JAW WIRED SHUT HAS MOVED TO TUMBLR!!!

Hello. I've stopped blogging here at jaw wired shut because I'm lazy and tumblr is easy and wonderful. You will find a different sort of jaw wired shut over there. It's a lot like it used to be here. It's pretty much the same, actually. 

  I'm here, at http://stamos.tumblr.com


love,
stamos 



 

Do you hate how this blog looks? Do you want to redesign it? YOU CAN!

HI FRIENDS! I am doing a very exciting contest to find an awesome web designer to help me redesign this blog. You can read all about it here.

Please share that link with anyone you think might be interested! Let's make this experiment a successful one!

STAMOS! (Imagine me shaking my fist at the skies whilst screaming that)

First of all, don't EVEN GET ME STARTED on these rumors that John Stamos might be replacing Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men. Because that would be NOT OKAY. With me. Although it would make for a pretty good Stamos vs. Stamos...

Secondly, I've got a new "Stamos on Stamos" over at Zap2it - so check that out here.

Thirdly, I totally suck at blogging these days. I am blaming it on the fact that I left my Adderall at home the past four days. That's right, it's not MY fault, it's the DRUGS.

That's all for now!

The Biggest Aquarium in the World aka The Site of My Future Marriage Proposal

Dear Future Husband,

When you propose to me, this would be an acceptable location for you to do so. Actually, more than acceptable.

the world's largest aquarium // ATL.GA from stillmotion on Vimeo.

See, I love aquariums. I LOVE them. They are mystical, magical places of beautiful space-like creatures (also known as fish) that fill me with awe and joy and happiness.

So, to my future husband, where ever you may be: just remember I love aquariums. Okay? Great.

I love you?

Stamos

Stamos vs. Stamos

Faithful readers, I owe you an apology - it's been over a year since the last Stamos vs. Stamos, and that, my dear friends, is terrible.  I fear that in the meanwhile, the other Stamos is gaining on me.  The good news is that while I've lost count of the overall score at this point, I feel confident that I am still winning (note: Stamos vs. Stamos competitions are almost always rigged in my favor, because well, he's John Fucking Stamos, so I'm operating with one hell of a handicap here - okay?).

HOWEVER: Today, my unflailing confidence has been brutally attacked. Crushed, almost. See, today I saw a picture of John Stamos at the premiere party for the new season of Glee - for which, as I mentioned before, he was mistakenly cast - and with one glimpse at that photo I KNEW it would be a tough round.

Look at this photo. LOOK HARD. Drink. It. In.

Pay close attention loyal readers.

Do you see it?

DO YOU SEE IT?

Yes, he's playing ping-pong, which not only demonstrates that he has a degree of athletic ability, but that he's fun to hang with at a party and probably has a great sense of humor too (whatever, he's amaaaaaaaaazing, FINE).

But it is NOT the ping-pong I am focused on here (by the way, I'm totally down for a Stamos vs. Stamos ping pong match. In the inevitable compeition reality show I'm just waiting for a network to pick up, this will definitely happen). No, how could I be focused on the ping-pong when there is something else here I cannot help but stare at...?

John Stamos is tan. VERY TAN. SO TAN I AM FIGHTING AN ENSLAUGHT OF RAGE/JEALOUSY/AROUSAL (that's a perfectly acceptable range of emotions so shut your piehole).  You see, Mr. Stamos - I am tan. I AM VERY TAN. I MAY OR MAY NOT (MAY) SUFFER FROM TANOREXIA - THAT IS HOW TAN I AM. People call me "Tannie Annie." People ask me how to properly apply sunscreen so that they too can be as tan as I am. People ask me if all I did all weekend was lay out in the sun (yes I did). I am both mocked and admired for my tan - it is a part of the Stamos package, a part of the Stamos je ne sais quoi, a part of the Stamos brand. The Stamos that is ME.  And here you are, with your perfect hair, and your excellent ping-pong paddle-holding form, with your not-too-bushy-but-just-enough-fluff eyebrows and pearly white teeth and you have a tan that not only rivals my tan, but could in fact surpass my own bronzed color.

