The fear of earthquakes is known as "Seismophobia" but I just call it "The Reason My Doctor Prescribes Me Xanax."

Not to belittle what's happening in Japan right now, but I'm totally freaked out by the earthquake and again... what it means for LA and the chance of the BIG ONE happening and yes it's really horrible to make this about me but last night I started crying and I couldn't sleep so then I took a Xanax - which I am prescribed because of my fear of earthquakes (seriously, that's why Dr. G, my most favorite doctor in the world, has to give me anti-anxiety medicine because I've wound up in a routine physical crying on multiple occasions because I am just that scared of earthquakes) - and then I had a really weird dream in which I was hanging out with acclaimed television writer Jane Espenson and we had a meeting somewhere and Steven Spielberg gave us a ride but he was driving a batmobile and it was really weird, and when I woke up the tsunami was headed toward my backyard aka Venice Beach. But it's okay. I'm okay. Deep breaths. Not okay? The many people effected by the terrible wrath of Mother Nature.

My thoughts and prayers go out to all the people of Japan who are suffering right now. It's absolutely horrible and terrifying and so sad. Oh and I'm really glad that Maru is okay.

This & That

+I've started a little guest-blogging stint for Zap2it.com - check out my piece "Stamos on Stamos" (more entries forthcoming) for a little taste. Mayhaps my dream for the "Stamos vs. Stamos Reality Show" is closer to becoming a reality. The irony in all this - at least, it's ironic to me - is that I never was really a diehard fan of John Stamos. It's just my nickname. And I happen to share the name with someone quite famous, which has led to a lot of funny posturing and comparisons (from my end, obv).  Thanks to Twitter for confusing everyone...

+In the world of TV and TV-watching, I'm already feeling pretty burnt out. Last night I was going through my DVR and caught at least 6 shows I'm already sufficiently behind in. Thing is, I am totally okay with that. That's the thing about people who work in television - they don't actually have time to watch TV. As long as I watch all the pilots and sort of just stay looped in, I am totally okay with not devoting the hours upon hours required for watching everything. Especially when I'd rather spend my free time Monday night working on my writing.

+Speaking of writing, it's so fun being in a class again - granted, it makes me really long for college days, but it's pretty great walking around the UCLA campus and going to classes.  Even better is this writing class is going to force me to start and make a dent in a new project entirely - I'm looking forward to that.

+I'm still convinced we're having an earthquake every five minutes. Okay, not that often but I swear to God I feel earthquakes all the time.

+I kind of want to learn how to play golf. It was the one country club sport I never learned, mostly because I spent most of my time at the club in the pool or being forced to tennis lessons. I feel like now I might really enjoy golf. I'm going to look into that.

+Why is it that the month following Labor Day is always so packed and stressful? It's as though this is the real start to the year - the real time for resolutions and plans.  Not sure I'm sticking to any of my goals. I think I need to find a better balance for my weekends where I am a little more productive and a little less not-sober. Ha. Or I need to figure out how to survive on less sleep. I once heard that Bill Clinton trained himself to get only 5 hours of sleep a night and it made a world of difference. How can I do that?

Easter Earthquake

This is the best video I could find to express how this earthquake felt:



I feel seasick just thinking about it...

LA is Burning

Dear Los Angeles,

Enough already. Seriously, just stop it. All these earthquakes and fires and mudslides and pollution and botched plastic surgeries--ENOUGH! Well mostly enough when it comes to the natural disasters. I don't like looking up at the sky on a Saturday, when I am enjoying what should be a lovely day at the beach, and seeing some giant mushroom cloud of smoke over the city. Nor am I okay with it being late Saturday night when I might be enjoying some libations with a few friends and I see that parts of the hills are in flames like it's that one scene in The Lord of the Rings when they light up all those watch towers. And there's no pretty soundtrack playing in my version.

And sure, yeah, SURE--the fires make for nice time lapse videos online but I'm not down with the smoke in the air and the oppressive heat. And I am not even that close to ground zero!

