Things I Published Elsewhere: The Story of How I Forgot My Pants

THIS IS SOMETHING I PUBLISHED ELSEWHERE

Hey everyone! I’m starting this new thing called No Pants Fridays! It’s also called Pantsless Fridays! Essentially, it’s when you don’t wear pants on a Friday. 

I know - genius, right? And now you’re dying to know how I came to invent such a monumentally brilliant idea, and you should be excited because the story of my brilliance is a lot like how that guy invented sticky notes by making a mistake or how that other guy invented the hula hoop because of the coffee ring his mug left on the newspaper — this story is just that good and will probably be just as famous. Mark my words. You’ll be thanking me for Pantsless Fridays for years to come!

It begins at nighttime, last night to be precise, when I was getting out of my car and made the executive decision to leave my gym bag in my car. “Why bother lugging that satchel all the way upstairs when I’ve already got everything I need for tomorrow’s gym trip right here. Including pants!” (OR SO I THOUGHT).

Then it was this morning and I was getting dressed after my workout, really excited about the nice, preppy outfit I was going to cap off my week with. (There’s nothing that makes me feel better about myself than really pulling off a good outfit on a Friday. I like to go out with a bang). I had prepared brown riding boots, a blue striped oxford button-down, a navy blue crewneck pullover, a brown belt to match the boots, and pants. (OR SO I THOUGHT).

There weren’t any pants. THERE WEREN’T ANY PANTS. So first I had a panic attack which resulted in some extreme sweating and then I formulated a plan to ransack my car for a back-up. I just knew there would be something in that mobile closet for me to wear.

Like any good LA-living young professional fashion-concious girl I keep piles of clothes (and other things) in my car at all times. I have a really nice Barbour coat that has lived in the backseat of my car since last March. You NEVER know when you might need to go horseback riding in the British countryside. Some of the other things I keep in my car are as follows:

• a sleeping bag
• three scarves
• a white blazer with shoulderpads
• LL Bean duckboots
• two umbrellas
• a sleeping pad
• a pipe
• a television wall mount
• Aquaphor
• 23 reusable grocery bags
• one TOMS shoe (the right one)
• two cardigans, both blue
• denim cut-off shorts
• a tennis ball
• a tennis raquet
• SillyBandz
• khaki shorts with neon orange stripes down the side
• a Barbour coat
• Febreeze
• a flashlight
• four pairs of sunglasses
• one fleece pullover

So while I could play tennis in full rain gear smoking a pipe in the dark and then comfortably sleep on a mattress made from grocery bags, I could not wear pants. 

Faced with my destiny, I made the logical choice — of all the items in the car, only two were “bottoms” and of those two, the khaki shorts were slightly more work-appropriate than the denim ones, and thus I donned my brown riding boots, my blue striped oxford button down, my navy blue crew neck pullover, my brown belt to match the boots and khaki colored shorts with a neon orange stripe on either side. In other words, I dressed like a German boy hunting for his Oktoberfest supper.

I am lucky enough to have amazing co-workers who declared they too would take off their pants in solidarity - and thus, Pantsless Fridays was born.

(I’m going to the mall to buy some pants now).

A Man, A Plan, A BLOG!

Okay so I think I have it figured out - by IT I mean this, blog, and how I am going to use it. I think this is the spot for my stories and personal anecdotes and where I can tell you guys about my job and how much I love it (I LOVE IT SO MUCH) and sometimes what I am wearing.

I'll leave the Tumblr for the occasional snark but mostly reblogs. Yep, I think that'll do.

SO UM today I am wearing a NEON HOT PINK shirt and these white shorts that have green flowers on them and sometimes I get NERVOUS that if I wear white shorts, no matter if I am not going to get my period for three weeks from now, I am getting my period. WHICH WOULD BE THE WORST. Boys, you wouldn't understand but this is a REGULAR fear for girls who wear white bottoms.  TRUST ME.

I love my job mostly because I wear shorts and TOMS shoes almost every day and it's awesome. Okay fine I miss dressing up a teensy bit.  But I still get to experiment with my wardrobe and that is my favorite and FUN FUN FUN!

the Spring "Fashion Trends" for 2011 are really just the evolved versions of my outfits at age 10

Look. I was practically wearing Lilly Pullitzer as I came out of the womb. 

I don't wear Lillys with the frequently I once did - but you can definitely look at my current style and sense of style and see that it all stems from the colors and ideas of the fashion I grew up wearing - from Lilly to LL Bean.

