Showing posts with label twilight. Show all posts
Showing posts with label twilight. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

I'm such a sucker...


I hate myself a little bit for openly admitting this, especially considering it's really not that surprising, but I think I am going to the midnight showing of Eclipse tonight.

Goddamn you Twilight Saga and your capacity to get me to lose sleep and spend money...

We can thank my lovely roommate Adubs for appealing to my inner tween with the pic above.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Breaking Dawn is the WORST book I've ever read

I'm about to ruin Breaking Dawn for you. (That's the final Twilight book FYI).

Spoiler alert: it is TERRIBLE.

Why? Let me use a brief conversation I recently had to better explain...

DiTonto: wait really??? "Edward impregnates Bella with a fast-growing, rib-cracking demon baby and delivers it via C-section with his teeth"
Stamos: haha yes
it is OUTRAGEOUS
essentially...
worst book I have EVER read

Monday, June 22, 2009

My Teen Angst Heart Is Going to Explode

GENIUS. This. Is. GENIUS.



UPATE: Hmm that viewer doesn't appear to work in my blog format... click here to watch.

Monday, June 01, 2009

I want my MTV

Watching the MTV Movie Awards last night was just... GREAT. Truly. I have missed MTV. In all honestly the only time I watch the network is to catch The Hills and last night's season finale was the first time I'd watched the show this season since the first three episodes. Apparently not much had progressed in those episodes I missed because I felt like it picked up right where I left off, with Stacey the Bartender and the Montag-Pratt nuptials, Lauren being SO TOTALLY OVER IT ALL, and the OMG THE BITCH IS BACK appearance of Kristin Cavallari (who's excited? ME!). But after the finale it was fun watching the movie awards. Mostly for the Twilight love and New Moon trailer premiere (what you thought I was over the vampire phase? hah! Speaking of, last week I got to watch the new CW pilot The Vampire Diaries and let me just say I am really excited for another weekly emo/tween vampire fix) but also just because I think it's still a great pop culture event, even if the entire show is essentially a big platform to plug movies/tv shows/Orbit gum.

But then there are precious moments like this one:




Yep, just as awkward as expected. She's painful to watch, but then again, at least she knows it and can laugh about it.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Record Breaking

So.

This is my 60th blog post for the month of March. Which means not only have I delivered on my promise, but I have broken a record for most posts per month (passing the previous record of 56 posts in May 2008) and as this is a seriously record-breaking post I feel that it should also be ground-breaking and trouble-breaking and maybe bone-breaking too.

Alas, the creative juice supply is low today. Instead I find myself staring at Horace, envisioning what sort of nametag I should make for his pretty basket. What? You thought that because he’s a plant he doesn’t deserve a nice name plate? Horace has been a big addition to my life, here, people. Think about it. When you sit at a desk for 9 hours a day, a large green plant can really spruce up your daily existence.

What other fun things do I have at my desk, besides the standard office equiment?

A small calendar
A card my boss gave me on my birthday
My Twilight bookmark (it’s taped to the side of my computer)
A picture frame I made during an arts & crafts project that contains the words that embody the spirit of my team for the year (THINK SYNERGY)
A silly picture my friend drew for me
A sign taped on my computer that says “BE PROFESSIONAL”
Another sign on my computer reminding me what places I need to pay bills to
A photo of the Obamas and Bidens (because I love freedom)
A small “Thank You For Not Smoking” placard I once stole from a cruise ship
A big picture that says “Gen Y. Their stereotype? Entitled.”

And that’s about it.

Monday, March 30, 2009

In Which Jon Watches a Movie and Tells Me His Thoughts (cont'd)

Here's the rest of Jon's commentary on Twilight. Hot off the press.

And we are back for RP's piano solo
Why didn't David Arquette get the dad role? (I wonder if he means Bella's dad or Edward's "dad")
A league of their own?
(This is the baseball scene)
except why don't their hats fit on their heads? that's what I want to know.

