The Hills Have Eyes (and Eye Rolls)

The Hills makes me want to vomit. A little bit. And then it makes me want to cry. And maybe laugh a little bit too. But the overwhelming reaction is nausea. Last night I literally couldn’t help myself from repeatedly spitting out crumbs of my dinner (Ritz crackers and string cheese... Ritz are very crumbly so it shouldn’t be too surprising that I encountered this issue, but I am including this detail to emphasize the urge to vomit, not my pathetic dinner) and the ironic thing is—I couldn’t really tell you what happened. Not because I blacked out or anything, but because I am pretty sure the plot was thin. Gratuitous scenes of LA were ever present, and once again had me wondering how do they make this city look so great? Last time I checked Hollywood was pretty nasty.

If I really think about it (which means I am devoting all too much time to processing The Hills), then I think some key plot points were these: Lauren has a date, Whitney’s facial expressions could narrate an episode, Lo’s a bitch, no Audrina’s a bitch, no they're a both bitches (but I would totally want to hang out with them), Heidi, Spencer, and Heidi’s sister come in a three way tie for worst acting ever, and there was something about never being friends or something but I am not sure who it was about.

Right.

In all, I was underwhelmed by the premiere, hence my delayed review and shorter than normal commentary. (One great thing? None of those weird Dove commercials with Alica Keys. Those made me want to kill myself). Thing is, I think The Hills peaked last season. I just am not sure how much more “plot” they are going to get out of these vapid creatures. Sure Speidi wants to get married in front of the camera, but their scenes are already so incredibly intolerable, I just can’t imagine there being viewer interest. Then again, the show is something akin to a bloody car accident—you just can’t look away. At the very least, I am thankful to have renewed blog fodder. I am also thankful this is likely to be the last season of the show, so I will stop thinking about how I’ve spent about five years of my life watching Lauren Conrad grow up on TV.

Current status on my love/hate relationship with The Hills?
Hate.