So what does that look like? What has my style evolved too? Pretty much everything on this picture I've grabbed from WhoWhatWear.com - apparently my hybrid look is about to get a lot more visibility (click to enlarge):

I dig. What do you think?

I too whip my hair from time to time!

So I might as well just start dressing like Willow Smith:

I mean, I'm already halfway there.

A Day in the Life Of... My Outfit

Let's the end the day on a wardrobe post. I mean, why not, right? Anyone out there? Just me? Okay I'll keep talking about myself then.

I am wearing a somewhat odd outfit today - that's certainly not out of the ordinary for me, but it's one of those outfits that has inspired many varied reactions, and I can't quite put my finger on the exact reason why...

The outfit (a description will have to suffice as I lack a tripod or self-timing camera) is as follows, from head to toe - links included where I could find 'em online:

• Black headband from American Apparel (Please note I do not wear it all floppy and stuff, but I ball it up like a little cute pom-pom or something. And wear it over my hair. To the side. It's hard to explain, okay?)
• Grey "boyfriend" blazer by Silence + Noise
• Black tank top - no idea where it's from
• Short burgundy skirt from Urban Outfitters (kinda like this one)
• Opaque black tights (Spanx are a girl's best friend)
• Black clogs from Madewell or as I call them - my Amish witch shoes.

This morning, after getting dressed post-workout one of my "gym friends" gave me a big "CUTE!" when she saw the outfit - and you know how there are certain people whose fashion sense you trust more than others? Well she's one of them so I felt like I was starting out the day on a good note. And does anyone else make "gym friends" or is that just me?

Then when I got to work my boss looked at me and said "Are you wearing some sort of Boardwalk Empire head gear thing?" To which I looked at him confused-like and doubtful. To which he responded "it's a little bizarre."


Next up - two catcalls during lunch. Not one, but two. First, while crossing the street I got a whistle from a stranger in a car, and then, on the way back to the office, about 45 minutes later, I got another whistle from a car going a different direction (so it must have been someone different?). And in between the catcalls a homeless man outside of Walgreens grumbled to me "Happy Thanksgiving, Pretty Lady." (How nice of you to say so, Creepy Homeless Man!) I'm not one of those girls who gets catcalls on the reg so I really think this was definitely because of the outfit. Maybe the skirt is borderline too-short?

Then I got back to the office to chat with my boss and a more senior exec who I sometimes do work for, whereupon the same Boardwalk Empire reference was made and discussed by both of them and then they started talking about my hair. But then they got distracted by food. Then the phone rang.

Then earlier this evening, a different co-worker made a big "Ooh!" when she saw the outfit and declared it was very "high-fashion." Sure? Thanks!


So I have no idea what any of this means. Maybe I should dress like this more often? Catch up on Boardwalk Empire to see what my boss was going on about? Stop wearing bows and other strange head pieces? One thing is for sure - tomorrow I imagine I'll be wearing something completely different. A friend of mine told me last week that she'd categorize my style as "California meets preppy meets 80s." Which I guess is accurate? I've never been so aware of my wardrobe since moving to LA - and mostly it's because of other people's reactions to my outfits. I like to think of my clothing as a chance to play dress-up everyday. I mean, deep down inside I'm just a twelve year old who crushes on boys and enjoys stickers and multi-colored nails and purple tights and rompers and sequins and neon and crazy scarves.

Fashion Musings: 26 Going on 14

I'm wearing a massive pink bow in my hair today. It's a barrette, sitting perched on top of my head, a little to the right, giving the bow a nice tilt. It's nearly identical to a bow I wore often as a little girl.

From about the age of 3 until I was 13 my mother did my hair the same way everyday - pulled up and to the side, and fastened with a bow or barrette.

With my two cousins. Can you guess which one is me?

Recently I've been going through a phase where it's like I'm really trying to hang onto my childhood through my fashion and accessory choices. The thing is - it's fun. When you're a kid you don't care. You wear what you want because it makes you happy. So on a day like today, channeling the kid inside me I can totally wear bright blue pants and a bright orange shirt and a huge pink bow in my hair and maybe an over-sized blazer because it's sort of silly and it makes me happy.


This becomes slightly awkward, of course, when you're approached by an actual child...


See, here I am sitting at my desk, typing up some updates for our studio development grid with my boss standing next to me, when a co-worker walks by with his two kids. They're cute kids, one boy, one girl - maybe around age 10 or something. Or they might have been like 12. Maybe 8? (actually, I have no idea - I really can't distinguish children's ages all that well just yet).  As they pass by us and their Dad says hello they happen to be staring at my large desk space.  All of a sudden the little girl cries:


"McDonald's toys!" 


