New Beginnings! (Featuring Runon Sentences, Digressions, and Excessive Use of Caps Lock)

Exciting news YOU GUYS! I got a new job! And for the first time in my Hollywood career I can actually publicly talk about where I am working which is a big weight off my shoulders. (And I guess I can tell you guys about my current/soon-to-be-old-job as well? More on that to come...)

So, what am I doing? Well, in case you didn't catch it on Twitter yesterday, or you weren't aware from the evolution of this blog (aka my recent descent into tumblr), I've finally decided that I want to really make a go at a career as a TV writer (no not a TV blogger - and I love all those of you who do, but it just ain't my cup of tea).  This spring I brushed up my sample (it's a half hour comedy pilot about crazy chicks in their 20s - think a lot of my stories from when I first lived out in LA) and sent it around and got help from all the amazing executives I currently work with, and some of my agent friends... 

Now let me tell you, getting a writing job in this town is NOT easy. Far from it. To get a staff writer job you need an agent or manager - which I do not have (yet) - and to get a Writers Assistant job (which is often like a baby writer) you either need to have already been a PA on the show or know someone on the show or be related to someone on the show or like sell your soul or give up your firstborn or something... so that didn't happen either (even after I had the president of the studio putting in calls for me. For real. PRESIDENT OF THE STUDIO. THIS IS A MAN WHO REPORTS TO RUPERT MURDOCH. Calling people. Telling them to hire me. And then... crickets... It is HARD you guys). 

A few weeks ago I didn't think it was going to happen. I had sort of waved off this staffing season as my first real try and my boss and I had started to brainstorm how we'd try to get me onto a cable or show or at least an agent or manager, both of us thinking that I gave it my best and that was that. But then, finally, FINALLY, I got a bite! 

After a great interview with the amazing Co-EPs (um, who used to be on Friday Night Lights by the way... Yes, FNL YOU GUYS! AKA MY FAVORITE SHOW IN THE HISTORY OF SHOWS! LIKE THEY WERE SO CLOSE TO TIM RIGGINS. TIM RIGGINS!) and lots of help and support from some writers and studio executives I was offered the great gig of Writers PA on the new Fox show The Finder, which, for those who don't know, is a loose spinoff of the show Bones! And as of next Monday, I'm starting over in the writers offices on the Fox lot.

So that's pretty damn cool. I'm stoked. The writing staff Hart Hanson has hired (he's the showrunner) is AMAZING (including my friend Aaron Ginsburg, who was so kickass in helping me get this gig/figure out how to make this transition to becoming a full-time TV writer/listen to my regular existential crises) and I'm going to be working with and learning from some of the best writers in this town - I'm super-duper excited and a little bit pee-my-pants nervous. I mean, making the jump from the corporate world to the non-corporate world is SCARY (I think I'm already driving Hart's assistant nuts with my endless questions. And I'm showing a lot of restraint too! I swear!). But hey - I want to be a writer and this is how it goes - no more corporate stability for me!

Seriously though, I'm so excited to just learn the ins and outs of a show from the side of the show (as opposed to the studio side) - and really excited that I get to be around smart, creative, and talented people all day (seriously, did you guys see that Josh Friedman is a consulting producer on the show? I watched his pilot Locke and Key last night and it was so damn good... I mean, I am going to be around these insanely talented scribes everyday!).  I can't wait to just soak in the smartness. (I'm just gonna sit back and soak it all in like I do the sun. And I'm really damn good at soaking in the sun. I mean, I have tanorexia, that is how good I am).


But never fear, my loyal readers (seriously, there are a bunch of you who I don't know personally but have been reading my shit for going on five years now, and, that means so much to me) - when I can I'm going to continue to work on my own stuff.  I mean shit, if I've gone almost four years of balancing all the outside writing on top of the corporate jobs, then this is going to be so exciting to actually be at a place where "I'm a writer" is the norm.  Even better, I've started the process of meeting with managers and have had some agents helping me out, so hopefully by the end of the show's wrap I'll be in a position to really get out there for pilot and staffing seasons.  Additionally I'm working on two features (one with my dear friend Sarah, aka Twitter's shinyunicorn), have a great plan for a comedy book, and will continue to post to HelloGiggles, CulturePop and the Huffington Post. Oh and I have a whole bunch of new TV pilots in the can, including a project I am obsessed with that's about badass lady stoners (seriously. Just go with it).

