Las Vegas Does Not Exist

I spent the weekend in Las Vegas with some friends.


Las Vegas is a strange place. It's essentially one giant mall. Or Disneyland for adults. It was the third time I was there and I still feel like I've never really spent time there. By which I mean, I'm not sure that I really know Las Vegas - which is weird, because usually when I visit other cities or places I try to get to know them. You don't do that in Las Vegas. Las Vegas is a city that doesn't really exist.


It's weird.

Friday, Friday, Gonna Get Down on Friiiiiiidaaaaaaaaaaay

Because I'm a good person, I'm not going to post that atrocious music video in which a 13-year-old wails about her inability to choose between sitting in the front or back seat.


I trust you know what I'm talking about. (If not, you have no business being on the internet. In fact, you should be ashamed of yourself).


Have a fantastic weekend, don't drink and drive, wear a helmet, wear deodorant, don't let the bed bugs bite, and all that jazz.


Toodles.

This Weekend Be a Winner

The Panty Police

Saturday night I had a run-in with the cops. Now, before you go ahead and jump to any conclusions, it’s worth mentioning that in the time I have lived in Santa Monica I’ve had more run-ins with police officers than I have my entire life prior to moving here. And they’ve always been for the same reason: noise. Yep. People in Santa Monica seem to hate people who like to do things like, oh, I don't know... enjoy life and have fun with their friends... so, as you can imagine, we’ve had cops show up to our apartments for a variety of noise-related reasons. My favorite time was when they came over because we were watching Planet Earth too loud… at least, that was until this most recent run-in...

After a fun night out Saturday, two of my roommates and I ended the night back at our apartment. Sure we were pretty drunk – I’m not going to pretend that wasn’t the case… Actually, let’s get down to it: we were hammered.

Somehow, in the early hours of the morning (I think we thought it was around 2am but it turns out it was closer to 4am) we all ended up in DiTonto’s bedroom having a late night dance party (LNDP for the uninitiated. Obv.) We often joke that our apartment is “pants optional” and this was one of those nights – because both Becca and Ash were in their underwear and t-shirts, although I for some reason was still fully dressed, shoes and all (I have no idea why but I sometimes have a tendency to not take my shoes off until I go to bed).

Now when I say LNDP, I don’t mean like a singalong to music from Glee. We were rocking out to Gorillaz – yes, still riding that Coachella high – and when I say rocking out I mean HARD CORE. Like dancing our faces off. And each one of us totally in our own world in a different corner of DiTonto’s room, with DiTonto holding court jumping and dancing on top of her bed.

Anyway, the song “Rhinestone Eyes” is blaring and we are just all so into it and next thing I know there are two policemen standing in the doorway of DiTonto’s bedroom – which I might add, is fairly deep into our large apartment.

So essentially, two cops who were probably expecting to walk into some apartment and find a massive rager of a party just came across three girls dancing, two of them in their underwear, having a great time. It’s the start to a bad porno.

(It’s also worth mentioning there are empty beer cans everywhere. Among other things.)

These cops were just standing sort of in stunned shock looking at us, and while Becca and DiTonto immediately drop to the floor covering their mouths I just kept repeating “Oh my God I am so embarrassed.”

We then get the following speech: “First of all, your door is wide open so you should probably remember to lock that from now on. And secondly, your music is so loud you didn’t even hear us until we came all the way to the bedroom.” And maybe they said something after that, but all I remember is that the second they walked out of the bedroom door the three of us burst into uncontrollable fits of giggles. We’re talking rolling on the floor, holding our bellies and laughing so hard it hurt giggles.

I am guessing Sunday morning some fellow cops got a good story over donuts.

A Much-Needed Vacation

Jaw Wired Shut is going on a vacation for a few days. Where? To the desert my friends.

Yes, it's that time of year again when I join the masses in the sweltering heat for three days of hippie dancing and great tunes at the Coachella Valley Music Festival. I cannot wait. I'm going to be trendspotting at Coachella and writing about it for www.trendcentral.com (my former gig!) and potentially covering the fest for HuffPo as well. And you better believe I'll be posting some highlights here.

In the meanwhile, don't expect to see me pop up on the internet until Monday, except for the occasional Twitter update. And even though after the weekend I will be back in town recovering from what is sure to be an epic trip, my dad and step-mom are in town and I'm moving right into family vacation time. I won't actually be back in full swing until next Wednesday.