NOT OKAY.

The good news, however, is that I just got back from six days in Maine where I spent a luxurious Labor Day weekend kayaking and playing tennis and laying on the beach, and eating fresh seafood gathered from the ocean that is essentailly my own backyard, (and what did you do this weekend? Work on that TV show or something? Laaaaaaaame) so I too am tan.  You know, I am SO TAN, in fact, that this round?

I win.

I don't even need to hold my forearm up against yours for comparison (however, I am completely open to that option if you'd like to challenge these results. We can rub forearms any day of the week). I win. I AM TANNER.

But nice try, Stamos. NICE TRY. I'll admit, it was a little too close for comfort this time. I don't think you've come this close to conquering me since you pulled out an improbable win at Disneyland.

They Got the Wrong Stamos!

Ugh.

You win this one, John.

Trying to make my "interests" interesting... (or that time I wrote a lot about myself)

I was just looking at my Facebook profile, and realized I updated my "interests" somewhat recently. Some of them are a little odd. Some are heavily connected to the TV pilot I'm working on, actually a surprising amount (and the last batch of interests also had a large influence on the script, now that I think of it). Some are really obvious and require no further explanation, but I figure why not share a little bit more about these interests... not that you care, because you probably don't, but I'm indulging my narcissistic side a little more than usual today. Pretend you find it endearing or something. Now, in no particular order...

sweet'n'sour sauce
The greatest thing McDonald's ever created. Especially good with Chicken McNuggets or French Fries. These are the only things I will ever order at McDonald's. And I always ask for extra sweet'n'sour sauce because you never know when you might be craving it, and surprisingly, it also tastes good with Morningstar Farms fake chicken nuggets.

my animal spirit god
I'm convinced I have one and maybe I've even seen it before. Maybe not. They're tricky that way.

tv on dvd
This doesn't need explanation beyond my opinion that this might be the greatest thing since sliced bread. Although I am not sure sliced bread is all that great. Sure, it's convenient... but what's the origin of this saying? Anyone? But yeah, TV shows on DVD are just really fantastic.

astronaut ice cream
This shit is crazy. Crazy delicious. (Also crazy). I love it so much it's become a major plot point in the TV pilot I am writing.

the silver lining
There's one of these in everything and I like finding it. Cheesy? Probably. But I mean it. Finding the silver lining in things has been pretty helpful in getting me through the bad stuff in life.

fig newtons
I fucking love fig newtons. Always have.

gender neutral first names
My mom's name was Palmer, it's also my middle name, and I have to say that in the years after she passed away I really considered going by Palmer. But I'm much more of an Annie. Actually I am much more of a Stamos. In general, I love gender neutral first names because they are often old-fashioned and different - and I don't know... fun. Although names like Pat suck. Perhaps I should revise this to unique gender neutral first names...

aquariums
Sometimes an aquarium can make me so happy my heart hearts. Truly. The Boston Aquarium is my favorite aquarium. There's a nostalgic component here, sure, but also... I love fishies. I think that if I had either been better at science, or more willing to work harder at it, then I would have ended up a marine biologist. And yes, I love aquariums so much that they are another major plot point in my TV pilot work-in-progress.

Maine
duh.

freedom
I love freedom. Both in the ironic and non-ironic sense. If you don't understand what I mean, you clearly love freedom as well, but only in the non-ironic sense, which is unfortunate for you.

insensitivity
This is something I excel in, at least by Hollywood standards. Thus, it is of great interest to me.

theme songs
I love theme songs - from movie themes to TV themes, to personal theme songs. Everyone should have a theme song. Mine changes on the regular.

manu chao
Probably my favorite band. In the history of music. Bold claim? Yes. But I feel strongly about this.

local ads
who doesn't love a budget local ad? Oh man, there used to be some GREAT ones growing up in Maine, many with excellent jingles about local geography.