So on second thought, maybe this should be an open letter to the Santa Ana winds who probably have something to do with the most recent fires, but you know I am just over LA and it's natural disaster issues.

Sincerely,
Stamos

P.S. Time lapse videos, because they are pretty:

Time Lapse Test: Station Fire from Eric Spiegelman on Vimeo.

Timelapse - Los Angeles Wildfire from Dan B. on Vimeo.

BLAME KANSAS

Okay. This post was going to be "Blame Earthquakes" but then I remembered when I drove cross country and somewhere around the middle we decided our new slogan for everything that was wrong would be BLAME KANSAS because driving through that state is a miserable experience, whether or not it is the birthplace of Bob Dole and home to the country's largest steer. (WTF is the difference between a steer and a bull, by the way? Anyone know?)

So anyway, I didn't post yesterday. And I didn't realize it until around 10:30pm last night when I was getting ready for bed. Yes I go to bed early. Well I get into bed early but don't usually go to sleep until around 11:30pm. What I do in that hour--no idea. Oh wait, yeah last night I watched Bones and compulsively checked Twitter trends. I need to start reading actual BOOKS again, clearly... alas the internet addiction is slightly out of control BUT I DIGRESS.

I am really quite disappointed in myself that I didn't post at all yesterday. March was such a landmark month for posting and then April and May I have just really been slacking. What can I say--with so much going on between work and the move and a GODDAMN EARTHQUAKE every other day, I can't help it. And now it's almost summer, which is truly a lost cause, however I WILL DO MY BEST, I WILL!

But I just ate some frozen yogurt and feel a little ill because I do believe I am slightly lactose intolerant, so I need to take a moment.

In other news, it's a long weekend--so yes, fewer posts, but hot damn I am EXCITED.

Weekend Recap

It’s been some time since I’ve posted any extensive rambling recaps of my inconsequential life so why don’t I get you all up to speed...

Essentially all my thoughts/spare time of late have been directed towards MOVING because yes, we roommates have moved... and have acquired a 4th roommate, who is officially Roomie #3 but I shall refer to her henceforth as Becca because that is her name. Yes, our crazy life of 20-somethings with tanorexia and a passion for Friday Night Lights has just taken on another duckling and we couldn’t be happier. And our new place is a serious upgrade from the last. No pool, however. (Pool floats, I shall miss thee). But the wet bar and sun deck make up for it, as well as the proximity to so many DELISH bars and restaurants.

Moving is not fun. Okay, that’s a no-brainer, but seriously... wow. Saturday was an epic day of U-Hauls, kind friends offering their muscle, lots of sweating, exhaustion, sheer amazement at how much crap we’ve acquired, and the penultimate satisfaction of somehow doing it all in a day. Sure, by Saturday night I was a zombie, walking around Whole Foods realizing I hadn’t eaten since a bagel at 7:15am but unsure of what cuisine could ease the total body exhaustion.

Yesterday was much better—the morning started off with the Farmer’s Market, coffee on the deck and lots of visits from friends. The day didn’t end so well with yet another earthquake, and this time it was a biggie, causing me to freak out, practically to the point of tears, then take some anti-anxiety medicine and drop into a dreamless slumber (thank God). Worth noting: during the earthquake Adubs ran to protect the fish, Ashleigh grabbed the TV, while Becca and I stood facing each other under the doorway and poor Becca had to witness my freak out firsthand. Per usual, I had thoughts of “Oh my God, this is it, this is the big one, I am going to die.” But it passed, everyone was unharmed, including the TV and Snoopy/Blue (the fish). I went to bed immediately afterwards because I couldn’t handle it, and DiTonto adorably woke up in the middle of the night thinking there was another quake, checked on me and realized if I was asleep and not freaking out she was imagining it and went back to bed. What a lovely roommate family we have! (Although I’ve been informed I have to hold her hand in the water because her phobia is, yep: sharks. That's okay though, I love the ocean and find sharks FASCINATING).