But, don't be a stranger! Keep reading - and feel free to check in and say hello.

Stream It

New LCD Soundsystem album is streaming at their website.

I dig.

Also, I will be seeing them at Coachella this weekend. YES FOLKS, COACHELLA IS FINALLY HERE... more thoughts on that to come...

Hunky Dory

My life is NOT hard. By any means. I’m pretty lucky. I mean, I spent yesterday hungover, which was the low point of my day. That and when I realized I was totally into the new E! show Pretty Wild. Sure, I slept in my bathing suit last night, but let’s chalk that up to my beach lifestyle. I also slept outside on the porch for about two hours from 6-8:30pm.

Actually, the REAL low point of the day was probably when Sarah (my writing partner) and I didn’t get together to work last night. Sorta a bummer HOWEVER we’ve been super productive as of late, and sometimes I need to just let myself do nothing. Which yesterday is EXACTLY what I did.

The only downside is that a lazy Sunday seems to lend itself easily to a lazy Monday. Or what I like to call a “Bare-Minimum” Monday aka I will do the work I need to do, but don’t expect me to really be kicking ass and like, curing cancer anytime this afternoon...

Wicked 90s

I have a tendency to use decades as adjectives. For example, this past President's Day weekend was pretty epic in a decade-specific way. How do I mean? Well, most epic was the 90s sleepover party that rounded up my Sunday night. What began as a typical night at Venice bars (what's that, it was Valentine's Day? Yeah, didn't notice) ended up with 5 people eating snacks in our living room, watching Beetlejuice (sidenote: probably one of my top five favorite movies ever) and playing Jenga. Yes, Jenga. Even better? We all slept in the living room, sprawled out on couches, and it wasn't until around 6am that people emerged from confused sleep and I stumbled off to my own bed (turns out, it is better to sleep with a blanket!).

Additionally, I watched a LOT of Olympics this weekend. Which feels very 90s to me as well, considering I spent the better part of my childhood obsessed with skiing and figureskating - and even competing in both at different points. I could watch the Olympics allllll day...

Two Croissants is One Croissant Too Many

I'm still in that collegiate mode of thinking when it regards to parental visits: OH MY GOD MY PARENTS ARE IN TOWN I GET FREE FOOD I MUST EAT ALL OF IT AND I MUST EAT AT NICE RESTAURANTS I MIGHT NOT NORMALLY GO TO AND EAT FOOD I WOULDN'T NORMALLY GET, LIKE STEAK, WHICH I ONLY EAT WHEN SOMEONE ELSE IS PAYING.

Which means that I've probably packed on some pounds this weekend while being wined and dined and living a life quite unlike my usual. For my dad's 60th birthday my stepmom surprised him with a family trip to La Jolla, CA, where we stayed at a lovely resort over the weekend and pretty much just went to the spa and walked on the beach, and stared at the golf course, and got private tours of historical buildings, and ate amazing food, and like I said before: COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF A NORMAL WEEKEND (in which I try to spend as little money as possible and come up with creative ways of sneaking booze into bars). Oh, and I even made off with a bathrobe from the hotel spa. HOLLERRRRR.

So my dad and stepmom are still in town, now staying in LA, and I went and met them for breakfast before work this morning. Now whenever they are in LA they like to stay at this really nice little boutique hotel called The Ambrose, which has a phenomenal breakfast spread. Mostly it's fruit and pastries, and I don't even like pastries, but they do croissants better than the French, I swear to God. So for breakfast I had a chocolate croissant (or, as the French do call it: Pain au Chocolat) and some strawberries and some juice and coffee and it was GREAT.

And then I took an almond croissant for the road (no idea what the French call those).

I just now ate it.

That was unnecessary. But like I said, I'm of one of those mindsets: I don't pass up free food. However, two croissants is one croissant too many. I feel ill.

in case you were wondering, I made it outside

I have seen the light! Thank goodness for weekends... at last I left behind the flourescent glow of office lights to enjoy some time outside this weekend. Between tennis, bowling, a trip to the dog park with our crazy puppy and windy walks on the beach, it was an eventful weekend.

And I dyed my hair red. Sort of red. Like tinted red. Although it's definitely not super noticeable because only one person at work has said anything. But I like it. Sometimes a small change is fun...

Whip It Good? TBD

Sometimes when I get going about TV shows I forget I also enjoy movies. In fact, there was a time when I enjoyed movies more than television, but recently movies I’ve loved have been few and far between. And this is a girl who tends to be easily amused by just about anything (in fact, I'm starting to think some people keep me around only because I laugh at their bad jokes. Oh well).

