Wednesday, November 09, 2011

Things I Published Elsewhere: The Story of How I Forgot My Pants

Hey everyone! I’m starting this new thing called No Pants Fridays! It’s also called Pantsless Fridays! Essentially, it’s when you don’t wear pants on a Friday. 

I know - genius, right? And now you’re dying to know how I came to invent such a monumentally brilliant idea, and you should be excited because the story of my brilliance is a lot like how that guy invented sticky notes by making a mistake or how that other guy invented the hula hoop because of the coffee ring his mug left on the newspaper — this story is just that good and will probably be just as famous. Mark my words. You’ll be thanking me for Pantsless Fridays for years to come!

It begins at nighttime, last night to be precise, when I was getting out of my car and made the executive decision to leave my gym bag in my car. “Why bother lugging that satchel all the way upstairs when I’ve already got everything I need for tomorrow’s gym trip right here. Including pants!” (OR SO I THOUGHT).

Then it was this morning and I was getting dressed after my workout, really excited about the nice, preppy outfit I was going to cap off my week with. (There’s nothing that makes me feel better about myself than really pulling off a good outfit on a Friday. I like to go out with a bang). I had prepared brown riding boots, a blue striped oxford button-down, a navy blue crewneck pullover, a brown belt to match the boots, and pants. (OR SO I THOUGHT).

There weren’t any pants. THERE WEREN’T ANY PANTS. So first I had a panic attack which resulted in some extreme sweating and then I formulated a plan to ransack my car for a back-up. I just knew there would be something in that mobile closet for me to wear.

Like any good LA-living young professional fashion-concious girl I keep piles of clothes (and other things) in my car at all times. I have a really nice Barbour coat that has lived in the backseat of my car since last March. You NEVER know when you might need to go horseback riding in the British countryside. Some of the other things I keep in my car are as follows:
  • a sleeping bag
  • three scarves
  • a white blazer with shoulderpads
  • LL Bean duckboots
  • two umbrellas
  • a sleeping pad
  • a pipe
  • a television wall mount
  • Aquaphor
  • 23 reusable grocery bags
  • one TOMS shoe (the right one)
  • two cardigans, both blue
  • denim cut-off shorts
  • a tennis ball
  • a tennis raquet
  • SillyBandz
  • khaki shorts with neon orange stripes down the side
  • a Barbour coat
  • Febreeze
  • a flashlight
  • four pairs of sunglasses
  • one fleece pullover
So while I could play tennis in full rain gear smoking a pipe in the dark and then comfortably sleep on a mattress made from grocery bags, I could not wear pants. 

Faced with my destiny, I made the logical choice — of all the items in the car, only two were “bottoms” and of those two, the khaki shorts were slightly more work-appropriate than the denim ones, and thus I donned my brown riding boots, my blue striped oxford button down, my navy blue crew neck pullover, my brown belt to match the boots and khaki colored shorts with a neon orange stripe on either side. In other words, I dressed like a German boy hunting for his Oktoberfest supper.

I am lucky enough to have amazing co-workers who declared they too would take off their pants in solidarity - and thus, Pantsless Fridays was born.

(I’m going to the mall to buy some pants now).

1 comment:

SamArtDog said...

what a girl scout... always prepared.