Remember that time I said I shall forever be plagued by orthodontia? (And remember that time I named my ENTIRE BLOG ABOUT THE TWO MONTHS AFTER MY JAW SURGERY WHEN I HAD TO EAT LIQUIDS AND ONLY LIQUIDS?) Well I wasn't kidding. In today's story, related to the surgery-recovery-that-shall-never-end, I started out my Monday morning at the orthodontist--yep, still have that invisalign on the lower teeth--to apparently close a minor gap that my perfectionist doctors obsess over.
Speaking of perfection, Dr. Jacobson was not pleased with the progress this morning--and I was informed by one of his female minions (why is it that both my orthodontist here and in New York are surrounded by droves of female assistants? And they're always blond and attractive, I've noticed. Actually more brunettes in New York. What's the deal with that? Note to all guys: become an orthodontist and surround yourself with fine attending women) that I might need a new kind of retainer to really get the job done.
Yes, I am 25, and yes, I have been dealing with this for the past 15 years of my life. Moving on.
Well folks, Assistant Lady said to me "The doctor might switch you to a wire retainer. Do you just want the natural color? It's pink, like your gums." I looked at Assistant Lady and said,
"HAH! If I am going to get a wire retainer with color options then I am going all out. Show me what you got!"
Next thing I know I got to choose not only a color, but a STICKER. Yes, nowadays you can put a sticker on your retainer. Naturally I chose electric blue and a sparkly seahorse (I wanted to express my love for marine biology) and previous frustration at pre-pubescent orthodontic devices quickly transformed into excitement to show off my hilarious and personalized new mouthpiece.
However, all this enthusiasm was crushed when the always-eerily serene Dr. J swung by for his 5 minute check-in, during which he spoke in code (something like "lets see the RDT. Yes and on her 16. Hmm."), asked me about my "jaw health" and shook my hand, twice. He then left. I had no idea what just happened so Assistant Lady told me that in fact they were going to stick with the invisalign and I was to come back in a few days to pick up a new model.
No electric blue sparkly seahorse retainer for me. Single tear.
Showing posts with label orthodontics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label orthodontics. Show all posts
Monday, March 16, 2009
Friday, October 24, 2008
HIVES: Further Evidence That I am Doomed to a Long-term Existence as a 12 Year Old
I had a weird allergic reaction to a pair of pants this morning. Seriously. I broke out into hives.
Yes, hives.
Hives.
Like... all over my ass (seriously). And my knee caps, my belly button, my thighs...
And eventually they spread. But really the redness and itchyness spread and I legit had a freak allergy attack and fucking HIVES.
I am not at all kidding. Not at all. It was insane. And you know something, contrary to popular belief, breaking out in hives SUCKS. (Actually I don’t even know if it is popular belief, but I am going to go with that belief that is like braces logic—you know, when you were a kid you kind of wanted braces because of the idea of it, even though in reality they suck; well it was kind of like that. Like you always hear kids say “I got hives” and you are like, huh, hives. I kinda want hives one of these days. BUT YOU DON’T. THEY SUCK. FUCK HIVES.)
Here’s what happened:
Foolishly, on Wednesday I agreed to a Friday morning workout with my trainer, which I never do, but I was so jazzed we changed our time to 6:30 am (as opposed to 6 am, which required me to wake up at 5:30 am, which BLOWS) and I was all about it, even though I had a sense I was probably going to go out Thursday night. So anyway, I woke up this morning around 6:05 am and wanted to murder someone. Really. I woke up and my alarm is set to play Cat Stevens’ “Morning Has Broken” (because I am both unoriginal and corny) and thought, who can I blame for this and subsequently murder?
But then I snoozed two 5-minute sets and felt well enough to get out of bed. So I got my ass ready for the gym, threw on the last remaining clean pair of socks and workout pants I could fine (t-shirt supply is always in abundance) and sleep-walked to my car and drove to the gym, arriving 10 minutes late as intended. (Sometimes I like to show up late to my training sessions as kind of a big FUCK YOU to my trainer who is dumb as rocks—he spelled marathon “marithon” our first day, among other things—and generally a person I dislike beyond his kickass training capabilities. And it reminds both him and me that he works for me and I can do what I want which is kind of awesome because in all other aspects of my life I am just hanging onto the lowest ladder rung. No, I don’t have any issues. None at all.)
We did a little bit more low-key workout because I bitched about how tired I was from going out last night (went to a SWEET comedy show featuring the dudes from Human Giant, and others—it was AWESOME), and like 45 minutes into it I started just itching a lot. Mostly my quads, but my shins and kneecaps and other places. I absent-mindedly just thought it was because it’s so dry out and whatever, but the itching was only increasing. I was scratching my leg later when I was stretching, and pulled up my pants a little bit to discover that on my kneecap there were all these really weird looking bumps. I quickly headed to the locker room to change for the showers and stripped out of my workout clothes to discover huge fucking HIVES all over my ass and midriff (well really mostly up to where the pants stopped, so just below my belly button). IT WAS NUTS. My legs were also bright red and itching like MAD and I had a crazy chill and was kind of starting to freak out because my ass/lower half of my body looked like I was a bad PSA for nut allergy or meth usage or something. I sped through the shower and got dressed and raced home, to pop a Benadryl and some cortisone cream, and pray to my animal spirit god that he would save me.