In other news I had a bowl of rice for lunch. I wish I was kidding. But see, we got back most of our security deposit from our old apartment, so I got excited and saw a special on Amazon to purchase the first three seasons of Bones for a ridiculously discounted price so I did that but then I realized that was probably not a smart impulse buy and am relegated to eating whatever food I already have in the office all week. Look for yogurt, oatmeal and fake meat products to be a regular part of my diet over the next few days...

More later, especially regarding the Citizen’s Arrest and the Chapstick Bandits, but for now I should get back to that “work” stuff I do sometimes.

Monday Night (A Two Part Tale)

Prologue
Brace yourself readers, you are in for one seriously long post but let me preface it with a disclaimer: THIS IS A TRUE RETELLING OF MY ENTIRE MONDAY NIGHT, from which I hope you will find joy and humor, and maybe a little personal reflection and probably you’ll get annoyed somewhere around the middle but then you'll get into the stuff about Mexico and you might just come out feeling victorious and refreshed.

Part 1.
On a scale of 1 to 7, Taco Bell is obviously a 7

So DiTonto is buying a new car. And DiTonto is... well... we’ll call it particular. Being the good friend I am (and because she dealt with my car trauma back in July) I went with her to some dealers last night to attempt to help. I say attempt because car shopping with Ashleigh is like taking an autistic child to the grocery store. That was incredibly offensive. I have no idea what it would be like taking autistic child to the grocery store. Let me try a new metaphor. Car shopping with Ashleigh is like taking an eight year old to the world’s largest toy store but the kid wants a fucking toy that HASN’T BEEN INVENTED YET.

Right now she drives a small, fire-engine red 2001 VW Bug. So you’d think naturally she’d want another small car, maybe even another bug because she LOVES HER CURRENT CAR SO MUCH. Oh no. NOT DITONTO. CERTAINLY NOT.

See, at some point on Sunday DiTonto decided to get THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF A BUG. She thought she wanted a pick-up truck but then when we actually looked at them yesterday she didn’t like any of the ones that didn’t have power locks or windows. But then any of the trucks with automatic amenities were too large or expensive or white was an unacceptable color for the truck. And apparently she is over the VWs. So then we drove by Honda and I suggested a Fit, but NO NO NO, not for DiTonto.

Then we went to the giant Ford & Jeep dealership in Santa Monica to support our love for America and Freedom and this is when DiTonto fell in love with a Jeep Wrangler Rubicon. A big honker that is army green with a massive spoiler on the front and crazy looking headlights to hunt Mexicans with. That was incredibly offensive. Let me rephrase. A big honker that is army green with a massive spoiler on the front and crazy looking headlights to hunt... to hunt... to hunt Mexicans with. I CAN’T HELP IT! (sorry I am just being extra non-PC today but also because the universe is shitting on Mexico right now and so I feel like maybe I can too? Just today? No? How many people of Mexican lineage have I offended at this point? Would it help to know that as a child I went to summer camp in Mexico and actually have a deep love and respect for the country? Still no? What was that? Something about SWINE FLU? DON’T WORRY I’LL GET TO THAT IN PART 2!)

Anyway, after all the test driving we needed some sustenance so naturally we went to Taco Bell. (See, DiTonto introduced me to Taco Bell and I introduced her to certain illicit substances I’d rather not spell out here on the blog BUT YOU GET THE IDEA I MEAN WE WERE AT COACHELLA TWO WEEKS AGO AND YOU KNOW I AM LIBERAL AND WENT TO SCHOOL IN VERMONT SO TAKE A GUESS, but really the point of this is that we both brought things that do harm to your body into each others’ lives so it’s ALL OKAY! WE'RE EVEN.)

We both ordered Crunchwrap Supremes (I order that because I don’t know what I am supposed to get at Taco Bell and just get what DiTonto tells me to. I'm very free-thinking), and Ashleigh also got a burrito because her eyes tend to be larger than her stomach and then when we pulled up to the window to pay and get our food, the nice Taco Bell employee handed me a receipt and pointed out that on the back of said receipt there was a place to rate their service. I handed the receipt to DiTonto, thinking very little of this exchange, when she said to me,

“Wait, they want me to rate their service?”

