New Beginnings! (Featuring Runon Sentences, Digressions, and Excessive Use of Caps Lock)

Exciting news YOU GUYS! I got a new job! And for the first time in my Hollywood career I can actually publicly talk about where I am working which is a big weight off my shoulders. (And I guess I can tell you guys about my current/soon-to-be-old-job as well? More on that to come...)

So, what am I doing? Well, in case you didn't catch it on Twitter yesterday, or you weren't aware from the evolution of this blog (aka my recent descent into tumblr), I've finally decided that I want to really make a go at a career as a TV writer (no not a TV blogger - and I love all those of you who do, but it just ain't my cup of tea).  This spring I brushed up my sample (it's a half hour comedy pilot about crazy chicks in their 20s - think a lot of my stories from when I first lived out in LA) and sent it around and got help from all the amazing executives I currently work with, and some of my agent friends... 

Now let me tell you, getting a writing job in this town is NOT easy. Far from it. To get a staff writer job you need an agent or manager - which I do not have (yet) - and to get a Writers Assistant job (which is often like a baby writer) you either need to have already been a PA on the show or know someone on the show or be related to someone on the show or like sell your soul or give up your firstborn or something... so that didn't happen either (even after I had the president of the studio putting in calls for me. For real. PRESIDENT OF THE STUDIO. THIS IS A MAN WHO REPORTS TO RUPERT MURDOCH. Calling people. Telling them to hire me. And then... crickets... It is HARD you guys). 

A few weeks ago I didn't think it was going to happen. I had sort of waved off this staffing season as my first real try and my boss and I had started to brainstorm how we'd try to get me onto a cable or show or at least an agent or manager, both of us thinking that I gave it my best and that was that. But then, finally, FINALLY, I got a bite! 

After a great interview with the amazing Co-EPs (um, who used to be on Friday Night Lights by the way... Yes, FNL YOU GUYS! AKA MY FAVORITE SHOW IN THE HISTORY OF SHOWS! LIKE THEY WERE SO CLOSE TO TIM RIGGINS. TIM RIGGINS!) and lots of help and support from some writers and studio executives I was offered the great gig of Writers PA on the new Fox show The Finder, which, for those who don't know, is a loose spinoff of the show Bones! And as of next Monday, I'm starting over in the writers offices on the Fox lot.

So that's pretty damn cool. I'm stoked. The writing staff Hart Hanson has hired (he's the showrunner) is AMAZING (including my friend Aaron Ginsburg, who was so kickass in helping me get this gig/figure out how to make this transition to becoming a full-time TV writer/listen to my regular existential crises) and I'm going to be working with and learning from some of the best writers in this town - I'm super-duper excited and a little bit pee-my-pants nervous. I mean, making the jump from the corporate world to the non-corporate world is SCARY (I think I'm already driving Hart's assistant nuts with my endless questions. And I'm showing a lot of restraint too! I swear!). But hey - I want to be a writer and this is how it goes - no more corporate stability for me!

Seriously though, I'm so excited to just learn the ins and outs of a show from the side of the show (as opposed to the studio side) - and really excited that I get to be around smart, creative, and talented people all day (seriously, did you guys see that Josh Friedman is a consulting producer on the show? I watched his pilot Locke and Key last night and it was so damn good... I mean, I am going to be around these insanely talented scribes everyday!).  I can't wait to just soak in the smartness. (I'm just gonna sit back and soak it all in like I do the sun. And I'm really damn good at soaking in the sun. I mean, I have tanorexia, that is how good I am).


But never fear, my loyal readers (seriously, there are a bunch of you who I don't know personally but have been reading my shit for going on five years now, and, that means so much to me) - when I can I'm going to continue to work on my own stuff.  I mean shit, if I've gone almost four years of balancing all the outside writing on top of the corporate jobs, then this is going to be so exciting to actually be at a place where "I'm a writer" is the norm.  Even better, I've started the process of meeting with managers and have had some agents helping me out, so hopefully by the end of the show's wrap I'll be in a position to really get out there for pilot and staffing seasons.  Additionally I'm working on two features (one with my dear friend Sarah, aka Twitter's shinyunicorn), have a great plan for a comedy book, and will continue to post to HelloGiggles, CulturePop and the Huffington Post. Oh and I have a whole bunch of new TV pilots in the can, including a project I am obsessed with that's about badass lady stoners (seriously. Just go with it).

So, please go check out the "backdoor pilot" of The Finder here, and I'll definitely be sure to keep everyone in the loop about when the show premieres and what I am up to and all that jazz!  BUT NO SPOILERS. You guys KNOW how I feel about spoilers. I don't like 'em and I don't give 'em!


I'll do a post on my current gig some point later this week. I'll tell you all about the studio I work at and the shows I've been working on (hint: "When you're a spy...") and show pics of the ridiculous wrap gifts we've gotten over the years and the fun stuff like that. It's a little bittersweet to leave but only because I love my boss here SO MUCH (I seriously get teary-eyed thinking about leaving him), but he's so supportive and wants me to go off and do my thing and spread my wings and all that jazz... so off I go!

I think one of my favorite parts about all this is now I get to dress like a schlub. I'm sure at some point I'll miss wearing all my bright dresses, skirts and fancy tops, but oh my god I am going to be able to wear hoodies and sparkly TOMS and no make-up and even shorts... like EVERYDAY. NO MORE HIGH HEELS! 


THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST EVER!

The Reverse Moonlighting Curse

Yesterday I referred to the television show Bones as maybe suffering from the "Reverse Moonlighting Curse." As I explained  - The Reverse Moonlighting Curse is simple really: wherein a TV show goes to shit when the main couple DON'T hook up. See: X-Files S9, etc.

You picking up what I'm putting down? (Also - a Twitter follower called it the Reverse Lobster, referencing that bit on Friends when Phoebe tells Ross and Rachel they're each others' lobsters - who mate for life. But the Reverse Lobster sounds like an awkward sexual position so I'm sticking with the Reverse Moonlighting Curse or RMC, and I think they'd be like, two different things in this lame pop culture TV speak anyway).

Okay to bring this back to me (because that's how we roll here) and not to like, get all annoying "young woman in her late-20s starts to freak out about approaching 30 as a SINGLETON" on you guys, but you know what I realized? If my life were a TV show, it would be awesome. Let me try that over: If my life were a TV show, and I were the main character (duh), then I'd like to think I'm currently suffering from the Reverse Moonlighting Curse. Ya feel me???

