Okay fine. I will never bitch about LA traffic ever again.

And I will not plan any trips to China during which I will rent a car or get in a car or drive from Beijing to like, ANYWHERE.

From CBC -

A nine-day traffic jam in China is now more than 100 kilometres long and could last for weeks, state media reported Monday.

Thousands of trucks en route to Beijing from Huai'an in the southeast have been backed up since Aug. 14, making the National Expressway 100 impassable, Xinhua News reported.

A spokesman for the Beijing Traffic Management Bureau reportedly told China's Global Times newspaper that the backup was due to "insufficient traffic capacity … caused by maintenance construction."

What's the longest time you've spent stuck in a traffic jam? Take our poll.

The construction is scheduled to last until Sept. 13.

Stranded drivers appear to have few options when it comes to dealing with the jam.

At least some drivers have complained that roadside vendors have increased their prices to take advantage of the traffic jam. One truck driver said he bought instant noodles from one vendor for four times the original price.

I don't know what is more upsetting. The fact that this traffic jam could last for almost A MONTH, or that some dude overpaid for RAMEN FUCKING NOODLES.

Thieves in the Night

Sometime between the hours of 4:30pm Monday and 8:20pm Tuesday the following things were stolen from my car (which I might add, was safe and sound in the parking garage underneath my apartment building):

my GPS
my iPod
my massive CD case
my iPod charger

So it sounds like some asshole is off on an epic road trip somewhere listening to my sick tunes.

Speaking of sick tunes? I hope you enjoy musical soundtracks, bad rap, and mix CDs from the late 90s to early 2000s because that's what you're going to find in the CD case. DICK.

The only upside here is that I just bought a new iPod. I am sad about the GPS - I had named him Giles. He served me well.

So. You are going to run into a pedestrian and then you are going to just DRIVE AWAY?!?

I was the victim of a hit and run on Saturday.

No really.

However, it was not as bad as it sounds.

But first, let me set the scene:

It was around 2:30pm Sunday. I was at the beach with my room mates and friends when the pain of my post-Halloween hangover had become too great and I was certain that my only haven would be the shelter of my bed and perhaps some Chinese food (orange chicken, specifically). I bid my friends farewell and slowly made my way from the beach, pausing once I reached Santa Monica's Main Street to wander into a quirky jewelry store on the corner. After realizing I didn't have my wallet on me, I decided it was time to charge across the street, up the hill and to my lovely apartment.

So here's what happened:
I was in a daze, but waited for the walk sign to turn into that little white walking man light because here in Los Angeles you do NOT j-walk (is that jay walk or j walk? Funny, I have never written that term before...) so the second I had a "go", I slowly made my way across the street, towards the Coffee Bean on the corner when all of a sudden A CAR IS DRIVING INTO ME. As in, here I am just walking walking I'm walking and all of a sudden my shoe is off and I am jumping backwards as my left arm slams against the hood of a sedan and then I am screaming at the idiot operating the motor vehicle "WHAT ARE YOU DOING I'M WALKING HERE!" (Interesting that my first reaction was to slam her car and get angry. I imagine a psychologist would have a FIELD DAY with that one), and then I picked up my shoe and slowly stumbled along the crosswalk, in shock, clearly.

So the driver of this champagne colored sedan (I think it was an Infiniti) rolls down the window, apologizes a few times as I continue to get angry and look at her in confusion (because then I was also wondering, did I do something wrong? WHICH I DIDN'T BY THE WAY) and then. THEN.

SHE DROVE AWAY.

I'm sorry, but if you are turning left on a red light and hitting pedestrians as they walk across the street when it is THEIR TURN TO DO SO perhaps you should then pull over and check on these startled, potentially injured pedestrians. I MEAN REALLY.

I was so freaked out from the whole thing but fortunately there's always a lot of hippies milling about in front of the Coffee Bean (so, they're not as anti-establishment as you might think) who made sure I was okay and then I trudged up the hill home.