dudes
This interest is twofold: (1) I, like most heterosexual women, like guys - so that's sort of a no-brainer and (2) I love guys who are dudes in the total dudetastic sense of being a dude - and I love hanging with dudes. Dudes are awesome. Chicks who are dudelike are also awesome.

the toaster oven
A great invention. You can accomplish so much with a toaster oven. My roommate Becca is a culinary genius with ours.

good hair days
Never underestimate the value of a good hair day. My hair, in my opinion, is one of my best features, however I am so incredibly lazy when it comes to my hair that when I've got a good hair day happening it does a whole lot for my ego. Also, my hair is so terrifying when I wake up in the morning (and this has also inspired a moment in that TV pilot), that when I actually get it calmed down, it feels like a real accomplishment. It's the little things.

Because You Seem to Have More Questions About Maxillofacial Surgery

Back, by popular demand: an inside look at the bizarre things people search for that lead them to my blog. Mostly having to do with the fun that is facial reconstructive surgery, but I find that sometimes people are into some weird shit that lands them here. (For a refresher, check out the original post here).

1. "david boreanaz jaw"
Huh. It would appear that over the course of the past year I've ramped up the posts in which I mindlessly babble about either Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Bones. Not sure why you're researching "david boreanaz jaw" specifically (that's a little weird) unless maybe you're one of those dudes who gets plastic surgery to look like famous people, in which case, I'd like to refer you to that one episode of MTV's True Life where they showed all sorts of mentally insane people doing exactly that, who then had a lot of regrets that resulted in self-destructive behavior. Terrible idea.

2. "should you smoke cig while your jaw is wired shut"
Uh. No. No, you should not. And don't call them "cigs" either.

3. "john stamos shirtless"
I think I once posted a pic of his weird outtie belly button so yeah, you might find that here.

4. "when you have your jaw wired shut is it normal for you jaw to go numb"
Unfortunately, yes. I still have a small spot on my chin that doesn't have full feeling. Keep in mind if your lower jaw is being moved and/or your chin, during the surgery the doctor will be slicing through your nerves. Recovery can be quick, but super painful. And weird, if I remember correctly. All your nerves sort of regenerate and connect and stuff. Or something like that but in medical terms so it sounds a lot better. You should probably ask your surgeon about this.

5. "what is the song featured in the commercial for whip it!, but is not on the movie's sountrack"
Dude. I have no idea. I mean I wrote one post on that. I still haven't even seen the movie.

6. "jaw wired shut and adderall"
Now I know a lot about both these things, but in completely unrelated ways.

7. "what is wrong with david boreanaz's jaw?"
Again, with the David Boreanaz nonsense. Personally, I think he's really attractive. But if you have an issue with his jaw structure then why are you researching it further? This makes no sense to me.

8. "no fatties no hamsters"
God, I love that video. It's funnier every time I watch. Ew wait. If this is some weird sort of porn fetish than please just leave my blog immediately. Go. Now. And see a psychologist or something. Gross.

9. "what does it mean when you get your jaw wired shut?"
It means - wait, really? Is it not explicit? Okay... Using wire (or these days a lot of doctors use insanely strong rubber bands. I'm talking Ironman levels of strength here), your upper jaw and lower jaw are fastened together. You've also got braces, and these nasty metal attachments called "surgical hooks." Then you're put on a liquid diet for about 8 weeks, during which you will contemplate putting foods that should remain solid into a blender because you miss the taste of pizza so damn much and you rationalize that Chinese food gets all mushy and lumped together anyway. And if you're 23 and you live at home, and you don't have a job, and find yourself sleeping weird hours because of the painkillers and so you're watching a lot of Oprah (and you don't even like Oprah) and the side effects of the anesthesia result in an odd amount of peach fuzz appearing around your hairline, well then you're probably looking at some massive self esteem issues as well. But don't worry. Those are only temporary.

10. "curl up in a fetal position"
Me too, my friend. Me too.