Yes.

“Well they’re a fucking 7, GIVE ME A PEN!”

And then she circled 7, as evidenced by the photo of the receipt below. However, once DiTonto learned that she would have to call a number to win any money after rating the Taco Bell service she lost interest. (In addition to being particular, sometimes DiTonto is... lazy).



Then we got home and ate our Taco Bell at the kitchen table but I almost fell out of the chair a few times because when Annie bought the furniture from Ikea she didn’t follow ALL the directions (you could say). And then DiTonto almost MURDERED Annie’s fish (not like it hasn’t happened before DITONTO) when she shook the table after two drastic movements and poor Snoopy/Blue (Annie calls him Snoopy, DiTonto calls him Blue, I haven’t decided what I like to call him but I am sure it will come to me) sloshed all over the place. He’s okay though.

Part 2.
Regarding Swine Flu – I would voluntarily quarantine myself

Annie and I are quite similar when it comes to some of our interests. Okay that was an awkward first sentence but I sometimes wonder if people get confused when I write about Annie so I am going to take this moment to remind you that Annie is my other roommate who shares my name, who we also call Adubs because DiTonto gets annoyed when she yells out “Annie!” and we both respond and so she calls me Stamos and the other Annie Adubs and moving on to the relevant part of the story...

Adubs, like me, often becomes fascinated with scientific phenomena. Maybe not quite to the extent I do, but she definitely is a fountain of knowledge in some very random areas. She also gets into PASSIONATE diatribes about various topics, one of her favorites being that of MASS PANDEMICS. This obviously is something I find interesting and count pandemic-related literature and entertainment to be among my favorite subject material (see, I Am Legend or The Cobra Event by Richard Preston). Anyway, just this past weekend, before Swine Flu became all the rage, Adubs and I were randomly having a conversation all about looking at disease and epidemics like AIDS, cancer, etc. as actually just forms of population control (on a side note, can someone explain to me the difference between an epidemic and a pandemic? THANKS IN ADVANCE!) and Adubs made the point that there tends to be a mass plague that wipes out a significant portion of the human population every 80 to 100 years and we are right in that timeline now, but then this led to a discussion about modern medicine and we pondered the likelihood of the reality of another pandemic taking place in modern times, and then Adubs shared some useful tips about surviving pandemics (Tip: don’t panic. Also, don’t head to the countryside—cities have the infrastructure to support more sick people) and at this point you are probably thinking, Oh this is what happens when you get two people from Middlebury in a room together. Sure.

So anyway, have I talked about Annie’s mom before? Annie’s mom is Linda and she is a CHARACTER and she visits A LOT which is fun because Linda is entertaining. In fact DiTonto remarked last night she was so used to seeing Linda at our apartment that sometimes she doesn’t even notice. Oh and Linda loves American Idol. Many an occasion have I come home to find Linda watching American Idol on the sofa. It’s kind of comforting.

So last night after the car driving and the Taco Bell eating and the near death of Snoopy/Blue/Undetermined Nickname we hung out a little bit with Linda who wanted to show everyone Adam’s performance on American Idol last week (I think Adam is the gay one? Again, I really don’t watch the show but I am pretty sure he’s not the Indian one because that dude’s name is Anoop and I feel like I read somewhere he got kicked off but seeing as I vehemently despise American Idol and only watch it if it’s playing in the background, so really any time when Linda is in town, so I could be making these things up). The other thing Linda likes to watch just as much as American Idol is CNN, so I then went back into the living room for the Swine Flu coverage (I had to leave during AI to read one of my sci-fi blogs on my Google reader) and let me tell you: SWINE FLU IS SO HOT RIGHT NOW.

