Today marks the End of an Era. THANK GOD.
That’s right – The Hills, that reality show I love to hate; the epic tome that has brought me much success and equal frustration, finally comes to an end tonight. Good riddance.
Okay, okay - thank you MTV for creating this beast. I regretfully admit it’s my most-blogged about show. (See the tags for the endless entries). And now, hopefully, never again.
I'll complete the Sound of Music references with this fitting farewell:
Are you sad The Hills is vacating the airwaves? Personally, I think it's a long overdue end. Probably should've gone when Lauren left for greener pastures and when Speidi got really, really weird.
Showing posts with label Lauren Conrad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lauren Conrad. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Look it's Lauren "Used to be on the show... basically they're all the same person" Conrad!
In honor of tonight's premiere of the final season of that show I love to hate, The Hills. Let's enjoy this spot-on parody:
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Okay, HILLS, you got me, I'm coming back.
So remember how I never used to shut up about The Hills? Well, I stopped watching after the third season or so, but as this upcoming season is its final hurrah, I figure I may as well pay homage to the show I love to hate more than any other, and I can't think of a better way to pay said homage than to, well, watch it. Or at least set it to record so I can fast forward through all the Speidi nonsense and gratuitous LA scenery-porn montages. So that might leave me with about seven minutes of actual "plot" but I'm gonna love every partially-scripted moment.
First of all, I hate Speidi. I do. And they are both following me on Twitter. It's disgusting. But really, they disgust me. They are miserable. MISERABLE. Can we banish them from society? Or excommunicate them papal-style? I'm completely serious here.
However, everything else in that overblown extended preview looks AWESOME. I can't wait. BRING IT ON.
What do you think? Who else is going to watch? And do we think fan favorite LC will make a final appearance? Will we return to Laguna Beach where it all began? God I hope so...
First of all, I hate Speidi. I do. And they are both following me on Twitter. It's disgusting. But really, they disgust me. They are miserable. MISERABLE. Can we banish them from society? Or excommunicate them papal-style? I'm completely serious here.
However, everything else in that overblown extended preview looks AWESOME. I can't wait. BRING IT ON.
What do you think? Who else is going to watch? And do we think fan favorite LC will make a final appearance? Will we return to Laguna Beach where it all began? God I hope so...
Monday, June 01, 2009
I want my MTV
Watching the MTV Movie Awards last night was just... GREAT. Truly. I have missed MTV. In all honestly the only time I watch the network is to catch The Hills and last night's season finale was the first time I'd watched the show this season since the first three episodes. Apparently not much had progressed in those episodes I missed because I felt like it picked up right where I left off, with Stacey the Bartender and the Montag-Pratt nuptials, Lauren being SO TOTALLY OVER IT ALL, and the OMG THE BITCH IS BACK appearance of Kristin Cavallari (who's excited? ME!). But after the finale it was fun watching the movie awards. Mostly for the Twilight love and New Moon trailer premiere (what you thought I was over the vampire phase? hah! Speaking of, last week I got to watch the new CW pilot The Vampire Diaries and let me just say I am really excited for another weekly emo/tween vampire fix) but also just because I think it's still a great pop culture event, even if the entire show is essentially a big platform to plug movies/tv shows/Orbit gum.
But then there are precious moments like this one:
Yep, just as awkward as expected. She's painful to watch, but then again, at least she knows it and can laugh about it.
But then there are precious moments like this one:
Yep, just as awkward as expected. She's painful to watch, but then again, at least she knows it and can laugh about it.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Family Guy Friday
The Lauren Conrad Family Guy episode had so many priceless moments. This was an especially effective "cut to commerical break" bit:
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
The City Premiere: A Brief Study
In my recent video game addiction/obsession to Paper Mario, I failed to mention that yesterday I was very much anticipating the premiere of The City, which I can say, with certainty, has now supplanted The Hills as my favorite faux-reality show I love/hate. Yes, in one hour I turned off the television feeling perfectly satiated—Whitney Port’s New York Minute is going to be my guilty pleasure TV of 2009. Happy New Year!
My immediate love is, of course, no surprise at all—nor is the fact that faux-socialite Olivia Palermo is destined to be the next breakout villain star of this MTV collection—which is fabulous. Obvious villain or no, she is infinitely more likeable and interesting to watch than Speidi, particularly because she is so awkwardly snobby, and also because she is really NOT a socialite (Olivia, I had plenty of friends who were Debs, in fact my own mother was one—which I believe means I could have been—and they are all normal humble lovely ladies now, no reality show needed). Thanks to a delicious exposé in NY Mag last year, we know she'd be better categorized as a social climber. But for the sake of this faux-universe; who cares! She's divine.
Yes folks, The City delivered (and thankfully explained Ms. Port’s odd getup at The Hills finale last week—all DVF, flowery hippie headband included) and I am looking forward to spending the next few months living vicariously through Whitney Port as she wanders my short-lived NY stomping grounds (unlike LA, I see more restaurants and cityscapes I recognize already, probably because in NY, when living off my dad—does that make me a social, Olivia?—I was eating out a lot more, enjoy the fruits of others’ labor).