So, please go check out the "backdoor pilot" of The Finder here, and I'll definitely be sure to keep everyone in the loop about when the show premieres and what I am up to and all that jazz!  BUT NO SPOILERS. You guys KNOW how I feel about spoilers. I don't like 'em and I don't give 'em!


I'll do a post on my current gig some point later this week. I'll tell you all about the studio I work at and the shows I've been working on (hint: "When you're a spy...") and show pics of the ridiculous wrap gifts we've gotten over the years and the fun stuff like that. It's a little bittersweet to leave but only because I love my boss here SO MUCH (I seriously get teary-eyed thinking about leaving him), but he's so supportive and wants me to go off and do my thing and spread my wings and all that jazz... so off I go!

I think one of my favorite parts about all this is now I get to dress like a schlub. I'm sure at some point I'll miss wearing all my bright dresses, skirts and fancy tops, but oh my god I am going to be able to wear hoodies and sparkly TOMS and no make-up and even shorts... like EVERYDAY. NO MORE HIGH HEELS! 


THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST EVER!

Parks and Recreation Bloopers

You should stop whatever you are doing and take 15 minutes of your life to enjoy these bloopers from one of the funniest shows on TV.

Conan Wins Dartmouth Graduation

"Gotta love California in this day and age."

I got pulled over just after I got off the 405 freeway onto Santa Monica Blvd this morning. 

I knew, instantly, it was because my registration sticker was for last year (ironically just a few weeks ago our building manager asked me to put my current registration on it, but I couldn't find my 2011 sticker, only my 2010, so that's the one I had on the car. Because I'm an idiot and figured being one year behind was better than two).

Now before I continue, you should know two things:

(1) My car smells like pot

(2) My strategy for dealing with police officers has always been to play dumb

We pull over to the side of Sepulveda and I roll down the window and it goes a little something like this:

Cop: "Did you know your registration is expired ma'am?"

Me: "Oh yeah, actually it's not I just don't have the sticker on it."

Cop: "Oh okay that's fine just let me see your license and registration then."

So I start to rifle around my glove compartment and I'm taking forever.

Cop: "Okay where's the marijuana."

Me: "Huh?"

Cop: "The marijuana. I'm going to need to see it."

Me: "Oh yeah sure. Oh I have a card."

Cop: "Okay I'm going to need the marijuana and the card."

So I hand those over - meanwhile I have taken out ALL the papers in my glove box and am going through them one by one to try to find my registration.

Cop: "Do you have your doctor's note?"

Me: "Huh?"

Cop: "Your doctor's note - the certificate. You need to carry that with you."

Me: "Oh really? Oh I didn't realize that I need both. Okay I keep that safe at my house."

Cop: "Well start carrying it with you from now on."

He hands me back the weed and the card. He then looks at my license. I'm still looking for my registration.

Cop: "How long have you lived in California?"

Me: "A little while now."

Cop: "Why don't you have a California license?"

Me: "Oh I spend a lot of my time in Maine for work. I still have a home there."

Cop: "Where do you spend most of your time?"

Me: "California."

Cop: "I'll be right back. You keep looking."

So he walks back to his car holding my license - and I throw my pot on the passenger seat while I'm still rifling through those papers. Finally I find it - sure enough I am registered for 2011 and have my sticker stapled to the form. I poke my head out the window and wave at him.

Me: "Heeeey! I found it!"

Cop: "Okay I'll be right there."

Me: "Can we put the sticker on it now?"

Cop: "What's that?"

Me: "Let's put the sticker on now!"

Cop: "Just a moment ma'am."

So after a few minutes he comes back to my window and grabs the registration and then he walks away again.

I send a few emails - first to my boss just to give him the heads up I got pulled over and am going to be late. I look in the mirror at one point and see that the cop is making his way back.

Cop: "I put your sticker on your car but this is a verbal warning that you need to keep your doctor's note on you for your marijuana at all times and you need to get a California license."

Me: "Okay do I just like call the DMV?"

Cop: "Yes you call them up and take a test?"

Me: "Is it hard?"

Cop: "It's just a standard written test ma'am."

