The Hills are no longer alive!

Today marks the End of an Era. THANK GOD.

That’s right – The Hills, that reality show I love to hate; the epic tome that has brought me much success and equal frustration, finally comes to an end tonight. Good riddance.

Okay, okay - thank you MTV for creating this beast. I regretfully admit it’s my most-blogged about show. (See the tags for the endless entries). And now, hopefully, never again.

I'll complete the Sound of Music references with this fitting farewell:



Are you sad The Hills is vacating the airwaves? Personally, I think it's a long overdue end. Probably should've gone when Lauren left for greener pastures and when Speidi got really, really weird.

Bullet Points

Despite what you may have heard, I have not been in hiding since the disappointing Celtics loss in the NBA finals last Thursday. The days just seem to get away from me so here are a few bullet points as to what's going on...

+Yep, I lost that Celtics-Lakers bet, which means I need Twitter followers to start responding to me or Marisa with what show they think I must suffer through. And we're getting a lunch date on the books so I can endure the pain that will be donning Laker gear for a picture.

+KCRW's recurring series World Music Night at The Hollywood Bowl kicked off this past Sunday, and I was one of the lucky attendees. I went mostly for Brooklyn band Yeasayer, but I'm a huge fan of Tinariwen and Baba Maal as well - yes, folks, I love World Music, and if you've been following this blog you know this is nothing new.

+Yesterday I opened my mailbox to find a letter I had written to myself in April 2001. It was pretty crazy reading something from 9 years ago - and I had to laugh at my sweet worldly intentions - see I wrote it during the second day of a three day solo during a semester I spent in high school living on a farm in Maine (seriously). So it was hardly surprising that one of the items of advice I gave myself was "listen to birdsongs. You know them." Seriously. Truth is - I actually did know them; I spent that semester taking ornithology classes!

+Two weeks ago I went to the book party for the new Bret Easton Ellis novel, Imperial Bedrooms, the much-anticipated sequel to his well-known classic Less Than Zero. The party was exactly what you might expect - at a lovely suite in LA's famed hotel The Chateau Marmont, and I swear to God the DJ just took the soundtrack from American Psycho and pressed play. Celebrity spottings included Rose McGowan and Shannyn Sossamon, and then there was the general crowd of attractive-people-who-look-familiar so maybe there were more.

+I took a pause on writing up recaps of The Hills for The Huffington Post because that show is just so bad. I briefly considered writing them for The Bachelorette, but that show is way too long for me to be interested in recapping. I mean I'm all for making fun of crappy TV, but those 22 minutes on MTV are a lot easier to handle than two hours of awkward dates.

+I've been watching more TV pilots - including the much-buzzed about Lone Star, airing on FOX this fall - definitely a show to check out. The lead actor, James Wolk, is a sort of cross between George Clooney and Kyle Chandler.

+Two bands I've gotten into recently are Grum and Four Tet - check them out.

Happy Summer, by the way! Hopefully regular blogging will resume now that I've emerged from whatever fog my head's been in.

My Name is Annie, and I Watch Reality TV

There was a time when I enjoyed denouncing reality television. That time was about two years ago. My how the times have changed. Sure, I've always watched The Hills, but I am now realizing that I'm much more well-versed in reality TV than I realize.

Last night I was watching So You Think You Can Dance - which for the purposes of laziness, I will henceforth refer to as SYTYCD - and there was this amazing audition from a young dancer who was deaf that just really touched my cold black heart and I felt the formation of tears in my eye ducts. The tears did not fall, but I was totally happy to be watching this fantastic show. Really, it was a delight.

No longer will I spend my time pretending like I am some sort of TV snob who doesn't watch reality shows. I do watch reality shows. I watch the shitty ones on E! even. I may never watch Survivor or really understand the obsession with American Idol - a show I am pretty sure I still hate - but I am going to shed my discomfort at owning up to watching this crap and just embrace it. Yeah, I'm gonna embrace crap.

Thank You MTV

The whole reason I stared blogging at The Huffington Post? My coverage of The Hills. Seriously. It was my endless chronicling of that show and my love/hate relationship for the MTV marvel that helped score me the blogging gig. So this year, for the show's final season, I am going to attempt to remain consistent with recaps. Check out my season premiere thoughts here.