At which point I'm thinking, oh boy.

And sure enough, about two seconds after looking at Lego toy car, she cries:


"Silly bandz!"


She's spotted my prominent jewelry choice and now comes to stand right in front of me for a close examination of my selection of Silly Bandz.


At this point, my boss is just laughing at me. Here I am - his 26 year old assistant, with a giant pink bow in her hair, happily conversing with a little kid over a mutual interest in toys, bright colors, shiny objects, and air.  Then I gave her one of my Silly Bandz, a pink fairy that also glows in the dark.  Let's just say I was the coolest of her dad's co-workers she met today, that is for sure.  Whether or not it's a sign I need to grow up, I think I'll ignore. So maybe just about every one of my co-workers today has made a remark about the bow, I don't care. It's fun and it's me. Ironically, it's back to the "truest" version of me - the same girl wearing a big pink bow, smiling at all the bright colors and laughing at air.

My Pink Bow

Playing Dress-Up

I'm wearing a romper today. You know - like a onesie - one of those one-piece shorts ensembles that hipsters and festival-goers and children under the age of two often sport. I am also wearing a blazer. A black blazer. I am wearing a floral romper and blazer. 

This exact romper - but floral. Although I also have it in black. And neon pink.

My co-worker said it best when she gave me a laugh at the outfit this morning - "You look like an overgrown 5-year old playing dress-up and throwing on every article of clothing you could find in the closet."

All I know is I'm harboring some concern when it comes to going to the bathroom. See - I'm also wearing a belt. So that means a trip to the bathroom is going to require removing the blazer, the belt, and the entire romper before I can get anywhere. Wish me luck.

Panama 1963

The newest addition to my ever-growing accessories closet:
a Panama Hat.

gimme!

Do you know what that is? That is a glow-in-the-dark Tron hoodie. Obviously I plan on seeing Tron Legacy and obviously I need this rad sweatshirt. Mostly because it's glow-in-the-dark and I mean, who doesn't love clothing that glows? IN THE DARK? (Besides the unfortunate people forced to sit with you when wearing said glow-in-the-dark clothing?)

I have even have a glow-in-the-dark Lilly Pulitzer skirt. That's like the 80s meets Palm Beach Prep meets awesome. I need to dig through my closet for that radness ASAP...

Where can I get me one of these?

I believe it's called a disco spacesuit.



No really.

Color Me Pink & Green

Over at Ivy Style they've got an exclusive interview with Lisa Birnbach, author of one of my favorite books inherited from my mother, The Preppy Handbook, and the forthcoming sequel True Prep. My favorite takeaway from the conversation is that fleece has become a massively popular wardrobe piece since the 80s. So true - I do love my Patagonia...

Sandra Bullock, like, gets me

Um. Have you seen Sandra Bullock's dress from Saturday's SAG Awards? If not, please take a gander below. (Feel free to ignore her husband. Just look at the sequins).

Okay, this dress? IS SO ME. Like if I were going to an award show, this is the dress I would wear. First of all, the colors are FAB. We're talking shades of blue, like ROYAL blue, which, um, I LOVE, and then black, which is obviously smart and slimming and safe, BUT IT'S SO NOT SAFE BECAUSE THE SEQUINS GIVE A BIT OF CRAZY. And I love sequins. And shoulder pads. And anything that looks like it could have been worn by an extra on Dynasty.

A brief diatribe on the Canadian Tuxedo

Well, call me Denim Dan. And call 2010 the year in which the Canadian Tuxedo made a return. That’s right folks, you heard it here first: denim on denim is back in a big way. I mean, don’t tell me you are surprised. It’s only natural that we’d move onto 90s fashion after the 80s were such a hit the second time around. You’d have to be an idiot not to have seen all the plaid and flannel everywhere the past two years (and I can’t even tell you how much I regret not holding onto every L.L. Bean flannel I ever had in middle school). The hipsters hip-ified the grunge look, but before they ruin the Canadian Tuxedo and all it’s ironic glory, I’m embracing this timeless look.

First let me clarify something: I have no idea why it’s called the Canadian Tuxedo. I mean, do a lot of Canadians wear jean and jean shirt combos? The only Canadians I’ve ever met are the French speaking ones who frequent Maine beaches in the summer. They're usually wearing bathing suits. And once I met this cool chick from Toronto when I was backpacking Europe in college but I couldn’t tell you what she wore. It was Amsterdam. Or Vienna. Or something.