It wasn't until this morning when I noticed the left side of my midriff is bruised and my arm is pretty sore, as well as the foot that temporarily lost the shoe. But otherwise, I'm good.

So yeah. I am fine. But that woman who drove away after hitting me? She won't be fine. Karma's a bitch. So where ever you are hit-and-run lady, you've got yours coming, mark my words. And I hope I left a dent in your car from where my hand slapped the hood with my super human strength. That is all.

Talking to Myself

I'm brain dead.

In other news, I am LOVING my new iPhone software update. Why? Because I am a geek. No really, why? Because I am obsessed with the new app for voice memos (see? GEEK). When I am driving to/from work I find it's sometimes when I am at my most brilliant. Not really. I just tend to think of 900 things and rather than get myself in yet another car accident I talk to myself. AKA I speak into my iPhone.

Recently I verbally outlined my latest screenplay. Oh you didn't hear? I'm writing a screenplay (I'm not). It's going to be a must-see.

Let's get real: I talk to myself. I do. It's usually unintentional but this hand iPhone app has given me the means and the way (in this sentence was that redundancy? I told you I was brain dead).

I'm wearing a Lilly Pullitzer top today that my grandmother bought me four years ago and I have never, ever worn until this very day. That doesn't happen often.

I have holiday-itis. Can you tell?

Monday Night (A Two Part Tale)

Prologue
Brace yourself readers, you are in for one seriously long post but let me preface it with a disclaimer: THIS IS A TRUE RETELLING OF MY ENTIRE MONDAY NIGHT, from which I hope you will find joy and humor, and maybe a little personal reflection and probably you’ll get annoyed somewhere around the middle but then you'll get into the stuff about Mexico and you might just come out feeling victorious and refreshed.

Part 1.
On a scale of 1 to 7, Taco Bell is obviously a 7

So DiTonto is buying a new car. And DiTonto is... well... we’ll call it particular. Being the good friend I am (and because she dealt with my car trauma back in July) I went with her to some dealers last night to attempt to help. I say attempt because car shopping with Ashleigh is like taking an autistic child to the grocery store. That was incredibly offensive. I have no idea what it would be like taking autistic child to the grocery store. Let me try a new metaphor. Car shopping with Ashleigh is like taking an eight year old to the world’s largest toy store but the kid wants a fucking toy that HASN’T BEEN INVENTED YET.

Right now she drives a small, fire-engine red 2001 VW Bug. So you’d think naturally she’d want another small car, maybe even another bug because she LOVES HER CURRENT CAR SO MUCH. Oh no. NOT DITONTO. CERTAINLY NOT.

See, at some point on Sunday DiTonto decided to get THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF A BUG. She thought she wanted a pick-up truck but then when we actually looked at them yesterday she didn’t like any of the ones that didn’t have power locks or windows. But then any of the trucks with automatic amenities were too large or expensive or white was an unacceptable color for the truck. And apparently she is over the VWs. So then we drove by Honda and I suggested a Fit, but NO NO NO, not for DiTonto.

Then we went to the giant Ford & Jeep dealership in Santa Monica to support our love for America and Freedom and this is when DiTonto fell in love with a Jeep Wrangler Rubicon. A big honker that is army green with a massive spoiler on the front and crazy looking headlights to hunt Mexicans with. That was incredibly offensive. Let me rephrase. A big honker that is army green with a massive spoiler on the front and crazy looking headlights to hunt... to hunt... to hunt Mexicans with. I CAN’T HELP IT! (sorry I am just being extra non-PC today but also because the universe is shitting on Mexico right now and so I feel like maybe I can too? Just today? No? How many people of Mexican lineage have I offended at this point? Would it help to know that as a child I went to summer camp in Mexico and actually have a deep love and respect for the country? Still no? What was that? Something about SWINE FLU? DON’T WORRY I’LL GET TO THAT IN PART 2!)