The two-episode premiere sure packed in a lot of drama (faux drama obv), in fact I think more happened in this episode than an entire season of The Hills, which isn’t saying much, but says something—The City is a refreshing spin-off. I’m tired of Lauren and Heidi’s incessant rivalry and rumor spreading, Audrina’s boring romance, and even the shenanigans of the once poorly coiffed/tanned She-Pratt, Stephanie. It’s all about Whitney, and NYC from here on out—and this fantastic downtown/uptown competition. It’s a battle between the preps of Gossip Girl and the faux-hipsters of my West Village neighborhood, and the best part is, they aren’t actually all that different from each other. They all have killer wardrobes, have jobs like buyer, publicist, editor, art gallery trainee, non-profit co-oordinator... and so forth (you get the point).
A premiere highlight was undoubtedly the dinner party, and the ridiculous assembly of Olivia’s friends, the best being her cousin, who uttered the ridiculous sentence “Even though my father is an art dealer I just have no interest in art, I am completely the opposite” as though it were perhaps the most novel idea he’d stumbled upon. Brilliant! These people lack self-awareness to the extreme, which makes interactions even better, especially watching poor Whitney, who genuinely seems to be herself on camera, attempt to navigate this new social dynamic. Sadly, I have a feeling our heroine will likely change immensely over her course of time in the city and on The City. Whether it’s for better or for worse, only time will tell. 12 episodes-worth, that is.
My immediate love is, of course, no surprise at all—nor is the fact that faux-socialite Olivia Palermo is destined to be the next breakout villain star of this MTV collection—which is fabulous. Obvious villain or no, she is infinitely more likeable and interesting to watch than Speidi, particularly because she is so awkwardly snobby, and also because she is really NOT a socialite (Olivia, I had plenty of friends who were Debs, in fact my own mother was one—which I believe means I could have been—and they are all normal humble lovely ladies now, no reality show needed). Thanks to a delicious exposé in NY Mag last year, we know she'd be better categorized as a social climber. But for the sake of this faux-universe; who cares! She's divine.
Yes folks, The City delivered (and thankfully explained Ms. Port’s odd getup at The Hills finale last week—all DVF, flowery hippie headband included) and I am looking forward to spending the next few months living vicariously through Whitney Port as she wanders my short-lived NY stomping grounds (unlike LA, I see more restaurants and cityscapes I recognize already, probably because in NY, when living off my dad—does that make me a social, Olivia?—I was eating out a lot more, enjoy the fruits of others’ labor).
The two-episode premiere sure packed in a lot of drama (faux drama obv), in fact I think more happened in this episode than an entire season of The Hills, which isn’t saying much, but says something—The City is a refreshing spin-off. I’m tired of Lauren and Heidi’s incessant rivalry and rumor spreading, Audrina’s boring romance, and even the shenanigans of the once poorly coiffed/tanned She-Pratt, Stephanie. It’s all about Whitney, and NYC from here on out—and this fantastic downtown/uptown competition. It’s a battle between the preps of Gossip Girl and the faux-hipsters of my West Village neighborhood, and the best part is, they aren’t actually all that different from each other. They all have killer wardrobes, have jobs like buyer, publicist, editor, art gallery trainee, non-profit co-oordinator... and so forth (you get the point).
A premiere highlight was undoubtedly the dinner party, and the ridiculous assembly of Olivia’s friends, the best being her cousin, who uttered the ridiculous sentence “Even though my father is an art dealer I just have no interest in art, I am completely the opposite” as though it were perhaps the most novel idea he’d stumbled upon. Brilliant! These people lack self-awareness to the extreme, which makes interactions even better, especially watching poor Whitney, who genuinely seems to be herself on camera, attempt to navigate this new social dynamic. Sadly, I have a feeling our heroine will likely change immensely over her course of time in the city and on The City. Whether it’s for better or for worse, only time will tell. 12 episodes-worth, that is.
Friday, December 05, 2008
The City is the REAL Gossip Girl
Here's a NEWER preview for The City:
This show is going to be awesome for so many reasons.
First, I am sick of The Hills. I am, it's true. I am especially sick of having to watch Heidi and Spencer on that show, and Lauren's trust issues are borderline making me want to see a therapist. And Audrina? Stop getting your teeth whitened, please.
Secondly, Whitney was truly the best of the cast, and putting her in NYC, and at Diane von Furstenberg, and working with Olivia Palermo (a socialite working? Mais, non!)--I mean, that is genius right there.
Finally, it really is the real version of Gossip Girl--much like Laguna Beach was the real O.C. The Hills is not real in any capacity, and even though The City is the spinoff of a spinoff... I think it will be 900 times better. And it's on the same night as Bromance so as of December 29th my Monday nights are going to be occupied. YES.
This show is going to be awesome for so many reasons.
First, I am sick of The Hills. I am, it's true. I am especially sick of having to watch Heidi and Spencer on that show, and Lauren's trust issues are borderline making me want to see a therapist. And Audrina? Stop getting your teeth whitened, please.
Secondly, Whitney was truly the best of the cast, and putting her in NYC, and at Diane von Furstenberg, and working with Olivia Palermo (a socialite working? Mais, non!)--I mean, that is genius right there.
Finally, it really is the real version of Gossip Girl--much like Laguna Beach was the real O.C. The Hills is not real in any capacity, and even though The City is the spinoff of a spinoff... I think it will be 900 times better. And it's on the same night as Bromance so as of December 29th my Monday nights are going to be occupied. YES.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Back to Reality (TV)
Who caught The Hills last night? Obviously I did. And wow was it a gem of an episode. If anything, we learned again that Heidi is an ugly plastic doll who has completely fried her hair on a flat iron and/or crimper and both Lauren and Audrina are batshit crazy. However, I remain Team LC.