Me: "Okay cool I'll do that."

Cop: "It's really important you do. The California laws are different from the Maine laws."

Me: "Okay I guess I can have two licenses?"

Cop: "Yes you can. But if you're in California you need to get that California license."

Me: "Okay well thank you."

Cop: "Do you need me to help get you back to the freeway?"

Me: "Oh ah, huh, no I'm going to work. I got it. Thanks man."

Cop: "You have a good day now."

And off he went and I drove away and started laughing like a crazy person. 

Because, well, REALLY? 

First of all the dude told me I could have two licenses - is that even real? I'm pretty sure it's not. Secondly, I am so thankful I have a marijuana card because it was truly an insane experience where this drug, that for so long has been associated as WRONG and BAD and ILLEGAL  that I had in my car was LEGAL and he couldn't do anything about that. Like this dude actually had to hand me back my little canister of medical-grade marijuana. That was surreal.

I also think it helped that I was playing dumb and that I was pretty calm about the whole thing - I mean of course I was calm, because I knew that outright, I had done nothing illegal (sure you could find some legal grey areas in there, but that worked out to my benefit I guess).  Don't get me wrong - I mean deep down I was freaking out that I was going to be fined a SHIT TON of money between the license, the registration and not having my doctor's certificate on me but I really did keep my shit together.

Speaking of keeping my shit together, I mean I wonder what was going through this cop's head when I rolled down my window and he sees this chick he has to deal with - like this dumbass girl who is driving a car that smells like weed - and like OF COURSE she has a registered car but with the wrong sticker on it and OF COURSE she thinks she needs to keep her doctor's note for her pot at home. Like what a dumb fucking white girl stoner. I mean I probably pose the least danger to society ever. But at the same time? That cop could have just FUCKED me over. Not only did he let me go with a verbal warning but he changed my registration sticker for me. I didn't have to lift a finger.

Moral of this story is if you live in a state where pot is legal/decriminalized and you think you're ever going to have it on you in a public place you ABSOLUTELY should do what you can to get a card.  I was so thankful that at that moment, everything I was doing was within the parameters of the law. (Ignoring the legal grey areas like - shouldn't the cop have known that you technically need a CA license to even get a pot card? I mean when I got my card I proved my residency by showing my lease, but he could have nailed me on that - whatever I am getting my CA license ASAP, that's for sure).  

The other thing I learned here, is that despite the generally bad rep, there actually appear to be cops in LA who recognize when someone's just a dumbass who can't get her shit together. I mean let's be honest, I spend most of my life at work. And when I am not at work I am trying to capitalize on that fact by either writing, or sleeping or working out or watching TV so you're probably not going to find me at the DMV taking care of shit.  Or maybe what they say is true and he let me off so easily because I'm a girl and I was calm and polite and kinda dumb. Who knows. I'm incredibly lucky, that's for sure. And incredibly stupid, if we're being honest about the whole thing (and clearly, we are).

When I told my boss the story this morning he was like, "trust me when I was your age and I had a story that included - 'and then the police officer could smell my weed' - it would have gone a very different way. Gotta love California in this day and age."

Hot Jam: "Gucci Gucci" by Kreayshawn

Get to know this badass chick:

and then!

I don't know if I've mentioned it here but I'm going to be doing weekly posts for the totally darling new website HelloGiggles. You can check out all my work at my author bio/archive.

While I travel I definitely won't be blogging on the go, but I'll probably pop in at my tumblr or Twitter from time to time.

Happy College to ME!!!!!!!!

To Middlebury I go!

Hey all, so I am so super duper insanely excited right now. Like take my normal levels of excitement and ADD A LOT TO THAT. See, I'm so super duper insanely excited because tonight I'm on a Red Eye to VERMONT where I am going back to Middlebury for my five year college reunion. It will be my first time back at my beloved Alma mater since I graduated!

Here are I am being a dumb drunk asshole in college.

I wonder if I am going to cry being back on such sacred ground. I think I am probably just going to get really drunk and run around and hug buildings and stuff.

Franchement, Bradley Cooper, I'm in love with you

I've posted this everywhere at this point, and I've been watching it on loop for the past five hours, so why not spread the love here? Right? RIGHT!

Remember when he was just Will on Alias???