Look it's Lauren "Used to be on the show... basically they're all the same person" Conrad!

In honor of tonight's premiere of the final season of that show I love to hate, The Hills. Let's enjoy this spot-on parody:

Okay, HILLS, you got me, I'm coming back.

So remember how I never used to shut up about The Hills? Well, I stopped watching after the third season or so, but as this upcoming season is its final hurrah, I figure I may as well pay homage to the show I love to hate more than any other, and I can't think of a better way to pay said homage than to, well, watch it. Or at least set it to record so I can fast forward through all the Speidi nonsense and gratuitous LA scenery-porn montages. So that might leave me with about seven minutes of actual "plot" but I'm gonna love every partially-scripted moment.



First of all, I hate Speidi. I do. And they are both following me on Twitter. It's disgusting. But really, they disgust me. They are miserable. MISERABLE. Can we banish them from society? Or excommunicate them papal-style? I'm completely serious here.

However, everything else in that overblown extended preview looks AWESOME. I can't wait. BRING IT ON.

What do you think? Who else is going to watch? And do we think fan favorite LC will make a final appearance? Will we return to Laguna Beach where it all began? God I hope so...

Insert Foot in Mouth (Top TV of the Decade)

I'm really hypocritical. Remember my last HuffPo article where I begged for no more "Top Ten of the Decade" Lists? Or the post just before this one, in which I practically said outright I was done blogging for 2009, and that I intended on ridiculing all this "TV as Art" crap?

The thing is, everyone is writing their Top Ten of TV Shows of the Decade lists and while I agree with many, I figure I should get my own chance to throw out a few selections. So, with what little authority I have, I'm sharing mine. I do plan on writing a post that completely makes fun of this desire to whittle things down to the TEN BEST OF THE DECADE! but until then, I'm just gonna keep my foot in my mouth, and share my list. Anyway, what other TV blogger is proclaiming The Hills as one of the best shows to come out of the aughts?

First, a disclaimer: there are many shows that I know are brilliant and amazing but that I have never watched, and while I know some of these shows (like The Wire) are deserving of a place on my list, I simply can't include them (yes, it's outrageous I haven't watched The Wire, and I plan to - it's on my Netflix queue). This is a biased list - however I'm approaching it by looking at shows I feel have changed the game or defied expectations. These are the shows that continue to resonate with me; the shows I would tell anyone I think are the best of the past ten years.

Without further ado, and in no particular order...

Arrested Development (2003-2006)
I'm not sure there is any other comedy show I quote as frequently as I quote Arrested Development. Years after its end, the show is still relevant, still funny, and still genius. I'm not sure any other comedy has even come close to this show in terms of consistently bringing the funny in a smart and clever way. What's interesting to me is that I don't even think any other comedy has tried to copy the style of Arrested Development - it's a standalone masterpiece, almost as though everyone knows there's no chance of matching its perfection.

Battlestar Galactica (2004-2009)
I loved this show because it wasn't about science fiction. Sure, it's title all but screams sci-fi, but the show itself wasn't. BSG was about ethics, morals, religion, politics, relationships - all the social, economic and political issues we debate on a global scale every day. And what other show invented a new swear word or inspired panel discussions at the United Nations (please note I did not research if, in fact, other shows have been presented at the UN, so I could be wrong, but for the sake of my very-biased Top Ten list, go with me on this)? Holy frak this show was phenomenal.

Bones (2005-present)
I do not like procedurals. I am not one of those people who can watch hours upon hours of Law & Order or CSI, and so it was with some reluctance that I started watching Bones early last year, and really only because Entertainment Weekly was always writing about it, so I figured I'd see what all the fuss was about. I watched the pilot, and then I watched a few random episodes from the first two seasons. Then I realized I was hooked, bought all the seasons on DVD, caught up to the current season and joined the rabid fanbase for this "little engine that could" kind of show (I say that in the sense that Bones is not a show that's popularly debated over office water coolers and I doubt it's showing up on any other TV critic lists - it's overwhelmingly underrated, in my opinion, and yet is a show that's now hitting a new stride in its fifth season). Bones is not a procedural, at least not in my mind. It is a character drama that tackles very heavy issues through crime-solving. It is also rife with comedy. The stories and characters are compelling, and the two leads have so much chemistry I could probably watch them driving in a car for an hour and still be entertained.