Like, I just wanna say: Mr. Showrunner (God?), just put me together with my Future Husband already before this all goes downhill! You know what I'm talking about - my One True Love, who you are just keeping apart from me, for nonsensical reason after nonsensical reason - can't we just do it already? Before this plotline gets so drawn out that no one cares anymore?"

Well thank God my life isn't a TV show, RIGHT? Because there will be no curses or vexes or lobsters (ironically, I dislike shellfish)! There's only great times ahead! RIGHT? RIGHT!!!??

(This is why I'm single?)

Editorial Note: I first sent this over an IM to my roommate - the oft blogged about DiTonto - who's immediate response was: "but you want a lobster!" Which made me realize, that I need to not make this about me (SO HARD TO DO SOMETIMES), because really, the notion of the Reverse Moonlighting Curse is that a story suffers when two characters, so obviously in love, are prevented from consummating that love at all costs, and to no end, and so much so, that the quality of the storytelling has degraded so much that people lose interest - and as we're all narcissists, myself especially so, I'll never lose interest in my own love life! So I guess, what I should be thinking here is, thank GOD my life isn't a TV show!

The best part about My Generation? The iPad App

In case you haven't yet, check out my latest rambling column/post/blog item up at Huffington Post - "The Horrifying Return of Fall TV." Or just read the comments because there are lots of trolls blowing up my shit and it is seriously entertaining.

Now, on a related note I want to talk about My Generation, a pilot I've followed sort of since it was first picked up by ABC.  First of all, this subject matter (the show was previously titled "Generation Y") is of interest to me simply as a former trend-forecaster who still occasionally is a freelance trend-forecaster and likes to stay abridged of trends generally (yeah that was superfluous but whatever) and happens to be a member of Generation Y. So I like, know this shit.

So I read the pilot and I thought... meh. Which was accompanied by a shrug. Then I watched the pilot, which was certainly better than I expected, but still didn't have me jumping out of my seat with joy at discovering the MUST-WATCH BREAKOUT HIT OF THE NEW SEASON!

And then came the marketing... that horrible, HORRIBLE marketing campaign that makes little to no sense and happens to just annoy the shit out of me.  You've seen it - those weird billboards that have pictures of Jaime King with the miserable tagline "You know this ring comes off, right?" or something equally indecipherable.

So then I started thinking about the premise of My Generation a little more - it's about a group of kids who graduated from high school during the height of the Enron scandal - so these kids are about a year or two older than me (I guess two? They graduated in 2000... so yeah, two years older than me) - and then are reunited ten years later and discover they are interconnected in all sorts of crazy soapy ways like baby-daddy drama and unrequited love etc etc etc. And it's all just such a SHOCK to their little lives.

Now, pause for a moment. These people - have they heard of FACEBOOK? Because I can tell you right now, I am Facebook friends with a lot of my high school graduating class even if I haven't talked to them in about seven years, and even if I wasn't great friends with them in the first place. So I have some sense of what these people have been up to the past few years.  Apparently this does not apply to the characters My Generation is based on, so okay, yeah, that's a believable premise and what not... you know, considering that EVERYONE IS ON FACEBOOK. And what not... but whatever... I can attempt to get past this.

But iffy premise and annoying camera-in-the-face-a-la-Real-World narrative tricks aside, My Generation is totally fucked. It's in probably the toughest time-slot of the TV season - Thursdays at 8pm, up against such stalwarts as Bones and The Big Bang Theory.  Frankly, I think the show is going to tank, with the time-slot issue being a major contributing factor. And I don't want to get attached to a show that's probably going to get canceled in the first place... so why watch?

At this point the only redeeming quality about My Generation is its kickass iPad app. Seriously. Check out the app - it's AWESOME. Not only does it make me want an iPad, but it miraculously increases my interest in the show, and actually hones on my initial curiosity - a sense of accelerated nostalgia, reminiscing about high school, the confusing life-stage of the twenty-something, etc. If I actually got sucked into this show, that is, assuming the second episode is a significant improvement upon the first, then I could see myself obsessing over this app, and having a good time with the transmedia interaction. But unless people are raving about the second episode, there's a good chance I won't be watching.  So yeah. Bummer.

I still would like an iPad though.

[Obligatory Bones Post to Kick-off Fall TV Excitement]

Fall is almost here. I can smell it. It smells like the end of summer and back to school and changing leaves (okay, not in LA or anything, but you know what I'm going for here) and more importantly:

FALL TV IS UPON US!

So what shows are you guys looking forward to? First of all, I am a recently converted and VERY obsessed Vampire Diaries fan and the promo for the new season has me anticipating that show SO SO SO much (YEAR OF THE KAT!!!!!!). I'm also excited for the approaching sixth season of Bones... ish.  I say ish, because, well, you know... THERE'S A NEW GIRL. What am I talking about? Check out the newest Bones promo - hot off the presses, I might add, and you'll see what I mean...

So, what do you think? I'm thinking I'm willing to give this season the benefit of the doubt but come on, I was an X-Files fan and I remember what Season 6 of THAT show looked like (Diana Fowley anyone? Contrived plot device used to keep couples apart anyone?) so let's just say for now, I'm staying wary.  But please keep David Boreanaz in fatigues. For like, ever. Ooh and perhaps the Most Important Discussion Point, like, ever: Emily Deschanel's bangs - yay or nay?

New Show to Check Out: TNT's 'Rizzoli & Isles'

I first heard about the new TNT show Rizzoli & Isles during the overwhelming pilot pick-up season. It didn't pique my interest much beyond the fact that Janet Tamaro, a former Bones scribe, was attached in some sort of producing capacity. Then the other day, one of my Twitter followers referred to the show as the the "bicurious Bones" which gave me a good chuckle.

Then lo and behold, yesterday while going through the pages of the most recent EW, I came upon a cute ad for the show:



Okay. I'm intrigued...

The premise of Rizzoli & Isles, similar to Bones' origins, is based on a crime drama novel series by Tess Gerritsen's. From TNT:

RIZZOLI & ISLES follows Boston detective Jane Rizzoli (Angie Harmon) and medical examiner Maura Isles (Sasha Alexander), complete opposites and good friends who solve crimes and bust some of Boston's most notorious criminals. Growing up at opposite ends of the economic spectrum, the two remain strikingly different from one another in many ways. Jane, the only female detective in Boston's homicide division, is a tough and gutsy cop who doesn't let her guard down (except with Maura), dodges her overprotective mother and is better at basketball than her brother. Maura, meanwhile, is usually more comfortable among the dead than the living. She is always impeccably dressed in designer duds with a steady, sometimes icy temperament. And she is working on curbing her tendency to diagnose the people she meets - including her first dates. Jane and Maura often find themselves working together as both use their brilliant minds and expertise to figure out the "who done it" as well as the "how done it" of Boston's most complex cases.

