Back, by popular demand: an inside look at the bizarre things people search for that lead them to my blog. Mostly having to do with the fun that is facial reconstructive surgery, but I find that sometimes people are into some weird shit that lands them here. (For a refresher, check out the original post here).
1. "david boreanaz jaw"
Huh. It would appear that over the course of the past year I've ramped up the posts in which I mindlessly babble about either Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Bones. Not sure why you're researching "david boreanaz jaw" specifically (that's a little weird) unless maybe you're one of those dudes who gets plastic surgery to look like famous people, in which case, I'd like to refer you to that one episode of MTV's True Life where they showed all sorts of mentally insane people doing exactly that, who then had a lot of regrets that resulted in self-destructive behavior. Terrible idea.
2. "should you smoke cig while your jaw is wired shut"
Uh. No. No, you should not. And don't call them "cigs" either.
3. "john stamos shirtless"
I think I once posted a pic of his weird outtie belly button so yeah, you might find that here.
4. "when you have your jaw wired shut is it normal for you jaw to go numb"
Unfortunately, yes. I still have a small spot on my chin that doesn't have full feeling. Keep in mind if your lower jaw is being moved and/or your chin, during the surgery the doctor will be slicing through your nerves. Recovery can be quick, but super painful. And weird, if I remember correctly. All your nerves sort of regenerate and connect and stuff. Or something like that but in medical terms so it sounds a lot better. You should probably ask your surgeon about this.
5. "what is the song featured in the commercial for whip it!, but is not on the movie's sountrack"
Dude. I have no idea. I mean I wrote one post on that. I still haven't even seen the movie.
6. "jaw wired shut and adderall"
Now I know a lot about both these things, but in completely unrelated ways.
7. "what is wrong with david boreanaz's jaw?"
Again, with the David Boreanaz nonsense. Personally, I think he's really attractive. But if you have an issue with his jaw structure then why are you researching it further? This makes no sense to me.
8. "no fatties no hamsters"
God, I love that video. It's funnier every time I watch. Ew wait. If this is some weird sort of porn fetish than please just leave my blog immediately. Go. Now. And see a psychologist or something. Gross.
9. "what does it mean when you get your jaw wired shut?"
It means - wait, really? Is it not explicit? Okay... Using wire (or these days a lot of doctors use insanely strong rubber bands. I'm talking Ironman levels of strength here), your upper jaw and lower jaw are fastened together. You've also got braces, and these nasty metal attachments called "surgical hooks." Then you're put on a liquid diet for about 8 weeks, during which you will contemplate putting foods that should remain solid into a blender because you miss the taste of pizza so damn much and you rationalize that Chinese food gets all mushy and lumped together anyway. And if you're 23 and you live at home, and you don't have a job, and find yourself sleeping weird hours because of the painkillers and so you're watching a lot of Oprah (and you don't even like Oprah) and the side effects of the anesthesia result in an odd amount of peach fuzz appearing around your hairline, well then you're probably looking at some massive self esteem issues as well. But don't worry. Those are only temporary.
10. "curl up in a fetal position"
Me too, my friend. Me too.