Firefly (2002-2003)
Nathan Fillion is about half of the reason I love this show. His Captain Mal Reynolds, the cavalier leader of an odd collective of (and how to write this without making the show sound insane, but also convey the story...) cowboys in space, a spiritual leader, a concubine, and the two outlaws they're harboring; is the sort of character I want to hang out with. Interestingly, this show was the first Joss Whedon show I ever watched, and at the time I had no idea who Joss Whedon really was in the grand, significant TV-changing landscape, academic sense of things. I hadn't watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer (don't worry, I have since then), so Firefly was my intro to the Whedonverse. This is another show that's so much more than it seems - more than science-fiction certainly (and it even features a pre-High School Musical Zac Efron as a young Simon Tam). In fact, I don't think I can accurately convey why this show belongs on my Top Ten list beyond Nathan Fillion as half the reason (he's really great). It's only one season, sadly, but it's one season of fantastic entertainment.

Friday Night Lights (2006 - present)
If someone were to ask me to name the best show on TV, I'd answer, without thinking, Friday Night Lights. This is not a show about football, or Texas, or race, or families, or relationships - it is a show about all these things, and so much more. FNL is a show about people. This is a show grounded in reality, tackling issues anyone can understand and relate to, issues that many of us often face. The beauty of FNL is that it resonates with everyone. It doesn't matter who you are or where you come from, this show embraces the themes and challenges of our lives, in a seamlessly authentic manner. When I watch FNL I am reminded of my mother, my upbringing, my friends, my family, how lucky I am - how lucky we all are. FNL is humbling in its storytelling and its message, and is a cinematic masterpiece that invades your living room once a week, but stays in your mind for long after.

The Hills (2006-present)
I have tagged 34 entries (not including this one) of my blog with "The Hills." I have written about my deep love/hate relationship with this show over lengthy diatribes, or two sentence rants. I have obsessed over The Hills and my own fascination with it so much that I've given myself headaches. I can credit my various commentaries on The Hills as the reason I now blog for the Huffington Post (seriously - it was a Hills post that got me noticed over there). To be honest, I no longer watch the show, or at least I haven't consistently since somewhere during the middle of the third season, and I certainly wouldn't put this in the same realm as Friday Night Lights (how ironic that in this list, it directly follows FNL), but the reason The Hills is one of the Top Ten Best TV Shows of the Decade is that it's a total game changer. I suppose I ought to credit Laguna Beach as the ultimate game-changer in this area, however, it wasn't until The Hills came along that scripted-reality really flourished. The Hills is brilliant in that it infiltrated popular culture on such a grand scale - redefining fame and reality television, spawning fashion lines, online games, new forms of social media interaction and TV viewing, and its own spinoff. This show is so often overlooked because in some ways, it's pure crap - but I can't deny its genius, and thus it is well-deserving of a spot on this list.

Lost (2004-present)
If there's any no-brainer item here, it's Lost. In fact, I don't know that I have as much to write about this show, beyond that it's an obvious example of purely great television. It's consistently changed, evolved, and maintained intrigue - embracing a clever storytelling conceit with the flashback, and then the flashforward, in a way that was not at all contrived or unnecessary. Lost has accomplished the difficult, sometimes the near-impossible as it resolves plotlines while creating new stories. I have no doubt that as the show enters its final season in 2010, its mark on the past decade of television will linger on for years to come, but I have a feeling no show will ever hit that mark quite as well.

The Office (2005-present) and 30 Rock (2006-present)
I totally cheated by listing these two shows together, but I often think of them together as two comedies that stand as prime examples of reinventing the wheel. I suppose I should credit the original British version of The Office, however the American version, with its ups and downs, and occasional off-episodes, is at its core, so simple in idea, and so brilliant in execution that it's far outlived it's British derivative. 30 Rock is of the same mindset - a simple plot that finds outlandish humor in what we might often deem to be the mundane or irrelevant. While these two shows take place in two very different worlds, the humor is perfect, and mostly thanks to the hilarious characters (and the actors that play them, and writers that write them). We've each got a bit of Michael Scott or Liz Lemon inside, and thanks to The Office and 30 Rock, it's a little easier to laugh at ourselves.