Despite their many differences, Jane and Maura are best friends, with a quirky and supportive relationship. As Tamaro explains, "That Jane and Maura are so different and yet so effective as a team makes them unusual. There's something rare about their relationship that I see in the world but not enough on television: two smart, strong, competent women who instinctively drop the protective shield when they're with each other."

RIZZOLI & ISLES also stars Lorraine Bracco (The Sopranos) as Angela, Jane's demanding and intrusive mother; Lee Thompson Young (FlashForward) as Det. Barry Frost, Jane's somewhat green partner; Bruce McGill (Law Abiding Citizen) as Det. Vince Korsak, Jane's seasoned former partner; and Jordan Bridges (Dawson's Creek) as Jane's brother, Frankie, a patrol cop who hopes one day to become a detective.

Sounds interesting, right? Personally, I think it will be refreshing to see a female-female partnership, as opposed to the opposites attract male-female pairings we're so accustomed to on procedurals. I think Angie Harmon and Sasha Alexander should make for an interesting duo.

Here's some behind-the-scenes fun to en

joy:

So what do you think? Will you check out Rizzoli & Isles? I for one, plan on giving it a shot. The show premieres this Monday, July 12 on TNT at 10/9 pm. For more, click here.

Nothing like a little validation...

A lot of friends, family members, and general TV snobs give me shit for loving and often advocating for the TV show Bones, but thanks to this very well-written Atlantic Wire article, I feel that my admiration for the show has been validated... and articulated far better than any efforts I've ever made to get people to embrace the show. (In touching upon some highlights I also have to admit another reason I have love for The Atlantic Wire - they've referenced me in some of their Lost coverage - even more validation!).

This paragraph especially stood out:

And it's also possibly the best show ever about the adult lives of nerds. The team of scientists who work with Booth (the token adult popular kid) and Brennan are successful, well-dressed, attractive, and brilliant, even if they still make Star Wars jokes, wear elf ears to holiday parties, and obsess over conspiracy theories. And unlike the leads on shows like The Big Bang Theory, they're also (with one notable exception) resolutely functional—enabled rather than crippled by the collective experience of their past social awkwardness and academic devotion.

It's really interesting to compare Bones' "geek" depiction to a show that seems so different in its treatment of the same - The Big Bang Theory (which I recently began watching infrequently, and do appreciate its charm, even though I don't think it's anything especially brilliant). The nerds on Bones are people I could hang with. I have to add that (on a completely superficial level), the female characters (except for, ironically, Emily Deschanel's Dr. Brennan) dress really well. I've spotted some Madewell duds on Angela Montenegro (Michaela Conlin) and that is one of my favorite stores. I could probably wax poetic about the glories of Madewell as much as I could wax poetic about my love for Bones.

The article also touches upon the excellent acting in the show, which I think is so often ignored by critics and perhaps even some viewers:

As they've navigated the attraction, fear, and friction that lead to their first real kiss, a dénouement that took 100 episodes to reach, David Boreanaz has revealed skills even Joss Whedon couldn't pull out of him over two entire series (Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel). Emily Deschanel has done work that ought to make casting directors reconsider their preference for her hipster sister as a romantic female lead.

The acting really is top-notch. It's worth mentioning that TJ Thyne excels as the misanthropic but easily-lovable Dr. Jack Hodgins. I mean, talk about an attractive nerd right there... (Seriously, he makes those boys on The Big Bang Theory look even more dorky).

Finally, I would recommend the show to anyone who's into science. Yes, that sounds vague, but it's true (again, I'll defer to the above-referenced article for more compelling examples). Actually, I'd even suggest that science junkies check out the books the series is based on, by author and forensic anthropologist Kathy Reichs. Less of the humor and quirks than the TV version, and the characters are almost entirely different (Temperance Brennan is the same in name and profession only), but personally, I enjoy the books for the cases and as I said, the science.

Okay. There you have it: my weekly "OMG I LOVE BONES, GO WATCH IT" post.

Where's MY Booth?

Okay, I realize I haven't shut up about Bones recently - but considering it's one of my current TV obsessions, I'm not going to stop talking about it anytime soon. Deal with it. (And really, should we be surprised? I mean after I got insanely into Buffy the Vampire Slayer last year - after those goddamn Twilight books - and developed a deep love for the brooding talents of one David Boreanaz, it was only a natural next step I go find whatever current show he was a part of. I partially blame my friend Jori who, after I claimed Robert Pattinson was a phenomenal brooder, told me that I had to watch Boreanaz as Angel, because he makes Pattinson look like a telephone lamp, and Boreanaz could have chemistry with a telephone lamp. Jori, by the way - you were right. But I digress...).

The show's 100th episode aired last night - and for an excellent recap I'll direct you to Entertainment Weekly, I agree with everything they wrote about it over there.

What I want to talk about here is a little more personal (that's right folks, here at Jaw Wired Shut it's all about ME. At least after three years of blogging I'm consistent, right?).

Go watch this scene (yes, spoiler alert if you haven't watched the episode) and then I'll get to my point...



Here's the thing: do men like that exist? Men who fall in love at first sight? Men who know? Men who declare their love for another person so openly? I mean ignore the heartbreaking part where she essentially turns him down, and I mean, is that not one of the most beautiful things you've ever seen? And now do you people get what I'm talking about when I rave about David Boreanaz's acting abilities? He seriously reminds me of George Clooney in a way - something about the convinction in his performance - the Cary Grant-esque old school movie star vibes...

But what I really want to know here is WHERE IS MY BOOTH?

I blame this show and most recently Justified for making me develop a thing for cops. I used to have a thing for authority figures (think camp counselors, professors, etc.) but now it's definitely just that whole knight-in-shining armor thing. Shit, I want to work for the FBI if only it means I get partnered up with some hottie who's going to be obsessed with protecting me and subsequently fall in love with me, eccentricities and all.