Anyway, after all the test driving we needed some sustenance so naturally we went to Taco Bell. (See, DiTonto introduced me to Taco Bell and I introduced her to certain illicit substances I’d rather not spell out here on the blog BUT YOU GET THE IDEA I MEAN WE WERE AT COACHELLA TWO WEEKS AGO AND YOU KNOW I AM LIBERAL AND WENT TO SCHOOL IN VERMONT SO TAKE A GUESS, but really the point of this is that we both brought things that do harm to your body into each others’ lives so it’s ALL OKAY! WE'RE EVEN.)

We both ordered Crunchwrap Supremes (I order that because I don’t know what I am supposed to get at Taco Bell and just get what DiTonto tells me to. I'm very free-thinking), and Ashleigh also got a burrito because her eyes tend to be larger than her stomach and then when we pulled up to the window to pay and get our food, the nice Taco Bell employee handed me a receipt and pointed out that on the back of said receipt there was a place to rate their service. I handed the receipt to DiTonto, thinking very little of this exchange, when she said to me,

“Wait, they want me to rate their service?”

Yes.

“Well they’re a fucking 7, GIVE ME A PEN!”

And then she circled 7, as evidenced by the photo of the receipt below. However, once DiTonto learned that she would have to call a number to win any money after rating the Taco Bell service she lost interest. (In addition to being particular, sometimes DiTonto is... lazy).



Then we got home and ate our Taco Bell at the kitchen table but I almost fell out of the chair a few times because when Annie bought the furniture from Ikea she didn’t follow ALL the directions (you could say). And then DiTonto almost MURDERED Annie’s fish (not like it hasn’t happened before DITONTO) when she shook the table after two drastic movements and poor Snoopy/Blue (Annie calls him Snoopy, DiTonto calls him Blue, I haven’t decided what I like to call him but I am sure it will come to me) sloshed all over the place. He’s okay though.

Part 2.
Regarding Swine Flu – I would voluntarily quarantine myself

Annie and I are quite similar when it comes to some of our interests. Okay that was an awkward first sentence but I sometimes wonder if people get confused when I write about Annie so I am going to take this moment to remind you that Annie is my other roommate who shares my name, who we also call Adubs because DiTonto gets annoyed when she yells out “Annie!” and we both respond and so she calls me Stamos and the other Annie Adubs and moving on to the relevant part of the story...

Adubs, like me, often becomes fascinated with scientific phenomena. Maybe not quite to the extent I do, but she definitely is a fountain of knowledge in some very random areas. She also gets into PASSIONATE diatribes about various topics, one of her favorites being that of MASS PANDEMICS. This obviously is something I find interesting and count pandemic-related literature and entertainment to be among my favorite subject material (see, I Am Legend or The Cobra Event by Richard Preston). Anyway, just this past weekend, before Swine Flu became all the rage, Adubs and I were randomly having a conversation all about looking at disease and epidemics like AIDS, cancer, etc. as actually just forms of population control (on a side note, can someone explain to me the difference between an epidemic and a pandemic? THANKS IN ADVANCE!) and Adubs made the point that there tends to be a mass plague that wipes out a significant portion of the human population every 80 to 100 years and we are right in that timeline now, but then this led to a discussion about modern medicine and we pondered the likelihood of the reality of another pandemic taking place in modern times, and then Adubs shared some useful tips about surviving pandemics (Tip: don’t panic. Also, don’t head to the countryside—cities have the infrastructure to support more sick people) and at this point you are probably thinking, Oh this is what happens when you get two people from Middlebury in a room together. Sure.

So anyway, have I talked about Annie’s mom before? Annie’s mom is Linda and she is a CHARACTER and she visits A LOT which is fun because Linda is entertaining. In fact DiTonto remarked last night she was so used to seeing Linda at our apartment that sometimes she doesn’t even notice. Oh and Linda loves American Idol. Many an occasion have I come home to find Linda watching American Idol on the sofa. It’s kind of comforting.