Ohhhh shit games over...
Great point on the hats
Dad is cluless
I smell a rat! (I have no idea what is happening here but I think it's James?)
Wait what part are you at...
Hall of mirrors (not Versailles)
things get weird here. listen for RP's song playing near end of scene however... yes he sings (better than he acts)
I'm glad Jasper has virtually zero special powers (they're explained in the book)
This is exactly how I imagine Pheonix actually
"Carlyle"....really?
Jacksonville?! I'd rather die.
Prom-really?
She looks like shit
Yeah but that kiss? Amazing.
3...2...1...I'm there
When he cried he looks like Marlon Brando minus 180 lbs
Sequel central
OH and the Radiohead song at the end is THE BEST. 15 Step.
One of my favorite songs
Did you hear that Boston Latin had to issue a formal statement from the board saying that despite rumors, "there is not a vampire infestation at the school?"
I give it a solid 7
Over and out (Thank you Jon!)


Okay readers, help us pick the next movie for this new feature... Any requests?

In Which Jon Watches a Movie and Tells Me His Thoughts

My dear friend Jon is all away across the country and I miss him so. Thankfully, he’s been watching Twilight this morning and emailing me his thoughts. Below, a continuous (but temporarily interrupted—he had to get a message) commentary. Each paragraph signifies a new email, my responses are in italics, my comments on his thoughts in parenthetical italics. If you haven’t seen Twilight you probably won’t get it. And you are dead to me.

Oh and the he = Robert Pattinson (RP) and KS is Kristen Stewart... in case you are pop culturally illiterate.

How are you? I'm watching Twilight.
I love that new Volvo he drives
Washington = depressing.
I love her two friends! Good actresses.
Money, sex, money, sex, cat?!?!
He looks Japanese in that way that Kate Moss looks Japanese
KS and RP do monotone brilliantly
I would love to go skiing with RP; no ski lift
This part is very "Where the Red Fern" (I have absolutely no idea what he’s talking about here.)
Bella is a strong independent woman
Annie,” you are like my own personal brand of heroin."
Love that scene. I love boys who sparkle.
Go to West Hollywood
LOVE the Wayfarers scene... he's embracing his new image.
That's my favorite scene of the ENTIRE film. He's so hot getting out of that car...
Tofu metaphor was dead on
The Indians vs. RP is lost upon me, should I bet patient?
Oh you will learn. Through historical re-enactment, you will learn.
Love the fam!! Brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!! This is so Terry Gilliam!
Jasper.
looks like he just farted in every scene and is hoping no one smelled it? Wait for the spider monkey line too...
The Claire de Lune scene works really well. Seriously. Woah, and their off! We are in spider monkey. I have to go get a massage. I’ll be back at 4 to continue this cinematic bonbon.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Food Coma

Had one of those monthly lunches with co-workers (gotta love corporate bonding) and I am now suffering a severe food coma. WHAT DID I HAVE FOR LUNCH? I will tell you. I split (with my friend who I shall refer to as V) a salad and a turkey burger and both were delish. And now I just want to take a little sleep on my desk. However, I do believe that sort of thing is frowned upon.

In other news, I just read a fascinating New Yorker piece that, among other things, looked at the longstanding pop culture obsession with vampires. It's really an astute point. Which makes me wonder, what IS IT with people loving vampires? I mean shit I would be all about having a forbidden love with Edward Cullen or Angel ANY day (but not that Bill dude on True Blood, he's gross), so my next question is, does that make me extra weird? (I say EXTRA because I am already regular weird). Maybe I am just a hopeless romantic? (Ew. I also like a nice steak and long walks on the beach). Maybe I am a tween? Maybe I should go write some shitty fan-fiction and publish millions of books to angsty tweens/housewives Twilight style? I mean, think about it. Anytime anyone writes a book or creates a film that has something to do with vampires people go nutso for it. Clearly, the human inclination is for a sadistic obsession with a blood-sucking demon, so perhaps I should look for a way to capitalize on our perverse nature.

Anyway I have big plans tonight to purchase a tennis skirt and tennis shoes. See, now that I am SERIOUS about tennis (and seriously less terrible than I was--still moderately terrible, though) I need to start looking the part a little more. This doesn't mean I will cease attending classes in various themes (various themes usually translate to anything 80s when it comes to me), but I need some more appropriate/practical clothes (aka a pair of shoes that prevents me from falling, which almost happened in Sunday's lesson).

Okay I have to go procrastinate some and then I have to stare blankly at my computer screen and then I have to daydream and then I have to think about doing work and then I am going to have to do all the work I have to do in the last hour during which I am supposed to be here.

