Here's the "We Are the World" parody video you never knew you needed. Seriously. Watch it all the way through.
Thanks to my friend Christina, who not only provided the title for this post, but sent me this brilliant/amazing/terrifying video.
Also, I'm considering putting out a Craigslist ad for a Japanese game show announcer to follow me around and narrate my life. Everything would be so much more exciting.
Showing posts with label insanity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label insanity. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
"frequently confused with ringworm, but antifungal creams won't help, because it is not a fungus" OR "that time I got f-ed over by the rain"
So. It's raining a lot in LA right now. A lot a lot. So much rain that highways are being closed, houses are being evacuated and oh, also? I have a rash. Because of the rain.
This morning I had a pre-scheduled doctor's appointment for a regular monthly check-up on my various medications (that's right folks, I've go the drug regimen of a divorcee circa 1997). I love my doctor. Been seeing her since when I first moved out to LA. We're tight.
Right after she tells me all my vitals are looking great as usual yada yada yada I say to her:
"Yo I have some sort of crazy rash all over my upper body." Which is true. A few days ago I noticed a weird mark on my back (two of my friends said it almost looked like a spider bite, however the general consensus was ringworm. Spoiler alert: it's not ringworm).
Dr. G takes one look at me, says "I need to see your back" turns me around, takes a quick look and goes:
"Yep, you have Pityriasis Rosacea,"
"Say what?"
"Pityriasis Rosacea. That mark on your back there is the herald mark. It's a rash you get once in your lifetime, usually lasts 4-6 weeks, and that mark precedes it."
"So you're saying it's going to get worse."
"Yes. It will be everywhere except your face, your hands, and the soles of your feet. And it will itch a lot. But don't scratch it."
"Okay. Why did I get it?"
"It's usually caused by periods of extreme stress or massive changes in the weather. Are you under high stress?"
"No."
"Then it's weather."
"Okay so my room is sort of not insulated..." (This is true. I live in the studio room, which lacks insulation, and as of yesterday had a leak).
"Yep that's not helping. It's the rain. As soon as it's sunny again you'll start feeling better. The UV will help."
"So can I go tanning?"
"No."
"Oh, why? Will that make it worse?"
"No. You'll get cancer."
"Oh."
"I'll prescribe you some medicine to help the itchiness. But it's going to last for about a month. It's like the Chicken Pox but not contagious."
Awesome. Just awesome.
On a side note, I did some research. Apparently UV light can help. Don't tell Dr. G but I'm going tanning. I mean, this shit is freaky. And my herald mark is in the exact spot equivalent of a tramp stamp. I could probably get some good cash busking on the streets of the Jersey Shore.
Now I'm going to douse myself in calamine lotion and alternate between crying and laughing at the sweet sweet irony of it all.
This morning I had a pre-scheduled doctor's appointment for a regular monthly check-up on my various medications (that's right folks, I've go the drug regimen of a divorcee circa 1997). I love my doctor. Been seeing her since when I first moved out to LA. We're tight.
Right after she tells me all my vitals are looking great as usual yada yada yada I say to her:
"Yo I have some sort of crazy rash all over my upper body." Which is true. A few days ago I noticed a weird mark on my back (two of my friends said it almost looked like a spider bite, however the general consensus was ringworm. Spoiler alert: it's not ringworm).
Dr. G takes one look at me, says "I need to see your back" turns me around, takes a quick look and goes:
"Yep, you have Pityriasis Rosacea,"
"Say what?"
"Pityriasis Rosacea. That mark on your back there is the herald mark. It's a rash you get once in your lifetime, usually lasts 4-6 weeks, and that mark precedes it."
"So you're saying it's going to get worse."
"Yes. It will be everywhere except your face, your hands, and the soles of your feet. And it will itch a lot. But don't scratch it."
"Okay. Why did I get it?"
"It's usually caused by periods of extreme stress or massive changes in the weather. Are you under high stress?"
"No."
"Then it's weather."
"Okay so my room is sort of not insulated..." (This is true. I live in the studio room, which lacks insulation, and as of yesterday had a leak).
"Yep that's not helping. It's the rain. As soon as it's sunny again you'll start feeling better. The UV will help."
"So can I go tanning?"
"No."
"Oh, why? Will that make it worse?"
"No. You'll get cancer."
"Oh."
"I'll prescribe you some medicine to help the itchiness. But it's going to last for about a month. It's like the Chicken Pox but not contagious."
Awesome. Just awesome.
On a side note, I did some research. Apparently UV light can help. Don't tell Dr. G but I'm going tanning. I mean, this shit is freaky. And my herald mark is in the exact spot equivalent of a tramp stamp. I could probably get some good cash busking on the streets of the Jersey Shore.
Now I'm going to douse myself in calamine lotion and alternate between crying and laughing at the sweet sweet irony of it all.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Monday Night (A Two Part Tale)
Prologue
Brace yourself readers, you are in for one seriously long post but let me preface it with a disclaimer: THIS IS A TRUE RETELLING OF MY ENTIRE MONDAY NIGHT, from which I hope you will find joy and humor, and maybe a little personal reflection and probably you’ll get annoyed somewhere around the middle but then you'll get into the stuff about Mexico and you might just come out feeling victorious and refreshed.
Part 1.
On a scale of 1 to 7, Taco Bell is obviously a 7
So DiTonto is buying a new car. And DiTonto is... well... we’ll call it particular. Being the good friend I am (and because she dealt with my car trauma back in July) I went with her to some dealers last night to attempt to help. I say attempt because car shopping with Ashleigh is like taking an autistic child to the grocery store. That was incredibly offensive. I have no idea what it would be like taking autistic child to the grocery store. Let me try a new metaphor. Car shopping with Ashleigh is like taking an eight year old to the world’s largest toy store but the kid wants a fucking toy that HASN’T BEEN INVENTED YET.
Right now she drives a small, fire-engine red 2001 VW Bug. So you’d think naturally she’d want another small car, maybe even another bug because she LOVES HER CURRENT CAR SO MUCH. Oh no. NOT DITONTO. CERTAINLY NOT.
See, at some point on Sunday DiTonto decided to get THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF A BUG. She thought she wanted a pick-up truck but then when we actually looked at them yesterday she didn’t like any of the ones that didn’t have power locks or windows. But then any of the trucks with automatic amenities were too large or expensive or white was an unacceptable color for the truck. And apparently she is over the VWs. So then we drove by Honda and I suggested a Fit, but NO NO NO, not for DiTonto.
Then we went to the giant Ford & Jeep dealership in Santa Monica to support our love for America and Freedom and this is when DiTonto fell in love with a Jeep Wrangler Rubicon. A big honker that is army green with a massive spoiler on the front and crazy looking headlights to hunt Mexicans with. That was incredibly offensive. Let me rephrase. A big honker that is army green with a massive spoiler on the front and crazy looking headlights to hunt... to hunt... to hunt Mexicans with. I CAN’T HELP IT! (sorry I am just being extra non-PC today but also because the universe is shitting on Mexico right now and so I feel like maybe I can too? Just today? No? How many people of Mexican lineage have I offended at this point? Would it help to know that as a child I went to summer camp in Mexico and actually have a deep love and respect for the country? Still no? What was that? Something about SWINE FLU? DON’T WORRY I’LL GET TO THAT IN PART 2!)
Anyway, after all the test driving we needed some sustenance so naturally we went to Taco Bell. (See, DiTonto introduced me to Taco Bell and I introduced her to certain illicit substances I’d rather not spell out here on the blog BUT YOU GET THE IDEA I MEAN WE WERE AT COACHELLA TWO WEEKS AGO AND YOU KNOW I AM LIBERAL AND WENT TO SCHOOL IN VERMONT SO TAKE A GUESS, but really the point of this is that we both brought things that do harm to your body into each others’ lives so it’s ALL OKAY! WE'RE EVEN.)
We both ordered Crunchwrap Supremes (I order that because I don’t know what I am supposed to get at Taco Bell and just get what DiTonto tells me to. I'm very free-thinking), and Ashleigh also got a burrito because her eyes tend to be larger than her stomach and then when we pulled up to the window to pay and get our food, the nice Taco Bell employee handed me a receipt and pointed out that on the back of said receipt there was a place to rate their service. I handed the receipt to DiTonto, thinking very little of this exchange, when she said to me,
“Wait, they want me to rate their service?”
Yes.
“Well they’re a fucking 7, GIVE ME A PEN!”
And then she circled 7, as evidenced by the photo of the receipt below. However, once DiTonto learned that she would have to call a number to win any money after rating the Taco Bell service she lost interest. (In addition to being particular, sometimes DiTonto is... lazy).
Then we got home and ate our Taco Bell at the kitchen table but I almost fell out of the chair a few times because when Annie bought the furniture from Ikea she didn’t follow ALL the directions (you could say). And then DiTonto almost MURDERED Annie’s fish (not like it hasn’t happened before DITONTO) when she shook the table after two drastic movements and poor Snoopy/Blue (Annie calls him Snoopy, DiTonto calls him Blue, I haven’t decided what I like to call him but I am sure it will come to me) sloshed all over the place. He’s okay though.
Part 2.
Regarding Swine Flu – I would voluntarily quarantine myself
Annie and I are quite similar when it comes to some of our interests. Okay that was an awkward first sentence but I sometimes wonder if people get confused when I write about Annie so I am going to take this moment to remind you that Annie is my other roommate who shares my name, who we also call Adubs because DiTonto gets annoyed when she yells out “Annie!” and we both respond and so she calls me Stamos and the other Annie Adubs and moving on to the relevant part of the story...
Adubs, like me, often becomes fascinated with scientific phenomena. Maybe not quite to the extent I do, but she definitely is a fountain of knowledge in some very random areas. She also gets into PASSIONATE diatribes about various topics, one of her favorites being that of MASS PANDEMICS. This obviously is something I find interesting and count pandemic-related literature and entertainment to be among my favorite subject material (see, I Am Legend or The Cobra Event by Richard Preston). Anyway, just this past weekend, before Swine Flu became all the rage, Adubs and I were randomly having a conversation all about looking at disease and epidemics like AIDS, cancer, etc. as actually just forms of population control (on a side note, can someone explain to me the difference between an epidemic and a pandemic? THANKS IN ADVANCE!) and Adubs made the point that there tends to be a mass plague that wipes out a significant portion of the human population every 80 to 100 years and we are right in that timeline now, but then this led to a discussion about modern medicine and we pondered the likelihood of the reality of another pandemic taking place in modern times, and then Adubs shared some useful tips about surviving pandemics (Tip: don’t panic. Also, don’t head to the countryside—cities have the infrastructure to support more sick people) and at this point you are probably thinking, Oh this is what happens when you get two people from Middlebury in a room together. Sure.