Also - Brennan (Emily Deschanel's character - and by the way, Emily Deschanel is just a stellar actress and far more appealing than her younger sister Zooey, in my opinion. Although if those two ever teamed up for a musical album or fashion label or any remotely artistic endeavor I would probably vomit from cuteness/jealousy) makes me want to just incorporate a lot of awkward jargon into my daily lexicon. I mean, she makes me just want to really own my occasional bouts of social awkwardness.

The last comment I want to make is this: Booth, if you ever declared your love for me and gave a speech like that one (the "30, 40, 50 years" part just slayed me), please note I would not turn you down.

That is all.

Friday TV Roundup

Last night marked new episodes of many popular TV shows - The Vampire Diaires, Supernatural, Bones, Fringe, among others. I spent the night catching up on a lot of TV from the entire week. Some thoughts below:

1) This week's episode of Modern Family - well, yeah. I am Phil Dunphy. That whole thing about "next week" being the worst thing you could say to an early adopter - that's me. I so relate. Also - good work Apple, now I really want an iPad.

2) Loved this week's Cougartown so much I put a "keep" next to it on my DVR. I know, I know - you're thinking, really? Cougartown? And yes, I've been able to clear my living room just by announcing that's the next show I plan to watch on an average weeknight, but seriously, give it a shot. It consistently provides the laughs.

3) Justified is amazing. Timothy Olyphant just usurped Seth Meyers' spot on my list of "Celebrity I Most Want to Have Sex With." That is all.

4) Last but not least, Bones returned to our television screens last night. I enjoyed the episode, but it wasn't until the promo for next week's that I was reminded how excited I am to watch again. It's the much-anticipated 100th episode I saw a few weeks ago, but next week I'll watch it with my roommates - which will likely be a fun experience. I especially can't wait to see their reactions to certain scenes. I think this episode might rank as the show's best - even if my response crossed a wide spread of emotions, the final being shock.

5). More importantly, who would win in a showdown between Justified's Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens and Bones' Special Agent Seeley Booth?( My guess? Givens. It's the cowboy hat).

The weekend has started at my house, so I don't envision much TV watching to happen again until Sunday night.

Until then!

Happy St. Patty's!

Happy St. Patrick's day everyone! (A perfect excuse to slap a big Celtics logo on here).



Or, as I like to think of it, today is that day we all would be having a lot more fun if we lived in Boston. I'm pretty sure LA doesn't care a whole lot about this holiday. Don't worry I am wearing a BRIGHT green dress today in my support of holiday pride.

In other news, I watched the fantastic and much-anticipated 100th episode of Bones earlier this week, and after noticing lots of spoilers and speculation hit the web I was prompted to write a new anti-spoiler piece on The Huffington Post. It sort of makes me laugh because I have gone through moments of SUPREME spoiler hunting myself, and here I am preaching a whole new sermon. I mean, I'm the girl that snooped for my Christmas presents each year! But I don't know, I'm starting to reach a state of zen when it comes to knowing what may or may not happen. It's exhausting reading a spoiler and worrying about something you can't control or don't even see in context. But it's also weirdly addictive. I remember back when I was obsessed with Grey's Anatomy I would obsessively look for spoilers online. In fact, I'd almost equate spoilers with drugs or something - you know they are bad for you but you can't help it. WELL STOP. HELP YOURSELF. Read a book instead.

Okay, now go drink some green beer or something. I've got a stimulating afternoon ahead of me - writing, reading, watching dailies, cleaning my bosses office (ah, yes, the joys of being a TV assistant) to be followed by an even more stimulating evening of laundry and reading. Yep, that's how I am celebrating St. Patty's this year. Actually, go ahead and drink a green beer for me!

Because one Cutting Edge wasn't enough...

First of all, I loved the original Cutting Edge. A film that can introduce "toepick!" to the daily lexicon is worthy of cult love.

Well, apparently there was a sequel... and now, a THIRD film? The only thing going for this one, based off of this brilliant preview, is that Brendan Fehr is one of the stars. You may know him as the young-David Duchovny lookalike from Roswell, or more recently as Jared Booth (or as my roommate just referred to him "the Lesser Booth") from Bones.

Okay so yeah. Maybe I am going to have to DVR this one... I mean, with a subtitle of FIRE AND ICE, I'm intrigued.

Insert Foot in Mouth (Top TV of the Decade)

I'm really hypocritical. Remember my last HuffPo article where I begged for no more "Top Ten of the Decade" Lists? Or the post just before this one, in which I practically said outright I was done blogging for 2009, and that I intended on ridiculing all this "TV as Art" crap?

The thing is, everyone is writing their Top Ten of TV Shows of the Decade lists and while I agree with many, I figure I should get my own chance to throw out a few selections. So, with what little authority I have, I'm sharing mine. I do plan on writing a post that completely makes fun of this desire to whittle things down to the TEN BEST OF THE DECADE! but until then, I'm just gonna keep my foot in my mouth, and share my list. Anyway, what other TV blogger is proclaiming The Hills as one of the best shows to come out of the aughts?

First, a disclaimer: there are many shows that I know are brilliant and amazing but that I have never watched, and while I know some of these shows (like The Wire) are deserving of a place on my list, I simply can't include them (yes, it's outrageous I haven't watched The Wire, and I plan to - it's on my Netflix queue). This is a biased list - however I'm approaching it by looking at shows I feel have changed the game or defied expectations. These are the shows that continue to resonate with me; the shows I would tell anyone I think are the best of the past ten years.

Without further ado, and in no particular order...

Arrested Development (2003-2006)
I'm not sure there is any other comedy show I quote as frequently as I quote Arrested Development. Years after its end, the show is still relevant, still funny, and still genius. I'm not sure any other comedy has even come close to this show in terms of consistently bringing the funny in a smart and clever way. What's interesting to me is that I don't even think any other comedy has tried to copy the style of Arrested Development - it's a standalone masterpiece, almost as though everyone knows there's no chance of matching its perfection.

Battlestar Galactica (2004-2009)
I loved this show because it wasn't about science fiction. Sure, it's title all but screams sci-fi, but the show itself wasn't. BSG was about ethics, morals, religion, politics, relationships - all the social, economic and political issues we debate on a global scale every day. And what other show invented a new swear word or inspired panel discussions at the United Nations (please note I did not research if, in fact, other shows have been presented at the UN, so I could be wrong, but for the sake of my very-biased Top Ten list, go with me on this)? Holy frak this show was phenomenal.