So last night after the car driving and the Taco Bell eating and the near death of Snoopy/Blue/Undetermined Nickname we hung out a little bit with Linda who wanted to show everyone Adam’s performance on American Idol last week (I think Adam is the gay one? Again, I really don’t watch the show but I am pretty sure he’s not the Indian one because that dude’s name is Anoop and I feel like I read somewhere he got kicked off but seeing as I vehemently despise American Idol and only watch it if it’s playing in the background, so really any time when Linda is in town, so I could be making these things up). The other thing Linda likes to watch just as much as American Idol is CNN, so I then went back into the living room for the Swine Flu coverage (I had to leave during AI to read one of my sci-fi blogs on my Google reader) and let me tell you: SWINE FLU IS SO HOT RIGHT NOW.

As a trend forecaster (I KNOW! THAT’S REALLY WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING! ME!) let me tell you that Swine Flu is definitely both a trend and potentially a mass pandemic of devastatingly destructive proportions. And because I am odd and a little bit twisted, I think Swine Flu is FASCINATING and I am somewhat excited to see how this all pans out. And those doctors that CNN gets to comment on such BREAKING NEWS STORIES are pretty hilarious. Especially this one dude with crazy hair who gave a book plug during a VERY SERIOUS AND INTENSE SWINE FLU DISCUSSION with Larry King. Also, did you know that the mortality rate of the Spanish Influenza back in 1918 was %2.5 and Swine Flu in Mexico is already at %6?

Which brings me to my next point: HOLY CRAP THE UNIVERSE IS SHITTING ON MEXICO! First all that drama with drug cartels, then Spencer & Heidi from The Hills go on their Goddamn honeymoon in Cabo (I just vomited in my mouth a little bit), and NOW ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE DYING OF SWINE FLU. Oh and there appear to be a lot of idiots in the United States because the Twitter questions pouring in during the Larry King coverage last night was straight out of an SNL skit about stupid people. For example: “Are swine flu and the recent drug violence in Mexico related?” YES YOU STUPID TWITTER USER. SEE, BECAUSE THE MEXICANS DID DRUGS AND SOLD THEM AND THEN KIDNAPPED SOME PEOPLE AND KILLED SOME COPS, THE GOOD BABY JESUS PUNISHED THEM WITH A DISEASE THAT HAS A NAME BASED ON A PIG. A FUCKING PIG. BUT IT’S NOT EVEN PIG FLU. IT’S SWINE FLU.

I’d also like to throw it out there that if I start showing ANY SYMPTOMS that I would be more than happy to voluntarily quarantine myself.

So Linda went to bed about halfway through the Swine Flu coverage, leaving the rest of us to ponder our futures. Annie wants to just be really prepared, so last night she discussed getting more water, maybe some masks, that sort of thing (this plan for preventative measures fits nicely with my fear-of-Earthquakes issue). And DiTonto got really freaked out but then decided things would be happier if she went back to researching the Jeep Wrangler Rubicon online (please note she’s already nicknamed the car Ruby) whereas I was suddenly feeling inspired to watch THE ANDROMEDA STRAIN. I really wanted to watch Outbreak or read some book about pandemics but I had a screener of the A&E miniseries that I stole from my boss at my last job (I have a great work ethic!) and never watched and thought, why not! Turns out this miniseries has a little bit more bioterrorism and conspiracy theorizing than I would prefer (MORE SCIENCE! LESS PARANOIA!) but it scratched the itch.

But then, right before I went to bed I had an overwhelming urge to text my Dad and tell him I love him because this Swine Flu business is kind of freaking me out, I will admit. He responded early this morning, with a text message that said “Just don’t go to Mexico. Xoxo.”

See? Everyone is shitting on Mexico right now.

Still Incapable of Getting My Act Together

Last night I had a panic attack about longstanding hospital bills from July (car accident-related) that I thought my insurance company had handled but hadn't and before falling asleep last night I could remember if it was two digits and then two zeros, or three zeros. Essentially the difference between a paycheck and my year's salary. Panic attack ensued.

