Why I Love Celine Dion, Pt. 10

You guys. Yesterday, we here at Jaw Wired Shut (we being me, but whatever) witnessed a miracle. Yes, a miracle! And of monstrous proportions, no less!

Yesterday, Wednesday February 16th, 2011 was akin to the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. Or the Talking Heads reunion. Or the Arrested Development movie.


Yesterday, Celine Dion returned to Las Vegas:

She's a Goddamned Mother Theresa. (Source: Just Jared)

That's right. My favorite alien in all the world makes a glorious return to Caeser's Palace for a two year stint performing at the Colosseum.

Do you know what this means? Like, do you understand the lasting implications this has on my life? If you're familiar with my "Why I Love Celine Dion" series, then yes you are. But what you may not know is that I have never seen her in concert (cue gasp of shock!) - partially out of fear that I would pass out from a mixture of excitement and supreme secondhand embarrassment, but mostly because I just haven't had the chance yet - and now, NOW, is the time. There are no excuses. I have two years to get my ass to Caeser's Palace and see this woman sing a song for a Ford car and pump her chest and perform a goddamn spectacle and maybe, if I'm lucky, tell a few stories about Canada or her weird-looking husband. MY GOD. This is it. Celine Dion, it's happening. EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING!

Why I Love Celine Dion, Pt. 9

HAPPY 42nd Birthday Celine Dion!

God, it's practically a national holiday here at Jaw Wired Shut. I'm going to celebrate first by reading all the previous Why I Love Celine Dion posts, and then do a few chest pumps while I sing "My Heart Will Go On."

Yes, she is 42. Girl looks AH-MAZING though, right? Well, you know why? She's an alien. No really. Trust me on this. I KNOW MY ALIENS. Celine = an ET. THINK ABOUT IT. It makes sense. You know it does.

Also, she's better than you:

Why I Love Celine Dion, Pt. 8

BECAUSE WHO ELSE GETS A MOVIE WITH "THROUGH THE EYES OF THE WORLD" FOR A SUBTITLE?



OMG. She's my favorite alien. I can't wait to see this in 3D and hopefully not get shushed too much for laughing/weeping.

And if you're dying to catch up: all previous posts explaining Why I Love Celine Dion

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…

No, it’s not Christmas. It’s the long-awaited return of FALL TV. And for those of who work in TV or simply just love TV, it’s just such a magical time of year. So let me give you a weekly break-down of my TV watching habits,

Let’s kick off with MONDAY nights, because, well, today’s Monday. Now, I have a true confession to make. I stopped watching Gossip Girl (CW, 8pm) about halfway through the season last year. I know, it’s simply terrible. What sort of pop culture junkie am I if I’m not up to date on the latest fight between Chuck and Blair or the bizarrely unimportant storylines following Vanessa or Nate? Well, it doesn’t take much to stay on top of this show, whether or not you actually watch, so even though I missed half of Season 2 I think I know what’s happening. They’re all dating each other and then hating each other and everyone is going to NYU and then there’s an evil twin and then the realize the island isn’t REALLY an island. See, at this point, I haven’t decided whether or not I will be watching Gossip Girl this season, which probably means I don’t care enough and will be watching a better show (I’m thinking of picking up The Wire or Big Love) instead on Monday nights.

That is, if I am not watching FOOTBALL! Folks I love the fall and I love watching football and those two just go hand in hand with beer and America and freedom and goodness. Saturday I think I watched about 9 hours of college football (my league of choice) and while I don’t love the NFL as much, at least there’s always Monday Night Football to sink your teeth into.

Now Tuesday nights are looking good. The remake of the classic 80s sci-fi thriller V (ABC, 8pm) starts up around mid-November, but even better is that So You Think You Can Dance (FOX, 8pm) is on for a solid two hours—and that makes for some great TV programming on one night. Some aliens and some dancing. Maybe some dancing aliens, I don’t know, but that would be great.

Wednesday night brings the results show for SYTYCD (FOX, 8pm) which I don’t really watch, only the dancing and actual results—in sum, about 5 minutes of quality programming until you know who gets the boot. After SYTYCD is Glee (FOX, 9pm) which I’ve already talked about being obsessed with. MUST SEE. Oh and I recently watched the pilot for Modern Family (ABC, 9pm) and while I definitely enjoyed it, there’s only so much time in the day I can devote to watching TV, and yes, I do have a limit.