Bones (2005-present)
I do not like procedurals. I am not one of those people who can watch hours upon hours of Law & Order or CSI, and so it was with some reluctance that I started watching Bones early last year, and really only because Entertainment Weekly was always writing about it, so I figured I'd see what all the fuss was about. I watched the pilot, and then I watched a few random episodes from the first two seasons. Then I realized I was hooked, bought all the seasons on DVD, caught up to the current season and joined the rabid fanbase for this "little engine that could" kind of show (I say that in the sense that Bones is not a show that's popularly debated over office water coolers and I doubt it's showing up on any other TV critic lists - it's overwhelmingly underrated, in my opinion, and yet is a show that's now hitting a new stride in its fifth season). Bones is not a procedural, at least not in my mind. It is a character drama that tackles very heavy issues through crime-solving. It is also rife with comedy. The stories and characters are compelling, and the two leads have so much chemistry I could probably watch them driving in a car for an hour and still be entertained.

Firefly (2002-2003)
Nathan Fillion is about half of the reason I love this show. His Captain Mal Reynolds, the cavalier leader of an odd collective of (and how to write this without making the show sound insane, but also convey the story...) cowboys in space, a spiritual leader, a concubine, and the two outlaws they're harboring; is the sort of character I want to hang out with. Interestingly, this show was the first Joss Whedon show I ever watched, and at the time I had no idea who Joss Whedon really was in the grand, significant TV-changing landscape, academic sense of things. I hadn't watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer (don't worry, I have since then), so Firefly was my intro to the Whedonverse. This is another show that's so much more than it seems - more than science-fiction certainly (and it even features a pre-High School Musical Zac Efron as a young Simon Tam). In fact, I don't think I can accurately convey why this show belongs on my Top Ten list beyond Nathan Fillion as half the reason (he's really great). It's only one season, sadly, but it's one season of fantastic entertainment.

Friday Night Lights (2006 - present)
If someone were to ask me to name the best show on TV, I'd answer, without thinking, Friday Night Lights. This is not a show about football, or Texas, or race, or families, or relationships - it is a show about all these things, and so much more. FNL is a show about people. This is a show grounded in reality, tackling issues anyone can understand and relate to, issues that many of us often face. The beauty of FNL is that it resonates with everyone. It doesn't matter who you are or where you come from, this show embraces the themes and challenges of our lives, in a seamlessly authentic manner. When I watch FNL I am reminded of my mother, my upbringing, my friends, my family, how lucky I am - how lucky we all are. FNL is humbling in its storytelling and its message, and is a cinematic masterpiece that invades your living room once a week, but stays in your mind for long after.

The Hills (2006-present)
I have tagged 34 entries (not including this one) of my blog with "The Hills." I have written about my deep love/hate relationship with this show over lengthy diatribes, or two sentence rants. I have obsessed over The Hills and my own fascination with it so much that I've given myself headaches. I can credit my various commentaries on The Hills as the reason I now blog for the Huffington Post (seriously - it was a Hills post that got me noticed over there). To be honest, I no longer watch the show, or at least I haven't consistently since somewhere during the middle of the third season, and I certainly wouldn't put this in the same realm as Friday Night Lights (how ironic that in this list, it directly follows FNL), but the reason The Hills is one of the Top Ten Best TV Shows of the Decade is that it's a total game changer. I suppose I ought to credit Laguna Beach as the ultimate game-changer in this area, however, it wasn't until The Hills came along that scripted-reality really flourished. The Hills is brilliant in that it infiltrated popular culture on such a grand scale - redefining fame and reality television, spawning fashion lines, online games, new forms of social media interaction and TV viewing, and its own spinoff. This show is so often overlooked because in some ways, it's pure crap - but I can't deny its genius, and thus it is well-deserving of a spot on this list.

Lost (2004-present)
If there's any no-brainer item here, it's Lost. In fact, I don't know that I have as much to write about this show, beyond that it's an obvious example of purely great television. It's consistently changed, evolved, and maintained intrigue - embracing a clever storytelling conceit with the flashback, and then the flashforward, in a way that was not at all contrived or unnecessary. Lost has accomplished the difficult, sometimes the near-impossible as it resolves plotlines while creating new stories. I have no doubt that as the show enters its final season in 2010, its mark on the past decade of television will linger on for years to come, but I have a feeling no show will ever hit that mark quite as well.

The Office (2005-present) and 30 Rock (2006-present)
I totally cheated by listing these two shows together, but I often think of them together as two comedies that stand as prime examples of reinventing the wheel. I suppose I should credit the original British version of The Office, however the American version, with its ups and downs, and occasional off-episodes, is at its core, so simple in idea, and so brilliant in execution that it's far outlived it's British derivative. 30 Rock is of the same mindset - a simple plot that finds outlandish humor in what we might often deem to be the mundane or irrelevant. While these two shows take place in two very different worlds, the humor is perfect, and mostly thanks to the hilarious characters (and the actors that play them, and writers that write them). We've each got a bit of Michael Scott or Liz Lemon inside, and thanks to The Office and 30 Rock, it's a little easier to laugh at ourselves.

Pushing Daisies (2007-2009)
To be honest, I am fairly shocked this show hasn't popped up on more critics' lists. Pushing Daisies was a whimsical dream of a show - almost as though Tim Burton, Salvador Dali, and whoever it was that did the movie Amelie sat down in a room together and decided to make a TV show about crime-solving and forbidden love set in an idyllic dreamworld (side note: I'd love to watch Pushing Daisies in 3D). It's a shame this show was canceled when it was, but I am glad that it received honors through the Paley Center and a few Emmy nominations. Pushing Daisies was a show unlike any other, and if this was the decade that TV became art, I don't know that there is any other show more indicative of that.

The West Wing (1999-2006)
When I used to watch The West Wing I remember telling my friends I felt INVOLVED. How ironic - that spending hours upon hours watching a fake president and fake White House staffers embroiled in fake (albeit, real-ish) political issues, I felt as though I was doing something significant along the lines of civic duty. Or something. The thing is, The West Wing made politics approachable in a way that hadn't really been done before. The characters were certainly fascinating, and for a while there I pretended Bartlet was in fact the current U.S. president. The West Wing effectively created a political world I wanted to live in, and beyond Aaron Sorkin's genius dialogue (seriously, how does that man do it?), at its core, this was just a damn good television show.

Honorable Mention goes to Dr Horrible's Sing Along Blog (2008), for revolutionizing digital media and original online content, as well as for completely redefining the musical comedy genre. Hell, this show redefined television entirely.