As a trend forecaster (I KNOW! THAT’S REALLY WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING! ME!) let me tell you that Swine Flu is definitely both a trend and potentially a mass pandemic of devastatingly destructive proportions. And because I am odd and a little bit twisted, I think Swine Flu is FASCINATING and I am somewhat excited to see how this all pans out. And those doctors that CNN gets to comment on such BREAKING NEWS STORIES are pretty hilarious. Especially this one dude with crazy hair who gave a book plug during a VERY SERIOUS AND INTENSE SWINE FLU DISCUSSION with Larry King. Also, did you know that the mortality rate of the Spanish Influenza back in 1918 was %2.5 and Swine Flu in Mexico is already at %6?

Which brings me to my next point: HOLY CRAP THE UNIVERSE IS SHITTING ON MEXICO! First all that drama with drug cartels, then Spencer & Heidi from The Hills go on their Goddamn honeymoon in Cabo (I just vomited in my mouth a little bit), and NOW ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE DYING OF SWINE FLU. Oh and there appear to be a lot of idiots in the United States because the Twitter questions pouring in during the Larry King coverage last night was straight out of an SNL skit about stupid people. For example: “Are swine flu and the recent drug violence in Mexico related?” YES YOU STUPID TWITTER USER. SEE, BECAUSE THE MEXICANS DID DRUGS AND SOLD THEM AND THEN KIDNAPPED SOME PEOPLE AND KILLED SOME COPS, THE GOOD BABY JESUS PUNISHED THEM WITH A DISEASE THAT HAS A NAME BASED ON A PIG. A FUCKING PIG. BUT IT’S NOT EVEN PIG FLU. IT’S SWINE FLU.

I’d also like to throw it out there that if I start showing ANY SYMPTOMS that I would be more than happy to voluntarily quarantine myself.

So Linda went to bed about halfway through the Swine Flu coverage, leaving the rest of us to ponder our futures. Annie wants to just be really prepared, so last night she discussed getting more water, maybe some masks, that sort of thing (this plan for preventative measures fits nicely with my fear-of-Earthquakes issue). And DiTonto got really freaked out but then decided things would be happier if she went back to researching the Jeep Wrangler Rubicon online (please note she’s already nicknamed the car Ruby) whereas I was suddenly feeling inspired to watch THE ANDROMEDA STRAIN. I really wanted to watch Outbreak or read some book about pandemics but I had a screener of the A&E miniseries that I stole from my boss at my last job (I have a great work ethic!) and never watched and thought, why not! Turns out this miniseries has a little bit more bioterrorism and conspiracy theorizing than I would prefer (MORE SCIENCE! LESS PARANOIA!) but it scratched the itch.

But then, right before I went to bed I had an overwhelming urge to text my Dad and tell him I love him because this Swine Flu business is kind of freaking me out, I will admit. He responded early this morning, with a text message that said “Just don’t go to Mexico. Xoxo.”

See? Everyone is shitting on Mexico right now.

Because I wasn't already shitting my pants...

From my Google Reader (but really from LAist):

42 Microquakes Has Experts Wondering if the Big One is Next
Between Saturday and Monday morning, 42 small earthquakes shook, ranging in in magnitude from 0.5 to 3.3, near the Salton Sea, east of Los Angeles, according to the LA Times. "The worry for scientists comes from a case in 1987, when a magnitude-6.2 earthquake on one of the crossing faults appeared to trigger a 6.6 quake 12 hours later on the Superstition Hills fault to the south. The San Andreas fault is north of these crossing faults and the geometry is similar, [research geophysicist Graham] Kent said. This swarm, he said, 'is a flashing yellow light that tells you to be prepared and to spend some time trying to understand the significance.'" Of course, we never will really know until it happens. The only thing we are in control of is how prepared you are. Do you have at least 10 gallons stored per person in your household (and don't forgot some for your pets!).

Great. Just when I start to humor ideas of staying in LA a little longer. You know, I am so incredibly freaked out by earthquakes that I occasionally will wake up in the middle of the night thinking there is one about to happen. It's becoming somewhat problematic. However, IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN. I guess it's probably unnecessary to live in a state of constant fear but I CAN'T HELP IT, OKAY?

