich Bitch

This is probably a year or so overdue, but Die Antwoord has finally released a video for my favorite of their songs, "Rich Bitch." I was really looking forward to seeing what exactly YoLandi interpreted as "busy." Glad to see she can't answer the phone because busy = sitting on the toilet.

STAMOS! (Imagine me shaking my fist at the skies whilst screaming that)

First of all, don't EVEN GET ME STARTED on these rumors that John Stamos might be replacing Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men. Because that would be NOT OKAY. With me. Although it would make for a pretty good Stamos vs. Stamos...

Secondly, I've got a new "Stamos on Stamos" over at Zap2it - so check that out here.

Thirdly, I totally suck at blogging these days. I am blaming it on the fact that I left my Adderall at home the past four days. That's right, it's not MY fault, it's the DRUGS.

That's all for now!

Tchotchkes and Toys!

I love tchotchkes. 

First of all. It's a great word. Like, it's really weird. A really weird word that perfectly exemplifies what it means, you know? And I love it!

I love tchotchkes!

Well, not at home. At home I like everything crisp, clean and tchotchke-free. That's because, in my opinion, the ideal place for tchotchkes is at the office. I keep a whole bunch of tchtochkes at my office. And toys! I love toys. If I could get a Happy Meal every day just for the toy, I would. (I mean, I could, in theory, but that's disgusting, so it's only on rare occasions that I do. Like when the toy is REALLY good). So here's a glimpse at just a few of the tchotchkes that surround me (click to enlarge):

Mulder + Scully 4eva

Sometimes I huff my Pine Pillow! Just kidding! Not really!

I have to say, one of my favorite parts about working at a TV studio is that it's totally legit and not perceived as nerdy at all to have action figures on your desk.  Okay, maybe it's a liiiiiiittle nerdy if it's a show you never worked on... so for, me The X-Files. But still... it's probably a lot more acceptable to have toys everywhere here than, say, if I worked in investment banking or something. HAHAHA. CAN YOU IMAGINE? ME? WORKING IN INVESTMENT BANKING???

What about you guys? What are some of your most cherished tchotchkes?