Adieu.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I am undecided about whether or not this movie should have been made...

After years of speculation for the fans of Donnie Darko (myself included), at last we have the extended trailer for the sequel (or prequel?), S. Darko. Take a look, and see my thoughts below.



1. OMG that's ANDY from Step Up 2 the Streets (wait she can act?)
2. CHUCK BASS!
3. Wait, is that Jasper from Twilight? Can he act?
4. OMG JESSIE SPANO
5. Huh?

So, despite having a cast assembled from the greatest B movies/TV shows of the past 10 years, I have absolutely no idea what is happening in this trailer. And I am dubious, to say the least. I loved Donnie Darko because it was a serious mindfuck (pardon my language) and had some great talent (and a great Watership Down reference). Oh and a superb music. But this? I am skeptical. And what does the S stand for?

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

I love you EW, but...

I often write about my love for Entertainment Weekly (as well as my serious envy for a handful of the staff writers, reporters, and editors) and yes, I often write about Twilight. However, I have to agree with this entertaining TV Addict article that EW needs to cool it on the Twilight covers.

I credit EW for being a major component in my pop culture prowess, as well as the common movitator for me to start watching shows. (Shows I started watching after EW reviews or buzz: Battlestar Galactica, Friday Night Lights, Bones--I've yet to be disappointed). However I will say that I am finding myself less excited about the print magazine these days. I still read it cover to cover whenever it pops up in my mailbox, but considering I obsessively reload EW.com all day long, it's not always the freshest material. Sure, Twilight sells issues, but I want more of the serious behind-the-scenes interviews and introspectives I am used to. Or maybe what they're missing over there is me--yep, again, I feel pretty strongly that I should be on staff there. Just saying.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Your First Twilight-related post of 2009

Don’t worry, I still love Twilight (I bet you were really worried). I must admit my zeal has faded, as other things begin to occupy my attention span, but it’s going to be a long-standing love affair, of that I am sure.

The night of the eve of my birthday I was outwith my dad and step-mom and one of my best friends in New York, enjoying a lovely dinner at my favorite NYC joint for steak au poivre, when my dad decided it was the perfect time to give me some presents. He handed me a small, flat purple bag and said,

“This is your big present.”

Which was obviously a joke because he’s very easy to read, especially when he’s pleased with himself and his stupid jokes (I do the exact same thing, FYI).

I started to rip into the paper and caught about two words I recognized, stopped opening and said,

“Gross.”

My friend, who was sitting next to me but had not seen the contents of my “big” birthday present then said,

“It’s Twilight related, isn’t it?”

Yep. It was. It was a Twilight bookmark, with the poster shot on one side and the other side had a movie quote, which is what I recognized.

So I decided that rather than use it as a bookmark, which I am likely to lose, why not turn it into a lovely cubicle decoration.

Et Voilà:

Friday, December 26, 2008

LAX-->JFK-->PWM

Well, it’s been a week since my last post (embarrassingly Twilight related, although I can’t say I’m not surprised) and I may be on vacation but that doesn’t mean NO BLOGGING. I mean, imagine for a moment I was a successful writer with a blog read by hundreds of hundreds (maybe even thousands) of people (not just family and friends and friends of friends!) and then I would have some SERIOUS blog obligations.

Obviously, not my problem.

However, I feel like in the week since I’ve been back East there are a few things worth highlighting—and maybe I will resume my blogging regularity, much like the Huffington Post will resume issuing headlines of EXTREMEMLY DRAMATIC DOOM now that Christmas is over.

For starters, cold weather is AWESOME. I realize that many people might disagree with this opinion (that’s why it’s an opinion, DUH) but after being in LA for an extended period of time, the only cold we get there (which, yes, is cold) is nothing compared to the brisk temperatures of the Northeast—which I actually love. It felt so nice walking around New York City my first weekend back, all bundled up in the around-freezing temperatures.

Also worth noting: the cold weather does NOTHING to decrease my sweating, if anything it only exacerbates the problem. For example, on Monday I met two friends for lunch and was so bundled up that my quick walk to meet them resulted in excessive sweating (I’m sure the steamy Japanese restaurant contributed to the problem). This actually was a point of excitement for my friends, who were overjoyed to see my very hilarious discomfort by my sweaty forehead.