Well, there you have it. Agree? Disagree? Think I'm insane for not having watched The Wire yet? Pissed that I forgot anything obvious? Feel free to weigh-in with a comment below.

That's So Maine

I'm on vacation. Could you tell?

I'm currently in Maine, enjoying a life without cable TV, or at the moment, hot water (seriously). It's really nice to get out of the LA bubble, and even nicer to be back in a small town, get down to your roots and whatnot.

You read that correctly, by the way - I do not have cable TV or hot water.

Fortunately the plumber is coming this afternoon to deal with the hot water issue, which is a good thing. Last night I attempted to take a cold shower, which really just felt like I was taking an ice pick to my brain.

Also, I slept for 11 hours last night. I can't even remember the last time that happened... vacation really is a beautiful thing.

Happy Holidays by the way... new posts to come next week when I am back in LA, including a best of the blog roundup and my new years resolutions, one of which is blogging more regularly (both here and for HuffPo). And again to "be professional" which hasn't worked out too well for me thus far. But hey, I'm still gainfully employed, so that's something, right?

This probably won't be my last post of 2009, but some things to look forward to in 2010 include:

• A fun crowdsourcing article-writing experiment
• I'm going to have to throw my hat in the ring with a best of the decade's TV post, (or something along those lines... I'll probably make fun of other people's posts, and then talk about why I love Bones or attempt to convince people that Twitter is THE FUTURE).
• I'll be starting a new freelancing gig that should bring about some interesting Hollywood stories, or at least some more money in my pocket
  
• I might get a hair cut
  
• After a few rewrites I'm going to start letting people read my TV pilot

But for now, I'm going to wait for the plumber.

Turkey vs. David Duchovny vs. David Boreanaz vs. Tim Riggins vs. Seeley Booth

Thanksgiving is awesome. Really. Mostly because of the food. But also, it’s just such a great holiday. Okay, so the food has a LOT to do with that, but also, it’s just fantastic to get some downtime. I didn’t head back east this year, and had my third Turkey Day on the west coast, however this time around I did it right; cooking up a big feast with friends and family. So big in fact, that I was enjoying leftovers up until last night.

Beyond that, having a lot of time to lay low and do nothing was much needed. I spent lots of time playing with our dog, catching up on TV, getting lots of sleep, running down by the beach, running errands, and yes, eating lots of food.

I’d like to focus on one excellent part of our Thanksgiving dinner this year. And I’m not talking about the epic game of "Apples to Apples" that followed the meal. Before dessert, we all took our paper dessert plates (we were far too lazy to deal with dishes at this point) and on the back of them, drew pictures and wrote down what we are thankful for. Sure we’re all in our 20s and 30s, but there’s nothing like expressing what you're thankful for with a little arts and crafts.

So what am I thankful for? Besides my family and friends, my plate also included the following:


J. Crew
David Boreanaz
Xanax
Manu Chao

And I think there were others but I don't remember them. These are the really important ones. Duh.

(My plate also included a poorly drawn turkey in the shape of my hand. I would say that I wish I had taken a photo, but it was a pretty embarrassing hand-turkey).

It’s worth noting that my brother was appalled David Boreanaz got a slot on that list, because not too long ago the only David I would have talked about would've been David Duchovny. Interestingly, this sparked a discussion about the staying power of Duchovny, who’s still killing it on Californication. But my roommate Adubs made the valid point that Boreanaz has swiftly advanced his TV career from Buffy to Angel and now Bones.

This also reminds me of a recent chat I had with my roommates (okay when I say chat I mean frivolous discussion one Saturday after watching lots of TV while hungover), but here’s something to think about…

Tim Riggins vs. Seeley Booth

The general consensus was that we’d all want to have sex with Tim Riggins but Seeley Booth is the marrying kind. However, this is an excellent topic for debate. And to all the FNL and Bones fans out there, I implore you to ponder these two fine male specimen and get back to me with your opinion.

Huh, this post started out with Thanksgiving and ended up with me contemplating who I’d rather be with between two fictional TV characters.

I need to get out more.

(Okay so I really just wanted an excuse to search for pictures of man candy. What do you expect? It's the Monday after a holiday!)

Check, check, check it OUT

Aziz Ansari is one of my favorite comics these days. I saw him perform stand up maybe last winter (or maybe in the spring? Wow months and seasons really do blend together here in LA), and the dude is AWESOME. He's great on Parks & Recreation and I especially love his weekly Twitter feuds with extraordinarily passionate Bones fans (the two shows compete in the same time slot).

He recently played "20 Questions" with the Chicago Tribune, and as always, clever wit and comedy gold.

Because You Seem to Have More Questions About Maxillofacial Surgery

Back, by popular demand: an inside look at the bizarre things people search for that lead them to my blog. Mostly having to do with the fun that is facial reconstructive surgery, but I find that sometimes people are into some weird shit that lands them here. (For a refresher, check out the original post here).

1. "david boreanaz jaw"
Huh. It would appear that over the course of the past year I've ramped up the posts in which I mindlessly babble about either Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Bones. Not sure why you're researching "david boreanaz jaw" specifically (that's a little weird) unless maybe you're one of those dudes who gets plastic surgery to look like famous people, in which case, I'd like to refer you to that one episode of MTV's True Life where they showed all sorts of mentally insane people doing exactly that, who then had a lot of regrets that resulted in self-destructive behavior. Terrible idea.

2. "should you smoke cig while your jaw is wired shut"
Uh. No. No, you should not. And don't call them "cigs" either.

3. "john stamos shirtless"
I think I once posted a pic of his weird outtie belly button so yeah, you might find that here.

4. "when you have your jaw wired shut is it normal for you jaw to go numb"
Unfortunately, yes. I still have a small spot on my chin that doesn't have full feeling. Keep in mind if your lower jaw is being moved and/or your chin, during the surgery the doctor will be slicing through your nerves. Recovery can be quick, but super painful. And weird, if I remember correctly. All your nerves sort of regenerate and connect and stuff. Or something like that but in medical terms so it sounds a lot better. You should probably ask your surgeon about this.

5. "what is the song featured in the commercial for whip it!, but is not on the movie's sountrack"
Dude. I have no idea. I mean I wrote one post on that. I still haven't even seen the movie.

6. "jaw wired shut and adderall"
Now I know a lot about both these things, but in completely unrelated ways.