Thank Sweet Baby Jesus because it is just two zeros. Totally do-able. And I am going get right ON TOP OF IT. Well not right now. Later today. I have a delicious fruit salad to enjoy first.

Narcolepsy strikes again!

I fell asleep several times driving to work this morning. If you are thinking, "wow that sounds highly dangerous" you are right, it is. I live on the wild side. But I can't really help it. I just was so incredibly sleepy this morning. Well, maybe I could help it, if I went to bed earlier than my usual 11:30 pm bedtime, or if I didn't force myself to work out so G-D early everyday. Or even purchasing a cup of coffee for my drive might help...

I mean, let's be honest with each other, it's not as though I full on passed out, head back, drool everywhere, fell asleep. It was more like that awful bobbing of the head we all remember from those days of miserable history classes in college. And sure, okay, at the occasional red light I shut my eyes for a few seconds, but I never let my foot step off the break.

Okay maybe once I stepped off the break.

But I never hit anyone. Did I come close? I am not going to say yes. Do I always tell the truth? I am not going to say yes (again) but don't read into that too heavily.

And now that I am at work, I have an overwhelming urge to just shut my eyes and thunk my head down onto my ergonomic (or whatever you call it) wrist/keypad cushion. Seriously I think it would be really comfortable for a little nap.

Finally, what you've all been waiting for!

Well folks, I know I've been somewhat ambiguously referencing my trip to Pahrump to Nevada, and now I am going to shed a little light on that journey. Not a lot of light, because we were asked by those above us specifically not to blog about the experience (hah, me not blog? Right).

Anyway, I went to Pahrump after work Friday night with my friend Alexander, the intention of our purpose was to volunteer with the Barack Obama Campaign for Change (I think we aren't supposed to blog about it because they don't want to draw attention to the fact that Californians are headed to Nevada to volunteer, however, isn't this A common knowledge? and B entirely not surprising? When you are an Obama supporter in a blue state it's only natural that a real volunteer opportunity might only be found in the swing state next door).

Pahrump is located just on the border of California and Nevada, surrounded by the mountains and desert that comprise Death Valley. It's a desert town just an hour northwest of Las Vegas--not desert town in the sense that Shoshone "the gateway to Death Valley" is, with a grand population of 67 people, because in fact, Pahrump is anywhere from 30,000 to 40,000 people.

It was a long drive Friday night, and for the last hour and a half or so, the only thing that really kept me driving was listening to The Audacity of Hope book on tape, read by Senator Obama himself. Sure, this paints an incredible hilarious picture--two idealistic kids from California driving to Nevada to canvas for a presidential campaign, listening to that inspiring leader all the way there... but you know what? It totally worked. Not only did it help me stay awake on those desert roads, but it was both inspiring and informative. Also good to keep me level because I felt like I was driving through Mars. And at one point I saw a dog in the middle of the road in the middle of NOWHERE, which really means I saw either (1) a coyote or (2) my animal spirit god (I am hoping it was choice 2, because an animal spirit god is a much rarer find then one of those darn coyotes).

That night we stayed at one of the Casino-Hotel-RV-"Resorts" in town, which was really just an over-priced place to crash, and were up early Saturday morning to discover that Pahrump, not a very exciting place on its own, was surrounded by the most beautiful and dramatic mountains all around. It was truly spectacular. While admiring the view, we had a more difficult time admiring any breakfast opportunities, with our final stop being the one Starbucks in town, located inside the grocery store.

The campaign headquarters were a modest affair, all the other volunteers, both locals and others who had traveled various differences, were kind people from all walks of life. It was heartening and encouraging to be around so many others who also shared such a strong belief in one cause.

Canvassing is an interesting experience. It sort of requires a no-fear attitude. I mean you are knocking on doors, interrupting people at their homes. By the end of the day (a total of two canvassing shifts) we had knocked on 77 doors and spoken to something like 45 people. It was fascinating. Just about everyone was friendly, even McCain supporters, and some people really wanted to engage with us, while others expressed frustration at yet another campaign volunteer showing up on their doorstep. I realized it must be exhausting to live in a swing state right now. You are constantly being inundated with information, people, propaganda, etc. However, must of the people of Pahrump were polite and courteous and we appreciated that.