I am trying to recall the last film that really just knocked my socks off (and please keep in mind my problems with short term memory), but I think it probably was Up!, a film that provoked one hell of an emotional roller-coaster. Oh, I also LOVED The Hangover, and just earlier today was talking with one of my roommates about how I cannot wait for that flick to come out on DVD so I can watch it on repeat, a la my college days of excessive viewings of Old School. OOOH and 500 Days of Summer kicked ass (and speaking of kicking, look at that elusive memory kicking in!), but also because the soundtrack was so effectively incorporated into the film, and if there’s one thing I love more than a good flick, it’s a great film soundtrack (see: my iTunes playlist titled: "Movie Soundtracks").

All of this leads me to my general curiosity about the film Whip It. I have mixed feelings of anticipation regarding this film. First up, I love Kristen Wiig, and she’s in it, so that makes me want to see it. But then it has Drew Barrymore, and I am very much on the fence about her, although traditionally I’ve enjoyed her acting performances, from E.T. to Ever After to yes, even Music & Lyrics (oh and not too long ago I ran next to her on a treadmill, when she was only walking, so that made me feel good about myself). Okay, so actually, yeah I like Drew Barrymore, and as this is her directorial debut, I am only further intrigued.



So the main obstacle to my seeing Whip It might be Ellen Page. Yes, I enjoyed Juno enough, but I find the girl somewhat annoying. And I am not totally sold on the roller derby storyline. (I am so annoyed that rollerskating is IN, by the way. I was killing it on rollerskates/ice skates/rollerblades back in the '90s. Biiiiiiiiitch pleeeeze.) However, so far several reviewers have been saying great things, and what brought me to consider all of this anyway, was for some reason this strikes me as the kind of film that has a good soundtrack. This is probably because I love the Devo jam "Whip It," which ironically, is not on the sountrack.

However, after taking a look at the line-up, I have to concur that this is likely a great soundtrack (Dolly Parton's "Jolene?" Win!). And it’s worth mentioning that Landon Pigg (whose music you may know from Grey’s Anatomy or that AT&T commercial) is not only contributing a song to the film, but stars as the male lead. A little more indie cred for y’all right there. And I dig Landon Pigg’s music. He’s got a new album that just came out, and while it makes me long for rainy days and a coffee shop with big windows where I can stare at the water streaming down the cold glass while I contemplate my deep, deep existential crisis, I am definitely digging his vibe. LA might not have many rainy days, but there’s something about his music that is very seasonally appropriate for the fall.

So, back to my point (did I have a point? No idea), will I see this film opening weekend? Doubtful. I’ll probably end up going to the beach and then getting drunk and then catching up on television while hungover on Sunday and then next thing you know it’s Monday morning and I am back at work… but, I am curious to hear what other people think about the film. At the very least I’ll probably download the soundtrack. And then stare out a window while I contemplate my existential crisis and stuff.

Music, Vegas, and that other time in Vegas

This is a big week for music in my life. No, it’s nothing nostalgic or sentimental, I just happen to be seeing two kickass bands this week and in some great venues.

For starters, Wednesday night I saw Phoenix play at the Greek Theatre. The show was fantastic. It more than made up for the miserable hour-plus traffic-heavy drive to the hipster haven known as Griffith Park. I’ve been listening to Phoenix for years now, maybe since when they first arrived on the scene, and while some of their oldest hits are my favorites, I’ve been totally nutso for their most recently released album Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix. They are impressive live; at sometimes orchestral, other times a less abstract version of Daft Punk, and a few times I really got the sense I was at one hell of a rock show. So yes, it kicked ass. The Greek Theatre is a sick spot to catch a gig, as well. A little more intimate than the Hollywood Bowl, but still with the incredible sensation of being at an outdoor amphitheater.

Tomorrow night I’ll be seeing the Killers play in Vegas. I saw the Killers play at Coachella earlier this year, which as you may recall, I raved about. Like Phoenix, I’ve had their most recently released album on steady rotation since January, and they strike me as a band that is consistent in delivering a great show. In fact, the Killers hail from Vegas, so what better excuse to head to Sin City?

Speaking of, the last time I went to Las Vegas was when I was driving across the country and it was an unintentional stop along the way. And I stayed at the Travel Lodge. Yes, the Travel Lodge. Why the Travel Lodge? Well, isn’t that obvious? Circus Circus, (aka shittiest casino in all the land,) was sold out.