Pushing Daisies (2007-2009)
To be honest, I am fairly shocked this show hasn't popped up on more critics' lists. Pushing Daisies was a whimsical dream of a show - almost as though Tim Burton, Salvador Dali, and whoever it was that did the movie Amelie sat down in a room together and decided to make a TV show about crime-solving and forbidden love set in an idyllic dreamworld (side note: I'd love to watch Pushing Daisies in 3D). It's a shame this show was canceled when it was, but I am glad that it received honors through the Paley Center and a few Emmy nominations. Pushing Daisies was a show unlike any other, and if this was the decade that TV became art, I don't know that there is any other show more indicative of that.

The West Wing (1999-2006)
When I used to watch The West Wing I remember telling my friends I felt INVOLVED. How ironic - that spending hours upon hours watching a fake president and fake White House staffers embroiled in fake (albeit, real-ish) political issues, I felt as though I was doing something significant along the lines of civic duty. Or something. The thing is, The West Wing made politics approachable in a way that hadn't really been done before. The characters were certainly fascinating, and for a while there I pretended Bartlet was in fact the current U.S. president. The West Wing effectively created a political world I wanted to live in, and beyond Aaron Sorkin's genius dialogue (seriously, how does that man do it?), at its core, this was just a damn good television show.

Honorable Mention goes to Dr Horrible's Sing Along Blog (2008), for revolutionizing digital media and original online content, as well as for completely redefining the musical comedy genre. Hell, this show redefined television entirely.

Well, there you have it. Agree? Disagree? Think I'm insane for not having watched The Wire yet? Pissed that I forgot anything obvious? Feel free to weigh-in with a comment below.

I feel violated

This is upsetting.

oh no (on so many levels)

I did not watch The Hills last night. Shocker, right? Even more shocking: I am not upset about this. Not in the least. I am totally OVER this show.* However, I am upset that I missed the premiere of The City. The word on the streets (buzz on the internet) is that it was a far superior premiere and I can't resist Olivia Palermo in all her evil socialite glory. Hmm, I don't even think we record the show any more, something that shall need to be remedied pronto.

You know something, all this makes me nervous. Between the MTV pseudo-reality shows, So You Think You Can Dance, Project Runway, and yes, I watched The Biggest Loser at the gym last night and was nearly brought to tears, is my facade of only liking scripted television beginning to crumble?

This is not good. Not good I tell you.

*In all reality, I am probably not over The Hills, and it will take about 5 minutes of Kristin Cavallari to suck me back in...

I want my MTV

Watching the MTV Movie Awards last night was just... GREAT. Truly. I have missed MTV. In all honestly the only time I watch the network is to catch The Hills and last night's season finale was the first time I'd watched the show this season since the first three episodes. Apparently not much had progressed in those episodes I missed because I felt like it picked up right where I left off, with Stacey the Bartender and the Montag-Pratt nuptials, Lauren being SO TOTALLY OVER IT ALL, and the OMG THE BITCH IS BACK appearance of Kristin Cavallari (who's excited? ME!). But after the finale it was fun watching the movie awards. Mostly for the Twilight love and New Moon trailer premiere (what you thought I was over the vampire phase? hah! Speaking of, last week I got to watch the new CW pilot The Vampire Diaries and let me just say I am really excited for another weekly emo/tween vampire fix) but also just because I think it's still a great pop culture event, even if the entire show is essentially a big platform to plug movies/tv shows/Orbit gum.

But then there are precious moments like this one:

MTV Shows

Yep, just as awkward as expected. She's painful to watch, but then again, at least she knows it and can laugh about it.

O.M.G.

The City Premiere: A Brief Study

In my recent video game addiction/obsession to Paper Mario, I failed to mention that yesterday I was very much anticipating the premiere of The City, which I can say, with certainty, has now supplanted The Hills as my favorite faux-reality show I love/hate. Yes, in one hour I turned off the television feeling perfectly satiated—Whitney Port’s New York Minute is going to be my guilty pleasure TV of 2009. Happy New Year!