Some Thoughts in my Mind Right Now That You Probably Don't Care About

If you are looking at this list thinking HEEEEEEEEEEELLLLL NO I am not reading that much of her mindless rambling, just skip to NUMBER SIX.

Thx,
Mngmnt.

(1) I seem to attract angry seagulls. Last weekend, there I was, just minding my own business at the beach, enjoying my crime thriller novel au moment, when BAM! a seagull craps on my leg. Although I've been told it's good luck (can anyone verify this?). And this is a mere three weeks after that other seagull divebombed for my sandwich. So I'd like to know: WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THE CALIFORNIA SEAGULLS?

(2) In other news, I have three days left at my current job (including today). First of all, who knew that two weeks notice flies by so quickly? It's exciting but also very surreal. And sad... but also great... so it's just a ROLLER COASTER of emotions up in here.

(3) You know I am sad my job will no longer be as a trend forecaster. Because then I will lose credibility when telling random people things like "MIMOSA IS THE NEW HOT COLOR" or "YES IT IS PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE TO PAINT YOUR NAILS MULTIPLE SHADES OF NEON COLORS."

(4) Which brings me to my next point... at the new job how long do I have to wait before I can bust out the neon clothing? Today I am wearing pants so neon they may as well be nuclear (seriously, they are the color of a yellow highlighter) and a bright purple tye-dye t-shirt. Sure it's my form of silent rebellion, of sticking it to the MAN, of saying "SUCK IT SUITS" but in all honesty, while I do love bright colors I've definitely exaggerated my love and frequency when placed in such a corporate environment. Good news is that the new gig appears to be much less corporate. So yeah maybe less neon?

(5) And better news? I am going to be in MAINE soon. I FUCKING LOVE MAINE. In case you didn't know that. You probably did. I love it so much. I also love the ocean. The ocean in Maine feels infinitely crisper and cleaner than here in LA. Probably because it's significantly less polluted. I want to live in the ocean. (OK contribute that last quote to Becca).

(6) And MOST IMPORTANTLY: I am now following John Stamos on Twitter. Yes, the REAL John Stamos (not my dad), and I need to begin tweeting at him, to facilitate the mind blowing experience of a real life Stamos vs. Stamos but I NEED YOUR HELP. I need to use STRATEGERY to go about this. Because imagine what would happen to the universe if we were to meet or EVEN DUEL over Twitter (okay, we wouldn't duel, per se, but the universe would probably explode). Personally, I think Uncle Jesse and I could be the best of friends but I WANT TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN. Help me make this happen! SERIOUSLY! Leave comments, email suggestions... oooh what if all 30 of you regular readers began a Twitter campaign for STAMOS TO MEET STAMOS. HOLY SHIT. Let's do it! In the words of P. Diddy "LET'S GO PEOPLE!"

Look Dad, YOU'RE Famous!

So I guess my dad is kind of a big deal. In Chile. Check it out:



Some of my thoughts:
1) Really, they can't spell Stamell the same way twice in the first sentence? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, IT'S ONE "M" and TWO "Ls" (now you understand why I seriously consider the name change to Stamos on a regular basis).
2) My dad has completely gone gray. Sorry Dad, but on the flip side I think that makes you a "Silver Fox" or something.
3) Sounds ominous that he went to U. Michigan for his undergrad but merely received his MBA "in Maine." Apparently Maine is a place for business degrees. In which case, I'll be receiving my MBA when I go home next month.
4) Wow my dad's Spanish is excellent, I am especially impressed by his impeccable verb conjugations!
5) I wonder if when Chileans talk to him they use a silent "J." Ha. That's funny.
6) I could probably do a Stamos vs. Stamos post on this piece and probably win. Just sayin. Yeah, you heard me Stamos, my dad is cooler than your dad!

bringing STAMOS to the workplace

It's taking a lot of self control right now to NOT send out the following email to my ENTIRE COMPANY:

Dear Colleagues,

From hence forth I shall be STAMOS.