So anyway, have I talked about Annie’s mom before? Annie’s mom is Linda and she is a CHARACTER and she visits A LOT which is fun because Linda is entertaining. In fact DiTonto remarked last night she was so used to seeing Linda at our apartment that sometimes she doesn’t even notice. Oh and Linda loves American Idol. Many an occasion have I come home to find Linda watching American Idol on the sofa. It’s kind of comforting.
So last night after the car driving and the Taco Bell eating and the near death of Snoopy/Blue/Undetermined Nickname we hung out a little bit with Linda who wanted to show everyone Adam’s performance on American Idol last week (I think Adam is the gay one? Again, I really don’t watch the show but I am pretty sure he’s not the Indian one because that dude’s name is Anoop and I feel like I read somewhere he got kicked off but seeing as I vehemently despise American Idol and only watch it if it’s playing in the background, so really any time when Linda is in town, so I could be making these things up). The other thing Linda likes to watch just as much as American Idol is CNN, so I then went back into the living room for the Swine Flu coverage (I had to leave during AI to read one of my sci-fi blogs on my Google reader) and let me tell you: SWINE FLU IS SO HOT RIGHT NOW.
As a trend forecaster (I KNOW! THAT’S REALLY WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING! ME!) let me tell you that Swine Flu is definitely both a trend and potentially a mass pandemic of devastatingly destructive proportions. And because I am odd and a little bit twisted, I think Swine Flu is FASCINATING and I am somewhat excited to see how this all pans out. And those doctors that CNN gets to comment on such BREAKING NEWS STORIES are pretty hilarious. Especially this one dude with crazy hair who gave a book plug during a VERY SERIOUS AND INTENSE SWINE FLU DISCUSSION with Larry King. Also, did you know that the mortality rate of the Spanish Influenza back in 1918 was %2.5 and Swine Flu in Mexico is already at %6?
Which brings me to my next point: HOLY CRAP THE UNIVERSE IS SHITTING ON MEXICO! First all that drama with drug cartels, then Spencer & Heidi from The Hills go on their Goddamn honeymoon in Cabo (I just vomited in my mouth a little bit), and NOW ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE DYING OF SWINE FLU. Oh and there appear to be a lot of idiots in the United States because the Twitter questions pouring in during the Larry King coverage last night was straight out of an SNL skit about stupid people. For example: “Are swine flu and the recent drug violence in Mexico related?” YES YOU STUPID TWITTER USER. SEE, BECAUSE THE MEXICANS DID DRUGS AND SOLD THEM AND THEN KIDNAPPED SOME PEOPLE AND KILLED SOME COPS, THE GOOD BABY JESUS PUNISHED THEM WITH A DISEASE THAT HAS A NAME BASED ON A PIG. A FUCKING PIG. BUT IT’S NOT EVEN PIG FLU. IT’S SWINE FLU.
I’d also like to throw it out there that if I start showing ANY SYMPTOMS that I would be more than happy to voluntarily quarantine myself.
So Linda went to bed about halfway through the Swine Flu coverage, leaving the rest of us to ponder our futures. Annie wants to just be really prepared, so last night she discussed getting more water, maybe some masks, that sort of thing (this plan for preventative measures fits nicely with my fear-of-Earthquakes issue). And DiTonto got really freaked out but then decided things would be happier if she went back to researching the Jeep Wrangler Rubicon online (please note she’s already nicknamed the car Ruby) whereas I was suddenly feeling inspired to watch THE ANDROMEDA STRAIN. I really wanted to watch Outbreak or read some book about pandemics but I had a screener of the A&E miniseries that I stole from my boss at my last job (I have a great work ethic!) and never watched and thought, why not! Turns out this miniseries has a little bit more bioterrorism and conspiracy theorizing than I would prefer (MORE SCIENCE! LESS PARANOIA!) but it scratched the itch.
But then, right before I went to bed I had an overwhelming urge to text my Dad and tell him I love him because this Swine Flu business is kind of freaking me out, I will admit. He responded early this morning, with a text message that said “Just don’t go to Mexico. Xoxo.”
See? Everyone is shitting on Mexico right now.
Brace yourself readers, you are in for one seriously long post but let me preface it with a disclaimer: THIS IS A TRUE RETELLING OF MY ENTIRE MONDAY NIGHT, from which I hope you will find joy and humor, and maybe a little personal reflection and probably you’ll get annoyed somewhere around the middle but then you'll get into the stuff about Mexico and you might just come out feeling victorious and refreshed.
Part 1.
On a scale of 1 to 7, Taco Bell is obviously a 7
So DiTonto is buying a new car. And DiTonto is... well... we’ll call it particular. Being the good friend I am (and because she dealt with my car trauma back in July) I went with her to some dealers last night to attempt to help. I say attempt because car shopping with Ashleigh is like taking an autistic child to the grocery store. That was incredibly offensive. I have no idea what it would be like taking autistic child to the grocery store. Let me try a new metaphor. Car shopping with Ashleigh is like taking an eight year old to the world’s largest toy store but the kid wants a fucking toy that HASN’T BEEN INVENTED YET.
Right now she drives a small, fire-engine red 2001 VW Bug. So you’d think naturally she’d want another small car, maybe even another bug because she LOVES HER CURRENT CAR SO MUCH. Oh no. NOT DITONTO. CERTAINLY NOT.
See, at some point on Sunday DiTonto decided to get THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF A BUG. She thought she wanted a pick-up truck but then when we actually looked at them yesterday she didn’t like any of the ones that didn’t have power locks or windows. But then any of the trucks with automatic amenities were too large or expensive or white was an unacceptable color for the truck. And apparently she is over the VWs. So then we drove by Honda and I suggested a Fit, but NO NO NO, not for DiTonto.
Then we went to the giant Ford & Jeep dealership in Santa Monica to support our love for America and Freedom and this is when DiTonto fell in love with a Jeep Wrangler Rubicon. A big honker that is army green with a massive spoiler on the front and crazy looking headlights to hunt Mexicans with. That was incredibly offensive. Let me rephrase. A big honker that is army green with a massive spoiler on the front and crazy looking headlights to hunt... to hunt... to hunt Mexicans with. I CAN’T HELP IT! (sorry I am just being extra non-PC today but also because the universe is shitting on Mexico right now and so I feel like maybe I can too? Just today? No? How many people of Mexican lineage have I offended at this point? Would it help to know that as a child I went to summer camp in Mexico and actually have a deep love and respect for the country? Still no? What was that? Something about SWINE FLU? DON’T WORRY I’LL GET TO THAT IN PART 2!)
Anyway, after all the test driving we needed some sustenance so naturally we went to Taco Bell. (See, DiTonto introduced me to Taco Bell and I introduced her to certain illicit substances I’d rather not spell out here on the blog BUT YOU GET THE IDEA I MEAN WE WERE AT COACHELLA TWO WEEKS AGO AND YOU KNOW I AM LIBERAL AND WENT TO SCHOOL IN VERMONT SO TAKE A GUESS, but really the point of this is that we both brought things that do harm to your body into each others’ lives so it’s ALL OKAY! WE'RE EVEN.)
We both ordered Crunchwrap Supremes (I order that because I don’t know what I am supposed to get at Taco Bell and just get what DiTonto tells me to. I'm very free-thinking), and Ashleigh also got a burrito because her eyes tend to be larger than her stomach and then when we pulled up to the window to pay and get our food, the nice Taco Bell employee handed me a receipt and pointed out that on the back of said receipt there was a place to rate their service. I handed the receipt to DiTonto, thinking very little of this exchange, when she said to me,
“Wait, they want me to rate their service?”
Yes.
“Well they’re a fucking 7, GIVE ME A PEN!”
And then she circled 7, as evidenced by the photo of the receipt below. However, once DiTonto learned that she would have to call a number to win any money after rating the Taco Bell service she lost interest. (In addition to being particular, sometimes DiTonto is... lazy).
Then we got home and ate our Taco Bell at the kitchen table but I almost fell out of the chair a few times because when Annie bought the furniture from Ikea she didn’t follow ALL the directions (you could say). And then DiTonto almost MURDERED Annie’s fish (not like it hasn’t happened before DITONTO) when she shook the table after two drastic movements and poor Snoopy/Blue (Annie calls him Snoopy, DiTonto calls him Blue, I haven’t decided what I like to call him but I am sure it will come to me) sloshed all over the place. He’s okay though.
Part 2.
Regarding Swine Flu – I would voluntarily quarantine myself
Annie and I are quite similar when it comes to some of our interests. Okay that was an awkward first sentence but I sometimes wonder if people get confused when I write about Annie so I am going to take this moment to remind you that Annie is my other roommate who shares my name, who we also call Adubs because DiTonto gets annoyed when she yells out “Annie!” and we both respond and so she calls me Stamos and the other Annie Adubs and moving on to the relevant part of the story...
Adubs, like me, often becomes fascinated with scientific phenomena. Maybe not quite to the extent I do, but she definitely is a fountain of knowledge in some very random areas. She also gets into PASSIONATE diatribes about various topics, one of her favorites being that of MASS PANDEMICS. This obviously is something I find interesting and count pandemic-related literature and entertainment to be among my favorite subject material (see, I Am Legend or The Cobra Event by Richard Preston). Anyway, just this past weekend, before Swine Flu became all the rage, Adubs and I were randomly having a conversation all about looking at disease and epidemics like AIDS, cancer, etc. as actually just forms of population control (on a side note, can someone explain to me the difference between an epidemic and a pandemic? THANKS IN ADVANCE!) and Adubs made the point that there tends to be a mass plague that wipes out a significant portion of the human population every 80 to 100 years and we are right in that timeline now, but then this led to a discussion about modern medicine and we pondered the likelihood of the reality of another pandemic taking place in modern times, and then Adubs shared some useful tips about surviving pandemics (Tip: don’t panic. Also, don’t head to the countryside—cities have the infrastructure to support more sick people) and at this point you are probably thinking, Oh this is what happens when you get two people from Middlebury in a room together. Sure.
