Why I Love Celine Dion, Pt. 10

You guys. Yesterday, we here at Jaw Wired Shut (we being me, but whatever) witnessed a miracle. Yes, a miracle! And of monstrous proportions, no less!

Yesterday, Wednesday February 16th, 2011 was akin to the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. Or the Talking Heads reunion. Or the Arrested Development movie.


Yesterday, Celine Dion returned to Las Vegas:

She's a Goddamned Mother Theresa. (Source: Just Jared)

That's right. My favorite alien in all the world makes a glorious return to Caeser's Palace for a two year stint performing at the Colosseum.

Do you know what this means? Like, do you understand the lasting implications this has on my life? If you're familiar with my "Why I Love Celine Dion" series, then yes you are. But what you may not know is that I have never seen her in concert (cue gasp of shock!) - partially out of fear that I would pass out from a mixture of excitement and supreme secondhand embarrassment, but mostly because I just haven't had the chance yet - and now, NOW, is the time. There are no excuses. I have two years to get my ass to Caeser's Palace and see this woman sing a song for a Ford car and pump her chest and perform a goddamn spectacle and maybe, if I'm lucky, tell a few stories about Canada or her weird-looking husband. MY GOD. This is it. Celine Dion, it's happening. EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING!

Why I Love Celine Dion, Pt. 9

HAPPY 42nd Birthday Celine Dion!

God, it's practically a national holiday here at Jaw Wired Shut. I'm going to celebrate first by reading all the previous Why I Love Celine Dion posts, and then do a few chest pumps while I sing "My Heart Will Go On."

Yes, she is 42. Girl looks AH-MAZING though, right? Well, you know why? She's an alien. No really. Trust me on this. I KNOW MY ALIENS. Celine = an ET. THINK ABOUT IT. It makes sense. You know it does.

Also, she's better than you:

Why I Love Celine Dion, Pt. 8

BECAUSE WHO ELSE GETS A MOVIE WITH "THROUGH THE EYES OF THE WORLD" FOR A SUBTITLE?



OMG. She's my favorite alien. I can't wait to see this in 3D and hopefully not get shushed too much for laughing/weeping.

And if you're dying to catch up: all previous posts explaining Why I Love Celine Dion

Why I Love Celine Dion, Pt. 7

"Michael Jackson's been an idol for me all my life," says Celine Dion. "It feels like when Kennedy died. It's an amazing loss." Dion, it should be noted, was not actually born yet when Kennedy was assassinated.

(per my brother, per Salon.com)

Why I Love Celine Dion, Pt. 6

Can you tell who in this photo is made of wax and who isn't? (Hint: the child is an illusion. No self-respecting mother would allow her son to wear his hair like that. Although I am not sure Celine is self-respecting...)

Why I Love Celine Dion, Pt. 5

She's kind of like Jesus.

Why I Love Celine Dion, Pt. 4

I really wish I was the genius YouTuber who had created these "Celine Dion is Amazing" videos. Here's another one, also brilliant, and all clips coming from her CBS special last Friday night. Which I DVRed. And watched, experiencing feelings of both love and horrifying embarrassment. The plight of a Celine fan. In her native tongue: c'est la vie.

Why I Love Celine Dion, Pt. 3

This video is fucking brilliant. There is no better way to describe it.



I can't take credit, the folks at Entertainment Weekly's PopWatch blog found it, but I had to share. Incredible!

Why I Love Celine Dion, Pt. 2

This video pretty much speaks for herself. Feelings I experience when watching? Awe, embarrassment, pain (from laughter), and then... joy.

Why I Love Celine Dion, Pt. 1

My love for Celine Dion comes from a place of deepest sincerity, irony, and the joy I take from watching people this ridiculous take themselves seriously. And who doesn't love a power ballad? Also, there was a time in my life where I fostered an unhealthy obsession with the movie Titanic but I will get to that another day.

But really, all you need to do is to watch the first minute of Celine's recent appearance on Ellen DeGeneres to discover why she is deserving of your love.

Highlights are at -3:50 and -3:25. You don't really need to watch past that, unless you just enjoy the sound of that beautiful French-Canadian accent and want to hear an awkward confrontation about Celine's son's hair.