Today the universe does not shit on Mexico. Today the universe APPRECIATES Mexico. (Although apparently Mexico doesn't care about Cinco de Mayo? I think this is a holiday meant strictly for excessive taco & beer consumption).
In other news, apparently Mexico is still riddled with Swine Flu. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO MEXICO!
OH SHIT! My orchid, Lulu, (that's Horace's girlfriend) is wilting. HOW DO I TAKE CARE OF ORCHIDS? WHO AMONG MY READERS HAS A GREEN THUMB AND CAN SHARE SOME ORCHID-CARING TIPS? I should call my step-grandmother and ask. She has like 100 orchids. That's what she spends her money on. Orchids and White Persian show cats. I am in no way joking. I hate White Persian show cats. No cat should be allowed to have LONG HAIR. NONE. And certainly not white hair. That is disgusting. HONESTLY. But my step-grandmother, well she's great. A real character. I could do without the cats...
Showing posts with label Horace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Horace. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
What is this "taxes" thing everyone speaks of?
So apparently today is TAX DAY. Or maybe tomorrow is. All I know is I don't like it. And I've obviously left things to the last minute... and I'm obviously confused and overwhelmed by so many numbers, charts, graphs, and letters and combinations of numbers, charts, graphs, and letters on so many stapled pages. And something that requires me to purchase stamps? No thank you.
PAUSE PLEASE! I just remembered I haven't watered Horace in a week! (Man, Horace is thirsty).
Anyhoo, this tax business is just no fun. Especially for poor, pathetic Hollywood assistants such as myself. Actually, I think for most Hollywood assistants it is fun because they find shady accountants to get them $1000+ refunded, whereas I somehow manage to owe money when I take the honorable route. Go figure.
2ND PAUSE PLEASE! I just ate an Oreo which reminded me that they might be one of my most favorite cookie treats. If I were one of those people who could just eat whatever and never get fat then I would eat 4-6 Oreos a day.
If I were a skilled singer/songwriter I might write a little diddy that more eloquently expressed my poorly-articulated feelings on taxes, but alas, I am not. I am a marginally decent poet however. In high school I was selected to participate in this poetry workshop which culminated in the chance to read a master opus for willing audience members. My poem was a detailed account of all the times I have vomited on airplanes (hmm, I am now having writing deja vu, which means I've written about this before... which means I need to work on memory retention). Sometimes for shits and giggles and because I am a little bit of a loser I will go into my old writings and read all the poems I've written over the years. This often results in hilarity, followed by sadness, then embarrassment, then strangely: inspiration.
Speaking of inspiration, I feel inspired during this lunch hour to actually address this TAXES issue. Translation: I am going to call my Dad and complain, then ask where I am supposed to sign, then contemplate how many stamps a somewhat oversized envelope might require. Maybe then I'll write a poem.
PAUSE PLEASE! I just remembered I haven't watered Horace in a week! (Man, Horace is thirsty).
Anyhoo, this tax business is just no fun. Especially for poor, pathetic Hollywood assistants such as myself. Actually, I think for most Hollywood assistants it is fun because they find shady accountants to get them $1000+ refunded, whereas I somehow manage to owe money when I take the honorable route. Go figure.
2ND PAUSE PLEASE! I just ate an Oreo which reminded me that they might be one of my most favorite cookie treats. If I were one of those people who could just eat whatever and never get fat then I would eat 4-6 Oreos a day.
If I were a skilled singer/songwriter I might write a little diddy that more eloquently expressed my poorly-articulated feelings on taxes, but alas, I am not. I am a marginally decent poet however. In high school I was selected to participate in this poetry workshop which culminated in the chance to read a master opus for willing audience members. My poem was a detailed account of all the times I have vomited on airplanes (hmm, I am now having writing deja vu, which means I've written about this before... which means I need to work on memory retention). Sometimes for shits and giggles and because I am a little bit of a loser I will go into my old writings and read all the poems I've written over the years. This often results in hilarity, followed by sadness, then embarrassment, then strangely: inspiration.
Speaking of inspiration, I feel inspired during this lunch hour to actually address this TAXES issue. Translation: I am going to call my Dad and complain, then ask where I am supposed to sign, then contemplate how many stamps a somewhat oversized envelope might require. Maybe then I'll write a poem.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Record Breaking
So.