On a side note, the blowout fight at Winston's at the end of the episode was awesome. First of all, who attempts to "talk it out" at a night club (?), but really I want to just go over the best exchange of the night, when these rivals were discussing whether or not LC hooked up with J-Bob:
Lauren: Tell me what I've done to you to make you think I'm capable of doing this.
Audrina: You want me to sit here and make you a list?
Lauren: Yeah I do.
Audrina: You guys have been flirting before...
Lauren: (said in a heightened tone, sheer disgust in her voice) Flirting? I would rather kill myself than hook up with him. He is disgusting. Justin disgusts me.
Lauren I totes understand. I too would rather kill myself than hook up with Justin Bobby. Ick. But you're totally badass for saying that.
On a side note, the blowout fight at Winston's at the end of the episode was awesome. First of all, who attempts to "talk it out" at a night club (?), but really I want to just go over the best exchange of the night, when these rivals were discussing whether or not LC hooked up with J-Bob:
Lauren: Tell me what I've done to you to make you think I'm capable of doing this.
Audrina: You want me to sit here and make you a list?
Lauren: Yeah I do.
Audrina: You guys have been flirting before...
Lauren: (said in a heightened tone, sheer disgust in her voice) Flirting? I would rather kill myself than hook up with him. He is disgusting. Justin disgusts me.
Lauren I totes understand. I too would rather kill myself than hook up with Justin Bobby. Ick. But you're totally badass for saying that.
Monday, October 06, 2008
That Time I Fell in Love With a Water Cooler
Saturday was a good day. I woke up. Went to a yoga class. Came home. Made some eggs. Showered. Sat down with Roomie #1 and popped in a disc of Friday Night Lights. Opened a bottle of wine. Got drunk. Four hours later (and a second bottle of wine) we went on a raid to a friend's house. Had some beers. Hung out. Shot an audition tape for our friend's friend (only in LA). Came home. Made grand plans to go out and make out with a boy (NOT THE SAME ONE, COME ON). Popped in another disc of Friday Night Lights whilst discussing said grand plans. Passed out before midnight. Woke up on the sofa around 12:30 am disoriented and feeling wine hungoveryish (just made that word up, go with it) and consumed mass quantities of fresh, delicious water.
OH YEAH.
THAT'S RIGHT.
I FORGOT TO MENTION THE BEST THING EVER ABOUT SATURDAY THAT MADE ME 100% HAPPIER AND COOLER (both in degree and social status), DESPITE THE FACT THAT THE ONLY MAJOR ACTIVITY I DID ON A SATURDAY WAS A YOGA CLASS AND RATHER THAN MAKE OUT WITH ANY BOYS, BOTH MY ROOMMATE AND MYSELF GOT WINE DRUNK, WATCHED EPIC TV AND PASSED OUT:
WE GOT A WATER COOLER.
Okay. So yes, that was an unnecessary use of capitalization (and after re-reading it was VERY confusing, apologies) but LET ME TELL YOU (here I go again), that having a water cooler AT HOME is the best thing ever. First of all, I AM SO HYDRATED I have pee to all the time and especially when I wake up in the morning and that is A VERY GOOD THING and there is nothing better than waking up in the morning and relieving your bladder. I also enjoy waking up and putting on chapstick. (I am not at all surprised there were no make-outs with boys in my recent history, are you?).
Secondly, I can have about eight cups of tea a day (OR MORE! IT'S UP TO ME!) with no hassle, thanks to the glorious water cooler. Which means I am going to be really energized, or really calm, depending on what kind of tea I choose to make, like right now--OMG I AM GOING TO BREW MY MOST FAVORITE OF THE CELESTIAL SEASONINGS VARIETY, Sleepytime. Which is also the name of one of my iTunes playlists.
And finally, WATER. IS. AWESOME.
Henceforth, thus I shall visa via decree that the water cooler has changed my life for the better.
OK, chill, I get that this may perhaps, in theory, be wonderful but probably is doing something terrible for the environment or the economy (or probably both, because let's face it: everything today is totally fucking over BOTH the environment and the economy) but goddamnit I make like NO money and work pretty hard (okay, I work moderately hard) and just want some delicious cold water at my leisure and YES it's home delivery which further supports my theory that people in LA are excessively lazy and now that I have lived here for a year (OMG A YEAR!) I have become the very thing I so often mock (an Angeleno? HELL NO. NEVER. Maybe a little). BUT ALLOW ME MY LOVE AFFAIR WITH OUR WATER COOLER.
I'll let that tirade marinate. And now I am going to watch an episode of The Hills whilst I enjoy some fresh tea (thank you water cooler, love of my life) and cry while I watch Lauren Conrad make massive quantities of money for doing NOTHING. NOTHING AT ALL.
P.S. Obama 2008
No drugs were used in the creation of this blog post. Only water. But apparently you CAN get drunk on water. Someone told me that once.
OH YEAH.
THAT'S RIGHT.
I FORGOT TO MENTION THE BEST THING EVER ABOUT SATURDAY THAT MADE ME 100% HAPPIER AND COOLER (both in degree and social status), DESPITE THE FACT THAT THE ONLY MAJOR ACTIVITY I DID ON A SATURDAY WAS A YOGA CLASS AND RATHER THAN MAKE OUT WITH ANY BOYS, BOTH MY ROOMMATE AND MYSELF GOT WINE DRUNK, WATCHED EPIC TV AND PASSED OUT:
WE GOT A WATER COOLER.