7. "what is wrong with david boreanaz's jaw?"
Again, with the David Boreanaz nonsense. Personally, I think he's really attractive. But if you have an issue with his jaw structure then why are you researching it further? This makes no sense to me.

8. "no fatties no hamsters"
God, I love that video. It's funnier every time I watch. Ew wait. If this is some weird sort of porn fetish than please just leave my blog immediately. Go. Now. And see a psychologist or something. Gross.

9. "what does it mean when you get your jaw wired shut?"
It means - wait, really? Is it not explicit? Okay... Using wire (or these days a lot of doctors use insanely strong rubber bands. I'm talking Ironman levels of strength here), your upper jaw and lower jaw are fastened together. You've also got braces, and these nasty metal attachments called "surgical hooks." Then you're put on a liquid diet for about 8 weeks, during which you will contemplate putting foods that should remain solid into a blender because you miss the taste of pizza so damn much and you rationalize that Chinese food gets all mushy and lumped together anyway. And if you're 23 and you live at home, and you don't have a job, and find yourself sleeping weird hours because of the painkillers and so you're watching a lot of Oprah (and you don't even like Oprah) and the side effects of the anesthesia result in an odd amount of peach fuzz appearing around your hairline, well then you're probably looking at some massive self esteem issues as well. But don't worry. Those are only temporary.

10. "curl up in a fetal position"
Me too, my friend. Me too.

no Emmys for me, thanks. see, there's this thing called the INTERNET.

I did not watch the Emmys last night. Was this sacrilege? Maybe. I used to plan weekends around awards shows. In eighth grade, winning an Oscar contest was the highlight of the year for me. (No really.) In recent years, however, I've decided that I don't need to spend three-plus hours watching Hollywood adorn its people with self-congratulations*. If there are any spectacular moments I can catch them on this the nifty thing called YouTube.

So what did I watch last night instead? The season premiere of Curb Your Enthusiasm (awkwardly hilarious, as always), the pilot for the new show Bored to Death (overall: meh), last week's Glee, and then some episodes of Bones I'd seen several times. Yes, dead bodies and science jokes never fail to lull me into a happy and peaceful sleep. And David Boreanaz is nice to look at.

So what did I miss? Well, it comes as no surprise that Neil Patrick Harris killed as host, and I am thrilled that Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog had an unexpected showing (video below). Considering how devoted I am to the world of web content, this recognition was well-deserved.



Speaking of, if you have never watched the entire Dr. Horrible, do yourself a favor and get watching. (Nathan Fillion is also nice to look at).

It's especially apropos, what with the constant debate over digital content vs. traditional television, that I chose to catch any Emmy tidbits online, wouldn't you agree? (And can anyone tell me if I just used/spelled "apropos" correctly?) Even though early numbers show that ratings for the telecast were up from last year, aren't live television events becoming less relevant? Especially when the West Coast airing is delayed? I'm pretty sure the only live TV I will watch nowadays are football games. (On that note, I missed the Patriots game yesterday but a big F U to the Jets. Yeah, I said it.)

Two more Emmy-related cents to share before I resume waking myself up this fine Monday morning: I'm over Mad Men winning, but think 30 Rock could never be recognized enough. The real reason I couldn't stomach the Emmys? No recognition for Battlestar Galactica OR Friday Night Lights. A damn shame, right there.

*I will change my mind of course (regarding Hollywood and its self-congratulations), for the day I win an Emmy for my yet-to-be written star TV series. Duh.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…

No, it’s not Christmas. It’s the long-awaited return of FALL TV. And for those of who work in TV or simply just love TV, it’s just such a magical time of year. So let me give you a weekly break-down of my TV watching habits,

Let’s kick off with MONDAY nights, because, well, today’s Monday. Now, I have a true confession to make. I stopped watching Gossip Girl (CW, 8pm) about halfway through the season last year. I know, it’s simply terrible. What sort of pop culture junkie am I if I’m not up to date on the latest fight between Chuck and Blair or the bizarrely unimportant storylines following Vanessa or Nate? Well, it doesn’t take much to stay on top of this show, whether or not you actually watch, so even though I missed half of Season 2 I think I know what’s happening. They’re all dating each other and then hating each other and everyone is going to NYU and then there’s an evil twin and then the realize the island isn’t REALLY an island. See, at this point, I haven’t decided whether or not I will be watching Gossip Girl this season, which probably means I don’t care enough and will be watching a better show (I’m thinking of picking up The Wire or Big Love) instead on Monday nights.

That is, if I am not watching FOOTBALL! Folks I love the fall and I love watching football and those two just go hand in hand with beer and America and freedom and goodness. Saturday I think I watched about 9 hours of college football (my league of choice) and while I don’t love the NFL as much, at least there’s always Monday Night Football to sink your teeth into.

Now Tuesday nights are looking good. The remake of the classic 80s sci-fi thriller V (ABC, 8pm) starts up around mid-November, but even better is that So You Think You Can Dance (FOX, 8pm) is on for a solid two hours—and that makes for some great TV programming on one night. Some aliens and some dancing. Maybe some dancing aliens, I don’t know, but that would be great.

Wednesday night brings the results show for SYTYCD (FOX, 8pm) which I don’t really watch, only the dancing and actual results—in sum, about 5 minutes of quality programming until you know who gets the boot. After SYTYCD is Glee (FOX, 9pm) which I’ve already talked about being obsessed with. MUST SEE. Oh and I recently watched the pilot for Modern Family (ABC, 9pm) and while I definitely enjoyed it, there’s only so much time in the day I can devote to watching TV, and yes, I do have a limit.



The best night for television watching is, without question, Thursday night. Obviously, Thursday nights are traditionally great nights for TV, but the schedule is just overwhelmingly fantastic this year. Bones (FOX, 8pm) premieres this week, and there’s no need for me to reiterate my severe obsession with that show… but I will anyway. I LOVE BONES. It’s my 21st century X-Files with less paranoia and more comic relief. After Bones comes Fringe (FOX, 9pm), which I spent some time over the weekend getting caught up on, and this show is lot like the X-Files, but I’m nowhere near the same level as obsessed, however I am psyched to see how Season 2 plays out. The Office and 30 Rock (NBC, 9pm and 9:30pm—although SNL: Weekend Update will be on until 30 Rock premieres, complete with Amy Poehler!) are on Thursdays again, classic shows right there. I also plan to watch the new show Community (NBC, 8pm) as well as the potential Lost-replacement Flash Forward (ABC, 8pm) which will end up as a DVR special while I will be devoting real time watching of that time slot to Bones. Thursdays are overwhelming. I don’t even think I will be watching Vampire Diaries (CW, 8pm). Seriously. I have enough vampires and teen angst in my life as it is. Wait. That’s weird.



