Excuse me? Because of the moon I now have to be a SAGITTARIUS?

This is bullshit. BULLSHIT. 

Have you guys heard about this? Apparently the earth has "wobbled" (you'd think they'd come up with a more scientific term, but OKAY) and it was all the MOON's fault and now the Zodiac signs have changed. Which doesn't make a lot of sense to me, but all I know is that according to some chart I'm no longer a Capricorn.

WHAT THE HELL, MAN! I am a Capricorn! I like earthy colors! I'm stable! I have a good work ethic! I'm very rational! And there's something related to a goat even though goats are weird! And I am PROUD of these things. I am NOT a Sagittarius, okay?