Regards,
Stamos

I mean I was thinking the other day, why is it that people at work don't call me Stamos? The majority of my friends do. Hell, even DiTonto's parents call me Stamos! My cubemate (side note: need a better term to express the dude who sits next to me) calls me Stamos, but with a long A... you know like the Spanish Stamos. Which is funny. But not the STAMOS I think of. But it works.

Although there are a fair amount of people who just call me by my last name, which apparently is one of those last names that begs for last-name calling. I dig it.

Interestingly, the only people I am okay with calling me Ann are some of my friends from Maine, the ones who I've known forever. For some reason, when they call me Ann it doesn't bother me like it would if someone else did... but I prefer Annie... okay, I prefer STAMOS.

And don't you forget it.

Hello! Hello! It's me!

Oh hello there. Ah yes, I am at long last posting after the long holiday weekend. It's taken me longer than normal to consider getting around to a weekend recap. This is mostly due to the fact that I've spent the entire day in a groggy haze. Motivation levels have been low, as well as actual productivity. However, I like to think of Mondays as my free pass--the day when it's okay to be a little bit of a disaster because come Tuesday I'll have all my shit together.

At least that's what I tell myself.

My Fourth of July weekend was full of freedom, friends, family (well, not mine) and buckets of fun. Truly. It's been especially fun because DiTonto's parents have been staying with us since Thursday, and we've all decided it would be great to have parents living with us always. Funny how in high school that would have been the last thing I would have wanted. But since they've been in town it's been a non stop frenzy of delicious food and hilarity. Mostly because they call DiTonto "Peanut." I love these family names. One of my best friends' from home's family calls her Munchie or Munch which is just the greatest thing ever. Speaking of nicknames, even DiTonto's parents call me Stamos.

A Middlebury friend was in town over the weekend to "crush the scene" for a lot of "epicocity" (his lingo, not mine) and it made me want to just steal away all my friends from college and bring them all to LA and have them all live within 5 miles of me and then everything would be perfect. But I supposes that's what college was, and now we must settle for the occasional visit.

The highlight of the weekend was probably DiTonto's parents picking up their intoxicated daughter and 10 of her friends Saturday night. It really feels good to get spoiled every now and then.

some things

I already have another Stamos vs. Stamos brewing (GET EXCITED).

I forgot to wear deodorant yesterday. It went better than expected.

Work is very, very busy. This is a good thing? Sure.

I saw Up the other night and left the film emotionally traumatized.

I've gotten my roommates into Bones, which really feels like an accomplishment.

Weeds is back on TV. YES!

I have not eaten hot tamales in sometime.

I cooked an amazing Costa Rican dinner for myself last night.

I have no idea what I want to eat for lunch today and it's causing a great deal of stress.

My Pert Plus usage has increased to 70% of my showers.

My sleep time has increased by 70%.

I haven't shopped for ANYTHING in what feels like decades.

The above statement is a lie. It just feels that way.

I haven't cut my hair since November. Ew.

I've been listening to Placebo's "Running Up That Hill" on repeat since Sunday.

Per the above statement, I have a lot of angst. For what, I have no idea.

Stamos vs. Stamos

Okay. Hold the phones. Hot of the press comes this news about my namesake/arch nemesis/eventual BFF & co-author of the as-of-yet unwritten Stamos & Stamos: Road Trip America!:

"John Stamos confesses that he’s conceptualizing a Full House feature film. He envisions the film to star James Franco as Uncle Jesse, Steve Carell as Danny Tanner and Tracy Morgan as Uncle Joey."

Okay Stamos. Really? Look, I get that your heyday was the Uncle Jesse era, what with the leather jackets and the mullet and the Olsen twins before they got weird, but even the best of us know when to quit. For example, I peaked in high school, and you don’t see me going around trying to recreate the glory days of being captain of the Field Hockey team and a member of the state champion Mock Trial group (yeah, that’s right, MOCK TRIAL).

Sure it’s cool you are trying to give the show a modern spin by introducing some diversity, and maybe re-casting what you like to think is a younger version of yourself (hmm....) But, I mean, you just had a pretty decent comeback with ER—I know that a Full House movie sounds nice and with this reinvigorated late 80s/early 90s kitsch everywhere it might even be timely. But dude, LET IT GO. From one Stamos to another...