While New York is one of the best places to be to get a real taste of the holiday spirit, the crowds of people are miserable. I don’t do well in massively packed stores or anywhere with a line or anywhere with excessive amounts of uneducated tourists who ask dumb questions. For example:

While walking with my dad I was approached by a young lady who interrupted our conversation to ask,

“Do you know where I can find the U-G-G store?” She asked me.
“I’m sorry?” I replied (in confusion, befuddlement, and great annoyance).
“The U-G-G store?”
“Do you mean UGG?” I asked, sure she was referring to those ubiquitous boots, a pair of which I was wearing that very moment. For added emphasis I pointed to my own two feet, hopeful she could see the lovely logo which suggested it was one word and not three letters (spoken separately).
“No, U-G-G.”

Okay lady. SURE. Anyway, the conversation ended with me telling her she could probably find them at almost any shoe store in the city and we at last escaped having to discuss this very pertinent issue further. Wait what was the point of sharing this anecdote? Oh yeah, I find tourists annoying.

Another thing I noticed in New York, which was a very obvious contrast to LA, was that within my first 24 hours of being there it was obvious that New Yorkers are significantly more obsessed with talking about the economy than people in LA. Now certainly the lifestyle in these two cities has it’s vast differences and similarities, but I do feel there are different characteristics and sensibilities to each. In LA, it’s certainly a topic of conversation—I mean it’s unavoidable (see HuffPo headlines of doom), however in sunny Southern California, (or maybe it’s just in Hollywood) people are still talking about what they’ve also been—buying and selling scripts, the actors’ union, networking, new movies, and every person there who’s trying to live the dream. In New York, well, they’re obviously closer (geographically) to Wall Street but maybe the fact that it’s more of a well-rounded, diverse city (and I realize my view of the two is very biased, and one-sided, but this is my blog and my brief rant on people in NYC being obsessed with the economy so just keep your counterpoint arguments to yourself), but in this city it’s apparent every where that the RECESSION IS AT HAND. Stores are anywhere from 50-70% off, and almost any conversation I had with anyone alluded to the current financial crisis at some point. It was exhausting.

A nice reprieve from all this city living is Maine. Ah Maine, place of my birth, my upbringing, and my beloved Italian sandwich. True to its every slogan: Vacationland and The Way Life Should Be.


On a side note, if you're slow today (or slow in general) the post title alludes to airport codes. I have to be honest with you all, I didn't fly into JFK, I flew into Newark (but that doesn't look as pretty--I mean, Jersey? No offense Ditonto...). Oh and I took a bus from New York to Boston to Maine get home, but that doesn't look as pretty either.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Puppets: Not just creepy, also good for laughs

Amidst my haze of illness I bring you the most hilarious Twilight parody I've yet to see. Actually it might not necessarily be hilarious, per se, but it is amazingly accurate. The entire movie is summed up in three minutes.



I'm glad they were even able to fit in the teen angsty jams.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Tweens are AWESOME

A recent email from Ashleigh:

i'm IMing with my THIRTEEN year old cousin who strangely sounds all too much like my TWENTY 3 and 4 year old roomies...

ditonto19 (4:52:33 PM): hahah you have rob pattinson as your icon...my roomies are OBSESSED with twilight
youngun xox (4:54:05 PM): omghhh, im obssessed too <3>
youngun xox (4:54:29 PM): lol, its pretty funny i read the book and so the moviee twicee
youngun xox (4:54:43 PM): andd now im workingg on the second book
ditonto19 (4:54:54 PM): yeeeeah, my one roomie has read the whole series and seen it 3 times, but she's 24
youngun xox (4:55:14 PM): lol, apparentlyy we think very alikeeee
youngun xox (4:55:27 PM): im def planning on readingg the whole series
youngun xox (4:56:46 PM): and this grl trashedd talked rob and i kinda screamedd at her
ditonto19 (4:56:55 PM): that's not ok...he's perfect
youngun xox (4:57:02 PM): ik <33333333333>

please note that apparently tweens like to use multiple letters to express enthusiasm ie - alikeeeee, and screamedd - in case you want to start employing to completely transform into your tween selves.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

It really is a French kind of day...