Worth Noting

1.) Per last night's terrible dream I've spent some time googling Earthquake Phobia this morning (also known as Seismophobia). In addition to that nightmare, I keep having sensations where I feel rumblings and I am convinced we're about to have a big quake. The dream was super realistic though--very scary. Took a strange turn with the looters/vampires.

Oh wait a minute. I watched an episode of Buffy last night in which there was an earthquake. Well that explains the vampires and the dream... and my general phobia contributed I am sure.

2.) I am channeling my inner hipster today with a flea market men's plaid shirt that I've belted with a thin braided gold belt, skinny gray corduroys and gold ballet flats. Normally when I wear this shirt sans belt I just look like a boy, so I'm hoping the gold flare ads a feminine touch. Undetermined thus far.

3.) I have the thinnest traces of a hangover this morning due to drinks last night with co-workers, followed by trivia with friends (we came in 3rd after most incredible comeback). The downside of all this (besides slight headache) is that it felt like a Friday when I woke up. Sadly, it's not.

4.) Twitter addiction continues. And I designed my own layout. It's a little too me-centric but I wasn't really sure on Twitter etiquette when it comes to design.

5.) Anyone catch Jindal's rebuttal last night? Or has anyone not seen the amazing internet lampooning he's receiving this morning? Loving the Kenneth the Page comparisons...

WTF, Seriously?

Around 7:45 pm Friday night I was chilling with the roomies, watching Dirty Dancing or Bridget Jones or some chick flick type thing on Oxygen (YES, OXYGEN. Or maybe it was Encore LOVE) when all of a sudden our apartment started to shake... EARTHQUAKE.

Again, I lost all capacity to function normally and screamed out, "What do we do?" while both Ashleigh and Annie both handled themselves a lot better and seemed to look at me with newfound shock. You see, the earthquake ended about 10 seconds after it began and we hadn't moved from the sofa (although Annie held onto the precious TV) and it was just fine. Except of course, the thoughts running through my head were "OH MY GOD THIS IS IT THIS IS BIG ONE" "AT LEAST I AM DYING WITH MY CLOSEST FRIENDS." And then afterwards I thought "I need to get a grip."

I am so NOT down with earthquakes. AT ALL. That ramps up my California exit strategy...

Get me outta here

Remember that time I was freaking out over the earthquake and threatening to leave California? Well, don't think those sentiments have disappeared just yet. Per this article, "California is due for a Katrina-style disaster." NOT COOL.

I'm thinking once I've put in a solid two years at this job I will be getting out of this town as fast as I can. Unless McCain wins the election, in which case you can come visit me in France soon.

Places I am considering moving to? Here's a list, and in a fairly accurate rank of what I am considering:

Austin, TX
Switzerland
New Zealand
New York City
Paris
Aspen, CO
Seattle
Capetown, South Africa
Vancouver
Boston

American cities are likely if Obama is president. European cities (and elsewhere) if he does not. Why Austin, TX? Well one of my closest friends from college is from there and I loved it when I visited. It has a lot of appeal. The two major detractors would be the insane heat and the fact that it's pretty landlocked, but I don't think Austin would be a permanent move. I'd just like to live in Texas for a little while (this has nothing to do with Friday Night Lights. Okay, it has a little to do with it). I like that idea.

Organizing My Life

And the great car saga has ended! I guess the earthquake inspired me to really take charge because I went to bed last night the proud new owner of a 2009 Toyota Matrix. I wasn’t even considering this car but saw it in the process to find the right Prius... the hook, line and sinker for me was that it’s marketed almost exclusively to guys. I’m not really sure why, but I guess that made it a lot more appealing. Maybe it’s because I like to live out of my car... seriously, when I had to get everything out of my totaled CRV I had a tent, ski poles, a field hockey stick, several towels, a beach chair, a tennis racket, sleeping bag, endless amounts of CDs, water bottles, maps, a Red Sox hat, and the book Lyrics by Sting (don’t ask). Also, a car that is for dudes just seems to have a lot of features I like.