For lunch we ate delicious barbecue at Walter's BBQ & Maverick's Saloon (ahh yes, MAVERICKS!) and at one point we also stopped to get a drink of water and a coke (or as our feisty bartender called it, pop) and a separate BBQ joint. It was fun talking to our bartender, a woman who I could only describe as being full of piss and vinegar, a McCain Palin lover because she was sick of men running the country and thought "Palin was so fun" and she wanted to see a woman in power. She pointedly asked me how I felt about men running the country, and to be honest, as a woman, I am okay with it--for me it boils down to the individual. Obama is someone who could cross party lines, reach out to people everywhere, and maybe dial down some of the polarization that has overcome the country.

The most bizarre experience of the whole day was when at one house we stopped by, the very old woman who lived there asked us to please come inside where we realized we might get stuck for hours because she was so excited to show someone all her stuffed animal birds, paintings of Jesus, lampshades, flower arrangements, and countless other tchatchkies (does anyone know how to spell this? Please advise). She was simultaneously crazy, sad, and the most other-worldly being I've ever met. It was really something.

We drove home Saturday night, but not without somehow managing to encounter car trouble. We pulled over in the road leading out of Death Valley (aka Mars, home of my spirit animal god) so Alexander could take a leak and we could check out the desert at night--which is incredible and I am not sure I've ever seen so many stars in the sky. Of course, we managed to get my car completely buried in the sand, so much so that the front end was so buried in we couldn't move anywhere and Triple A had to come dig us out. Ah, adventure.

We got back to LA, finally, and after the requisite late night In-N-Out stop, around 1:30 am. I was exhausted. But it was worth it, if not to canvas for Obama, but just to go to a different part of the country, to step outside the LA bubble, and the bubble I've become accustomed to, and to talk to people and get to know a community somewhere else. It was both rewarding and insightful.

Here's hoping that on election day, those 5 electoral votes from Nevada will go blue. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, Pahrump!

One final note, apparently we were only about a half hour from Area 51 and Roswell. Shit yes, next time I am going hunting for aliens. Maybe that's what my spirit god was--AN ALIEN. No but really, I thought that crazy late night desert drive was a secret transport to another planet or something. It was extraterrestrial, that's for sure.

And now for something completely different

Okay folks, time to lighten the mood a little bit before I turn this blog into all-politics all the time. Because if you haven’t guessed it by now, the reason I am going to Pahrump, Nevada this weekend is because I am volunteering with the Obama Campaign to canvas undecided voters. I am sure I’ll return with many interesting stories.

Until then, let’s switch gears to some lighter topics. Here are some things I would be happy to discuss:

(1) My fantastic new hot pink skinny leg corduroys from J. Crew that I am wearing right now. So fierce.
(2) Today is my last day to chew gum for a while because as of tomorrow morning I am wearing an Invisalign lower retainer ALL THE TIME for about the next 8 weeks. Like I said, I shall forever be plagued by orthodontia.
(3) I have the attention span of a 12-year-old.
(4) I refuse to put the license plates on my new car in hopes I will never be caught driving through yellow lights that just change to red.
(5) Friday Night Lights has ruined all other television for me because it is so far superior.
(6) Have you heard? The bird is the word.
(7) In a related note, I am sick of not enough of my friends/co-workers/people I bump into not picking up on my hilarious Family Guy references.
(8) My ability to go to the Farmer’s Market and spend no more than two dollars thanks to my finely-tuned skills at tasting and sampling but NEVER BUYING.
(9) Today my orthodontist asked me if I was a student and I love that I still appear to be a lil’ young’un.
(10) I love my job.
(11) I am so over the mid-90 temperatures in LA. Last night I spent a few minutes walking around my room in my favorite fall coat.
(12) This is where I will be staying Friday night: www.saddlewest.com. Saturday night? We're winging it. Translation: a night at a motel in Vegas, a night in Vegas sans motel, a sand dune in Death Valley, or my car. Or we'll just drive through the night back to LA. WHO KNOWS. I am just bristling with excitement.