So this round?

I win.

Obviously. And thank God because you really kicked my ass the last go-round.

Stamos vs. Stamos

Okay.

So remember that time (aka every time) when I beat John Stamos in a "Stamos vs. Stamos" competition, mostly by default, but also because I am biased toward myself winning in all irrationally stupid web-based competitions with famous TV actors?

Well, you can forget about me ever saying I was always a guaranteed win, folks, because today I have Earth-shattering proof that Stamos has just owned me. Dominated. Destroyed. He is the victor supreme.

Why?

Please see this photo:



Stamos: Epic Win.
1. He is posing with TINA FEY. This is a no-brainer.
2. He is at Disneyland.
3. He is also standing with Belle, Cinderella, and Snow White and while I’m slightly concerned he might be marginally racist (where are Jasmine and Ariel? What, do you have a thing against Persians and Mermaids, Stamos?), he is posing with some Goddamn DISNEY PRINCESSES.
4. He is wearing a fedora and dirty old-people Velcro shoes. And PULLING IT OFF. SOMEHOW. PROBABLY BECAUSE HE IS JOHN STAMOS.
5. He is referred to as a Disneyphile.

Stamos: Epic fail.
1. I have no pictures with Tina Fey (besides the one I have tucked into my mirror with a word bubble that says “work on some improv Stamos and someday you might have a shot. Like me. Also: try glasses.” That’s a lie. I have no such picture. Just in my head. And the drawer in my nightstand).
2. I have never been to Disneyland. Only Disneyworld. And naturally, Florida = Fail.
3. The closest I have ever come to standing with a princess is when I took that ridiculous Facebook quiz "Which Disney Princess are you?" and somehow landed with Mulan. Fucking Mulan.
4. I do not own a fedora nor do I have any shoes with velcro, nor could I successfully pull off this look.
5. I am not a Disneyphile. The only “phile” I might be is an X-Phile. (Also a Francophile—these two “-philes” were actually united in my secret 5th grade AOL screenname XFille—literal translation is X-Girl, which unbeknownst to me at the time did not indicate I was a nerdy fan of The X-Files but rather portrayed me as a French porn star, and resulted in a lot of confusing spam email). The shame!

I’ll get you next time Stamos.
MARK MY WORDS.

Stamos vs. Stamos

OMG YOU GUYS.

We have a tight competition for Stamos & Stamos today. And it all has to do with the following word. A word that makes me think of JESUS, THE CELTICS, and BRITISH MONARCHIES.

LEGACY.

Yes, today we're going to see how the two Stamos' face off in a race that is all about legacy.

First up, John Stamos (the dude):
'Full House' Remake? You got it dude.



Okay. I know what you are thinking. You are thinking how can Stamos (the chick... me) top that! I can't even get a mere 100 people to read my blog on a daily basis so how could my legacy even compete with his?

Let me just go right ahead and announce,

I win.

Yep. I do. Why? Well at this point it really boils down to the age thing. Sure I am turning 25 in less than a month, but that is 20 years younger than John Stamos, and I think it's safe to say we know what his legacy is: sick 80s hair, melodrama, and leather jackets (and a critically acclaimed stint in Cabaret on Broadway... I guess?). As for me? Well, that's where I win; we have NO IDEA where my future is going to take me but I have a feeling (or so this handwriting analysis lady once told me) that one of these days shit's gonna get real. I am about to blow this world wide open--my legacy is just going to dwarf that of John Stamos, bless him.

Editor's Note, Stamos vs. Stamos posts are in no way biased, despite Stamos (the chick) winning all previous entries. Nope, no predetermined wins here... none at all... it's all very objective... especially here... and here... and here...

Stamos vs. Stamos

I'm going to go ahead and preemptively declare the winner of the latest round of Stamos vs. Stamos to be me. Why? Because although John Stamos actually stars in and is the subject of various movies, he might not have friends who randomly messenger him said movies to his office on a generic Thursday.