This is my 60th blog post for the month of March. Which means not only have I delivered on my promise, but I have broken a record for most posts per month (passing the previous record of 56 posts in May 2008) and as this is a seriously record-breaking post I feel that it should also be ground-breaking and trouble-breaking and maybe bone-breaking too.
Alas, the creative juice supply is low today. Instead I find myself staring at Horace, envisioning what sort of nametag I should make for his pretty basket. What? You thought that because he’s a plant he doesn’t deserve a nice name plate? Horace has been a big addition to my life, here, people. Think about it. When you sit at a desk for 9 hours a day, a large green plant can really spruce up your daily existence.
What other fun things do I have at my desk, besides the standard office equiment?
A small calendar
A card my boss gave me on my birthday
My Twilight bookmark (it’s taped to the side of my computer)
A picture frame I made during an arts & crafts project that contains the words that embody the spirit of my team for the year (THINK SYNERGY)
A silly picture my friend drew for me
A sign taped on my computer that says “BE PROFESSIONAL”
Another sign on my computer reminding me what places I need to pay bills to
A photo of the Obamas and Bidens (because I love freedom)
A small “Thank You For Not Smoking” placard I once stole from a cruise ship
A big picture that says “Gen Y. Their stereotype? Entitled.”
And that’s about it.
This is my 60th blog post for the month of March. Which means not only have I delivered on my promise, but I have broken a record for most posts per month (passing the previous record of 56 posts in May 2008) and as this is a seriously record-breaking post I feel that it should also be ground-breaking and trouble-breaking and maybe bone-breaking too.
Alas, the creative juice supply is low today. Instead I find myself staring at Horace, envisioning what sort of nametag I should make for his pretty basket. What? You thought that because he’s a plant he doesn’t deserve a nice name plate? Horace has been a big addition to my life, here, people. Think about it. When you sit at a desk for 9 hours a day, a large green plant can really spruce up your daily existence.
What other fun things do I have at my desk, besides the standard office equiment?
A small calendar
A card my boss gave me on my birthday
My Twilight bookmark (it’s taped to the side of my computer)
A picture frame I made during an arts & crafts project that contains the words that embody the spirit of my team for the year (THINK SYNERGY)
A silly picture my friend drew for me
A sign taped on my computer that says “BE PROFESSIONAL”
Another sign on my computer reminding me what places I need to pay bills to
A photo of the Obamas and Bidens (because I love freedom)
A small “Thank You For Not Smoking” placard I once stole from a cruise ship
A big picture that says “Gen Y. Their stereotype? Entitled.”
And that’s about it.
Monday, March 30, 2009
conversations with my "cubemate"
This is what happens when you have IM conversations with the person who sits next to you and has to see your every move and gives you plants that you name Horace and asks what's wrong when you are strangely talking to yourself.
Please note that before recieving this IM I was going through my Twitter on my iPhone but I had my head in my hand.
Cubemate [4:08 PM]:
are u sleeping?
Me[4:08 PM]:
no
i wish
i am so tired
looking at my phone
Cubemate[4:08 PM]:
well, u look REAL comfortable
Me[4:08 PM]:
hahaha
Cubemate[4:09 PM]:
u should talk to horace
he'll keep u awake
Me [4:09 PM]:
he's delightful
i was just thinking i dont have anyone to procrastinate with
Cubemate [4:09 PM]:
tell horace
that's what he's there for
very good at listening
Please note that before recieving this IM I was going through my Twitter on my iPhone but I had my head in my hand.
Cubemate [4:08 PM]:
are u sleeping?
Me[4:08 PM]:
no
i wish
i am so tired
looking at my phone
Cubemate[4:08 PM]:
well, u look REAL comfortable
Me[4:08 PM]:
hahaha
Cubemate[4:09 PM]:
u should talk to horace
he'll keep u awake
Me [4:09 PM]:
he's delightful
i was just thinking i dont have anyone to procrastinate with
Cubemate [4:09 PM]:
tell horace
that's what he's there for
very good at listening
Meet Horace
Today my "cubemate" gave me a plant. He inherited it and decided it was time to put some foliage on my desk (even though our desks are connected--I think it was just taking up too much space or something). I named the plant Horace.
Meet Horace:
Isn't he lovely?
On a side note, anyone have idea what kind of plant Horace might be? Suggestions appreciated.
Meet Horace:
Isn't he lovely?
On a side note, anyone have idea what kind of plant Horace might be? Suggestions appreciated.
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