I guess it was allergies because the Benadryl definitely worked. The hives have gone down. Still pretty itchy though. Gonna go see the doctor later anyway to maybe get a cortisone shot, but really what I want to know is:
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED
And again, apologies for the recent spike in profanity but I am so weirded out by this whole situation. I mean, who the hell gets hives around 7 am on a Friday? HAH I guess the same person who just two weeks ago broke her retainer eating an apple. I mean between the orthodontic issues and the freak allergy attacks—I belong in middle school.
HIVES ON MY ASS
I’ll leave you with that.
OH AND I AM NEVER FUCKING WEARING THOSE PANTS AGAIN (even though they were clean and had been washed in the same load as a pair of pants I wore to work out Wednesday morning and there were NO HIVES WITH THOSE OTHER PANTS. SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK).
Yes, hives.
Hives.
Like... all over my ass (seriously). And my knee caps, my belly button, my thighs...
And eventually they spread. But really the redness and itchyness spread and I legit had a freak allergy attack and fucking HIVES.
I am not at all kidding. Not at all. It was insane. And you know something, contrary to popular belief, breaking out in hives SUCKS. (Actually I don’t even know if it is popular belief, but I am going to go with that belief that is like braces logic—you know, when you were a kid you kind of wanted braces because of the idea of it, even though in reality they suck; well it was kind of like that. Like you always hear kids say “I got hives” and you are like, huh, hives. I kinda want hives one of these days. BUT YOU DON’T. THEY SUCK. FUCK HIVES.)
Here’s what happened:
Foolishly, on Wednesday I agreed to a Friday morning workout with my trainer, which I never do, but I was so jazzed we changed our time to 6:30 am (as opposed to 6 am, which required me to wake up at 5:30 am, which BLOWS) and I was all about it, even though I had a sense I was probably going to go out Thursday night. So anyway, I woke up this morning around 6:05 am and wanted to murder someone. Really. I woke up and my alarm is set to play Cat Stevens’ “Morning Has Broken” (because I am both unoriginal and corny) and thought, who can I blame for this and subsequently murder?
But then I snoozed two 5-minute sets and felt well enough to get out of bed. So I got my ass ready for the gym, threw on the last remaining clean pair of socks and workout pants I could fine (t-shirt supply is always in abundance) and sleep-walked to my car and drove to the gym, arriving 10 minutes late as intended. (Sometimes I like to show up late to my training sessions as kind of a big FUCK YOU to my trainer who is dumb as rocks—he spelled marathon “marithon” our first day, among other things—and generally a person I dislike beyond his kickass training capabilities. And it reminds both him and me that he works for me and I can do what I want which is kind of awesome because in all other aspects of my life I am just hanging onto the lowest ladder rung. No, I don’t have any issues. None at all.)
We did a little bit more low-key workout because I bitched about how tired I was from going out last night (went to a SWEET comedy show featuring the dudes from Human Giant, and others—it was AWESOME), and like 45 minutes into it I started just itching a lot. Mostly my quads, but my shins and kneecaps and other places. I absent-mindedly just thought it was because it’s so dry out and whatever, but the itching was only increasing. I was scratching my leg later when I was stretching, and pulled up my pants a little bit to discover that on my kneecap there were all these really weird looking bumps. I quickly headed to the locker room to change for the showers and stripped out of my workout clothes to discover huge fucking HIVES all over my ass and midriff (well really mostly up to where the pants stopped, so just below my belly button). IT WAS NUTS. My legs were also bright red and itching like MAD and I had a crazy chill and was kind of starting to freak out because my ass/lower half of my body looked like I was a bad PSA for nut allergy or meth usage or something. I sped through the shower and got dressed and raced home, to pop a Benadryl and some cortisone cream, and pray to my animal spirit god that he would save me.
I guess it was allergies because the Benadryl definitely worked. The hives have gone down. Still pretty itchy though. Gonna go see the doctor later anyway to maybe get a cortisone shot, but really what I want to know is:
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED
And again, apologies for the recent spike in profanity but I am so weirded out by this whole situation. I mean, who the hell gets hives around 7 am on a Friday? HAH I guess the same person who just two weeks ago broke her retainer eating an apple. I mean between the orthodontic issues and the freak allergy attacks—I belong in middle school.
HIVES ON MY ASS
I’ll leave you with that.
OH AND I AM NEVER FUCKING WEARING THOSE PANTS AGAIN (even though they were clean and had been washed in the same load as a pair of pants I wore to work out Wednesday morning and there were NO HIVES WITH THOSE OTHER PANTS. SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK).
Friday, October 17, 2008
Yes, Please, Try to FIGHT ME
If you click on my previous post "I am not the same nationality as these monsters" you'll see the following comment.