The best night for television watching is, without question, Thursday night. Obviously, Thursday nights are traditionally great nights for TV, but the schedule is just overwhelmingly fantastic this year. Bones (FOX, 8pm) premieres this week, and there’s no need for me to reiterate my severe obsession with that show… but I will anyway. I LOVE BONES. It’s my 21st century X-Files with less paranoia and more comic relief. After Bones comes Fringe (FOX, 9pm), which I spent some time over the weekend getting caught up on, and this show is lot like the X-Files, but I’m nowhere near the same level as obsessed, however I am psyched to see how Season 2 plays out. The Office and 30 Rock (NBC, 9pm and 9:30pm—although SNL: Weekend Update will be on until 30 Rock premieres, complete with Amy Poehler!) are on Thursdays again, classic shows right there. I also plan to watch the new show Community (NBC, 8pm) as well as the potential Lost-replacement Flash Forward (ABC, 8pm) which will end up as a DVR special while I will be devoting real time watching of that time slot to Bones. Thursdays are overwhelming. I don’t even think I will be watching Vampire Diaries (CW, 8pm). Seriously. I have enough vampires and teen angst in my life as it is. Wait. That’s weird.



Friday Night Lights (DirecTV, 9pm). That’s all that needs to be said for Friday night (what with BSG off the air) and I absolutely cannot wait for Season 4 to begin on October 28th. I might watch Dollhouse (FOX, 9pm) Fridays as well, or at least record it and check it out later, but really FNL is the big gun on this night of the week.

Saturdays… if any TV is watched it will be college ball then SNL late night when I am drunk or something.

And hurrah for the return of Californication (Showtime, 10pm) and Family Guy (FOX, 9pm), two of my favorite Sunday night shows.



Well.

Now that you know what exactly I’ll be watching every day of the week, I highly suggest watching along, and then we can have all sorts of fascinating debates. But I must warn you: there’s a good chance that in about a month, the actual shows I watch on time will drop to approximately 4. There’s simply no way I can keep up with this many and balance work, working out, and yes, a social life. Unless I can train myself to get fewer hours of sleep each night, which trust me, I’ve tried. I’ve gotten it down to being comfortable at 8 hours a night, which may be normal for most people but is ROUGH for me. But, regardless of what I do end up watching seriously, I just love fall TV. There's just something in the air...

Finally, what you've all been waiting for!

Well folks, I know I've been somewhat ambiguously referencing my trip to Pahrump to Nevada, and now I am going to shed a little light on that journey. Not a lot of light, because we were asked by those above us specifically not to blog about the experience (hah, me not blog? Right).

Anyway, I went to Pahrump after work Friday night with my friend Alexander, the intention of our purpose was to volunteer with the Barack Obama Campaign for Change (I think we aren't supposed to blog about it because they don't want to draw attention to the fact that Californians are headed to Nevada to volunteer, however, isn't this A common knowledge? and B entirely not surprising? When you are an Obama supporter in a blue state it's only natural that a real volunteer opportunity might only be found in the swing state next door).

Pahrump is located just on the border of California and Nevada, surrounded by the mountains and desert that comprise Death Valley. It's a desert town just an hour northwest of Las Vegas--not desert town in the sense that Shoshone "the gateway to Death Valley" is, with a grand population of 67 people, because in fact, Pahrump is anywhere from 30,000 to 40,000 people.

It was a long drive Friday night, and for the last hour and a half or so, the only thing that really kept me driving was listening to The Audacity of Hope book on tape, read by Senator Obama himself. Sure, this paints an incredible hilarious picture--two idealistic kids from California driving to Nevada to canvas for a presidential campaign, listening to that inspiring leader all the way there... but you know what? It totally worked. Not only did it help me stay awake on those desert roads, but it was both inspiring and informative. Also good to keep me level because I felt like I was driving through Mars. And at one point I saw a dog in the middle of the road in the middle of NOWHERE, which really means I saw either (1) a coyote or (2) my animal spirit god (I am hoping it was choice 2, because an animal spirit god is a much rarer find then one of those darn coyotes).