Okay. So yes, that was an unnecessary use of capitalization (and after re-reading it was VERY confusing, apologies) but LET ME TELL YOU (here I go again), that having a water cooler AT HOME is the best thing ever. First of all, I AM SO HYDRATED I have pee to all the time and especially when I wake up in the morning and that is A VERY GOOD THING and there is nothing better than waking up in the morning and relieving your bladder. I also enjoy waking up and putting on chapstick. (I am not at all surprised there were no make-outs with boys in my recent history, are you?).
Secondly, I can have about eight cups of tea a day (OR MORE! IT'S UP TO ME!) with no hassle, thanks to the glorious water cooler. Which means I am going to be really energized, or really calm, depending on what kind of tea I choose to make, like right now--OMG I AM GOING TO BREW MY MOST FAVORITE OF THE CELESTIAL SEASONINGS VARIETY, Sleepytime. Which is also the name of one of my iTunes playlists.
And finally, WATER. IS. AWESOME.
Henceforth, thus I shall visa via decree that the water cooler has changed my life for the better.
OK, chill, I get that this may perhaps, in theory, be wonderful but probably is doing something terrible for the environment or the economy (or probably both, because let's face it: everything today is totally fucking over BOTH the environment and the economy) but goddamnit I make like NO money and work pretty hard (okay, I work moderately hard) and just want some delicious cold water at my leisure and YES it's home delivery which further supports my theory that people in LA are excessively lazy and now that I have lived here for a year (OMG A YEAR!) I have become the very thing I so often mock (an Angeleno? HELL NO. NEVER. Maybe a little). BUT ALLOW ME MY LOVE AFFAIR WITH OUR WATER COOLER.
I'll let that tirade marinate. And now I am going to watch an episode of The Hills whilst I enjoy some fresh tea (thank you water cooler, love of my life) and cry while I watch Lauren Conrad make massive quantities of money for doing NOTHING. NOTHING AT ALL.
P.S. Obama 2008
No drugs were used in the creation of this blog post. Only water. But apparently you CAN get drunk on water. Someone told me that once.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Is it... Could it be? Am I over the Hills?
While watching The Hills last night I couldn’t notice a strange sensation sneaking up on me. I tried to ignore the feeling while I watched Lauren’s shock and awe when Speidi surprised Stephanie Pratt at her birthday. I tried to fend it off when observing Whitney’s crazy ass boss get all Devil Wears Prada on her team. And I really tried to deny the slow dawning realization of a new truth watching Audrina debate the impending World War III, or in her terms “dark hairs vs. light hairs.” (So articulate that one). But I couldn’t fight it and I can’t deny it.
I think I might be over The Hills. It sucks. Like really sucks. As in, the Speidi obsession with hating Lauren (seriously—Spencer referring to LC as the girl he hates most in the world or something like that) just had me wondering... wasn’t that last season, or two seasons ago? Can’t the dredge up some other faux drama to make new subplots with?
I mean obviously I am going to keep watching, if not only to see what color She-Pratt’s skin will be next week (seriously honey, lay off the coffee, cigarettes, and self-tanner, like yesterday). But I do feel that my love/hate for the show has now turned into hate/love. If that makes any sense... You know, these post-episode responses are nearly as vapid as the subjects that I am not even sure my blogging is worth it. But let’s see how I feel next week, shall we?
I think I might be over The Hills. It sucks. Like really sucks. As in, the Speidi obsession with hating Lauren (seriously—Spencer referring to LC as the girl he hates most in the world or something like that) just had me wondering... wasn’t that last season, or two seasons ago? Can’t the dredge up some other faux drama to make new subplots with?
I mean obviously I am going to keep watching, if not only to see what color She-Pratt’s skin will be next week (seriously honey, lay off the coffee, cigarettes, and self-tanner, like yesterday). But I do feel that my love/hate for the show has now turned into hate/love. If that makes any sense... You know, these post-episode responses are nearly as vapid as the subjects that I am not even sure my blogging is worth it. But let’s see how I feel next week, shall we?
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
The Hills Have Eyes (and Eye Rolls)
The Hills makes me want to vomit. A little bit. And then it makes me want to cry. And maybe laugh a little bit too. But the overwhelming reaction is nausea. Last night I literally couldn’t help myself from repeatedly spitting out crumbs of my dinner (Ritz crackers and string cheese... Ritz are very crumbly so it shouldn’t be too surprising that I encountered this issue, but I am including this detail to emphasize the urge to vomit, not my pathetic dinner) and the ironic thing is—I couldn’t really tell you what happened. Not because I blacked out or anything, but because I am pretty sure the plot was thin. Gratuitous scenes of LA were ever present, and once again had me wondering how do they make this city look so great? Last time I checked Hollywood was pretty nasty.
If I really think about it (which means I am devoting all too much time to processing The Hills), then I think some key plot points were these: Lauren has a date, Whitney’s facial expressions could narrate an episode, Lo’s a bitch, no Audrina’s a bitch, no they're a both bitches (but I would totally want to hang out with them), Heidi, Spencer, and Heidi’s sister come in a three way tie for worst acting ever, and there was something about never being friends or something but I am not sure who it was about.
Right.