Actually, one of my co-workers called my look today the Redneck Tuxedo, which leads me to wonder if many people think Canadians are rednecks (and I’m pretty sure they’re not) and if there really have been people rocking this often unflattering denim uniform consistently over the years in some of America's greatest flyover country. You know what? I am going to go ahead and make an educated guess that for some, this look never went away.

But you see, there is an art to the look. I mean, that is if you really want to sell it. You either go all out and look like jackass, or you go all out and look like you're just too cool to care; thus what is probably unflattering you have consequently made amazingly flattering. Now, to avoid an unflattering Canadian Tuxedo you have to be particular about the denim you chose. For example, a lighter denim shirt paired with dark denim pants is a wise decision. And I recommend against a jean jacket (although I suppose that is the true Canadian Tuxedo right there).

And I must say I’m feeling pretty footloose and fancy-free in my denim duds today. That is, until another co-worker said I remind her of Jay Leno in his Jay-walking sketches. I’m not okay with that comparison. I’d much rather be Canadian.



Can anyone verify if this look was actually heralded by Canadians? Someone else is now telling me they call it a Mexican tuxedo. Now I'm just starting think this is all an opportunity for some stereotyping. In which case, don't call me Denim Dan, just call me an asshole.

I wonder if I was Canadian if my unabashed love for Celine Dion would be more acceptable...

I'm predictable, no?

My brother just sent me a text message with this picture and note:


The perfect board for you.

He knows me so well! Unfortunately it's around $400 which is WAY over my budget. But it would look SO good next to all my other Lilly clothes/housewares/accessories...

I should probably learn how to surf first.

Clearly, I was not thinking this morning

Today I am wearing one of the many bizarre duds I've picked up at a flea market over the past few years.

But this one is kind of just really ugly: this weird sequined top/t-shirt/blouse type thing that looks as though it was made by a 10 year old on acid or something. Or maybe a 90 year old grandma with a penchant for swirls and also acid. Or something.

I'm experiencing some regrets right about now. Eh, it's Friday. And the shirt only cost me $5 so it's already exceeded its worth I suppose.

Sweatpants: the Sequel

For those of you who care, my sweatpants arrived in New York City yesterday, no thanks to my failed attempts to re-route them via UPS and the store in Michigan from whence they came. Good news is my step-mom got to them first and I've been informed they're now en route to Los Angeles.

PHEW! It's going to be 80 degrees and sunny here tomorrow, I REALLY need those sweatpants!

(Wait I am having deja vu... have I written about this before? Maybe I should blog about my issues with short term memory loss...)

Man, I am dumb sometimes

So, I'm fighting off a cold, right? And in my attempt to go full court press on this sucker and not get really sick I may have been over doing it on the various medicines (homeopathic or otherwise). Correction, I definitely have been over doing it.

Last night in my drugged up state I thought it would be an excellent idea to purchase a pair of University of Michigan sweatpants. No, I did not go to the University of Michigan, however I am a big fan of Michigan football, and I guess I had a momentary longing for those college days where there was nothing better than a fresh pear of sweats. So I did some online shopping and after much debate between yellow and white, I went with these:



Now, that was my first mistake. White sweatpants. That was a TERRIBLE idea. I am one of the klutziest people I know, and have a tendency to spill on myself several times a day so why on Earth would WHITE sweatpants be a smart decision?

Secondly, I really flubbed up when placing the order. Instead of listing my shipping address as my California address and my billing address as my New York address, I did the reverse. Which means my dad is about to receive a pair of Michigan sweatpants, which he might end up keeping for himself. He's the one who actually went there.

Yes, I already tried to re-route the order but the dude at the Michigan store sort of just laughed at me and said he'd "see what he could do."

See kids, the lesson here is that you shouldn't go shopping when on drugs. That is all.

Au Revoir, Death Star

So it's my last day at work today. You know what that means, surely? It means I pulled out all the stops and put together one of the brightest outfits I could create.

Here's what I am working with:

-Electric green dress that is sort of like one of those potato sack/mumu dresses
-Crazy scarf with tassels that is pink, blue, yellow and white with some glittery stripes
-Neon orange Obama Watch
-Neon pink arm bracelet that Adubs brought me back from Argentina
-Neon orange nail polish on toes
-Gold and tan gladiator sandals
-Neon orange purse
-White Oakley frogskins (when I am outside, that is)

It feels good.