You see, when driving cross country I was living the life of a traveling minstrel, and frugal was my middle name (okay, so I wasn’t ACTUALLY playing folk songs in royal courts, but I was living like a pauper, with all my earthly belongings jammed into my car). Circus Circus was the highest price we’d go for a hotel, but when that was sold out, the Travel Lodge was the logical next choice. And please keep in mind this is after days of camping and sweating and hiking and no showers. Oh and running out of gas in Utah and hitchhiking. Good times.

But anyway, my first and only other time in Vegas was a much different experience from what I expect to have tomorrow night. It was unique and amazing and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way, but I am looking forward to experiencing Vegas in the more traditional sense. A night’s stay at the Venetian, a show, maybe a slot machine go-round, and hopefully I won’t end up with Mike Tyson’s tiger in my hotel suite Sunday morning a la The Hangover. But it is Vegas after all, so I guess all bets are off…

Weekend Recap

It’s been some time since I’ve posted any extensive rambling recaps of my inconsequential life so why don’t I get you all up to speed...

Essentially all my thoughts/spare time of late have been directed towards MOVING because yes, we roommates have moved... and have acquired a 4th roommate, who is officially Roomie #3 but I shall refer to her henceforth as Becca because that is her name. Yes, our crazy life of 20-somethings with tanorexia and a passion for Friday Night Lights has just taken on another duckling and we couldn’t be happier. And our new place is a serious upgrade from the last. No pool, however. (Pool floats, I shall miss thee). But the wet bar and sun deck make up for it, as well as the proximity to so many DELISH bars and restaurants.

Moving is not fun. Okay, that’s a no-brainer, but seriously... wow. Saturday was an epic day of U-Hauls, kind friends offering their muscle, lots of sweating, exhaustion, sheer amazement at how much crap we’ve acquired, and the penultimate satisfaction of somehow doing it all in a day. Sure, by Saturday night I was a zombie, walking around Whole Foods realizing I hadn’t eaten since a bagel at 7:15am but unsure of what cuisine could ease the total body exhaustion.

Yesterday was much better—the morning started off with the Farmer’s Market, coffee on the deck and lots of visits from friends. The day didn’t end so well with yet another earthquake, and this time it was a biggie, causing me to freak out, practically to the point of tears, then take some anti-anxiety medicine and drop into a dreamless slumber (thank God). Worth noting: during the earthquake Adubs ran to protect the fish, Ashleigh grabbed the TV, while Becca and I stood facing each other under the doorway and poor Becca had to witness my freak out firsthand. Per usual, I had thoughts of “Oh my God, this is it, this is the big one, I am going to die.” But it passed, everyone was unharmed, including the TV and Snoopy/Blue (the fish). I went to bed immediately afterwards because I couldn’t handle it, and DiTonto adorably woke up in the middle of the night thinking there was another quake, checked on me and realized if I was asleep and not freaking out she was imagining it and went back to bed. What a lovely roommate family we have! (Although I’ve been informed I have to hold her hand in the water because her phobia is, yep: sharks. That's okay though, I love the ocean and find sharks FASCINATING).

In other news I had a bowl of rice for lunch. I wish I was kidding. But see, we got back most of our security deposit from our old apartment, so I got excited and saw a special on Amazon to purchase the first three seasons of Bones for a ridiculously discounted price so I did that but then I realized that was probably not a smart impulse buy and am relegated to eating whatever food I already have in the office all week. Look for yogurt, oatmeal and fake meat products to be a regular part of my diet over the next few days...

More later, especially regarding the Citizen’s Arrest and the Chapstick Bandits, but for now I should get back to that “work” stuff I do sometimes.

Daylight Stealings

As great as it is leaving work in daylight hours, daylight savings always messes up my sense of time. Yesterday felt all out of whack, especially when I woke up with a splitting headache, and thought I had hours until I had to report for tennis, when it was much less than I thought. I was able to pull it together for the lesson (during which Adam and I laughed that our identical outfits were, actually, unplanned). NPR this morning did a hilarious piece about people needing to be more AWARE on their commute. Why? Well, folks, it's darker in the morning and BEWARE OF ENTHUSIASTIC JOGGERS AT NIGHT! Gee thanks for the heads up!

While I would like to complain about how I could use that hour of sleep back--it's March and summer is just around the corner in LA. I can't wait.

