The Panty Police

Saturday night I had a run-in with the cops. Now, before you go ahead and jump to any conclusions, it’s worth mentioning that in the time I have lived in Santa Monica I’ve had more run-ins with police officers than I have my entire life prior to moving here. And they’ve always been for the same reason: noise. Yep. People in Santa Monica seem to hate people who like to do things like, oh, I don't know... enjoy life and have fun with their friends... so, as you can imagine, we’ve had cops show up to our apartments for a variety of noise-related reasons. My favorite time was when they came over because we were watching Planet Earth too loud… at least, that was until this most recent run-in...

After a fun night out Saturday, two of my roommates and I ended the night back at our apartment. Sure we were pretty drunk – I’m not going to pretend that wasn’t the case… Actually, let’s get down to it: we were hammered.

Somehow, in the early hours of the morning (I think we thought it was around 2am but it turns out it was closer to 4am) we all ended up in DiTonto’s bedroom having a late night dance party (LNDP for the uninitiated. Obv.) We often joke that our apartment is “pants optional” and this was one of those nights – because both Becca and Ash were in their underwear and t-shirts, although I for some reason was still fully dressed, shoes and all (I have no idea why but I sometimes have a tendency to not take my shoes off until I go to bed).

Now when I say LNDP, I don’t mean like a singalong to music from Glee. We were rocking out to Gorillaz – yes, still riding that Coachella high – and when I say rocking out I mean HARD CORE. Like dancing our faces off. And each one of us totally in our own world in a different corner of DiTonto’s room, with DiTonto holding court jumping and dancing on top of her bed.

Anyway, the song “Rhinestone Eyes” is blaring and we are just all so into it and next thing I know there are two policemen standing in the doorway of DiTonto’s bedroom – which I might add, is fairly deep into our large apartment.

So essentially, two cops who were probably expecting to walk into some apartment and find a massive rager of a party just came across three girls dancing, two of them in their underwear, having a great time. It’s the start to a bad porno.

(It’s also worth mentioning there are empty beer cans everywhere. Among other things.)

These cops were just standing sort of in stunned shock looking at us, and while Becca and DiTonto immediately drop to the floor covering their mouths I just kept repeating “Oh my God I am so embarrassed.”

We then get the following speech: “First of all, your door is wide open so you should probably remember to lock that from now on. And secondly, your music is so loud you didn’t even hear us until we came all the way to the bedroom.” And maybe they said something after that, but all I remember is that the second they walked out of the bedroom door the three of us burst into uncontrollable fits of giggles. We’re talking rolling on the floor, holding our bellies and laughing so hard it hurt giggles.

I am guessing Sunday morning some fellow cops got a good story over donuts.