So anyway, have I talked about Annie’s mom before? Annie’s mom is Linda and she is a CHARACTER and she visits A LOT which is fun because Linda is entertaining. In fact DiTonto remarked last night she was so used to seeing Linda at our apartment that sometimes she doesn’t even notice. Oh and Linda loves American Idol. Many an occasion have I come home to find Linda watching American Idol on the sofa. It’s kind of comforting.
So last night after the car driving and the Taco Bell eating and the near death of Snoopy/Blue/Undetermined Nickname we hung out a little bit with Linda who wanted to show everyone Adam’s performance on American Idol last week (I think Adam is the gay one? Again, I really don’t watch the show but I am pretty sure he’s not the Indian one because that dude’s name is Anoop and I feel like I read somewhere he got kicked off but seeing as I vehemently despise American Idol and only watch it if it’s playing in the background, so really any time when Linda is in town, so I could be making these things up). The other thing Linda likes to watch just as much as American Idol is CNN, so I then went back into the living room for the Swine Flu coverage (I had to leave during AI to read one of my sci-fi blogs on my Google reader) and let me tell you: SWINE FLU IS SO HOT RIGHT NOW.
As a trend forecaster (I KNOW! THAT’S REALLY WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING! ME!) let me tell you that Swine Flu is definitely both a trend and potentially a mass pandemic of devastatingly destructive proportions. And because I am odd and a little bit twisted, I think Swine Flu is FASCINATING and I am somewhat excited to see how this all pans out. And those doctors that CNN gets to comment on such BREAKING NEWS STORIES are pretty hilarious. Especially this one dude with crazy hair who gave a book plug during a VERY SERIOUS AND INTENSE SWINE FLU DISCUSSION with Larry King. Also, did you know that the mortality rate of the Spanish Influenza back in 1918 was %2.5 and Swine Flu in Mexico is already at %6?
Which brings me to my next point: HOLY CRAP THE UNIVERSE IS SHITTING ON MEXICO! First all that drama with drug cartels, then Spencer & Heidi from The Hills go on their Goddamn honeymoon in Cabo (I just vomited in my mouth a little bit), and NOW ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE DYING OF SWINE FLU. Oh and there appear to be a lot of idiots in the United States because the Twitter questions pouring in during the Larry King coverage last night was straight out of an SNL skit about stupid people. For example: “Are swine flu and the recent drug violence in Mexico related?” YES YOU STUPID TWITTER USER. SEE, BECAUSE THE MEXICANS DID DRUGS AND SOLD THEM AND THEN KIDNAPPED SOME PEOPLE AND KILLED SOME COPS, THE GOOD BABY JESUS PUNISHED THEM WITH A DISEASE THAT HAS A NAME BASED ON A PIG. A FUCKING PIG. BUT IT’S NOT EVEN PIG FLU. IT’S SWINE FLU.
I’d also like to throw it out there that if I start showing ANY SYMPTOMS that I would be more than happy to voluntarily quarantine myself.
So Linda went to bed about halfway through the Swine Flu coverage, leaving the rest of us to ponder our futures. Annie wants to just be really prepared, so last night she discussed getting more water, maybe some masks, that sort of thing (this plan for preventative measures fits nicely with my fear-of-Earthquakes issue). And DiTonto got really freaked out but then decided things would be happier if she went back to researching the Jeep Wrangler Rubicon online (please note she’s already nicknamed the car Ruby) whereas I was suddenly feeling inspired to watch THE ANDROMEDA STRAIN. I really wanted to watch Outbreak or read some book about pandemics but I had a screener of the A&E miniseries that I stole from my boss at my last job (I have a great work ethic!) and never watched and thought, why not! Turns out this miniseries has a little bit more bioterrorism and conspiracy theorizing than I would prefer (MORE SCIENCE! LESS PARANOIA!) but it scratched the itch.
But then, right before I went to bed I had an overwhelming urge to text my Dad and tell him I love him because this Swine Flu business is kind of freaking me out, I will admit. He responded early this morning, with a text message that said “Just don’t go to Mexico. Xoxo.”
See? Everyone is shitting on Mexico right now.
Monday, January 26, 2009
This should be upsetting but I find it hilarious.
I forgot to wear deodorant today. And that's awkward. Because I smell a little bit. In my armpits. It's not BAD or anything and I don't think I'd really offend other people or anything, but you know, for my own sanity...
So I was thinking I would go by some deodorant at the drug store downstairs.
So then I checked my bank account.
And then I discovered I have $6.63 in my bank account.
And then I laughed for a while.
And then I realized I might not be able to afford deodorant.
So I was thinking I would go by some deodorant at the drug store downstairs.
So then I checked my bank account.
And then I discovered I have $6.63 in my bank account.
And then I laughed for a while.
And then I realized I might not be able to afford deodorant.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
The Circle of Life - or in this case, Planet Earth
Sunday began with Planet Earth and ended with Planet Earth. I am of course referring to my favorite BBC/Discovery television program that I watch compulsively when I have nothing better to do, but let me back track for a moment.
It was another magical LA weekend. More magical than most, thanks again to perfect weather conditions--I mean, I even went swimming in the ocean on Saturday. Yes, on January 17 I went swimming. It was lovely. There are a few noteworthy moments to recap but I need to really focus this piece on what I might consider the most epic of Sunday Fundays I've ever known.
Sunday morning we ladies of 225 Montana woke up a wee bit hungover, and gravitated to our living room to watch my favorite episode of Planet Earth, "Fresh Water". (GIANT SALAMANDERS!) While watching all the fishies and interesting water creatures it hit me--I want to go to the AQUARIUM! But first, does LA even have an aquarium? WELL FOLKS, it does. The Aquarium of the Pacific is located just south of LA, in Long Beach. All we needed were some willing companions to join our fish tale.
In the end, it was DiTonto, Adam, and myself headed south listening to the road trip-ready tunes of Manu Chao, arriving in the very Disney-like Long Beach harbor sometime around 2 pm. We just missed a Whale Watching tour, which was a bummer because who doesn't love whales or the prospect of WATCHING them IN REAL LIFE. And it was in the 80s outside, so we thought a boat ride would be a lovely way to spend the afternoon before we logged some hours with some fishies. But we figured it just wasn't meant to be and seeing as the aquarium was the main attraction, let's get on with it.
Fun fact: They serve beer in aquariums. (I bet you can guess how this day ended up).
The aquarium was AWESOME. First of all, as I have mentioned before, I love aquariums--truly, I do. If a guy were ever to propose to me, I think an aquarium would be a lovely place to do so. (So just tell my future-fiance to read this before proposing marriage). This aquarium had some lovely features, like the tanks where you could touch sharks and skates and sting rays, but to do so there was a strict TWO-FINGER rule, which conveniently provided us a lot of inappropriate opportunities for many "that's what she said" jokes. Obviously, we're not very child-friendly. I think a few parents were shooting us dirty looks, what with the beer and the swearing and the juvenile behavior.
Another highlight of the aquarium (AND I BET YOU THOUGHT IT COULDN'T GET ANY BETTER!) was the 3D movie MONSTERS OF THE ABYSS where upon we journeyed to the deep unknown trenches of the ocean to observe some very unusual fishies (HEY DID YOU SEE THAT GIANT SQUID!). I was a little disappointed we only bought one 3D movie pass and not the combo ticket but WHAT CAN YOU DO.
We are total suckers because we bought two copies of a hilarious photo of us entering the aquarium, one in which they (they = aquarium people) digitally inserted FISHIES! As in we are HOLDING THEM! I am jealous of DiTonto though because she's holding a Nemo-lookalike and I am just holding onto some crappy starfish (side note: when I sea kayaked the coast of Maine one summer I put a giant starfish onto my face because I wanted to prove to everyone I was both hilarious AND a daredevil, so a fake starfish is SMALL POTATOES for me). Adam was pleased because he was holding a turtle and we had all discussed earlier in the day that we think turtles would make lovely pets and I would like to get two and name them Manu and Chao or maybe just one and call him Consuelo.
ANYWAY we had BIG PLANS to end the evening at THE OLIVE GARDEN (classy!) but as we were aimlessly wandering around the harbor an odd looking young lad in a giant sombrero approached us and asked if we'd like to join him and his friends on a sunset cruise?
WOULD WE? WE SURE WOULD!
About five minutes later this young lad, Sailor Taylor, had fallen in love with DiTonto and was calling her his future ex-wife. All aboard Captain John's boat, and fortunately they'd recruited some other normal women so in all there was the three of us, the two other ladies, Captain John, Sailor Taylor, Darryl, some dude wearing an NRA hat (he loved freedom but was SCARY) and George, a Native American dude who was on something, but had a biting sense of humor.
We left the harbor as the sun had already gone down so it turned into more of a nighttime cruise. By nighttime cruise I mean drunken boat party that was probably dangerous. BUT AMAZING. Disco ball, tiki torches, Christmas lights, and great jams.
And what do you know, but much like a minister or any Justice of the Peace, both Sailor Taylor and Captain John, being legal boat captains, can marry people. Well as we were dancing to Manu Chao (because I obv took over as DJ) we decided how perfect! DiTonto and Sailor Taylor (who may or may not actually be her soulmate) should get married. And then Captain John, with two bottles of booze tucked into his swim trunks, and a sword in his hand (I was confused if it was a wedding or if someone was being knighted) and the wedding party consisting of Adam and I as maids of honor and the two other chicks as bridesmaids, and to the sweet tunes of the Talking Heads, watched as Ashleigh and Taylor were married.
Adam and I were concerned. Mostly for our safety, especially because at one point no one was steering the boat, and we wondered and if we were going to make it back to the harbor, but also because was this a real wedding? Well she didn't sign anything so the answer is NO... we think....
Anyway, then Taylor married Captain John and one of the other chicks and then it was happiness and jubilee, a quick sail-by of the Queen Mary, some photos on the bow, some waves, the NRA dude passed out, we switched to reggae, and then we were back in the marina.