TV vs. Film

Okay so remember last week when I casually mentioned that I had started watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer which I somehow missed out on in the late 90's due to my intense X-Files obsession (that or my devotion to being a high school overachiever)? Well this weekend I certainly made up for lost time.

In addition to going out to dinner twice, running some errands, cleaning my room, playing Monopoly with roommates, going out to the Topanga Roadhouse for some awesome tunes Saturday night, poking around vintage stores in Topgana Canyon on Sunday, visiting with a friend from the East Coast, among other things, I somehow find myself 17 episodes into Season 3 of Buffy today. Yes, Season 3. Which means since my last Buffy mention I have burned through Seasons 1 and 2, and most of Season 3.

Oh my God.

I'm not going to get into the exact episode count that was maybe a record high for me on Sunday--but I will say that I somehow managed to watch a lot of BtVS and do all these other things, which makes me think I must not have gotten enough sleep this weekend. (Although to be honest, I feel okay right now--so maybe I've discovered the elusive equilibrium to obsessive TV watching and sleep?)

In any case, I am in full-fledged obsession mode, and am honestly not all that suprised. I mean I know so many people who were obsessed with Buffy back in the day, so I imagine it was only a matter of time before I jumped on that bandwagon--actually it was just that--time, which I never seemed to have enough of, which is necessary for devoting the hours to the show that it deserves. Suffice it to say, this weekend was time and a half--because I managed to somehow have a life and geek out over what I would now agree is one of the best television shows ever produced.

And now here it is a lovely, rainy Tuesday morning and I'm finding it difficult to get work done because I really want to keep watching more Buffy. Yes, this is a problem.

However, the obsessive TV watching has once again reminded me why I sometimes prefer TV to movies--I mean I even skipped out on watching two Academy screeners yesterday to watch Buffy, and I haven't seen nearly as many of the nominated films this year as I did last year. Sure I go through phases where I get obsessed with good movies, although I think right now my phase is just feeling burned out from Hollywood, and therefore less interested in all the films and the accolades.

I'd rather get attached to good characters and good stories--things you find in TV shows, things you can follow week after week, episode after episode, for multiple seasons. Some TV shows remind me of all the fantasy series I used to read when I was little, like David Eddings' Belgariad, or the Susan Cooper books, His Dark Materials by Phillip Pullman, and of course, more recently--Harry Potter and George R.R. Martin's amazing A Song of Fire and Ice series. Certain TV shows tap into this, and I will say that sometimes watching a string of episodes ranks right up there with reading a good book series. I could do without the all-consuming obsession I seem unable to separate myself from, but that seems to transcend both mediums--I couldn't put Twilight down when I was reading that, and here I am this morning incapable of having much intelligble thought beyond the action of the Buffyverse. And you know, I still haven't seen Slumdog Millionaire. Which is weird... I guess. I wonder if I will watch the Oscars this Sunday... and to be honest, at the moment I am undecided. Maybe I'll just be watching more Buffy...

January Recap: Good for the times, Bad for the health/wallet

So it's February. And I am getting a late start on that universal New Year resolution to eat healthier/exercise more/blah blah blah.

January was quite the epic bender of a month. Which sure, was fun--I mean it warranted weddings, $40 winnings at the race track (Saturday), some great photos, some memories (or lack thereof), some new adventures... but as I spend yet another Monday sporting a fierce beer tan and fighting off the occasional spins, I have to GET REAL with myself.

SELF: Get real. Sure day drinking is fun and awesome and who doesn't love a cool beverage on a casual Saturday afternoon but that does not mean that tequila shots at 1:30 pm on a Sunday are okay, even if the Superbowl is on.

Actually, whatever--I'm 25. Who cares. Yeah, I took a party bus Saturday night to some crazy bar that felt like one of the basements of an off-campus house in Middbleury. And I did spend most of Saturday at the race tracks. And yesterday I hosted a Superbowl party with the roommates, and sure, maybe I didn't eat one real meal yesterday except a whole lot of beer dip and some Swedish meatballs. All worth it.

But from here on out I'm going to cool it a little... no more day drinking and no more Sunday Fundays. The roomies and I are also considering some sort of juice cleanse or something... really anything to avoid the sensation of walking to the office on a Monday morning and feeling the need to keep sunglasses on, even at my desk, because maybe they're also invisibility shades...