I do.



Winner: This Stamos. (If there was someway I could inject some sort of animation of an asshole with two thumbs up pointing at himself, that's what I would put right here. Because that's what I am doing.)

P.S. Andy Shrub? Psh. There's only one John Stamos... and his name is ANNIE.

OMG YOU GUYS

I cannot believe here it is 5:23 pm on Monday and I haven't even said hello. (HELLO).

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

How about a lil weekend update while I chomp on this delicious and almost perfectly white peach? I know what you are thinking. You are thinking OMG ANNIE STAMOS (made up last name FYI) you are eating a peach? You spend your coveted money on peaches? NO I DON'T. But my dad, Jon Stamos does. And that's right folks... in addition to a weekend of free meals I lucked out with one helluva grocery shopping trip to the local Pavillions, courtesy Dad.

Other weekend highlights include the 30 mile bike ride I went on Saturday. Yes, 30 miles. It was completely uninentional (hence the severe and awkward sunburned tan lines on my right shoulder) but the perfect sunny LA day to ride from Santa Monica to Hermosa, have some lunch on the pier, then ride bike. And, I am totally hooked on bike riding. Which is awesome because I am actually a MISERABLE bike rider (this dates back to a scarring experience when I went to summer camp in Mexico and was forced to go on crazy bike rides sans helmet and on these very steep narrow roads with large trucks passing us and I just remember wanting to close my eyes and cry the whole time) but seriously YOU GUYS bike riding was AWESOME and I am a convert.

I also did a long rollerblade trip yesterday (so Cali, ew) but not as intense though because rollerblading 30 miles would be far less enjoyable. I think I still did 8 miles (need to brag, okay?) and really just had to get a glimpse of the Venice Sunday 5 pm drum circle (so weird).

Yeah so this weekend was all about OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES which was awesome and LA is really the perfect place for such fun. Although now I am feeling a bit out of sorts and like maybe there were things I didn't do that maybe I need to do, but let's be honest--that's not true.

What else... Oh the Emmys... yeah well... I watched them. Thought the fashion choices were lackluster, the jokes stale, and overall a snoozefest. However I am SUCH a sucker for those award shows and regrettably I must say I watched the entire thing. ENTIRE THING. Blech. There are 3 hours of my life I will never get back. I sort of think since I've moved out here and have been exposed to the Hollywood scene I am growing increasingly adverse to such self-congratulatory events. (But don't mind me while I self-congratulate any second I get.)

That's all she wrote folks... and for REAL I promise to kick it into a higher gear this week. Ok?

Happy Birthday John Stamos!

From one Stamos to another, you got it dude.

Where Have All the Children Gone?

Okay I know it's late summer and all, and a particularly icky August for those New Yorkers out there, and probably a lot of people are vacationing right now, or pretend vacationing (aka day dreaming while at their cubicles... aka me), but WHERE have all my readers gone? Seriously!

Is it me? It could be, I know that. I mean, since I've started the new job I would say posting has been somewhat lack luster. But in the past week I feel as though I've made a roundabout effort, zeroing in on such themes as Hot Tamale love and inspecting the contents of my garbage can, among other things. So while I am out here posting away every day, potentially endangering my career, procrastinating my work, and really just pouring out my hopes, thoughts, and dreams to the anonymous readers of the interwebs, you all just need to get ON BOARD. By which I mean you really need to start emailing Jaw Wired Shut to EVERYONE YOU KNOW RIGHT NOW.

Seriously. I want to see today's page views sky rocket up to 100. All it takes is a conversation or an IM--"oh hey check out this blog it's so cool" or "Wow this chick Annie is a fucking genius and I WISH I were only as smart and as cool as her" or maybe "yo that Stamos girl is painfully annoying, read this shit and then let's make fun of her" or "my friend Ann told me to tell people to read her blog so here it is" and you get the idea.

Great, thanks.