THEN, I went for a nice kayak around the marina with Captain John and the other chicks and returned about a half hour later to learn that not only had Adam and DiTonto been given a tour of one of Darryl's big pimpin' boats, but that Taylor had invited her to dinner with his parents, aunt and uncle and grandparents.
No, none of this is a lie or exaggeration, I PROMISE.
Why the family gathering? Well, Taylor had turned 25 the night before and it was pre-planned, but now the lucky guy got to introduce his family to his new wife.
So Adam and I went for dinner (dinner = drinks) at a different restaurant and then met up with the newlyweds for... THE RECEPTION! At a karaoke bar. And I, former DJ, now wedding singer, serenaded them with some classics like "La Isla Bonita" by Madonna, as well as Billy Joel's "Only the Good Die Young."
And then, after we realized this karaoke bar was also some sort of mafia hang out and we were way in over our heads, we slipped away (but not before Taylor's mom, DiTonto's mother-in-law, invited both she and I for Christmas!) and Adam safely drove us back to Santa Monica, with a quick stop at one of our favorite bars in Venice, then back home, where we decided to end our day with...
Planet Earth. "Shallow Seas"--another good episode.
It was another magical LA weekend. More magical than most, thanks again to perfect weather conditions--I mean, I even went swimming in the ocean on Saturday. Yes, on January 17 I went swimming. It was lovely. There are a few noteworthy moments to recap but I need to really focus this piece on what I might consider the most epic of Sunday Fundays I've ever known.
Sunday morning we ladies of 225 Montana woke up a wee bit hungover, and gravitated to our living room to watch my favorite episode of Planet Earth, "Fresh Water". (GIANT SALAMANDERS!) While watching all the fishies and interesting water creatures it hit me--I want to go to the AQUARIUM! But first, does LA even have an aquarium? WELL FOLKS, it does. The Aquarium of the Pacific is located just south of LA, in Long Beach. All we needed were some willing companions to join our fish tale.
In the end, it was DiTonto, Adam, and myself headed south listening to the road trip-ready tunes of Manu Chao, arriving in the very Disney-like Long Beach harbor sometime around 2 pm. We just missed a Whale Watching tour, which was a bummer because who doesn't love whales or the prospect of WATCHING them IN REAL LIFE. And it was in the 80s outside, so we thought a boat ride would be a lovely way to spend the afternoon before we logged some hours with some fishies. But we figured it just wasn't meant to be and seeing as the aquarium was the main attraction, let's get on with it.
Fun fact: They serve beer in aquariums. (I bet you can guess how this day ended up).
The aquarium was AWESOME. First of all, as I have mentioned before, I love aquariums--truly, I do. If a guy were ever to propose to me, I think an aquarium would be a lovely place to do so. (So just tell my future-fiance to read this before proposing marriage). This aquarium had some lovely features, like the tanks where you could touch sharks and skates and sting rays, but to do so there was a strict TWO-FINGER rule, which conveniently provided us a lot of inappropriate opportunities for many "that's what she said" jokes. Obviously, we're not very child-friendly. I think a few parents were shooting us dirty looks, what with the beer and the swearing and the juvenile behavior.
Another highlight of the aquarium (AND I BET YOU THOUGHT IT COULDN'T GET ANY BETTER!) was the 3D movie MONSTERS OF THE ABYSS where upon we journeyed to the deep unknown trenches of the ocean to observe some very unusual fishies (HEY DID YOU SEE THAT GIANT SQUID!). I was a little disappointed we only bought one 3D movie pass and not the combo ticket but WHAT CAN YOU DO.
We are total suckers because we bought two copies of a hilarious photo of us entering the aquarium, one in which they (they = aquarium people) digitally inserted FISHIES! As in we are HOLDING THEM! I am jealous of DiTonto though because she's holding a Nemo-lookalike and I am just holding onto some crappy starfish (side note: when I sea kayaked the coast of Maine one summer I put a giant starfish onto my face because I wanted to prove to everyone I was both hilarious AND a daredevil, so a fake starfish is SMALL POTATOES for me). Adam was pleased because he was holding a turtle and we had all discussed earlier in the day that we think turtles would make lovely pets and I would like to get two and name them Manu and Chao or maybe just one and call him Consuelo.
ANYWAY we had BIG PLANS to end the evening at THE OLIVE GARDEN (classy!) but as we were aimlessly wandering around the harbor an odd looking young lad in a giant sombrero approached us and asked if we'd like to join him and his friends on a sunset cruise?
WOULD WE? WE SURE WOULD!
About five minutes later this young lad, Sailor Taylor, had fallen in love with DiTonto and was calling her his future ex-wife. All aboard Captain John's boat, and fortunately they'd recruited some other normal women so in all there was the three of us, the two other ladies, Captain John, Sailor Taylor, Darryl, some dude wearing an NRA hat (he loved freedom but was SCARY) and George, a Native American dude who was on something, but had a biting sense of humor.
We left the harbor as the sun had already gone down so it turned into more of a nighttime cruise. By nighttime cruise I mean drunken boat party that was probably dangerous. BUT AMAZING. Disco ball, tiki torches, Christmas lights, and great jams.And what do you know, but much like a minister or any Justice of the Peace, both Sailor Taylor and Captain John, being legal boat captains, can marry people. Well as we were dancing to Manu Chao (because I obv took over as DJ) we decided how perfect! DiTonto and Sailor Taylor (who may or may not actually be her soulmate) should get married. And then Captain John, with two bottles of booze tucked into his swim trunks, and a sword in his hand (I was confused if it was a wedding or if someone was being knighted) and the wedding party consisting of Adam and I as maids of honor and the two other chicks as bridesmaids, and to the sweet tunes of the Talking Heads, watched as Ashleigh and Taylor were married.
Adam and I were concerned. Mostly for our safety, especially because at one point no one was steering the boat, and we wondered and if we were going to make it back to the harbor, but also because was this a real wedding? Well she didn't sign anything so the answer is NO... we think....
Anyway, then Taylor married Captain John and one of the other chicks and then it was happiness and jubilee, a quick sail-by of the Queen Mary, some photos on the bow, some waves, the NRA dude passed out, we switched to reggae, and then we were back in the marina.THEN, I went for a nice kayak around the marina with Captain John and the other chicks and returned about a half hour later to learn that not only had Adam and DiTonto been given a tour of one of Darryl's big pimpin' boats, but that Taylor had invited her to dinner with his parents, aunt and uncle and grandparents.
No, none of this is a lie or exaggeration, I PROMISE.
Why the family gathering? Well, Taylor had turned 25 the night before and it was pre-planned, but now the lucky guy got to introduce his family to his new wife.
So Adam and I went for dinner (dinner = drinks) at a different restaurant and then met up with the newlyweds for... THE RECEPTION! At a karaoke bar. And I, former DJ, now wedding singer, serenaded them with some classics like "La Isla Bonita" by Madonna, as well as Billy Joel's "Only the Good Die Young."
And then, after we realized this karaoke bar was also some sort of mafia hang out and we were way in over our heads, we slipped away (but not before Taylor's mom, DiTonto's mother-in-law, invited both she and I for Christmas!) and Adam safely drove us back to Santa Monica, with a quick stop at one of our favorite bars in Venice, then back home, where we decided to end our day with...
Planet Earth. "Shallow Seas"--another good episode.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Disease of the Week
Pre-Holiday General Function Incapacity & Blockage (PHGFIB)
In which you are unable to accomplish anything at work
Symptoms
Excessive emailing to friends regarding insignificant topics (i.e. Twilight, prematurely planning birthday parties, Bollywood)
Extended lunches at Panda Express
Instant knowledge of certain despicable Hills stars' Mexican weddings
Inability to remember anything that happened earlier that day
Desire to leave work at 4 pm because it's getting dark out
Constant daydreaming about huge success of first novel
Constant daydreaming about dating Robert Pattinson
Treatment
None; just make it to Wednesday afternoon...
In which you are unable to accomplish anything at work
Symptoms
Excessive emailing to friends regarding insignificant topics (i.e. Twilight, prematurely planning birthday parties, Bollywood)
Extended lunches at Panda Express
Instant knowledge of certain despicable Hills stars' Mexican weddings
Inability to remember anything that happened earlier that day
Desire to leave work at 4 pm because it's getting dark out
Constant daydreaming about huge success of first novel
Constant daydreaming about dating Robert Pattinson
Treatment
None; just make it to Wednesday afternoon...
Friday, October 24, 2008
HIVES: Further Evidence That I am Doomed to a Long-term Existence as a 12 Year Old
I had a weird allergic reaction to a pair of pants this morning. Seriously. I broke out into hives.
Yes, hives.
Hives.
Like... all over my ass (seriously). And my knee caps, my belly button, my thighs...
And eventually they spread. But really the redness and itchyness spread and I legit had a freak allergy attack and fucking HIVES.
I am not at all kidding. Not at all. It was insane. And you know something, contrary to popular belief, breaking out in hives SUCKS. (Actually I don’t even know if it is popular belief, but I am going to go with that belief that is like braces logic—you know, when you were a kid you kind of wanted braces because of the idea of it, even though in reality they suck; well it was kind of like that. Like you always hear kids say “I got hives” and you are like, huh, hives. I kinda want hives one of these days. BUT YOU DON’T. THEY SUCK. FUCK HIVES.)
Here’s what happened:
Foolishly, on Wednesday I agreed to a Friday morning workout with my trainer, which I never do, but I was so jazzed we changed our time to 6:30 am (as opposed to 6 am, which required me to wake up at 5:30 am, which BLOWS) and I was all about it, even though I had a sense I was probably going to go out Thursday night. So anyway, I woke up this morning around 6:05 am and wanted to murder someone. Really. I woke up and my alarm is set to play Cat Stevens’ “Morning Has Broken” (because I am both unoriginal and corny) and thought, who can I blame for this and subsequently murder?
But then I snoozed two 5-minute sets and felt well enough to get out of bed. So I got my ass ready for the gym, threw on the last remaining clean pair of socks and workout pants I could fine (t-shirt supply is always in abundance) and sleep-walked to my car and drove to the gym, arriving 10 minutes late as intended. (Sometimes I like to show up late to my training sessions as kind of a big FUCK YOU to my trainer who is dumb as rocks—he spelled marathon “marithon” our first day, among other things—and generally a person I dislike beyond his kickass training capabilities. And it reminds both him and me that he works for me and I can do what I want which is kind of awesome because in all other aspects of my life I am just hanging onto the lowest ladder rung. No, I don’t have any issues. None at all.)