The Circle of Life - or in this case, Planet Earth

Sunday began with Planet Earth and ended with Planet Earth. I am of course referring to my favorite BBC/Discovery television program that I watch compulsively when I have nothing better to do, but let me back track for a moment.

It was another magical LA weekend. More magical than most, thanks again to perfect weather conditions--I mean, I even went swimming in the ocean on Saturday. Yes, on January 17 I went swimming. It was lovely. There are a few noteworthy moments to recap but I need to really focus this piece on what I might consider the most epic of Sunday Fundays I've ever known.

Sunday morning we ladies of 225 Montana woke up a wee bit hungover, and gravitated to our living room to watch my favorite episode of Planet Earth, "Fresh Water". (GIANT SALAMANDERS!) While watching all the fishies and interesting water creatures it hit me--I want to go to the AQUARIUM! But first, does LA even have an aquarium? WELL FOLKS, it does. The Aquarium of the Pacific is located just south of LA, in Long Beach. All we needed were some willing companions to join our fish tale.

In the end, it was DiTonto, Adam, and myself headed south listening to the road trip-ready tunes of Manu Chao, arriving in the very Disney-like Long Beach harbor sometime around 2 pm. We just missed a Whale Watching tour, which was a bummer because who doesn't love whales or the prospect of WATCHING them IN REAL LIFE. And it was in the 80s outside, so we thought a boat ride would be a lovely way to spend the afternoon before we logged some hours with some fishies. But we figured it just wasn't meant to be and seeing as the aquarium was the main attraction, let's get on with it.

Fun fact: They serve beer in aquariums. (I bet you can guess how this day ended up).

The aquarium was AWESOME. First of all, as I have mentioned before, I love aquariums--truly, I do. If a guy were ever to propose to me, I think an aquarium would be a lovely place to do so. (So just tell my future-fiance to read this before proposing marriage). This aquarium had some lovely features, like the tanks where you could touch sharks and skates and sting rays, but to do so there was a strict TWO-FINGER rule, which conveniently provided us a lot of inappropriate opportunities for many "that's what she said" jokes. Obviously, we're not very child-friendly. I think a few parents were shooting us dirty looks, what with the beer and the swearing and the juvenile behavior.



Another highlight of the aquarium (AND I BET YOU THOUGHT IT COULDN'T GET ANY BETTER!) was the 3D movie MONSTERS OF THE ABYSS where upon we journeyed to the deep unknown trenches of the ocean to observe some very unusual fishies (HEY DID YOU SEE THAT GIANT SQUID!). I was a little disappointed we only bought one 3D movie pass and not the combo ticket but WHAT CAN YOU DO.

We are total suckers because we bought two copies of a hilarious photo of us entering the aquarium, one in which they (they = aquarium people) digitally inserted FISHIES! As in we are HOLDING THEM! I am jealous of DiTonto though because she's holding a Nemo-lookalike and I am just holding onto some crappy starfish (side note: when I sea kayaked the coast of Maine one summer I put a giant starfish onto my face because I wanted to prove to everyone I was both hilarious AND a daredevil, so a fake starfish is SMALL POTATOES for me). Adam was pleased because he was holding a turtle and we had all discussed earlier in the day that we think turtles would make lovely pets and I would like to get two and name them Manu and Chao or maybe just one and call him Consuelo.

ANYWAY we had BIG PLANS to end the evening at THE OLIVE GARDEN (classy!) but as we were aimlessly wandering around the harbor an odd looking young lad in a giant sombrero approached us and asked if we'd like to join him and his friends on a sunset cruise?

WOULD WE? WE SURE WOULD!

About five minutes later this young lad, Sailor Taylor, had fallen in love with DiTonto and was calling her his future ex-wife. All aboard Captain John's boat, and fortunately they'd recruited some other normal women so in all there was the three of us, the two other ladies, Captain John, Sailor Taylor, Darryl, some dude wearing an NRA hat (he loved freedom but was SCARY) and George, a Native American dude who was on something, but had a biting sense of humor.

We left the harbor as the sun had already gone down so it turned into more of a nighttime cruise. By nighttime cruise I mean drunken boat party that was probably dangerous. BUT AMAZING. Disco ball, tiki torches, Christmas lights, and great jams.

