Monday, January 28, 2008

Viggo Mortenson vs. Amanda Bynes

As it was raining in LA yesterday, and because I had a slight hangover, and since I hadn't been utterly lazy in a while, I spent my Sunday watching movies. Two very different movies. I would like to preface this by saying I generally enjoy watching any and all movies (which explains the selections). Also, note that I was not alone in such viewing but watched both movies with two friends who were game for the activity.

And now, a little comparison.

Eastern Promises
Okay, so this movie was fantastic. Viggo Mortenson was fantastic. Obvi. However, for the first half of the movie I was watching and thinking, "Okay I know he got an Oscar nomination for this part, and clearly he is skilled at playing an intense Russian chauffeur but I've yet to really be blown away."

Well, about 5 minutes later I was blown away.

I had heard on the interwebs about a certain scene in the film featuring dear Viggo, some full-frontal nudity, and a bloody fight. Well it is there. And that full-frontal nudity is certainly there (and really up close in personal when you are watching on a giant plasma television). And it is shocking. Not in a good way. In an oh my God, this is a terrifyingly intense and bloody fight scene with nudity way. And there is Viggo's junk. And again. And again. And from behind. And are his nipples pierced? And I am trying to pry my eyes away from the tv but I can't.

So yeah, for that sort of nekkid fight scene, dude definitely deserved that Oscar nom. Also, I am going to award him 100 points for his skilled work. And for always managing to look so damn good.

Sydney White
Hmm. Uh. So this "modern take" (I am using quotes because this descriptor is barely accurate) of Snow White stars Amanda Bynes, the blond chick who played the mermaid in Aquamarine (what, it was available On Demand... and are you really surprised seeing as I am currently writing about an even crappier film?) and whole bunch of unknown tween actors.

Now, I have enjoyed Amanda Bynes in previous films. I remember watching Amanda on Nickelodeon's All That and later, on her spin-off The Amanda Show. She was always entertaining, and her brand of comedy, especially for someone of that age, was impressive. I liked the movie where she played Colin Firth's estranged daughter (totally forget the title although I think it was a Christina Aguilera song) and thought she did well in Hairspray, at the very least for temporarily making me forget how nasty Jon Travolta was in drag.

In this movie, however, Amanda Bynes apparently took any sort of talent or previous acting experience and just chucked it down the garbage disposal. I mean this was some high quality trash. And thing is, I was actually distracted by her lack of talent throughout the film because the hair and make up team was a bunch of 6 year olds from 1988. Pink lips, pink cheeks, glittery white eye shadow--all topped off by some weird matted hairdo that I am somewhat convinced was a wig. It wasn't pretty. Oh, Amanda, I can only hope that one day you will be able to somehow make the transition for painful teen fare to a quality film. I know you have it in you! I just don't think I can take another crapfest such as this one. Even if the love interest was adorable...

Despite this, however, Amanda plugged through the film and somehow remained a little bit likeable. For that reason, and because she actually allowed her agents to allow her to be in this film, I am going to award her 10 points. The hair and make up detract so much, but I feel as though she deserves something.

Viggo 100
Amanda 10

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