We did a little bit more low-key workout because I bitched about how tired I was from going out last night (went to a SWEET comedy show featuring the dudes from Human Giant, and others—it was AWESOME), and like 45 minutes into it I started just itching a lot. Mostly my quads, but my shins and kneecaps and other places. I absent-mindedly just thought it was because it’s so dry out and whatever, but the itching was only increasing. I was scratching my leg later when I was stretching, and pulled up my pants a little bit to discover that on my kneecap there were all these really weird looking bumps. I quickly headed to the locker room to change for the showers and stripped out of my workout clothes to discover huge fucking HIVES all over my ass and midriff (well really mostly up to where the pants stopped, so just below my belly button). IT WAS NUTS. My legs were also bright red and itching like MAD and I had a crazy chill and was kind of starting to freak out because my ass/lower half of my body looked like I was a bad PSA for nut allergy or meth usage or something. I sped through the shower and got dressed and raced home, to pop a Benadryl and some cortisone cream, and pray to my animal spirit god that he would save me.
I guess it was allergies because the Benadryl definitely worked. The hives have gone down. Still pretty itchy though. Gonna go see the doctor later anyway to maybe get a cortisone shot, but really what I want to know is:
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED
And again, apologies for the recent spike in profanity but I am so weirded out by this whole situation. I mean, who the hell gets hives around 7 am on a Friday? HAH I guess the same person who just two weeks ago broke her retainer eating an apple. I mean between the orthodontic issues and the freak allergy attacks—I belong in middle school.
HIVES ON MY ASS
I’ll leave you with that.
OH AND I AM NEVER FUCKING WEARING THOSE PANTS AGAIN (even though they were clean and had been washed in the same load as a pair of pants I wore to work out Wednesday morning and there were NO HIVES WITH THOSE OTHER PANTS. SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK).
Yes, hives.
Hives.
Like... all over my ass (seriously). And my knee caps, my belly button, my thighs...
And eventually they spread. But really the redness and itchyness spread and I legit had a freak allergy attack and fucking HIVES.
I am not at all kidding. Not at all. It was insane. And you know something, contrary to popular belief, breaking out in hives SUCKS. (Actually I don’t even know if it is popular belief, but I am going to go with that belief that is like braces logic—you know, when you were a kid you kind of wanted braces because of the idea of it, even though in reality they suck; well it was kind of like that. Like you always hear kids say “I got hives” and you are like, huh, hives. I kinda want hives one of these days. BUT YOU DON’T. THEY SUCK. FUCK HIVES.)
Here’s what happened:
Foolishly, on Wednesday I agreed to a Friday morning workout with my trainer, which I never do, but I was so jazzed we changed our time to 6:30 am (as opposed to 6 am, which required me to wake up at 5:30 am, which BLOWS) and I was all about it, even though I had a sense I was probably going to go out Thursday night. So anyway, I woke up this morning around 6:05 am and wanted to murder someone. Really. I woke up and my alarm is set to play Cat Stevens’ “Morning Has Broken” (because I am both unoriginal and corny) and thought, who can I blame for this and subsequently murder?
But then I snoozed two 5-minute sets and felt well enough to get out of bed. So I got my ass ready for the gym, threw on the last remaining clean pair of socks and workout pants I could fine (t-shirt supply is always in abundance) and sleep-walked to my car and drove to the gym, arriving 10 minutes late as intended. (Sometimes I like to show up late to my training sessions as kind of a big FUCK YOU to my trainer who is dumb as rocks—he spelled marathon “marithon” our first day, among other things—and generally a person I dislike beyond his kickass training capabilities. And it reminds both him and me that he works for me and I can do what I want which is kind of awesome because in all other aspects of my life I am just hanging onto the lowest ladder rung. No, I don’t have any issues. None at all.)
We did a little bit more low-key workout because I bitched about how tired I was from going out last night (went to a SWEET comedy show featuring the dudes from Human Giant, and others—it was AWESOME), and like 45 minutes into it I started just itching a lot. Mostly my quads, but my shins and kneecaps and other places. I absent-mindedly just thought it was because it’s so dry out and whatever, but the itching was only increasing. I was scratching my leg later when I was stretching, and pulled up my pants a little bit to discover that on my kneecap there were all these really weird looking bumps. I quickly headed to the locker room to change for the showers and stripped out of my workout clothes to discover huge fucking HIVES all over my ass and midriff (well really mostly up to where the pants stopped, so just below my belly button). IT WAS NUTS. My legs were also bright red and itching like MAD and I had a crazy chill and was kind of starting to freak out because my ass/lower half of my body looked like I was a bad PSA for nut allergy or meth usage or something. I sped through the shower and got dressed and raced home, to pop a Benadryl and some cortisone cream, and pray to my animal spirit god that he would save me.
I guess it was allergies because the Benadryl definitely worked. The hives have gone down. Still pretty itchy though. Gonna go see the doctor later anyway to maybe get a cortisone shot, but really what I want to know is:
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED
And again, apologies for the recent spike in profanity but I am so weirded out by this whole situation. I mean, who the hell gets hives around 7 am on a Friday? HAH I guess the same person who just two weeks ago broke her retainer eating an apple. I mean between the orthodontic issues and the freak allergy attacks—I belong in middle school.
HIVES ON MY ASS
I’ll leave you with that.
OH AND I AM NEVER FUCKING WEARING THOSE PANTS AGAIN (even though they were clean and had been washed in the same load as a pair of pants I wore to work out Wednesday morning and there were NO HIVES WITH THOSE OTHER PANTS. SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK).
Friday, October 17, 2008
Yes, Please, Try to FIGHT ME
If you click on my previous post "I am not the same nationality as these monsters" you'll see the following comment.
Look, I was not categorizing all Republicans as extreme racist Christians. I never wrote that, I never said it, and I never even insinuated it. I am not perpetuating ignorance or bias--I am merely trying to expose it. All I said was that if I were a Republican or someone voting for McCain, I would be embarrassed--because these are the people who, like you, support that platform and it's not a group of people I would want to be associated with. Please re-read that very simple sentence.
In fact, this goes both ways, for example, as a Democrat voting for Obama I feel pretty embarrased after listening to a clip from the Howard Stern Show, during which voters in Harlem were asked why they were voting for Obama (as there is a claim that many black voters support him only because he is black), and the interviewer pretended that all of McCain's platform's were Obama's and these voters didn't know the difference. More than one talked about how they felt strongly for Obama because he was "pro-life and going to put more troops in Iraq." (Check out the clip here.) It's embarrassing.
My point with all these, is that daily I am shocked by the ignorance of so many in this country, be it black, white, or purple, Democrat, Repbulican, Libertarian. This sort of thing makes me ashamed to be an American--it's guilt by association. It's upsetting and unsettling--and I think as Americans we need to strive harder to teach those who need it. So to the "Anonymous" reader who wanted to remind me "that a large portion of the Republican party is upperclass with high-level education," why don't you spread that education to those who need it most? To your fellow Americans from all sides of the coin.
Secondly, a word to the wise (and to friends of mine who read the blog/comment) my stat counter allows me to see who is reading this and where--so while you've commented anonymously I can look at what time you posted and connect it to the time you looked at the blog(a location and IP address, which usually includes whatever business you work at). Just for the future when you choose to rant--you might want to take a little more time reading and thinking before you are the one perpetuating any misconceptions.
And finally, to quote SNL, Really? REALLY? Oh my God, are you serious? This is not the G-D New York Times people. This is the most ridiculous inconsequential blog ever, which has taken a slight political turn because we are 18 days away from the election and I can't help it, I just can't. Let me return now to the many more profound issues of sweating, Celine Dion, orthodontics, nostalgia for bad 80s television, and fickle obsessions with water coolers, cleanses, and hot tamales.
UGH. SERIOUSLY. Now I am going to pop out my Invisalign, chomp down on an apple, and just use all this as fuel to my fire when I am canvassing in Pahrump, Nevada tomorrow.
Good night and good luck.
ALSO, whatever jackass tried to advertise floss when commenting on "And now for something completely different," THANKS, I'M GOOD.
First of all, who knew Al Jazeera had an Ohio affiliate?!?
Secondly, I think it is increbibly ignorant to categorize all Republicans as extreme racist, Christians. The took a microcosm of the Republican party and our exploiting the words of these blatantly prejudice people.
Let us not forget that a large portion of the Republican party is upperclass with high-level education.
By sharing this video, you are perpetuating the ignorance and bias.
Look, I was not categorizing all Republicans as extreme racist Christians. I never wrote that, I never said it, and I never even insinuated it. I am not perpetuating ignorance or bias--I am merely trying to expose it. All I said was that if I were a Republican or someone voting for McCain, I would be embarrassed--because these are the people who, like you, support that platform and it's not a group of people I would want to be associated with. Please re-read that very simple sentence.
In fact, this goes both ways, for example, as a Democrat voting for Obama I feel pretty embarrased after listening to a clip from the Howard Stern Show, during which voters in Harlem were asked why they were voting for Obama (as there is a claim that many black voters support him only because he is black), and the interviewer pretended that all of McCain's platform's were Obama's and these voters didn't know the difference. More than one talked about how they felt strongly for Obama because he was "pro-life and going to put more troops in Iraq." (Check out the clip here.) It's embarrassing.
My point with all these, is that daily I am shocked by the ignorance of so many in this country, be it black, white, or purple, Democrat, Repbulican, Libertarian. This sort of thing makes me ashamed to be an American--it's guilt by association. It's upsetting and unsettling--and I think as Americans we need to strive harder to teach those who need it. So to the "Anonymous" reader who wanted to remind me "that a large portion of the Republican party is upperclass with high-level education," why don't you spread that education to those who need it most? To your fellow Americans from all sides of the coin.