And what do you know, but much like a minister or any Justice of the Peace, both Sailor Taylor and Captain John, being legal boat captains, can marry people. Well as we were dancing to Manu Chao (because I obv took over as DJ) we decided how perfect! DiTonto and Sailor Taylor (who may or may not actually be her soulmate) should get married. And then Captain John, with two bottles of booze tucked into his swim trunks, and a sword in his hand (I was confused if it was a wedding or if someone was being knighted) and the wedding party consisting of Adam and I as maids of honor and the two other chicks as bridesmaids, and to the sweet tunes of the Talking Heads, watched as Ashleigh and Taylor were married.

Adam and I were concerned. Mostly for our safety, especially because at one point no one was steering the boat, and we wondered and if we were going to make it back to the harbor, but also because was this a real wedding? Well she didn't sign anything so the answer is NO... we think....

Anyway, then Taylor married Captain John and one of the other chicks and then it was happiness and jubilee, a quick sail-by of the Queen Mary, some photos on the bow, some waves, the NRA dude passed out, we switched to reggae, and then we were back in the marina.

THEN, I went for a nice kayak around the marina with Captain John and the other chicks and returned about a half hour later to learn that not only had Adam and DiTonto been given a tour of one of Darryl's big pimpin' boats, but that Taylor had invited her to dinner with his parents, aunt and uncle and grandparents.

No, none of this is a lie or exaggeration, I PROMISE.

Why the family gathering? Well, Taylor had turned 25 the night before and it was pre-planned, but now the lucky guy got to introduce his family to his new wife.

So Adam and I went for dinner (dinner = drinks) at a different restaurant and then met up with the newlyweds for... THE RECEPTION! At a karaoke bar. And I, former DJ, now wedding singer, serenaded them with some classics like "La Isla Bonita" by Madonna, as well as Billy Joel's "Only the Good Die Young."

And then, after we realized this karaoke bar was also some sort of mafia hang out and we were way in over our heads, we slipped away (but not before Taylor's mom, DiTonto's mother-in-law, invited both she and I for Christmas!) and Adam safely drove us back to Santa Monica, with a quick stop at one of our favorite bars in Venice, then back home, where we decided to end our day with...

Planet Earth. "Shallow Seas"--another good episode.

Sequins Everywhere

Ashleigh and I both turned 25 over the holidays, and to make up for missing birthday celebrations we threw a joint party Saturday night at a lovely dive bar in our neighborhood. The party theme was FLARE (which was open to interpretation—we suggested mustaches, sequins, the suspenders of a TGIFridays waitress), and was really just an excuse for us to wear some hideous sequined tops we recently picked up at the Fairfax Flea Market. In the end, a group of about 6 of us looked like we’d just walked off the set of our Las Vegas revue, or maybe we were the supporting cast of Dynasty. It was incredible. This also translated to a trail of sequins where ever we went, to our friends’ cars, the bar itself, our apartment, and even this morning, two days later, I again found sequins in my bed. It’s awesome.

Ultimately, not everyone got the flare memo, but at peak time we maybe had about 50 people there which was so fun. Bonus was being able to play our on iPods which meant Ditonto and I fought over songs all night. A highlight was a little roommate dance where the three of us just hugged each other and jumped up and down and a nearby bystander remarked “Wow, they really love each other don’t they?” Best roommates ever. Thank God too, because our fratastic apartment became even more so with some competitive video game playing during the hung over hours of Sunday morning, when I also forced friends to watch me play Paper Mario, at which point I sufficiently embarrassed myself.

It was freakishly warm this weekend—which led to general confusion over what time of year it is. I kept making references to how happy I was it was summer and let’s all go in on a beach rental together. Oh yeah, it’s JANUARY. Which was clear when we were in Malibu enjoying the beautiful day and the sun started to set around 4:30 pm. Nothing like a sunset dinner at Taco Bell to really cap off the perfect LA weekend.

So even though I remain nostalgic for the east coast, at the moment, I am perfectly enamored with LA, and wouldn’t have it any other way.

Weekend Recap

So I realize this lovely Monday has been lacking in my regular weekend recap. That’s probably because my brain is feeling a little fried at the moment and I am actually trying to be productive with real work today.

But, here are a few weekend highlights (for the ten people as interested in my own life as I am):

After a lovely Friday evening I woke up Saturday morning with a real feeling of glee. Like cheesy musical glee. So much so, that I decided to update my Facebook status and actually use Twitter (ugh I am becoming all that I mock) to tell the world I AM SO HAPPY.