That night we stayed at one of the Casino-Hotel-RV-"Resorts" in town, which was really just an over-priced place to crash, and were up early Saturday morning to discover that Pahrump, not a very exciting place on its own, was surrounded by the most beautiful and dramatic mountains all around. It was truly spectacular. While admiring the view, we had a more difficult time admiring any breakfast opportunities, with our final stop being the one Starbucks in town, located inside the grocery store.

The campaign headquarters were a modest affair, all the other volunteers, both locals and others who had traveled various differences, were kind people from all walks of life. It was heartening and encouraging to be around so many others who also shared such a strong belief in one cause.

Canvassing is an interesting experience. It sort of requires a no-fear attitude. I mean you are knocking on doors, interrupting people at their homes. By the end of the day (a total of two canvassing shifts) we had knocked on 77 doors and spoken to something like 45 people. It was fascinating. Just about everyone was friendly, even McCain supporters, and some people really wanted to engage with us, while others expressed frustration at yet another campaign volunteer showing up on their doorstep. I realized it must be exhausting to live in a swing state right now. You are constantly being inundated with information, people, propaganda, etc. However, must of the people of Pahrump were polite and courteous and we appreciated that.

For lunch we ate delicious barbecue at Walter's BBQ & Maverick's Saloon (ahh yes, MAVERICKS!) and at one point we also stopped to get a drink of water and a coke (or as our feisty bartender called it, pop) and a separate BBQ joint. It was fun talking to our bartender, a woman who I could only describe as being full of piss and vinegar, a McCain Palin lover because she was sick of men running the country and thought "Palin was so fun" and she wanted to see a woman in power. She pointedly asked me how I felt about men running the country, and to be honest, as a woman, I am okay with it--for me it boils down to the individual. Obama is someone who could cross party lines, reach out to people everywhere, and maybe dial down some of the polarization that has overcome the country.

The most bizarre experience of the whole day was when at one house we stopped by, the very old woman who lived there asked us to please come inside where we realized we might get stuck for hours because she was so excited to show someone all her stuffed animal birds, paintings of Jesus, lampshades, flower arrangements, and countless other tchatchkies (does anyone know how to spell this? Please advise). She was simultaneously crazy, sad, and the most other-worldly being I've ever met. It was really something.

We drove home Saturday night, but not without somehow managing to encounter car trouble. We pulled over in the road leading out of Death Valley (aka Mars, home of my spirit animal god) so Alexander could take a leak and we could check out the desert at night--which is incredible and I am not sure I've ever seen so many stars in the sky. Of course, we managed to get my car completely buried in the sand, so much so that the front end was so buried in we couldn't move anywhere and Triple A had to come dig us out. Ah, adventure.

We got back to LA, finally, and after the requisite late night In-N-Out stop, around 1:30 am. I was exhausted. But it was worth it, if not to canvas for Obama, but just to go to a different part of the country, to step outside the LA bubble, and the bubble I've become accustomed to, and to talk to people and get to know a community somewhere else. It was both rewarding and insightful.

Here's hoping that on election day, those 5 electoral votes from Nevada will go blue. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, Pahrump!

One final note, apparently we were only about a half hour from Area 51 and Roswell. Shit yes, next time I am going hunting for aliens. Maybe that's what my spirit god was--AN ALIEN. No but really, I thought that crazy late night desert drive was a secret transport to another planet or something. It was extraterrestrial, that's for sure.

There definitely will not be any blackholes anytime soon

It's a sad day for science folks, as the LHC has gone officially offline until Summer 2009. So much for blaming my lack of motivation on "fear of blackhole suckage" or something. I guess I'll have to find some other science project to obsess over/live in fear of. I'm thinking aliens. Do aliens count as science? I mean, I know it's pseudo-science (do people still call that branch of science pseudo? It's been around 6 years since I've had a conversation with anyone of any scientific authority) or maybe aliens are just real now. Like Celine Dion (alien). Or Prince (alien). Or that famous socialite lady in NYC who had all that plastic surgery to make her look like a cat (alien). Yes aliens are definitely real.