Secondly, a word to the wise (and to friends of mine who read the blog/comment) my stat counter allows me to see who is reading this and where--so while you've commented anonymously I can look at what time you posted and connect it to the time you looked at the blog(a location and IP address, which usually includes whatever business you work at). Just for the future when you choose to rant--you might want to take a little more time reading and thinking before you are the one perpetuating any misconceptions.
And finally, to quote SNL, Really? REALLY? Oh my God, are you serious? This is not the G-D New York Times people. This is the most ridiculous inconsequential blog ever, which has taken a slight political turn because we are 18 days away from the election and I can't help it, I just can't. Let me return now to the many more profound issues of sweating, Celine Dion, orthodontics, nostalgia for bad 80s television, and fickle obsessions with water coolers, cleanses, and hot tamales.
UGH. SERIOUSLY. Now I am going to pop out my Invisalign, chomp down on an apple, and just use all this as fuel to my fire when I am canvassing in Pahrump, Nevada tomorrow.
Good night and good luck.
ALSO, whatever jackass tried to advertise floss when commenting on "And now for something completely different," THANKS, I'M GOOD.
Monday, October 06, 2008
That Time I Fell in Love With a Water Cooler
Saturday was a good day. I woke up. Went to a yoga class. Came home. Made some eggs. Showered. Sat down with Roomie #1 and popped in a disc of Friday Night Lights. Opened a bottle of wine. Got drunk. Four hours later (and a second bottle of wine) we went on a raid to a friend's house. Had some beers. Hung out. Shot an audition tape for our friend's friend (only in LA). Came home. Made grand plans to go out and make out with a boy (NOT THE SAME ONE, COME ON). Popped in another disc of Friday Night Lights whilst discussing said grand plans. Passed out before midnight. Woke up on the sofa around 12:30 am disoriented and feeling wine hungoveryish (just made that word up, go with it) and consumed mass quantities of fresh, delicious water.
OH YEAH.
THAT'S RIGHT.
I FORGOT TO MENTION THE BEST THING EVER ABOUT SATURDAY THAT MADE ME 100% HAPPIER AND COOLER (both in degree and social status), DESPITE THE FACT THAT THE ONLY MAJOR ACTIVITY I DID ON A SATURDAY WAS A YOGA CLASS AND RATHER THAN MAKE OUT WITH ANY BOYS, BOTH MY ROOMMATE AND MYSELF GOT WINE DRUNK, WATCHED EPIC TV AND PASSED OUT:
WE GOT A WATER COOLER.
Okay. So yes, that was an unnecessary use of capitalization (and after re-reading it was VERY confusing, apologies) but LET ME TELL YOU (here I go again), that having a water cooler AT HOME is the best thing ever. First of all, I AM SO HYDRATED I have pee to all the time and especially when I wake up in the morning and that is A VERY GOOD THING and there is nothing better than waking up in the morning and relieving your bladder. I also enjoy waking up and putting on chapstick. (I am not at all surprised there were no make-outs with boys in my recent history, are you?).
Secondly, I can have about eight cups of tea a day (OR MORE! IT'S UP TO ME!) with no hassle, thanks to the glorious water cooler. Which means I am going to be really energized, or really calm, depending on what kind of tea I choose to make, like right now--OMG I AM GOING TO BREW MY MOST FAVORITE OF THE CELESTIAL SEASONINGS VARIETY, Sleepytime. Which is also the name of one of my iTunes playlists.
And finally, WATER. IS. AWESOME.
Henceforth, thus I shall visa via decree that the water cooler has changed my life for the better.
OK, chill, I get that this may perhaps, in theory, be wonderful but probably is doing something terrible for the environment or the economy (or probably both, because let's face it: everything today is totally fucking over BOTH the environment and the economy) but goddamnit I make like NO money and work pretty hard (okay, I work moderately hard) and just want some delicious cold water at my leisure and YES it's home delivery which further supports my theory that people in LA are excessively lazy and now that I have lived here for a year (OMG A YEAR!) I have become the very thing I so often mock (an Angeleno? HELL NO. NEVER. Maybe a little). BUT ALLOW ME MY LOVE AFFAIR WITH OUR WATER COOLER.
I'll let that tirade marinate. And now I am going to watch an episode of The Hills whilst I enjoy some fresh tea (thank you water cooler, love of my life) and cry while I watch Lauren Conrad make massive quantities of money for doing NOTHING. NOTHING AT ALL.
P.S. Obama 2008
No drugs were used in the creation of this blog post. Only water. But apparently you CAN get drunk on water. Someone told me that once.
OH YEAH.
THAT'S RIGHT.
I FORGOT TO MENTION THE BEST THING EVER ABOUT SATURDAY THAT MADE ME 100% HAPPIER AND COOLER (both in degree and social status), DESPITE THE FACT THAT THE ONLY MAJOR ACTIVITY I DID ON A SATURDAY WAS A YOGA CLASS AND RATHER THAN MAKE OUT WITH ANY BOYS, BOTH MY ROOMMATE AND MYSELF GOT WINE DRUNK, WATCHED EPIC TV AND PASSED OUT:
WE GOT A WATER COOLER.
Okay. So yes, that was an unnecessary use of capitalization (and after re-reading it was VERY confusing, apologies) but LET ME TELL YOU (here I go again), that having a water cooler AT HOME is the best thing ever. First of all, I AM SO HYDRATED I have pee to all the time and especially when I wake up in the morning and that is A VERY GOOD THING and there is nothing better than waking up in the morning and relieving your bladder. I also enjoy waking up and putting on chapstick. (I am not at all surprised there were no make-outs with boys in my recent history, are you?).
Secondly, I can have about eight cups of tea a day (OR MORE! IT'S UP TO ME!) with no hassle, thanks to the glorious water cooler. Which means I am going to be really energized, or really calm, depending on what kind of tea I choose to make, like right now--OMG I AM GOING TO BREW MY MOST FAVORITE OF THE CELESTIAL SEASONINGS VARIETY, Sleepytime. Which is also the name of one of my iTunes playlists.
And finally, WATER. IS. AWESOME.
Henceforth, thus I shall visa via decree that the water cooler has changed my life for the better.
OK, chill, I get that this may perhaps, in theory, be wonderful but probably is doing something terrible for the environment or the economy (or probably both, because let's face it: everything today is totally fucking over BOTH the environment and the economy) but goddamnit I make like NO money and work pretty hard (okay, I work moderately hard) and just want some delicious cold water at my leisure and YES it's home delivery which further supports my theory that people in LA are excessively lazy and now that I have lived here for a year (OMG A YEAR!) I have become the very thing I so often mock (an Angeleno? HELL NO. NEVER. Maybe a little). BUT ALLOW ME MY LOVE AFFAIR WITH OUR WATER COOLER.
I'll let that tirade marinate. And now I am going to watch an episode of The Hills whilst I enjoy some fresh tea (thank you water cooler, love of my life) and cry while I watch Lauren Conrad make massive quantities of money for doing NOTHING. NOTHING AT ALL.
P.S. Obama 2008
No drugs were used in the creation of this blog post. Only water. But apparently you CAN get drunk on water. Someone told me that once.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Future Outlook is Bleak
I just went to CNN. Take a look at the front page (click on screencap for larger image):
The next thought that crossed my mind was, wow. Wow we are really in the shitter. The economy is looking like The Great Depression Part Deux, the Polar Bears are dying and the ice caps are melting, Bill Clinton lavishes praise on McCain (WHAT???), pirates are on the loose again in the Ukraine, and some little kid who's destined to be really screwed up in a few years's Mom staged a "hot bod"contest for other kids.
I mean.... All that is really, really, really depressing. (Except for the pirates thing. Pirates are fun. And if they look like Johnny Depp, really hot.)
I almost wish the LHC had worked and sucked everyone into a black hole. And what am I contributing to society while I sit at a little desk all day and stare at a computer screen and spend half my time complaining about the supreme shittyness of Windows Vista? I am contributing nothing. Absolutely nothing. And let me stop myself before I have yet another existential crisis, but HOLY SHIT can someone create some sort of happy news source where you can read all about the wonderful things happening in the world? Occasionally CNN has something, but I am even nervous to click on that link about the 3,000 year old discovery in Egpyt because it's probably just someone who predicted the end of the world or something.
UGH.
The next thought that crossed my mind was, wow. Wow we are really in the shitter. The economy is looking like The Great Depression Part Deux, the Polar Bears are dying and the ice caps are melting, Bill Clinton lavishes praise on McCain (WHAT???), pirates are on the loose again in the Ukraine, and some little kid who's destined to be really screwed up in a few years's Mom staged a "hot bod"contest for other kids.
I mean.... All that is really, really, really depressing. (Except for the pirates thing. Pirates are fun. And if they look like Johnny Depp, really hot.)
I almost wish the LHC had worked and sucked everyone into a black hole. And what am I contributing to society while I sit at a little desk all day and stare at a computer screen and spend half my time complaining about the supreme shittyness of Windows Vista? I am contributing nothing. Absolutely nothing. And let me stop myself before I have yet another existential crisis, but HOLY SHIT can someone create some sort of happy news source where you can read all about the wonderful things happening in the world? Occasionally CNN has something, but I am even nervous to click on that link about the 3,000 year old discovery in Egpyt because it's probably just someone who predicted the end of the world or something.
UGH.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Tomorrow’s Forecast: Doomsday
Because I am a self-proclaimed nerd it shouldn’t come as any surprise that I read a lot of science blogs. Well, maybe not a lot, but probably an above-average amount. I also spend a lot of time reading blogs for people that most would refer to as “fanboys.” That is to say, I love all those dorky blogs that pander to the sci-fi and cult film/tv/book/entertainment lovers. About a month ago I started getting really into reading about the LARGE HADRON COLLIDER (which I am capitalizing for emphasis as it is something YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT) and in fact I presented a little bit on the LHC in a staff meeting last week (don’t ask). Anyway, I feel it is my duty to bring some more information of the LHC to the masses (and by masses, of course, I mean the 30 to 50 readers of the blog today—I am hoping for 50).
What is the LHC?
The LARGE HADRON COLLIDER is the world’s largest and highest-energy particle accelerator. It has been built in a 17-mile circular tunnel at the CERN laboratory near Geneva, Switzerland and I think the started back in the mid-90s, which means I TOTALLY could have visited this badass thing when I was studying in Geneva (so worldly, I am) but nope. Bygones.