Earlier today I was watching an interview of RPattz on some French TV station (what, you thought the Twilight love had already dissolved? Hah!) and then just a second ago I decided to forgo my usual background noise choice of a Pandora playlist (yesterday was Bach--I'm so cultured) or whatever's on my iPod to listen to the news... in French.

And then just a second ago, it came back to me... I was dreaming about France last night. I can't remember if I was dreaming in French (my guess is probably not because that would mean I'm fluent and I don't think I've been any degree of fluent since living in Switzerland) or if I was just in France or attempting to speak French or what... in any case... there was SOMETHING to do with France in my dream... so... I guess I miss it...?

Maybe it's this shitty economy that has me daydreaming about a fanciful flee to Europe, and I'm mentally preparing through language prep? Who knows. But man the French language is AWESOME.

Monday, December 08, 2008

Vampire Love, All Your Questions Answered

Thanks to the folks at Current TV, we have this hilarious explanation as to why every woman in America is currently in love with a vampire.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

A Brief Essay on My Pathetic State

Around 11 pm last night I was waiting for a friend in front of the movie theater (coughTwilightcough) and while I was standing around contemplating why I felt it necessary to wear a winter hat when it was probably around only 60 degrees I silently observed people coming in and out of the theater. I noticed a group of what looked like teens, to be particularly well-dressed, when lo and behold I realized it was Frankie from The Hills (you know, Brody's BFF) and one of the Kardashian sisters (I am thinking Khourtney?). Immediately after I made this observation I asked myself, what is the more pathetic fact in this situation?

(1) That I know the names of these D-list reality stars (and eccentric name spellings)
(2) That I am seeing Twilight AGAIN?

I think the answer would probably be... well it's a tie. Both point to levels of pathetic that are dangerously high. The solution? I need to get myself out of the Hollywood/LA bubble ASAP. Like I've said... it's a good thing I'm going back East for two weeks over Christmas. I think people in New York might actually be a little more sane...

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Slump Day

Ugh. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Of course what that means is I took my allergy medicine too close to my bedtime last night and woke up in a groggy haze of confusion. I attempted to tell my trainer this morning that my left was my right. He didn't buy it. He's a good trainer (PS it's a new one because that last dude was a jackass and this guy is a former football player who also loves Twilight and other YA books. I KNOW!)

I wish I could be like a bear and hibernate for the winter. That would be kind of awesome.

It feels like a slow news week, doesn't it? I mean, I don't know that I have as much to write about... maybe it's because my life is pretty boring when I do essentially the same boring things every day. That is why someone needs to pay me to quit my job and to write amusing anecdotes all the time. That's right, someone else needs to pay me to quit my job. It's great logic, don't you think?

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Who'd ever thought I'd consider shopping at Hot Topic...

Hah. Hot Topic. I can't even say the name of that store without laughing.

Damn you.

An email from my roommate Annie, earlier today:

From: Annie W.
Sent: Tuesday, December 02, 2008 3:26 PM
To: Annie S.

If you're lucky i'll get
you a Team Jacob sweatshirt.

Just because you are such a
TWEEN



So true.

Monday, December 01, 2008

TMI (for you, especially if you are my dad or brother or any family member really)

Here's an actual IM conversation between me and a friend this afternoon, which began as we lamented annoying reply-all emails that are irrelevant and stupid:

ME[4:58 PM]:
i want to reply all, STOP FILLING MY INBOX WITH USELESS COMMENTARY UNLESS YOU HAVE ADDERALL YOU ARE WILLING TO SHARE (FOR FREE)
FRIEND [4:59 PM]:
hahaha
ME [4:59 PM]:
now excuse me while i watch some clips of robert pattinson interviews on various twilight fansites
FRIEND [5:00 PM]:
haha
just tell me you're keeping your pants on
ME [5:00 PM]:
maybe i am and... MAYBE I AM
seriously though i have an unhealthy obsession
i'm a total tween fangirl for him
(translation: horny)
hah
tmi?


(no response)

Ah yes, what really goes on during my workday--endless discussions of drugs and sex. Actually, this is really just what happens when I have had three hours of sleep and can't focus on ANYTHING but acquiring ADHD meds to help me with my exhaustion/inability to focus, and... sex.