In all, I was underwhelmed by the premiere, hence my delayed review and shorter than normal commentary. (One great thing? None of those weird Dove commercials with Alica Keys. Those made me want to kill myself). Thing is, I think The Hills peaked last season. I just am not sure how much more “plot” they are going to get out of these vapid creatures. Sure Speidi wants to get married in front of the camera, but their scenes are already so incredibly intolerable, I just can’t imagine there being viewer interest. Then again, the show is something akin to a bloody car accident—you just can’t look away. At the very least, I am thankful to have renewed blog fodder. I am also thankful this is likely to be the last season of the show, so I will stop thinking about how I’ve spent about five years of my life watching Lauren Conrad grow up on TV.
Current status on my love/hate relationship with The Hills?
Hate.
If I really think about it (which means I am devoting all too much time to processing The Hills), then I think some key plot points were these: Lauren has a date, Whitney’s facial expressions could narrate an episode, Lo’s a bitch, no Audrina’s a bitch, no they're a both bitches (but I would totally want to hang out with them), Heidi, Spencer, and Heidi’s sister come in a three way tie for worst acting ever, and there was something about never being friends or something but I am not sure who it was about.
Right.
In all, I was underwhelmed by the premiere, hence my delayed review and shorter than normal commentary. (One great thing? None of those weird Dove commercials with Alica Keys. Those made me want to kill myself). Thing is, I think The Hills peaked last season. I just am not sure how much more “plot” they are going to get out of these vapid creatures. Sure Speidi wants to get married in front of the camera, but their scenes are already so incredibly intolerable, I just can’t imagine there being viewer interest. Then again, the show is something akin to a bloody car accident—you just can’t look away. At the very least, I am thankful to have renewed blog fodder. I am also thankful this is likely to be the last season of the show, so I will stop thinking about how I’ve spent about five years of my life watching Lauren Conrad grow up on TV.
Current status on my love/hate relationship with The Hills?
Hate.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Again, Why I Should be Working at Entertainment Weekly
Because then I would get to write articles like this. (And have a proofreader and get paid for it. Some day...)
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Hills Sneak Preview
Because I have connections/like to give friends free publicity... and by publicity I mean over saturate the average fifty readers I get daily. WOOO. OMG LAUREN CONRAD IS THE COOLEST. Seriously, though, who's excited? I both dread and cannot wait for the new season to start. Here's another taste:
Hump Day
I would rate Wednesday as the #2 worst day of the week after Monday. No matter what time I go to bed or what the preceeding days have been like, waking up Wednesday morning is almost always near to impossible.
I am a big user and abuser of the snooze button. I probably snooze every morning for a minimum of a half hour. I always go to bed with the intention that I'll get right up to my alarm in the morning, but that rarely happens. Wednesday mornings there isn't a shot in the dark of that happening. In fact this morning I snoozed for an hour, with not one but three alarms. Highly disruptive and unnecessary? But of course. By the time I finally did wake up I decided to spend some morning time on the interwebs, and about fifteen minutes into that any chance of a shower was long gone. So here I am, just about a week into the new job and am making my first non-showered appearance. This would probably be okay if not for my hair. I wouldn't say I am someone with especially greasy hair, so fortunately I don't have to battle that issue (at least until around day 2 of no showering, then it's definitely problematic--but I try not to let it get that far). The biggest issue is that I seem to run marathons in my sleep and without fail wake up each morning with a certifiable rat's nest. Esepcially if I wear my hair curly the day before, which really means I just don't brush it.
For example, this morning: I wore my hair curly yesterday, which means I had not run a comb through it since Monday morning around 7 am. Therefore when I woke up this morning, due to untamed nappy curls and all the head banging I seem to do while sleeping, the 'do is a little on the south side of pretty. In fact, I'm rocking a borderline comb-over. The Donald's got nothin' on me.
Wait a minute, I can't believe you just read about my current hairstyle for what, a few minutes? I do apologize. But see it's Hump Day and I am pretty sure I am only half awake at the moment and an exploratory post on my morning hair styles seems to be all I can offer at the moment.
Oh and I just watched the new trailer for The Hills so that's dumbed me down a little bit I imagine. That show is so vapid it's contagious. I love it. You know you do to.
I am a big user and abuser of the snooze button. I probably snooze every morning for a minimum of a half hour. I always go to bed with the intention that I'll get right up to my alarm in the morning, but that rarely happens. Wednesday mornings there isn't a shot in the dark of that happening. In fact this morning I snoozed for an hour, with not one but three alarms. Highly disruptive and unnecessary? But of course. By the time I finally did wake up I decided to spend some morning time on the interwebs, and about fifteen minutes into that any chance of a shower was long gone. So here I am, just about a week into the new job and am making my first non-showered appearance. This would probably be okay if not for my hair. I wouldn't say I am someone with especially greasy hair, so fortunately I don't have to battle that issue (at least until around day 2 of no showering, then it's definitely problematic--but I try not to let it get that far). The biggest issue is that I seem to run marathons in my sleep and without fail wake up each morning with a certifiable rat's nest. Esepcially if I wear my hair curly the day before, which really means I just don't brush it.
For example, this morning: I wore my hair curly yesterday, which means I had not run a comb through it since Monday morning around 7 am. Therefore when I woke up this morning, due to untamed nappy curls and all the head banging I seem to do while sleeping, the 'do is a little on the south side of pretty. In fact, I'm rocking a borderline comb-over. The Donald's got nothin' on me.
Wait a minute, I can't believe you just read about my current hairstyle for what, a few minutes? I do apologize. But see it's Hump Day and I am pretty sure I am only half awake at the moment and an exploratory post on my morning hair styles seems to be all I can offer at the moment.