Okay so this $3.8 billion machine (wrap your head around THAT number) will collide two beams of protons moving at close to the speed of light so that scientists can see what particles appear in the resulting debris. It may help physicists explore new properties of nature, and specifically gain insights into mysteries of the universe ranging from dark matter to super symmetric particles.
I didn’t know there was a level past symmetric (I mean can it get better?) and I am happy to see the adjective to describe said level is SUPER.
The most significant sought-after insight is the Higgs boson (no clue how to pronounce that word) which is an as-yet-undetected subatomic particle also called the “God Particle” and is the only fundamental particle predicted by current theory that has not yet been found—if it does not exit that would add weight to alternative theories that depend on extra dimensions of space-time. I don’t really understand a lot of this science mumbo jumbo (THE SAINT QUOTE ALERT) but I think it sounds fascinating.
In sum, the LHC is intended to solve unknown mysteries about the Universe, the space-time continuum, the fourth (and possible other) dimension, dark matter and anti matter.
Like I said, AWESOME.
HOWEVER... DOOMSDAY LOOMS.
What do I mean? Try to keep up...
The first attempt to circulate a beam in the LHC will be made on Wednesday September 10, 2008 (TOMORROW) however there is a lot of controversy surrounding the launch of the project. A LOT.
Critics say the world’s largest atom-smasher could destroy the world and have brought these claims to court in the US and in Europe, however neither court plans to hold up next week’s launch. Essentially, there is concern that the LHC could create globe-gobbling microscopic black holes or other catastrophes such as matter-wrecking strangelets or magnetic monopoles. Now, I have no idea what strangelets are and my spell-check is telling me that this IS NOT A WORD, however this shit is FO REAL. As in, DOOMSDAY. That’s right—tomorrow could be DOOMSDAY because the Earth might get sucked into a BIG BLACK HOLE. RUMINATE ON THAT ONE SARAH PALIN. (And McCain, ruminate on your VP selection, because honestly? HONESTLY? I HAVE MORE EXPERIENCE THAN SARAH PALIN. But I digress).
“Big Bang Machines” of the past have also faced similar skepticism, however this time around it seems a little more REAL MY FRIENDS because the LHC will smash protons together at energies seven times higher than the current world record. SO WE ARE TOTALLY F’ED!
Okay so not really because it’s gone to court and stuff in both the US and the EU (and let's face it, those Europeans are a shitload smarter than we are) and everyone is like COOL IT to the crazy wormhole-expecting critics, IT IS GOING TO BE JUST FINE AND WE ARE GOING TO LEARN SO MANY GREAT AND IMPORTANT THINGS ABOUT SCIENCE. So maybe tomorrow isn’t Doomsday.
But don’t say I didn’t warn you.
For more kick-ass photos.
And how about all that science explained in a convenient musical form? Sure, why not. I look like much less of a nerd compared to this chick. I mean, she actually does science and stuff. Wow.
What is the LHC?
The LARGE HADRON COLLIDER is the world’s largest and highest-energy particle accelerator. It has been built in a 17-mile circular tunnel at the CERN laboratory near Geneva, Switzerland and I think the started back in the mid-90s, which means I TOTALLY could have visited this badass thing when I was studying in Geneva (so worldly, I am) but nope. Bygones.
Okay so this $3.8 billion machine (wrap your head around THAT number) will collide two beams of protons moving at close to the speed of light so that scientists can see what particles appear in the resulting debris. It may help physicists explore new properties of nature, and specifically gain insights into mysteries of the universe ranging from dark matter to super symmetric particles.
I didn’t know there was a level past symmetric (I mean can it get better?) and I am happy to see the adjective to describe said level is SUPER.The most significant sought-after insight is the Higgs boson (no clue how to pronounce that word) which is an as-yet-undetected subatomic particle also called the “God Particle” and is the only fundamental particle predicted by current theory that has not yet been found—if it does not exit that would add weight to alternative theories that depend on extra dimensions of space-time. I don’t really understand a lot of this science mumbo jumbo (THE SAINT QUOTE ALERT) but I think it sounds fascinating.
In sum, the LHC is intended to solve unknown mysteries about the Universe, the space-time continuum, the fourth (and possible other) dimension, dark matter and anti matter.
Like I said, AWESOME.
HOWEVER... DOOMSDAY LOOMS.
What do I mean? Try to keep up...
The first attempt to circulate a beam in the LHC will be made on Wednesday September 10, 2008 (TOMORROW) however there is a lot of controversy surrounding the launch of the project. A LOT.
Critics say the world’s largest atom-smasher could destroy the world and have brought these claims to court in the US and in Europe, however neither court plans to hold up next week’s launch. Essentially, there is concern that the LHC could create globe-gobbling microscopic black holes or other catastrophes such as matter-wrecking strangelets or magnetic monopoles. Now, I have no idea what strangelets are and my spell-check is telling me that this IS NOT A WORD, however this shit is FO REAL. As in, DOOMSDAY. That’s right—tomorrow could be DOOMSDAY because the Earth might get sucked into a BIG BLACK HOLE. RUMINATE ON THAT ONE SARAH PALIN. (And McCain, ruminate on your VP selection, because honestly? HONESTLY? I HAVE MORE EXPERIENCE THAN SARAH PALIN. But I digress).
“Big Bang Machines” of the past have also faced similar skepticism, however this time around it seems a little more REAL MY FRIENDS because the LHC will smash protons together at energies seven times higher than the current world record. SO WE ARE TOTALLY F’ED!
Okay so not really because it’s gone to court and stuff in both the US and the EU (and let's face it, those Europeans are a shitload smarter than we are) and everyone is like COOL IT to the crazy wormhole-expecting critics, IT IS GOING TO BE JUST FINE AND WE ARE GOING TO LEARN SO MANY GREAT AND IMPORTANT THINGS ABOUT SCIENCE. So maybe tomorrow isn’t Doomsday.
But don’t say I didn’t warn you.
For more kick-ass photos.
And how about all that science explained in a convenient musical form? Sure, why not. I look like much less of a nerd compared to this chick. I mean, she actually does science and stuff. Wow.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Bienvenida a Tijuana
Bienvenida a Tijuana
Bienvenida mi amor
De noche a la mañana
Bienvenida mi amor
Unfortunately, I did not hear these lyrics pour forth from the musical genius that is Manu Chao at his concert last night in Tijuana. Did I think about going? Yes. Did I almost go, before being repeatedly told that TJ was pretty much the opposite of safe? Still yes. Did I attempt to convince the nice man who worked at Bank of America that he should accompany us on said trip to Tijuana? Yes, yes I did.
At this point you may be confused. You might wonder what could be so great to have me seriously considering crossing into Mexico via the most-used border crossing and then spend some quality time in the largest, and arguably most dangerous border town. I will tell you what is so great, and what might inspire me to go almost anywhere:
Manu Chao.
You might be thinking Manu Who? Too which I will say SHAME ON YOU. Everyone should know Manu Chao—if not for his status as a musical Che, a Bob Dylan-like global figure embodying principles of anti-globalization and radical leftism—but for his eerily beautiful voice, his profound lyrics, and his capacity for combining politics, love and winsome thoughts of hope in a style of music that could not be more diverse.
But I don’t listen to Manu Chao for his message or political ideals (he sings mostly in Spanish, French, a little bit of English, and occosionally Portuguese, Arabic, Basque, and a bunch of other languages so I can’t always understand what he’s saying). I listen to Manu Chao because, well, to put it simply—he gets my toes a-tapping! Manu Chao (and his band, known as Radio Bemba Sound System) blends a crazy mix of reggae, ska, punk, rock, merengue, and a bunch of other musical styles I don’t have the first bit of knowledge about. All I know is he’s probably my #1 favorite musical act there ever is or was (possibly tying The Talking Heads for that first spot in my heart) and when I saw him perform last year at Bonnaroo it was the best live performance I had ever seen.
It was killing me that I wasn’t at Outside Lands in San Francisco Friday night, where Manu was set to perform before Radiohead (talk about musical geniuses!) especially because he rarely plays in the US and usually only on the festival circuit.
So believe my excitement when I found out he was playing the Plaza Monumental (the bullring) in Tijuana, Mexico last night. And get this—tickets were only $25. Incredible! How could I pass up a chance to see to my all-time favorite musician for that price, and when he was just a three hour drive from LA? I’ll tell you how: TJ.
Let’s do a little examination of my thought process of the “Manu in TJ or Bust” idea.
Thursday night: I spend a few hours in Panera (we still didn’t have internet) to use their wi-fi and with the intention of doing some writing (I'm so LA). I ended up downloading music and watching music videos on YouTube. Then I started looking at flights to San Francisco to catch the set at Outside Lands. When I came to my senses that this was NOT a viable option (too expensive, too soon to call out sick from work) I settled on buying a very rare and hard to find copy of the DVD Babylonia En Guagua (look for it on Amazon for upwards of $94!—don’t worry, I bought my copy for $25.)
Friday night: Ashleigh and I were sitting at home, drinking some beers and just hanging out before going out when I started to look up Manu Chao online again, only to find that lo and behold—Manu would be playing in Tijuana on Sunday night. Five minutes later (after viewing the low ticket price, determining the short distance to the concert, and the likelihood of what was sure to be an epic evening) we were set on going. 100% determined. In fact, if Manu had been playing that night we would have driven right there and then. Thrown caution the wind, gotten in a car to San Diego, then taken the lovely Mexicoach bus across the border and straight to the Plaza Monumental. We were about to buy tickets online, then decided we should recruit others and get more info—buy them on Saturday morning.
Annie came home, and we told her of our planned adventured. She looked at us like we are crazy and said, “you guys are insane. And I don’t mean fun insane. I mean it’s a bad idea.” Our resident expert on border relations then gave us full details on the true stupidity of our plan.
Saturday: Somewhat dissuaded by Annie’s warnings of potential kidnapping, stray bullets, and just general high DANGER alerts, I was still determined to make it happen. As a group we went to Bank of America to open up a joint account for our apartment (a great idea btw, I highly recommend—makes things like paying rent and electric bills VERY easy). While Anthony, our well-dressed banker helped set up our new account I casually asked him if he’d ever been to TJ—and he had! He was a little surprised at our interest in going and when I declared “Manu Chao is playing!” he perked up—he’d seen Manu last summer at Coachella. After the poor kid struggled through endless questions from the three of us (mine mostly about TJ, Ashleigh's about some story she'd heard about some man shitting on the floor of that bank, and Annie asking him if his job ever made him depressed—“no not working at the bank, but at this building in particular!”) I gave him my number and said if he had any interest in going he should call us.