My immediate love is, of course, no surprise at all—nor is the fact that faux-socialite Olivia Palermo is destined to be the next breakout villain star of this MTV collection—which is fabulous. Obvious villain or no, she is infinitely more likeable and interesting to watch than Speidi, particularly because she is so awkwardly snobby, and also because she is really NOT a socialite (Olivia, I had plenty of friends who were Debs, in fact my own mother was one—which I believe means I could have been—and they are all normal humble lovely ladies now, no reality show needed). Thanks to a delicious exposé in NY Mag last year, we know she'd be better categorized as a social climber. But for the sake of this faux-universe; who cares! She's divine.

Yes folks, The City delivered (and thankfully explained Ms. Port’s odd getup at The Hills finale last week—all DVF, flowery hippie headband included) and I am looking forward to spending the next few months living vicariously through Whitney Port as she wanders my short-lived NY stomping grounds (unlike LA, I see more restaurants and cityscapes I recognize already, probably because in NY, when living off my dad—does that make me a social, Olivia?—I was eating out a lot more, enjoy the fruits of others’ labor).

The two-episode premiere sure packed in a lot of drama (faux drama obv), in fact I think more happened in this episode than an entire season of The Hills, which isn’t saying much, but says something—The City is a refreshing spin-off. I’m tired of Lauren and Heidi’s incessant rivalry and rumor spreading, Audrina’s boring romance, and even the shenanigans of the once poorly coiffed/tanned She-Pratt, Stephanie. It’s all about Whitney, and NYC from here on out—and this fantastic downtown/uptown competition. It’s a battle between the preps of Gossip Girl and the faux-hipsters of my West Village neighborhood, and the best part is, they aren’t actually all that different from each other. They all have killer wardrobes, have jobs like buyer, publicist, editor, art gallery trainee, non-profit co-oordinator... and so forth (you get the point).

A premiere highlight was undoubtedly the dinner party, and the ridiculous assembly of Olivia’s friends, the best being her cousin, who uttered the ridiculous sentence “Even though my father is an art dealer I just have no interest in art, I am completely the opposite” as though it were perhaps the most novel idea he’d stumbled upon. Brilliant! These people lack self-awareness to the extreme, which makes interactions even better, especially watching poor Whitney, who genuinely seems to be herself on camera, attempt to navigate this new social dynamic. Sadly, I have a feeling our heroine will likely change immensely over her course of time in the city and on The City. Whether it’s for better or for worse, only time will tell. 12 episodes-worth, that is.

The City is the REAL Gossip Girl

Here's a NEWER preview for The City:

The City - MTV Shows

This show is going to be awesome for so many reasons.

First, I am sick of The Hills. I am, it's true. I am especially sick of having to watch Heidi and Spencer on that show, and Lauren's trust issues are borderline making me want to see a therapist. And Audrina? Stop getting your teeth whitened, please.

Secondly, Whitney was truly the best of the cast, and putting her in NYC, and at Diane von Furstenberg, and working with Olivia Palermo (a socialite working? Mais, non!)--I mean, that is genius right there.

Finally, it really is the real version of Gossip Girl--much like Laguna Beach was the real O.C. The Hills is not real in any capacity, and even though The City is the spinoff of a spinoff... I think it will be 900 times better. And it's on the same night as Bromance so as of December 29th my Monday nights are going to be occupied. YES.

Reality TV gets REAL. Like MAINE real.

I should have known that spotting Frankie Delgado at The Grove last night was going to result in something.

Earlier this morning a friend sent me this email:

UMMMMM I am 99.9 percent sure that Alex Romanoff (former
Natural Helper) is on the new show Bromance.

He included a link to the preview for the new show Bromance (where Brody and Frankie try to fill the gaping hole that Spencer left when he crossed them and stayed with Heidi... or something... I don't even remember but it has something to do with The Hills, okay I'll embed the preview here)

MTV Shows

Lo and behold it turns out we DID go to high school with one of the contestants (who I immediately friended on Facebook, because I am shameless) and one of our other friends used to shamelessly crush on him (she truly invented the word cougar because I am pretty sure he was a freshman when we were seniors and OMG in high school that is like so totes not PC) and we were all sort of in shock wondering what on Earth is this kid doing on the show and how can he get me Brody's number? (What? Brody's hot! Come on!)