California's State Motto (and other thoughts)

Too many people.

(Seriously.)

I firmly believe this accurately describes the state of California. Too many people. This weekend I found this most frustrating whenever in situations where a car was involved. No matter what day of the week, what time of the day, or what part of the city--there is always traffic and it is always quite difficult to find a place to park. Yes, thank goodness for Santa Monica--because the truth is I haven't moved my car since I pulled into my parking spot Friday after work, however, while driving with Friends over the weekend, it was definitely quite apparent that the roads are overflowing with very rude Los Angeleno drivers who seem to have a high rate of road rage. Saturday morning for example I was driving to a spinning class at my gym (oh yeah, I did move my car that once) and was crossing a street before some dude who was turning onto the road I was traveling on--because I happened to be moving slower than him, he proceed to lay on his horn. This wasn't just a quick HONK, my friends, on no he really laid it on there. Then, a cab pulled out of a hotel and pulled in front of him and he laid on the horn again. Then, when at a stoplight, he pulled into the right line, only so he could pass me and the cab when the light turned green again.

And, as I dreaded, this very angry driver pulled into the Equinox parking garage. And as I suspected, just a few minutes after I had selected a bike in the spin room, this very angry driver walked in and selected a bike just two seats away from mine.

I can't say I wasn't tempted to tap him on the shoulder and give him a lecture about road rage, and anger, and karma, however I noticed he really seemed to be struggling with the whole spinning thing, so I thought--whatever--not worth it. Maybe he'll blow of some steam exercising. But really--all that road rage is so unnecessary!

I will say this about California--it definitely feels like Fall. Sure it's nothing like the falls I love back East, but it is nice--a little cooler, a little crisper, a few leaves actually change, and the pace of life seems to slow a little bit. I think that might be different from the East Coast, but I am certainly noticing that my weekends are moving at a lower speed. And it's fantastic.



Somehow I slept until noon Sunday. Then I took my sweet time waking up. Then enjoyed a lovely afternoon at the Abott Kinney Festival in Venice. No rush, no limits, no pressure--no need to get anywhere else. Perfection.

Despite the road rage and too many people, California weekends reign supreme.

SMELL-A

Smell A. Get it? Rhymes with LA? What I am trying to say here is I never before notice how incredibly perfect Maine smells. That is, until I lived in LA. All weekend in Maine I just couldn’t believe what a breath of fresh air that place is! Even the stinky sulphuric salt marsh smells divine! That’s not to say that LA smells bad, although certainly parts of it do (like outside Benitos Tacos on Santa Monica Blvd and Federal, located just south of the site of Car Accident #1), but I guess Maine just smells so damn good I was acutely aware of its perfectly pungent aromas all weekend long.

On a side note I found it entertaining that when in LA it's almost inescapable to escape multitudes of Spanish-speakers while lounging at the beach. When in Maine? French Canadians everywhere. Seriously everywhere. Kind of incredible.

They say you can never go home again (not sure who says that and why) however, I beg to disagree. Going home was fantastic and sure it’s always going to be a little different but the truth of the matter is that going home is one of the best experiences I have nowadays. Not sure where that ranks on the pathetic scale, but I know I had a great weekend and am already doing the countdown until Christmas.

Seriously though... the way Maine smells? I just wish I could bottle it up and take it with me everywhere.

Insurance Hell

I've been seriously lacking in posts today (obviously--considering it's almost 5 pm PST and all you East Cost Jaw Wired Shut readers were probably like "F that" and are home for the evening) and all because I've been in insurance hell and it's sucked away my life force. Okay, not my life force but my creative juices. Thanks to one uninsured kid driver named Reynaldo I've got another lovely claim with my lovely insurance company to deal with.