Next up I called my brother who freaked out BIGTIME (which definitely convinced me that calling my Dad for his opinion would be a BAD IDEA) so I listened to his advice, and stories of people getting raped and shot and what not and then decided to call around to few more friends to get some info.
Putting my plans on hold I went to Malibu (listening to Manu Chao all the way there, bien sur) but that night, still determined to go, I decided I would take it easy—I mean if I were going to spend my Sunday night in TJ then maybe I should spend my Saturday night doing normal Sunday night things like laundry and cleaning my room and passing out in front of the television early. All were accomplished but laundry and cleaning my room. (Wow, what an eventful Saturday night!)
Sunday morning: I wake up and go to yoga, and at this point I sort of felt it in my gut—TJ wasn’t happening. Sure tickets were cheap and it would be incredible to hear this music icon singing “Bienvenida a Tijuana” IN Tijuana, but it wasn’t worth being packed in with 10,000 rowdy Mexicans in one of the most dangerous cities on the continent. So much for staying in Saturday night. Oh and Anthony, our banker, never called—if we’d had a Spanish-speaking male with us, chances of the journey happening would have been much higher. I think Anthony was scared of by our barrage of questions. That or the fact that 3 girls he didn't know were attempting to convince him to go to Tijuana with them.
Driving back from Malibu Sunday evening we blasted my favorite Manu Chao album, the live Manu Chao Radio Bemba Sound System and I wistfully imagined catching the show. I vowed that I WILL see him in concert again, and soon.
Until that undetermined date, my Manu DVD is set to come in the next week and there’s always YouTube--I guess I'll have to settle for the next best thing.
In fact, here are a few of my favorite songs—definitely worth your time.
Could Them, Rumbla de Bacelona, Mr. Bobby
Welcome to Tijuana and El Viento
Mala Vida, Radio Bemba, Que Paso Que Paso
And last but not least, Bienvenida a Tijuana
Bienvenida mi amor
De noche a la mañana
Bienvenida mi amor
Unfortunately, I did not hear these lyrics pour forth from the musical genius that is Manu Chao at his concert last night in Tijuana. Did I think about going? Yes. Did I almost go, before being repeatedly told that TJ was pretty much the opposite of safe? Still yes. Did I attempt to convince the nice man who worked at Bank of America that he should accompany us on said trip to Tijuana? Yes, yes I did.
At this point you may be confused. You might wonder what could be so great to have me seriously considering crossing into Mexico via the most-used border crossing and then spend some quality time in the largest, and arguably most dangerous border town. I will tell you what is so great, and what might inspire me to go almost anywhere:
Manu Chao.
You might be thinking Manu Who? Too which I will say SHAME ON YOU. Everyone should know Manu Chao—if not for his status as a musical Che, a Bob Dylan-like global figure embodying principles of anti-globalization and radical leftism—but for his eerily beautiful voice, his profound lyrics, and his capacity for combining politics, love and winsome thoughts of hope in a style of music that could not be more diverse.
But I don’t listen to Manu Chao for his message or political ideals (he sings mostly in Spanish, French, a little bit of English, and occosionally Portuguese, Arabic, Basque, and a bunch of other languages so I can’t always understand what he’s saying). I listen to Manu Chao because, well, to put it simply—he gets my toes a-tapping! Manu Chao (and his band, known as Radio Bemba Sound System) blends a crazy mix of reggae, ska, punk, rock, merengue, and a bunch of other musical styles I don’t have the first bit of knowledge about. All I know is he’s probably my #1 favorite musical act there ever is or was (possibly tying The Talking Heads for that first spot in my heart) and when I saw him perform last year at Bonnaroo it was the best live performance I had ever seen.
It was killing me that I wasn’t at Outside Lands in San Francisco Friday night, where Manu was set to perform before Radiohead (talk about musical geniuses!) especially because he rarely plays in the US and usually only on the festival circuit.
So believe my excitement when I found out he was playing the Plaza Monumental (the bullring) in Tijuana, Mexico last night. And get this—tickets were only $25. Incredible! How could I pass up a chance to see to my all-time favorite musician for that price, and when he was just a three hour drive from LA? I’ll tell you how: TJ.
Let’s do a little examination of my thought process of the “Manu in TJ or Bust” idea.
Thursday night: I spend a few hours in Panera (we still didn’t have internet) to use their wi-fi and with the intention of doing some writing (I'm so LA). I ended up downloading music and watching music videos on YouTube. Then I started looking at flights to San Francisco to catch the set at Outside Lands. When I came to my senses that this was NOT a viable option (too expensive, too soon to call out sick from work) I settled on buying a very rare and hard to find copy of the DVD Babylonia En Guagua (look for it on Amazon for upwards of $94!—don’t worry, I bought my copy for $25.)
Friday night: Ashleigh and I were sitting at home, drinking some beers and just hanging out before going out when I started to look up Manu Chao online again, only to find that lo and behold—Manu would be playing in Tijuana on Sunday night. Five minutes later (after viewing the low ticket price, determining the short distance to the concert, and the likelihood of what was sure to be an epic evening) we were set on going. 100% determined. In fact, if Manu had been playing that night we would have driven right there and then. Thrown caution the wind, gotten in a car to San Diego, then taken the lovely Mexicoach bus across the border and straight to the Plaza Monumental. We were about to buy tickets online, then decided we should recruit others and get more info—buy them on Saturday morning.
Annie came home, and we told her of our planned adventured. She looked at us like we are crazy and said, “you guys are insane. And I don’t mean fun insane. I mean it’s a bad idea.” Our resident expert on border relations then gave us full details on the true stupidity of our plan.
Saturday: Somewhat dissuaded by Annie’s warnings of potential kidnapping, stray bullets, and just general high DANGER alerts, I was still determined to make it happen. As a group we went to Bank of America to open up a joint account for our apartment (a great idea btw, I highly recommend—makes things like paying rent and electric bills VERY easy). While Anthony, our well-dressed banker helped set up our new account I casually asked him if he’d ever been to TJ—and he had! He was a little surprised at our interest in going and when I declared “Manu Chao is playing!” he perked up—he’d seen Manu last summer at Coachella. After the poor kid struggled through endless questions from the three of us (mine mostly about TJ, Ashleigh's about some story she'd heard about some man shitting on the floor of that bank, and Annie asking him if his job ever made him depressed—“no not working at the bank, but at this building in particular!”) I gave him my number and said if he had any interest in going he should call us.
Next up I called my brother who freaked out BIGTIME (which definitely convinced me that calling my Dad for his opinion would be a BAD IDEA) so I listened to his advice, and stories of people getting raped and shot and what not and then decided to call around to few more friends to get some info.
Putting my plans on hold I went to Malibu (listening to Manu Chao all the way there, bien sur) but that night, still determined to go, I decided I would take it easy—I mean if I were going to spend my Sunday night in TJ then maybe I should spend my Saturday night doing normal Sunday night things like laundry and cleaning my room and passing out in front of the television early. All were accomplished but laundry and cleaning my room. (Wow, what an eventful Saturday night!)
Sunday morning: I wake up and go to yoga, and at this point I sort of felt it in my gut—TJ wasn’t happening. Sure tickets were cheap and it would be incredible to hear this music icon singing “Bienvenida a Tijuana” IN Tijuana, but it wasn’t worth being packed in with 10,000 rowdy Mexicans in one of the most dangerous cities on the continent. So much for staying in Saturday night. Oh and Anthony, our banker, never called—if we’d had a Spanish-speaking male with us, chances of the journey happening would have been much higher. I think Anthony was scared of by our barrage of questions. That or the fact that 3 girls he didn't know were attempting to convince him to go to Tijuana with them.
Driving back from Malibu Sunday evening we blasted my favorite Manu Chao album, the live Manu Chao Radio Bemba Sound System and I wistfully imagined catching the show. I vowed that I WILL see him in concert again, and soon.
Until that undetermined date, my Manu DVD is set to come in the next week and there’s always YouTube--I guess I'll have to settle for the next best thing.
In fact, here are a few of my favorite songs—definitely worth your time.
Could Them, Rumbla de Bacelona, Mr. Bobby
Welcome to Tijuana and El Viento
Mala Vida, Radio Bemba, Que Paso Que Paso
And last but not least, Bienvenida a Tijuana
Friday, August 22, 2008
Good Morning, Welcome to Hell
This morning was... interesting. It began with my alarm clock going off much too early, me snoozing for a half hour then barging into DiTonto's room to awaken her with my own rendition of "O What a Beautiful Morning!" from Oklahoma. I don't have a good singing voice in the early morning.
Thus began the 7 levels of hell, by which of course I mean the seven times I was transferred to various departments within Verizon, none of which were capable of solving the problem at hand--getting our recently installed internet to work. Around transfer #6 I declared, "I am extraordinarily frustrated right now so why don't we skip ahead to the part where you tell me how to fix my internet!" Because who has time for constant formalities anyway?
Finaly 1 hour and 9 minuts of phone time later, success! Internet was ours for the taking. And all I wanted to do at the time was upgrade my iTunes, download volumes of music and maybe pirate some TV shows but instead I had to get ready for work.
Breakfast on the road consisted of a Capri Sun and a granola bar. Happy Friday.
Thus began the 7 levels of hell, by which of course I mean the seven times I was transferred to various departments within Verizon, none of which were capable of solving the problem at hand--getting our recently installed internet to work. Around transfer #6 I declared, "I am extraordinarily frustrated right now so why don't we skip ahead to the part where you tell me how to fix my internet!" Because who has time for constant formalities anyway?
Finaly 1 hour and 9 minuts of phone time later, success! Internet was ours for the taking. And all I wanted to do at the time was upgrade my iTunes, download volumes of music and maybe pirate some TV shows but instead I had to get ready for work.
Breakfast on the road consisted of a Capri Sun and a granola bar. Happy Friday.
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