Look, I was not categorizing all Republicans as extreme racist Christians. I never wrote that, I never said it, and I never even insinuated it. I am not perpetuating ignorance or bias--I am merely trying to expose it. All I said was that if I were a Republican or someone voting for McCain, I would be embarrassed--because these are the people who, like you, support that platform and it's not a group of people I would want to be associated with. Please re-read that very simple sentence.
In fact, this goes both ways, for example, as a Democrat voting for Obama I feel pretty embarrased after listening to a clip from the Howard Stern Show, during which voters in Harlem were asked why they were voting for Obama (as there is a claim that many black voters support him only because he is black), and the interviewer pretended that all of McCain's platform's were Obama's and these voters didn't know the difference. More than one talked about how they felt strongly for Obama because he was "pro-life and going to put more troops in Iraq." (Check out the clip here.) It's embarrassing.
My point with all these, is that daily I am shocked by the ignorance of so many in this country, be it black, white, or purple, Democrat, Repbulican, Libertarian. This sort of thing makes me ashamed to be an American--it's guilt by association. It's upsetting and unsettling--and I think as Americans we need to strive harder to teach those who need it. So to the "Anonymous" reader who wanted to remind me "that a large portion of the Republican party is upperclass with high-level education," why don't you spread that education to those who need it most? To your fellow Americans from all sides of the coin.
Secondly, a word to the wise (and to friends of mine who read the blog/comment) my stat counter allows me to see who is reading this and where--so while you've commented anonymously I can look at what time you posted and connect it to the time you looked at the blog(a location and IP address, which usually includes whatever business you work at). Just for the future when you choose to rant--you might want to take a little more time reading and thinking before you are the one perpetuating any misconceptions.
And finally, to quote SNL, Really? REALLY? Oh my God, are you serious? This is not the G-D New York Times people. This is the most ridiculous inconsequential blog ever, which has taken a slight political turn because we are 18 days away from the election and I can't help it, I just can't. Let me return now to the many more profound issues of sweating, Celine Dion, orthodontics, nostalgia for bad 80s television, and fickle obsessions with water coolers, cleanses, and hot tamales.
UGH. SERIOUSLY. Now I am going to pop out my Invisalign, chomp down on an apple, and just use all this as fuel to my fire when I am canvassing in Pahrump, Nevada tomorrow.
Good night and good luck.
ALSO, whatever jackass tried to advertise floss when commenting on "And now for something completely different," THANKS, I'M GOOD.
First of all, who knew Al Jazeera had an Ohio affiliate?!?
Secondly, I think it is increbibly ignorant to categorize all Republicans as extreme racist, Christians. The took a microcosm of the Republican party and our exploiting the words of these blatantly prejudice people.
Let us not forget that a large portion of the Republican party is upperclass with high-level education.
By sharing this video, you are perpetuating the ignorance and bias.
Look, I was not categorizing all Republicans as extreme racist Christians. I never wrote that, I never said it, and I never even insinuated it. I am not perpetuating ignorance or bias--I am merely trying to expose it. All I said was that if I were a Republican or someone voting for McCain, I would be embarrassed--because these are the people who, like you, support that platform and it's not a group of people I would want to be associated with. Please re-read that very simple sentence.
In fact, this goes both ways, for example, as a Democrat voting for Obama I feel pretty embarrased after listening to a clip from the Howard Stern Show, during which voters in Harlem were asked why they were voting for Obama (as there is a claim that many black voters support him only because he is black), and the interviewer pretended that all of McCain's platform's were Obama's and these voters didn't know the difference. More than one talked about how they felt strongly for Obama because he was "pro-life and going to put more troops in Iraq." (Check out the clip here.) It's embarrassing.
My point with all these, is that daily I am shocked by the ignorance of so many in this country, be it black, white, or purple, Democrat, Repbulican, Libertarian. This sort of thing makes me ashamed to be an American--it's guilt by association. It's upsetting and unsettling--and I think as Americans we need to strive harder to teach those who need it. So to the "Anonymous" reader who wanted to remind me "that a large portion of the Republican party is upperclass with high-level education," why don't you spread that education to those who need it most? To your fellow Americans from all sides of the coin.
Secondly, a word to the wise (and to friends of mine who read the blog/comment) my stat counter allows me to see who is reading this and where--so while you've commented anonymously I can look at what time you posted and connect it to the time you looked at the blog(a location and IP address, which usually includes whatever business you work at). Just for the future when you choose to rant--you might want to take a little more time reading and thinking before you are the one perpetuating any misconceptions.
And finally, to quote SNL, Really? REALLY? Oh my God, are you serious? This is not the G-D New York Times people. This is the most ridiculous inconsequential blog ever, which has taken a slight political turn because we are 18 days away from the election and I can't help it, I just can't. Let me return now to the many more profound issues of sweating, Celine Dion, orthodontics, nostalgia for bad 80s television, and fickle obsessions with water coolers, cleanses, and hot tamales.
UGH. SERIOUSLY. Now I am going to pop out my Invisalign, chomp down on an apple, and just use all this as fuel to my fire when I am canvassing in Pahrump, Nevada tomorrow.
Good night and good luck.
ALSO, whatever jackass tried to advertise floss when commenting on "And now for something completely different," THANKS, I'M GOOD.
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