I think my co-workers must associate me with the following: unable to properly operate a motor vehicle, confused sense of style (i.e. trendy/hippie outfit I am wearing today vs. preppy/casual outfit yesterday), obsessed with Maine and some sandwhich that can only be purchased in Maine, in denial of lactose intolerance, and I am sure there are more I could speculate on.

Anyhoo, I've got more insurance questionnaires to fill out and need to further ruminate on perhaps why my luck has yet to turn (fingers crossed it will now) and then maybe I will be back with a review of Pineapple Express or something.

If all else fails I am considering investing in a nice and safe bike (actually it's a family joke how pathetic my bike skills are) or perhaps a motorized scooter.

Sweet Sweet Irony

Which of the following took place this weekend:

A. I didn't shower
B. I went to a UB40 concert Sunday night
C. I text messaged almost everyone in my phonebook "I am at a sweet UB40 concert"
D. After having my new car for three days, I got in another car accident
E. I stayed up into the wee hours of the morning Saturday night... cleaning my room
F. Everynight I fell asleep while watching the same episode of The X-Files
G. All of the above
H. None of the above

Organizing My Life

And the great car saga has ended! I guess the earthquake inspired me to really take charge because I went to bed last night the proud new owner of a 2009 Toyota Matrix. I wasn’t even considering this car but saw it in the process to find the right Prius... the hook, line and sinker for me was that it’s marketed almost exclusively to guys. I’m not really sure why, but I guess that made it a lot more appealing. Maybe it’s because I like to live out of my car... seriously, when I had to get everything out of my totaled CRV I had a tent, ski poles, a field hockey stick, several towels, a beach chair, a tennis racket, sleeping bag, endless amounts of CDs, water bottles, maps, a Red Sox hat, and the book Lyrics by Sting (don’t ask). Also, a car that is for dudes just seems to have a lot of features I like.

Anyway, all has been resolved except for the massive piles of paperwork that I am struggling to finish.

So besides unexpected earthquakes, it looks as though things are getting back on track and maybe I’ll start posting fewer “Dear Diary, OMG I want a new car LIKE now” type posts and a few more “I think it’s disgusting that People magazine got the Brangelina twin baby pics for a reported $15 million (vomit)” posts. It’s been a while since I’ve had any exciting random celebrity sightings to report. That was one nice thing about the old job—I am no longer on the route that takes me to the Starbucks preferred by Harrison Ford and others. Oh and I am no longer working out with Fabio either. He doesn’t go as far west as the Santa Monica Equinox, apparently.

Oh and I had my first awkward return to work where I was excessively sweating thanks to my lunchtime walk experience. It was an uncomfortable elevator ride.

P.O.S.

If you were wondering who was that dashing young lady driving the beat up Mitshibushi Galant, headed East on Olympic Blvd this morning, why, that was me!

No, I didn't get a new car this weekend. I did log some hours with two very dutiful friends at Toyota, Honda, and Volkswagon. Of the three, the salespeople at Honda made me want to kill myself, while Luis at Toyota and Eddie at VW proved to be great guys we just wanted to hang out with. Luis even brought out some cool books of his hometown in Brazil. And then he told me it was a possible two month wait for the Prius. Nice try Luis.

So anyway, I find myself in a hardly changed position on the new-car front. Pretty sure I am not going to be getting the Honda Civic Hybrid anytime soon (thanks to Maggie, aka the degenerative sales lady at Honda who attempted to tell us that the government was lying. And then I was forced to deal with her terrible manager Andy who had a flavor savor and was the kind of guy where if you looked up "douchebag" in the dictionary you might find his smart ass photo). So now it's a toss up between more expensive, longer wait, but kick ass fuel usage/environmentally conciousness (Prius), or slightly cheaper, very European (fun switching over to drive it manually) available RIGHT NOW (Jetta).

But back to the Mitsubishi Galant currently in my possession. What a POS that thing is. I got it from the lovely Rent-a-Wreck and have it for a week (unless it dies on me) for a very budget price. Alright!