Oh and I just watched the new trailer for The Hills so that's dumbed me down a little bit I imagine. That show is so vapid it's contagious. I love it. You know you do to.
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Coming to terms with my Hills obsession
I was just about to start writing about how I was so proud of myself for not having written about The Hills this week, and then I remembered I posted about my gag reflex in response to Speidi Takes On Washington D.C. just two days ago. Oh well. Last night at dinner I was talking to a friend who doesn't watch The Hills (appalling, but I applaud his resistance) and although he isn't a regular viewer, he is certainly aware of the cultural phenomenon the show has become. I'd be surprised to find someone who wasn't informed of the latest adventures of Lauren Conrad and company, whether they want to or not. Paris Hilton invented the act of finding fame and celebrity for doing nothing, but the cast of The Hills has perfected the art.
What I love about the show, beyond the trivial lives of it's main characters, is the role Los Angeles plays. I don't think LA has ever been more glamorized, and I equate the city's portrayal akin to that of New York's in Sex and the City. In both of these shows, the city itself plays a central part in the drama, comedy, and turmoils or happy resolutions of the key characters. In both there are four women looking for love and happiness in a classic American city where glamor, gossip, and guys are the subplots of life. LA is the fifth woman, providing the backdrop and perpetuating the drama. For who would Lauren et al be without Goa on Thursday nights? Or the Equinox in West Hollywood? Or their beautiful home with a pool in the Hollywood Hills?
Hold the phone... I've been to Goa, I was just taking a pilates class at Equinox this morning, and I don't live in the hills but my apartment complex has a pool and I am just two and a half blocks from the beach in Santa Monica. I live The Hills! I am Lauren Conrad! (Actually, no I am definitely not Lauren. I guess if I could relate to any starlet on the show it would be Lo, who seems to be the only one living a less artificial life, and maybe has her head on straight, even though she is a more recent cast addition despite being an original from Lauren's days as "LC" on Laguna Beach). I work in Hollywood, in the entertainment industry, as do many of my friends, and we are social girls with drama, boy troubles, job troubles, and even a few feuds here and there (seriously, two of my friends just "broke up"). Perhaps on some level, I am hopelessly addicted to The Hills because I see elements of myself and my life reflected in the lives of those played out on screen.
Wait a minute, who am I kidding? If I really grasp at strings I can make a few parallels, but please, my life is NOTHING like The Hills! That's what makes the show so great--my LA couldn't be more distant from their LA, and thank goodness for that. The one time I went to Goa, I might have brushed by Brody Jenner, but I couldn't have been more out of my element (and we got kicked out because one of my friends was too drunk to stand, so I obviously lack social etiquette). When I go to Equinox I have usually just rolled out of bed and thanks to my sweating problem I do NOT look all that perky and put together with make-up intact. My apartment might be in a great location but the building is straight out of 1975 with an elevator that seems to be some sort of 1930s hydraulic contraption. A few of my friends can be over the top but overall they are fun-loving, low key and drama free. My life, our lives, are realistic. At the end of the day, The Hills is not.
Clearly, I have a serious love/hate relationship with the show, and am obviously struggling to come to terms with what is ultimately a love for it. It has undeniable pop culture appeal, and I am a pop culture junkie and self-proclaimed pop culture know-it-all. This is just my shtick. So rather than bemoan the prevalence of Hills-related posts, from here on out I am going to embrace it. (Translate: These quasi-intellectual Hills posts are going to keep on coming, so get used to it. Sure to follow are a lot of posts about the 90210 spin-off. Oh wait, that's already happening.) I can relate, but my LA existence is different enough that I can observe from a distance, and enjoy the "reality" show for the fantasy that it really is.
What I love about the show, beyond the trivial lives of it's main characters, is the role Los Angeles plays. I don't think LA has ever been more glamorized, and I equate the city's portrayal akin to that of New York's in Sex and the City. In both of these shows, the city itself plays a central part in the drama, comedy, and turmoils or happy resolutions of the key characters. In both there are four women looking for love and happiness in a classic American city where glamor, gossip, and guys are the subplots of life. LA is the fifth woman, providing the backdrop and perpetuating the drama. For who would Lauren et al be without Goa on Thursday nights? Or the Equinox in West Hollywood? Or their beautiful home with a pool in the Hollywood Hills?
Hold the phone... I've been to Goa, I was just taking a pilates class at Equinox this morning, and I don't live in the hills but my apartment complex has a pool and I am just two and a half blocks from the beach in Santa Monica. I live The Hills! I am Lauren Conrad! (Actually, no I am definitely not Lauren. I guess if I could relate to any starlet on the show it would be Lo, who seems to be the only one living a less artificial life, and maybe has her head on straight, even though she is a more recent cast addition despite being an original from Lauren's days as "LC" on Laguna Beach). I work in Hollywood, in the entertainment industry, as do many of my friends, and we are social girls with drama, boy troubles, job troubles, and even a few feuds here and there (seriously, two of my friends just "broke up"). Perhaps on some level, I am hopelessly addicted to The Hills because I see elements of myself and my life reflected in the lives of those played out on screen.
