I DID IT YOU GUYS!

So I did my first ever sort of stand-up type thing EVER tonight (it wasn't stand up because I was reading something I already wrote) and it went really well.


So well in fact, that after the show, when I was walking out the door (because, like the sometimes socially-awkward gal I am, I like to bolt immediately after drawing attention to myself) some guy at the bar stopped me as I was walking out and said:


"You were the best."


"What?" I asked, because I was certain I had not heard correctly. There were like 8 other people doing stuff and mine was the shortest and the most different because it wasn't really on theme with the rest of the night and I was sweating a lot.


"Yours was the best."


"Thank you so much!" I said sweetly and then I ran right out of the bar.


My morning started out bad because I slept through my alarm and was a half hour late to work but then the day got better because I finished my pilot (that's 35 pages I WROTE you guys, I DID THAT!) and then right after I hit print and looked at my words I jetted off to this little comedy club and did my thing and some guy at the bar told me I was the best. 


I feel... relieved (PEOPLE ACTUALLY LAUGHED! BECAUSE OF MY JOKES! ME!), but I also have a headache (probably from my glasses but I've decided I am going to wear glasses whenever I do these sorts of things because it weirdly helps me get into "character" which is a super silly thing for me to say if the character is just myself but I swear that it helped, you guys, I swear) and I also kind of feel like I want to cry because there is nothing more I want right now then to call my mom and tell her about my amazing day that started so terribly and ended so well and I can't call her and well, that just SUCKS SO HARD (I miss you Mom and I love you forever and I know you're watching over me I do, but sometimes, God, I just want to be able to pick up the phone and call you) but also I just feel like... I don't know what I feel like... like, maybe like I can do this. Like maybe if I can stay on this momentum and keep doing stuff and just keep on trying things I'll figure it out. I don't even know what "it" is. Maybe it's me or my life or my career goals or comedy or writing or just everything but I feel like I'm getting closer.


But whatever, the bigger deal here is that I did a comedy show and it went really well. And it's a good thing too because I've got another one on Saturday! OH SHIT! After the show I came home to an empty house which is rare when you have three other roommates and I thought that I should write this down, how I am feeling and I thought I would do it on Tumblr because that really is where I seem to be doing most of my blogging these days but then I thought, no, this is Jaw Wired Shut material. This is me. And I feel like there are only 2 people still reading this blog (are you out there? SHOW YOURSELVES!) but if there are it's the same people who've been reading me since I started this thing when I moved to LA in 2007 and look how far I've come!


And did you hear? I was the best, you guys! THE BEST!

On Writing

I forget sometimes that I only discovered I wanted to be a writer, like, less than a year ago. I mean I think on some level I've been a writer my whole life. But to be the sort of person who wants to make that their career? That's a recent epiphany.


I forget this sometimes and have big freakout moments where I hold myself accountable to incredibly high standards that I shouldn't. Or maybe I should because standards motivate. Then again, standards can also do the opposite -- they can inspire fear. I hadn't written pages in Final Draft, like actually screenwriting pages, in months. Which is bad when it's what you hope to make a career of.


So this weekend, after what felt like a lifetime of procrastination, I finally started to write.


And write.


By the time I closed down my laptop I had 25 pages, so less than 10 short of a completed first draft of a pilot (a half-hour, obviously). I don't think the writing is any good and there's no way I'm going to let a soul check it out until I give it another complete pass. But still, that felt good. Shit, just writing two pages a day feels good!


It was a good reminder that if I want to be a writer, if anyone wants to be a writer, then you need to write as much as possible. I used to think blogging was enough but now I see that I need to be working on scenes and sketches and jokes just as much, if not more, than the sort of day-to-day projects I'm already working on.


I'll get there. Eventually...

Is this book real? I want to read it.

Things I Published Elsewhere: The Story of How I Forgot My Pants

THIS IS SOMETHING I PUBLISHED ELSEWHERE

Hey everyone! I’m starting this new thing called No Pants Fridays! It’s also called Pantsless Fridays! Essentially, it’s when you don’t wear pants on a Friday. 

I know - genius, right? And now you’re dying to know how I came to invent such a monumentally brilliant idea, and you should be excited because the story of my brilliance is a lot like how that guy invented sticky notes by making a mistake or how that other guy invented the hula hoop because of the coffee ring his mug left on the newspaper — this story is just that good and will probably be just as famous. Mark my words. You’ll be thanking me for Pantsless Fridays for years to come!

It begins at nighttime, last night to be precise, when I was getting out of my car and made the executive decision to leave my gym bag in my car. “Why bother lugging that satchel all the way upstairs when I’ve already got everything I need for tomorrow’s gym trip right here. Including pants!” (OR SO I THOUGHT).

Then it was this morning and I was getting dressed after my workout, really excited about the nice, preppy outfit I was going to cap off my week with. (There’s nothing that makes me feel better about myself than really pulling off a good outfit on a Friday. I like to go out with a bang). I had prepared brown riding boots, a blue striped oxford button-down, a navy blue crewneck pullover, a brown belt to match the boots, and pants. (OR SO I THOUGHT).

There weren’t any pants. THERE WEREN’T ANY PANTS. So first I had a panic attack which resulted in some extreme sweating and then I formulated a plan to ransack my car for a back-up. I just knew there would be something in that mobile closet for me to wear.

Like any good LA-living young professional fashion-concious girl I keep piles of clothes (and other things) in my car at all times. I have a really nice Barbour coat that has lived in the backseat of my car since last March. You NEVER know when you might need to go horseback riding in the British countryside. Some of the other things I keep in my car are as follows:

• a sleeping bag
• three scarves
• a white blazer with shoulderpads
• LL Bean duckboots
• two umbrellas
• a sleeping pad
• a pipe
• a television wall mount
• Aquaphor
• 23 reusable grocery bags
• one TOMS shoe (the right one)
• two cardigans, both blue
• denim cut-off shorts
• a tennis ball
• a tennis raquet
• SillyBandz
• khaki shorts with neon orange stripes down the side
• a Barbour coat
• Febreeze
• a flashlight
• four pairs of sunglasses
• one fleece pullover

So while I could play tennis in full rain gear smoking a pipe in the dark and then comfortably sleep on a mattress made from grocery bags, I could not wear pants. 

Faced with my destiny, I made the logical choice — of all the items in the car, only two were “bottoms” and of those two, the khaki shorts were slightly more work-appropriate than the denim ones, and thus I donned my brown riding boots, my blue striped oxford button down, my navy blue crew neck pullover, my brown belt to match the boots and khaki colored shorts with a neon orange stripe on either side. In other words, I dressed like a German boy hunting for his Oktoberfest supper.

I am lucky enough to have amazing co-workers who declared they too would take off their pants in solidarity - and thus, Pantsless Fridays was born.

(I’m going to the mall to buy some pants now).

Hello Blog

Hello Beloved Blog that I've so cruelly neglected, how are you? Let's become friends again. I know I've left you for Tumblr but it's all just so very convenient over there...

Did I really only blog once last month? What's happened to me? How do I get my mojo back?