Friday Night Lights (DirecTV, 9pm). That’s all that needs to be said for Friday night (what with BSG off the air) and I absolutely cannot wait for Season 4 to begin on October 28th. I might watch Dollhouse (FOX, 9pm) Fridays as well, or at least record it and check it out later, but really FNL is the big gun on this night of the week.

Saturdays… if any TV is watched it will be college ball then SNL late night when I am drunk or something.

And hurrah for the return of Californication (Showtime, 10pm) and Family Guy (FOX, 9pm), two of my favorite Sunday night shows.



Well.

Now that you know what exactly I’ll be watching every day of the week, I highly suggest watching along, and then we can have all sorts of fascinating debates. But I must warn you: there’s a good chance that in about a month, the actual shows I watch on time will drop to approximately 4. There’s simply no way I can keep up with this many and balance work, working out, and yes, a social life. Unless I can train myself to get fewer hours of sleep each night, which trust me, I’ve tried. I’ve gotten it down to being comfortable at 8 hours a night, which may be normal for most people but is ROUGH for me. But, regardless of what I do end up watching seriously, I just love fall TV. There's just something in the air...

some things

I already have another Stamos vs. Stamos brewing (GET EXCITED).

I forgot to wear deodorant yesterday. It went better than expected.

Work is very, very busy. This is a good thing? Sure.

I saw Up the other night and left the film emotionally traumatized.

I've gotten my roommates into Bones, which really feels like an accomplishment.

Weeds is back on TV. YES!

I have not eaten hot tamales in sometime.

I cooked an amazing Costa Rican dinner for myself last night.

I have no idea what I want to eat for lunch today and it's causing a great deal of stress.

My Pert Plus usage has increased to 70% of my showers.

My sleep time has increased by 70%.

I haven't shopped for ANYTHING in what feels like decades.

The above statement is a lie. It just feels that way.

I haven't cut my hair since November. Ew.

I've been listening to Placebo's "Running Up That Hill" on repeat since Sunday.

Per the above statement, I have a lot of angst. For what, I have no idea.

BLAME KANSAS

Okay. This post was going to be "Blame Earthquakes" but then I remembered when I drove cross country and somewhere around the middle we decided our new slogan for everything that was wrong would be BLAME KANSAS because driving through that state is a miserable experience, whether or not it is the birthplace of Bob Dole and home to the country's largest steer. (WTF is the difference between a steer and a bull, by the way? Anyone know?)

So anyway, I didn't post yesterday. And I didn't realize it until around 10:30pm last night when I was getting ready for bed. Yes I go to bed early. Well I get into bed early but don't usually go to sleep until around 11:30pm. What I do in that hour--no idea. Oh wait, yeah last night I watched Bones and compulsively checked Twitter trends. I need to start reading actual BOOKS again, clearly... alas the internet addiction is slightly out of control BUT I DIGRESS.

I am really quite disappointed in myself that I didn't post at all yesterday. March was such a landmark month for posting and then April and May I have just really been slacking. What can I say--with so much going on between work and the move and a GODDAMN EARTHQUAKE every other day, I can't help it. And now it's almost summer, which is truly a lost cause, however I WILL DO MY BEST, I WILL!

But I just ate some frozen yogurt and feel a little ill because I do believe I am slightly lactose intolerant, so I need to take a moment.

In other news, it's a long weekend--so yes, fewer posts, but hot damn I am EXCITED.

Weekend Recap

It’s been some time since I’ve posted any extensive rambling recaps of my inconsequential life so why don’t I get you all up to speed...

Essentially all my thoughts/spare time of late have been directed towards MOVING because yes, we roommates have moved... and have acquired a 4th roommate, who is officially Roomie #3 but I shall refer to her henceforth as Becca because that is her name. Yes, our crazy life of 20-somethings with tanorexia and a passion for Friday Night Lights has just taken on another duckling and we couldn’t be happier. And our new place is a serious upgrade from the last. No pool, however. (Pool floats, I shall miss thee). But the wet bar and sun deck make up for it, as well as the proximity to so many DELISH bars and restaurants.

Moving is not fun. Okay, that’s a no-brainer, but seriously... wow. Saturday was an epic day of U-Hauls, kind friends offering their muscle, lots of sweating, exhaustion, sheer amazement at how much crap we’ve acquired, and the penultimate satisfaction of somehow doing it all in a day. Sure, by Saturday night I was a zombie, walking around Whole Foods realizing I hadn’t eaten since a bagel at 7:15am but unsure of what cuisine could ease the total body exhaustion.

Yesterday was much better—the morning started off with the Farmer’s Market, coffee on the deck and lots of visits from friends. The day didn’t end so well with yet another earthquake, and this time it was a biggie, causing me to freak out, practically to the point of tears, then take some anti-anxiety medicine and drop into a dreamless slumber (thank God). Worth noting: during the earthquake Adubs ran to protect the fish, Ashleigh grabbed the TV, while Becca and I stood facing each other under the doorway and poor Becca had to witness my freak out firsthand. Per usual, I had thoughts of “Oh my God, this is it, this is the big one, I am going to die.” But it passed, everyone was unharmed, including the TV and Snoopy/Blue (the fish). I went to bed immediately afterwards because I couldn’t handle it, and DiTonto adorably woke up in the middle of the night thinking there was another quake, checked on me and realized if I was asleep and not freaking out she was imagining it and went back to bed. What a lovely roommate family we have! (Although I’ve been informed I have to hold her hand in the water because her phobia is, yep: sharks. That's okay though, I love the ocean and find sharks FASCINATING).

In other news I had a bowl of rice for lunch. I wish I was kidding. But see, we got back most of our security deposit from our old apartment, so I got excited and saw a special on Amazon to purchase the first three seasons of Bones for a ridiculously discounted price so I did that but then I realized that was probably not a smart impulse buy and am relegated to eating whatever food I already have in the office all week. Look for yogurt, oatmeal and fake meat products to be a regular part of my diet over the next few days...

More later, especially regarding the Citizen’s Arrest and the Chapstick Bandits, but for now I should get back to that “work” stuff I do sometimes.