Wait a minute, who am I kidding? If I really grasp at strings I can make a few parallels, but please, my life is NOTHING like The Hills! That's what makes the show so great--my LA couldn't be more distant from their LA, and thank goodness for that. The one time I went to Goa, I might have brushed by Brody Jenner, but I couldn't have been more out of my element (and we got kicked out because one of my friends was too drunk to stand, so I obviously lack social etiquette). When I go to Equinox I have usually just rolled out of bed and thanks to my sweating problem I do NOT look all that perky and put together with make-up intact. My apartment might be in a great location but the building is straight out of 1975 with an elevator that seems to be some sort of 1930s hydraulic contraption. A few of my friends can be over the top but overall they are fun-loving, low key and drama free. My life, our lives, are realistic. At the end of the day, The Hills is not.
Clearly, I have a serious love/hate relationship with the show, and am obviously struggling to come to terms with what is ultimately a love for it. It has undeniable pop culture appeal, and I am a pop culture junkie and self-proclaimed pop culture know-it-all. This is just my shtick. So rather than bemoan the prevalence of Hills-related posts, from here on out I am going to embrace it. (Translate: These quasi-intellectual Hills posts are going to keep on coming, so get used to it. Sure to follow are a lot of posts about the 90210 spin-off. Oh wait, that's already happening.) I can relate, but my LA existence is different enough that I can observe from a distance, and enjoy the "reality" show for the fantasy that it really is.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
I Just Can't Stop
I imagine you've all been waiting with baited breath for my commentary on this week's installment of The Hills, especially after my previous irate diatribe, however, I am going to make this one as brief as I possibly can. I feel annoyed to be writing about the show, much how I feel when watching.
This week I tried something new. Rather than suffer through commercials, Alicia Keys, and Heidi's inanimate lips, I didn't watch the show live. In fact, I didn't watch The Hills on Monday. I watched it on Tuesday. So while the rest of the water coolers around LA were exhausted with Lauren-Heidi-OMG Stephanie rehash, I kept my distance. Best decision ever. I got to fast forward through the credits, Spencer's terrifying smirks, and the commercials that make me want to throw my TV off the balcony. I watched the two episodes last night and have the following observations to make.
1. Clearly Stephanie is still catching her bearing on a reality television show, as she is struggling with a flattering and appropriately trendy hairstyle. Stephanie, if you happen to be reading this (what do you bet she's one of today's 45 readers? I'm going to go with no) do something about those bangs. It is no longer 1992 and you are no longer in second grade. Try a little less make up while you are at it.
2. Audrina looks like an alien. However, I do enjoy that she often seems pretty over the whole Hills atmosphere. She's got this whole hipster thing going on. Good for you Audrina, you wear that crocheted beret well, even if you do come from another planet.
3. Brody is so incredibly attractive it hurts. I mean wow. Wow. Wow.
4. Lo should write an advice book. Or, I would like to take Lo with me everywhere I go so she could just drop a perfectly succinct one-liner to counsel me when I am making decisions. I could use that. "Hey Lo, should I buy this dress?" "Sweetie, you know that purple isn't your color, stick with blues." So wise. So true.
5. Lauren and Whitney could go tete-a-tete for Most Expressive Eyebrows ever. Lauren's also a little bit of a psycho, and her conversation with Audrina at the end of the episode (re: Plastic Doll With Big Fake Lips Who Wants Her Mirror Back So She Can Stare at Non-Moving Lips) was painful.
6. I don't know how they do it, but whoever puts together those grand sweeping landscape shots of LA makes the city look beautiful. I intelligently mentioned to my roommate last night that I bet The Hills does a lot for the Los Angeles tourism industry. Then I remembered that it probably doesn't need much help in the tourist department. Right.
7. We do have fashion in common.
As always, I was disgusted with myself for watching, am disgusted to be writing about it now, but, I just. Can't. Stop.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
The Hills, or, That Hour of My Life I'll Never Get Back
With the sweet strains of Mariah Carey's overused voice slowly permeating from my roommate's wall, the memories of the hour I just spent watching MTV's cash cow The Hills linger anew. As I've previously mentioned, The Hills is one of the two reality shows I watch. After tonight's premiere, I am not sure I can stick it out.
If you're reading this post you need to have watched the show to understand. There is no way I can exert the energy required to rehash the "plot."
I experienced a vast range of emotions while suffering through the episode, disgust being the most prevalent. The first half was especially bad--forced and uncomfortable, with a several blatant voice overs to urge on plot development regarding Lauren and Brody. I'm sorry, what plot? What development? However, the worst would be the Heidi and Spencer interludes. Heidi has become a shell of her former self--physically it's noticeable in her Barbie-doll looks; the bleached hair, the swollen lips, the large chest and tiny west. She looks like a wax caricature. Spencer is little better, frighteningly wooden in his motions and flat in his speech. Watching the two of them bicker feels awkwardly forced, and sometimes a strange wall seems to deteriorate and a creepy, almost real Spencer emerges, as his stares and tone become maniacal and abrasive. If I hadn't been watching in real time I am not sure I could have endured these scenes (note to self, watch on delay next time, if only for the fast forward option). The Heidi/Spencer moments are the most manufactured--so uncomfortably fake it is as though the exist in some alternate universe--I can hardly watch.
Let's take a brief moment to explore the contrived nature of the entire production. Even the commercials were staged and awkward. What was that odd sketch with Alicia Keys? I thought we were watching a condom commercial, and then it was a never ending advertisement for deodorant... or something.