Well then, thanks to team sleuthing and Facebook wall-stalking, another friend's sister pointed us to Alex's profile on MTV.com, which says the following:

Alex hails from the backwoods of Maine and goes to college in New Hampshire. He may look totally tame, but don?t let the crew cut fool you. The self-proclaimed country boy, who has never been beyond Maryland, is an accomplished rock musician who tends to shed his clothes ... a lot. But that's not all; Alex also enjoys reading and writing poetry. Does this bad boy with a soft side have a chance at Bromance with Brody Jenner?

In response, my friend (she of the former crush and cougar tendencies) wrote:

"hails from the back woods of maine" seriously!? look buddy
you're not from aroostock. way to play it up.

Hahaha. (FYI, Aroostock is the largest county east of the Mississippi and yes it is really fucking backwoods). I would also like to ask how a crew cut could fool someone and express my worry at the line "tends to shed his clothes" because I will forever think of him as an awkward teener working on stage crew for the high school musicals. However, I will say I am most excited for whatever sort of publicity blitz this brings to our lovely hometown in Maine, and especially excited for the requisite Portland, ME bar outing this Christmas season, where he shall enjoy minor celebrity status and I might die of crappy reality TV heaven meeting all our humble beginnings in one sweaty bar called Gritty's. Oh this is going to be good.

Tween Girl Fandom Crossover to take place? Dear God, I hope not.

From MTV Movies Blog:

‘Hills’ Star Audrina Patridge Confesses ‘Twilight’ Love, Campaigns For Role In Sequels

She’s one of reality television’s biggest stars, and a budding movie performer in her own right. But what does “The Hills” star Audrina Patridge really want?

“I want to meet an Edward!” the 23-year-old excitedly revealed to MTV News on the set of her new movie “Sorority Row,” where she shocked us by professing her love for “Twilight.”

“I’m obsessed. I love it. And I think the fourth book was the best,” she said, taking a stand against all the haters who decried “Breaking Dawn.” “I’m still on the bandwagon. I love that book.”

In fact, Audrina is so up on the series that she’s already campaigning to be a part of it, telling us she’d love to be thought of as a potential cast member for the next two adaptations.

“I would definitely love to play one of the vampires. I don’t know which one because there’s so many in the forth book that come in,” she enthused. “I’d have to go in and read all the vampires again and see which one I’d absolutely want to play, but I would love to [be a part of it]!”

She’s Team Edward all the way, but does Audrina Patridge have the right stuff to be in the “Twilight” movie? What do you think Twilighters? Is there a role you think she could play well? Would you want to see her alongside your beloved Edward and Bella? Sound off on your thoughts below!

Here are my thoughts: NO.

Back to Reality (TV)

Who caught The Hills last night? Obviously I did. And wow was it a gem of an episode. If anything, we learned again that Heidi is an ugly plastic doll who has completely fried her hair on a flat iron and/or crimper and both Lauren and Audrina are batshit crazy. However, I remain Team LC.

On a side note, the blowout fight at Winston's at the end of the episode was awesome. First of all, who attempts to "talk it out" at a night club (?), but really I want to just go over the best exchange of the night, when these rivals were discussing whether or not LC hooked up with J-Bob:

Lauren: Tell me what I've done to you to make you think I'm capable of doing this.
Audrina: You want me to sit here and make you a list?
Lauren: Yeah I do.
Audrina: You guys have been flirting before...
Lauren: (said in a heightened tone, sheer disgust in her voice) Flirting? I would rather kill myself than hook up with him. He is disgusting. Justin disgusts me.

Lauren I totes understand. I too would rather kill myself than hook up with Justin Bobby. Ick. But you're totally badass for saying that.

I cannot believe I am posting this but...

Heidi and Spencer (from The Hills, natch) got "secretly" married last Thursday. Look for it on the cover of your next Us Weekly. And look for me, dead inside.