My happiness was fleeting however, when I had to drive to Hollywood for my improv class. WHAT’S THAT? Yes, you heard me—I’m taking an improv classes. I know you’re totally (not) shocked, and what is perhaps most surprising is that is that this is the first blog mention of such a hilarious weekly event, and I don’t have a good explanation as to why I’ve neglected to mention it in the past... It’s fun though—essentially I joined because the last class I took was in the spring, a writing class at UCLA, so I was looking for something in a completely different vein, and I thought improv could help my comedic writing... (has it helped? HAS ANYONE NOTICED ANY IMPROVEMENT OVER THE LAST 7 WEEKS? No? Me neither). It’s turned out to be a fun release on Saturday mornings, and I’ve realized that Family Guy operates entirely on an improv format. Which is awesome. Whether or not I will stick with it is something I am undecided about at present. I’m actually thinking of switching gears again, and trying a different writing class—maybe something with screenwriting so I can make a movie, (also to be called Jaw Wired Shut?) or at least pretend to. The major downfall of the improv class would have to be the drive to and from Hollywood every Saturday morning, in which a three hour class becomes a five hour event.

What else... Saturday night turned into quite the bender, complete with a 4am bedtime. This resulted in a miserable Sunday, of course. Sunday was supposed to be a “Very Roomie Christmas” in which Hotel Triple A (get it? Annie, Annie & Ashleigh? We’re so presh) was going to spend the day listening to Christmas carols and bake pies and go ice skating and watch Christmas movies. Well... all three of us slept until around 1pm, woke up with raging hangovers, and spent the day on our sofas, while various friends cycled through the apartment to witness our sorry state at different points of pain (and to watch various movies, only one of them being Christmas-themed). I stayed in pajamas all day, only saw daylight for three hours (and out the window, might I add) and the highlight might have been when walking back to our apartment from a poorly thought-out trip to Pinkberry (dairy was a bad idea), Annie had to pause while walking, to bend over in pain, declaring that her body was fighting back. “Viva la revolucion!” she yelled (she was impersonating her organs, envisioning all of them rallied around the liver, who was probably on a stretcher or hooked up to an IV, and all the other internals were standing with signs and picketing her abuse—you know if our life was an episode of Family Guy, we probably would have seen that).

Monday morning training sessions are BRUTAL, and a terrible idea after a weekend of bad decision-making. And while the new trainer is AWESOME he loves to kick my ass and tries to tell me I need to stop drinking (to be honest, and I think my friends would agree, I don’t really drink a whole lot, certainly not for someone my age, I think I just get hungover a little easier, and when I do really drink it’s a complete disaster) and anyway who is going to NOT drink during the holidays? PUHLEEZE.

And yet another weekend has passed, another week begins, and soon (not soon enough) I’ll be on a plane to New York, which I really cannot wait for. I am looking forward to cold weather and a city that outshines any other with its Christmas spirit.

Until then I won’t be doing much of anything because we don’t get paid until Monday. You know what that means... soup all week.

I'm Thankful We Get Another Vacation in Three Weeks

Good Morning all, and welcome back to what is sure to be a really long work-week.

Despite a lovely and restful Thanksgiving holiday, I feel like total ass right now after a mere three hours of sleep last night. Why a sudden 11th hour onslaught of insomnia after steady 8-hours-of-sleep-per-night? Ah yes, the typical back to work anxiety plagued me well into the night (or this morning, rather) as well as stressing over the fact that I am going to be turning 25 in a month (and I have yet to plan my big party or stop living in denial of my pathetically absent love-life) as well as deliberations over what I will wear to a tacky Christmas party this weekend (I am envisioning a lot of sequins).

Happy Thanksgiving too—I had intentions of posting over the weekend, however I spent the majority of my time reading the last two of the Twilight books or watching a lot of average movies. Actually, I saw two double features over the weekend. Of course, when I say double feature I mean that I paid for one movie and timed it precisely so I could sneak into another one just after, without paying. This worked quite well, except during the Four Christmases/Australia (worst movie ever) transition in which the president of Tom’s Shoes attempted to thank DiTonto for wearing her shoes, well DiTonto attempted to nonchalantly run/walk up the stairs without getting caught, and thus spurned nice president of ecologically-minded shoe company.

Anyway, it’s hard to believe we are so close to Christmas and that I really just have two weekends left in LA before I head back East. I am so excited for New York and Maine... however I am truly nervous for the cold weather, considering it was in the low 60s yesterday and I was wearing a down jacket. Now I’m embarrassed.