But I digress. Ultimately the plot did improve, if only briefly. The perfection in casting Lauren as our heroine is that the girl is a complete dimwit. She's endearing, certainly, but is perfectly stupid. Take the incident with the Alberta Ferretti dress and the curling iron. Her reaction to her grave error seemed genuine, although the disaster did not. It was interesting to watch Whitney, the most underrated cast member, go into crisis mode, perhaps further emphasizing Lauren's incompetence. In any case, crisis averted as all was returned to perfect with a new $2,000 dress. Ah, the trials and tribulations of young girls living out their lives on "reality" tv.
A fun twist to the show was that this wasn't The Hills at all--this was Paris and Crested Butte, two locations that couldn't be more different, yet both stunning in their extreme forms of beauty. (I still find it interesting that a small ski town in Colorado is where Heidi calls home, as she seems to have been formulated in an LA gene factory.) I wish there had been more scenes of Lauren and Whitney in Paris, more interaction with the people of that alluring city. Audrina was noticeably absent, popping up just once to inform Lauren of Brody's love life. I can't say her presence was missing.
The show was capped off with some bits from the awkward after-party, including the aforementioned Mariah Carey performance. (Is it just me or is Mariah losing her voice chops? Her legs look great, as usual). Now I am sitting here with conflicted thoughts. The entire hour I spent watching I wanted nothing more than to not watch. Yet I couldn't bring myself to turn off the television. I had to step out at one point when the Heidi/Spencer subplot became too painful to sit through, however, I easily returned, unable to be distracted. All the while, I was hating every minute of it, and I think if I never saw another episode of this drivel again, my life might be better for it.
Here's the thing--in spite of my utter dislike, I am stuck, I am in it for good--hook, line, and sinker. I am going to have to endure this nauseating crap every Monday at 10 pm for the next eight weeks, and then for the next season, whenever that starts. The Hills may be a mindless crapfest but it has become a part of our social psyche, and is a guilty pleasure turned into a necessary evil. The Hills is the flawless love child of the current generation, reveling in its glory and narcissism, propelled by adoration and obsession, its followers helpless to watch anything else. I've been swept up into the movement, like a good portion of my friends. There's no turning back now...
If you're reading this post you need to have watched the show to understand. There is no way I can exert the energy required to rehash the "plot."
I experienced a vast range of emotions while suffering through the episode, disgust being the most prevalent. The first half was especially bad--forced and uncomfortable, with a several blatant voice overs to urge on plot development regarding Lauren and Brody. I'm sorry, what plot? What development? However, the worst would be the Heidi and Spencer interludes. Heidi has become a shell of her former self--physically it's noticeable in her Barbie-doll looks; the bleached hair, the swollen lips, the large chest and tiny west. She looks like a wax caricature. Spencer is little better, frighteningly wooden in his motions and flat in his speech. Watching the two of them bicker feels awkwardly forced, and sometimes a strange wall seems to deteriorate and a creepy, almost real Spencer emerges, as his stares and tone become maniacal and abrasive. If I hadn't been watching in real time I am not sure I could have endured these scenes (note to self, watch on delay next time, if only for the fast forward option). The Heidi/Spencer moments are the most manufactured--so uncomfortably fake it is as though the exist in some alternate universe--I can hardly watch.
Let's take a brief moment to explore the contrived nature of the entire production. Even the commercials were staged and awkward. What was that odd sketch with Alicia Keys? I thought we were watching a condom commercial, and then it was a never ending advertisement for deodorant... or something.
But I digress. Ultimately the plot did improve, if only briefly. The perfection in casting Lauren as our heroine is that the girl is a complete dimwit. She's endearing, certainly, but is perfectly stupid. Take the incident with the Alberta Ferretti dress and the curling iron. Her reaction to her grave error seemed genuine, although the disaster did not. It was interesting to watch Whitney, the most underrated cast member, go into crisis mode, perhaps further emphasizing Lauren's incompetence. In any case, crisis averted as all was returned to perfect with a new $2,000 dress. Ah, the trials and tribulations of young girls living out their lives on "reality" tv.
A fun twist to the show was that this wasn't The Hills at all--this was Paris and Crested Butte, two locations that couldn't be more different, yet both stunning in their extreme forms of beauty. (I still find it interesting that a small ski town in Colorado is where Heidi calls home, as she seems to have been formulated in an LA gene factory.) I wish there had been more scenes of Lauren and Whitney in Paris, more interaction with the people of that alluring city. Audrina was noticeably absent, popping up just once to inform Lauren of Brody's love life. I can't say her presence was missing.
The show was capped off with some bits from the awkward after-party, including the aforementioned Mariah Carey performance. (Is it just me or is Mariah losing her voice chops? Her legs look great, as usual). Now I am sitting here with conflicted thoughts. The entire hour I spent watching I wanted nothing more than to not watch. Yet I couldn't bring myself to turn off the television. I had to step out at one point when the Heidi/Spencer subplot became too painful to sit through, however, I easily returned, unable to be distracted. All the while, I was hating every minute of it, and I think if I never saw another episode of this drivel again, my life might be better for it.
Here's the thing--in spite of my utter dislike, I am stuck, I am in it for good--hook, line, and sinker. I am going to have to endure this nauseating crap every Monday at 10 pm for the next eight weeks, and then for the next season, whenever that starts. The Hills may be a mindless crapfest but it has become a part of our social psyche, and is a guilty pleasure turned into a necessary evil. The Hills is the flawless love child of the current generation, reveling in its glory and narcissism, propelled by adoration and obsession, its followers helpless to watch anything else. I've been swept up into the movement, like a good portion of my friends. There's no turning back now...
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