And this morning when I got into the elevator with four other people wearing the drabbest color suits, I couldn't have been more pleased. And I am psyched to move onto a world full of color, where maybe my affinity for neon won't stand out as much. And if it does... well, I'm used to it.

And now I actually have work to do (I KNOW! HOW DARE THEY MAKE ME WORK ON MY LAST DAY!) but there's no erasing the smile on my face.

And have I ever mentioned that the nickname for my office building is the Death Star... fitting for a Star Wars geek, no? So many times I've wanted to declare "This Death Star is fully armed and operational." Maybe that will be my final farewell? Nah, I'm thinking a "STAMOS OUT!" as I mime the tossing of the mic. Too much?

Some Thoughts in my Mind Right Now That You Probably Don't Care About

If you are looking at this list thinking HEEEEEEEEEEELLLLL NO I am not reading that much of her mindless rambling, just skip to NUMBER SIX.

Thx,
Mngmnt.

(1) I seem to attract angry seagulls. Last weekend, there I was, just minding my own business at the beach, enjoying my crime thriller novel au moment, when BAM! a seagull craps on my leg. Although I've been told it's good luck (can anyone verify this?). And this is a mere three weeks after that other seagull divebombed for my sandwich. So I'd like to know: WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THE CALIFORNIA SEAGULLS?

(2) In other news, I have three days left at my current job (including today). First of all, who knew that two weeks notice flies by so quickly? It's exciting but also very surreal. And sad... but also great... so it's just a ROLLER COASTER of emotions up in here.

(3) You know I am sad my job will no longer be as a trend forecaster. Because then I will lose credibility when telling random people things like "MIMOSA IS THE NEW HOT COLOR" or "YES IT IS PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE TO PAINT YOUR NAILS MULTIPLE SHADES OF NEON COLORS."

(4) Which brings me to my next point... at the new job how long do I have to wait before I can bust out the neon clothing? Today I am wearing pants so neon they may as well be nuclear (seriously, they are the color of a yellow highlighter) and a bright purple tye-dye t-shirt. Sure it's my form of silent rebellion, of sticking it to the MAN, of saying "SUCK IT SUITS" but in all honesty, while I do love bright colors I've definitely exaggerated my love and frequency when placed in such a corporate environment. Good news is that the new gig appears to be much less corporate. So yeah maybe less neon?

(5) And better news? I am going to be in MAINE soon. I FUCKING LOVE MAINE. In case you didn't know that. You probably did. I love it so much. I also love the ocean. The ocean in Maine feels infinitely crisper and cleaner than here in LA. Probably because it's significantly less polluted. I want to live in the ocean. (OK contribute that last quote to Becca).

(6) And MOST IMPORTANTLY: I am now following John Stamos on Twitter. Yes, the REAL John Stamos (not my dad), and I need to begin tweeting at him, to facilitate the mind blowing experience of a real life Stamos vs. Stamos but I NEED YOUR HELP. I need to use STRATEGERY to go about this. Because imagine what would happen to the universe if we were to meet or EVEN DUEL over Twitter (okay, we wouldn't duel, per se, but the universe would probably explode). Personally, I think Uncle Jesse and I could be the best of friends but I WANT TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN. Help me make this happen! SERIOUSLY! Leave comments, email suggestions... oooh what if all 30 of you regular readers began a Twitter campaign for STAMOS TO MEET STAMOS. HOLY SHIT. Let's do it! In the words of P. Diddy "LET'S GO PEOPLE!"

Exciting News! (for me, anyway)

So I got a new job. Yep. I did. And you know what? It's fucking fantastic... as usual, I am not going to go into details of said position here (I guess I've never fully divulged what I actually do at these mysterious Hollywood assistant jobs, huh?) but let's just say I am finally in the world of my biggest entertainment-related love: television.

More importantly, I have less than two weeks remaining at the current job. You know what this means? It means I have less than two weeks to go all out in the wardrobe department, wearing as many bright colors and odd combinations I can possibly pull together. And I am definitely going to throw in a Lilly Pullitzer dress or two. It's about time. To kick things off, today I am wearing a lime green shirt and hot pink pants... a sort of neon prep look. Unfortunately I am STILL on the mend with the illness and might have to use up my last sick day tomorrow, but I am going to play that one by ear...

Anyway, things are looking UP! And it's not just the painkillers talking. (Did I mention that? That they prescribe vicodin for the flu now... who knew!)