Anyway, all has been resolved except for the massive piles of paperwork that I am struggling to finish.

So besides unexpected earthquakes, it looks as though things are getting back on track and maybe I’ll start posting fewer “Dear Diary, OMG I want a new car LIKE now” type posts and a few more “I think it’s disgusting that People magazine got the Brangelina twin baby pics for a reported $15 million (vomit)” posts. It’s been a while since I’ve had any exciting random celebrity sightings to report. That was one nice thing about the old job—I am no longer on the route that takes me to the Starbucks preferred by Harrison Ford and others. Oh and I am no longer working out with Fabio either. He doesn’t go as far west as the Santa Monica Equinox, apparently.

Oh and I had my first awkward return to work where I was excessively sweating thanks to my lunchtime walk experience. It was an uncomfortable elevator ride.

Now I am Paranoid

According to this article at CNN, there is a 99 percent chance that an earthquake of 6.7 or larger will happen in California in the next 30 years. Because I wasn't already feeling fearful, what with this morning's seismic shifts and that woman getting stabbed near my office building (okay so that's not a natural disaster but that's just adding onto the mess). I mean the next 30 years! 99% chance! That is a guarantee. I mean... that could be tomorrow. Or next month. Or if I am lucky, five years from now when I am back on the East Coast and I can thank the powers that be that I'm out of California, aka Disaster Zone Central.

Also, there is some chance that this morning's quake could be a precusor to another one. Okay so it's only a 5% chance, but STILL. I am totally freaked out by this whole thing. And I feel like Lucille 2 in Arrested Development--I'm suffering some serious vertigo. Honestly! It's like that feeling after you've been sailing and you get on to dry land but you still feel like you're in the boat. I still feel like I am in the boat. I want to get off the boat.

Or a sedative. I'm sure that would work too.

If something happened to my computer I am going to lose it

The one thing I value more than my own life? That might be my computer, which sits under a heavy, poorly hung (that's what she said), very large bulletin board/picture frame piece. I am praying to God my beloved comp will be okay when I get home.

Earthquakes are not cool.

I'm Moving Back to Maine

I just experienced my first earthquake. Contrarily to how I might have expected, I did not remain cool. Well, I did remain cool enough to crack a joke in the confused shock afterward, but I am NOT OKAY right now.

Here’s how it went down:

I’m sitting at my desk writing a blog entry (seriously, how’s that for ironic? I am thinking death is imminent while I am putting the finishing touches on a post about some inconsequential thing I’ve learned in Hollywood) when all of a sudden the floor starts quivering. The shaking becomes gradually more intense, the building is clearly moving and I start to look around at the people around me and suddenly all capability for logical thought escapes me as I dumbly ask, “Is this an earthquake?”
Someone else yells out, “get under your desk!” and like an incapacitated, blind lemming, I do.

I am freaked out beyond belief at this point, thinking to myself, “This is it. This is the big one—that one crazy massive earthquake they are predicting is going to bury Los Angeles, and this shaking is only the beginning and holy shit I am on the top floor of a giant building with a hole in the middle and this is so not how I envisioned my death.”

And just as suddenly as it came on, the heavy shaking subsided. Dead silence in my wing of the building and as everyone is looking around at each other in shock, I yelled out, “I’m moving back to Maine.” An eruption of laughter followed, but while I sat in my chair looking around, a move back East didn’t seem like such a bad idea. I am not well suited for natural disasters of this capacity. Sure I survived Ice Storm ’98 back in Falmouth Foreside but tectonic plate movement is a lot different than some severe winter weather.

According to CNN it was a 5.8, which if I remember correctly, is pretty large. Everything in the building seems okay, and per the annoying security announcement we are now secure. I however, am convinced the building is still moving, but have been told repeatedly it’s not. Apparently, I am losing it.

Uh I am off to take a moment to thank my lucky stars, then put together a handy earthquake survival kit.

Or buy a one way ticket to Maine.