OMG OMG OMG

OMG I AM SO SO SO EXCITED FOR THE HILLS SPIN-OFF, which is really just a Laguna Beach spin-off spin-off which really means it is going to be SO F-ING GOOD.

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I SO LOVE WHITNEY THE MOST OF THEM ALL AND OMG IT'S NEW YORK AND FASHION AND HOLY SHIT IS THAT OLIVIA PALERMO? I THINK I DIED RACHEL ZOE STYLE AND AM IN AWFUL/AMAZING SOCIALITE-REALITY TV HELL/HEAVEN.

Shit you guys, this is essentially the Gossip Girl/The Hills crossover we've all dreamed of. Socialites meet Reality TV stars meet PERFECTION.

I just peed my pants a little with excitement. O. M. G.

That Time I Fell in Love With a Water Cooler

Saturday was a good day. I woke up. Went to a yoga class. Came home. Made some eggs. Showered. Sat down with Roomie #1 and popped in a disc of Friday Night Lights. Opened a bottle of wine. Got drunk. Four hours later (and a second bottle of wine) we went on a raid to a friend's house. Had some beers. Hung out. Shot an audition tape for our friend's friend (only in LA). Came home. Made grand plans to go out and make out with a boy (NOT THE SAME ONE, COME ON). Popped in another disc of Friday Night Lights whilst discussing said grand plans. Passed out before midnight. Woke up on the sofa around 12:30 am disoriented and feeling wine hungoveryish (just made that word up, go with it) and consumed mass quantities of fresh, delicious water.

OH YEAH.
THAT'S RIGHT.
I FORGOT TO MENTION THE BEST THING EVER ABOUT SATURDAY THAT MADE ME 100% HAPPIER AND COOLER (both in degree and social status), DESPITE THE FACT THAT THE ONLY MAJOR ACTIVITY I DID ON A SATURDAY WAS A YOGA CLASS AND RATHER THAN MAKE OUT WITH ANY BOYS, BOTH MY ROOMMATE AND MYSELF GOT WINE DRUNK, WATCHED EPIC TV AND PASSED OUT:

WE GOT A WATER COOLER.

Okay. So yes, that was an unnecessary use of capitalization (and after re-reading it was VERY confusing, apologies) but LET ME TELL YOU (here I go again), that having a water cooler AT HOME is the best thing ever. First of all, I AM SO HYDRATED I have pee to all the time and especially when I wake up in the morning and that is A VERY GOOD THING and there is nothing better than waking up in the morning and relieving your bladder. I also enjoy waking up and putting on chapstick. (I am not at all surprised there were no make-outs with boys in my recent history, are you?).

Secondly, I can have about eight cups of tea a day (OR MORE! IT'S UP TO ME!) with no hassle, thanks to the glorious water cooler. Which means I am going to be really energized, or really calm, depending on what kind of tea I choose to make, like right now--OMG I AM GOING TO BREW MY MOST FAVORITE OF THE CELESTIAL SEASONINGS VARIETY, Sleepytime. Which is also the name of one of my iTunes playlists.

And finally, WATER. IS. AWESOME.

Henceforth, thus I shall visa via decree that the water cooler has changed my life for the better.

OK, chill, I get that this may perhaps, in theory, be wonderful but probably is doing something terrible for the environment or the economy (or probably both, because let's face it: everything today is totally fucking over BOTH the environment and the economy) but goddamnit I make like NO money and work pretty hard (okay, I work moderately hard) and just want some delicious cold water at my leisure and YES it's home delivery which further supports my theory that people in LA are excessively lazy and now that I have lived here for a year (OMG A YEAR!) I have become the very thing I so often mock (an Angeleno? HELL NO. NEVER. Maybe a little). BUT ALLOW ME MY LOVE AFFAIR WITH OUR WATER COOLER.

I'll let that tirade marinate. And now I am going to watch an episode of The Hills whilst I enjoy some fresh tea (thank you water cooler, love of my life) and cry while I watch Lauren Conrad make massive quantities of money for doing NOTHING. NOTHING AT ALL.

P.S. Obama 2008

No drugs were used in the creation of this blog post. Only water. But apparently you CAN get drunk on water. Someone told me that once.

Not fair

I am officially really jealous of Lauren Conrad.