What is wrong with me?

Now, I am sure you’re presently thinking of a multitude of answers that could answer the above question but I pose such a quandary in reference to a specific string of disturbing incidents, all in which I have suffered through unintended self-inflicted pain. Yes, I am a klutz, but when I seem to have walked into large, sharp objects three times in less than a week, I can only wonder if there is something else going on...

Need more explanation? Look no further...

Last Wednesday I was walking out of the Equinox Pilates Studio after my 6:30 am class and walked right into the sharp edge of a counter. I seem to bruise like a peach because by the next day I had a nasty looking welt on my left bicep. Over the course of the weekend the bruise only seemed to increase in size and in nasty purple-ish color, although today it’s finally diminishing. In any case, it was painful and I felt odd walking around looking like an abused girlfriend--especially when every person who asked me what happened received a total letdown upon learning it was through my own inability to walk

Yesterday while cleaning up the disaster zone our apartment morphed into post Saturday-night activities I walked into a bike. Yes, there was a bike in our living room. A large beach cruiser. And I walked right into. A pedal to be precise, and I now have a seriously large bump and bruise near my right ankle. This also required me to sit on the sofa for some time and use a bag of frozen broccoli to ice my wound. Not fun.

Today might be my worst klutz moment yet. While putting away some Flip cameras into the cupboards behind my desk I stood up quickly, only to shove my back directly into the sharp metal-encased corner of the open cupboard door directly above my head. Not only did this knock the wind out of me for a brief second, but I then had a 5-inch scrape across my back, a little bit of bleeding, and a shitton of pain. Also, my body’s instant response to this was—no surprise here—to start sweating PROFUSELY. And I emitted one of those awkward sounds that is somewhere between crying and laughing. Now I have an ice pack attached to my back thanks to an ace bandage wrapped around my midriff (so I look cool too).

So again let me pose the question: What is wrong with me? Isn’t there some old wive’s tale about when a girl gets really klutzy it means something? Something related to cycles and the moon and witchcraft or something? I mean, not that I actually believe there’s something supernatural/hormonal happening here but beyond just needing to have a bit better awareness of my surroundings, WHAT THE FUCK!?!

I was hoping the back injury would get me out of work for the afternoon but all it got me was a brief pity party from my boss who then told me to stop whining.

Copyright Infringement?

WTF People. This dude Jarrett at the NY Post's POPWRAP has totally been reading my blog and ripping off my ideas. Evidence? Today's post in which he fondly pontificates on the beauty that was PBS and Square One, which you may recall I covered in this "nostalgia" post. SERIOUSLY WHY AREN'T I THE WRITER FOR THE NY POST'S CRAPPY POP CULTURE RAMBLINGS SECTION?

A Brief Essay on My Pathetic State

Around 11 pm last night I was waiting for a friend in front of the movie theater (coughTwilightcough) and while I was standing around contemplating why I felt it necessary to wear a winter hat when it was probably around only 60 degrees I silently observed people coming in and out of the theater. I noticed a group of what looked like teens, to be particularly well-dressed, when lo and behold I realized it was Frankie from The Hills (you know, Brody's BFF) and one of the Kardashian sisters (I am thinking Khourtney?). Immediately after I made this observation I asked myself, what is the more pathetic fact in this situation?

(1) That I know the names of these D-list reality stars (and eccentric name spellings)
(2) That I am seeing Twilight AGAIN?

I think the answer would probably be... well it's a tie. Both point to levels of pathetic that are dangerously high. The solution? I need to get myself out of the Hollywood/LA bubble ASAP. Like I've said... it's a good thing I'm going back East for two weeks over Christmas. I think people in New York might actually be a little more sane...

A Question (pertaining to the previous post)

I have been informed that American Indian is the politically correct term for Native American.

Which begs the question, when/why did Native American become politically INcorrect?

A Question

Who is eating at IHOP at 12 pm on a Wednesday? Because earlier I was en route to a doctor's appointment (more on that to come) and walked by the lovely International House of Pancakes and it was PACKED. So, really, who?