Friday, March 14, 2008

Master Cleanse, Day 8

Well it's been over a week now that I've only been drinking the "lemonade" as part of the Master Cleanse. I am so ready for this thing to be over. Here's the hitch--a key sign in when you are fully detoxified is when your tongue turns pink. I know you're thinking, wait a minute, my tongue is always pink. Well, on the cleanse, your tongue becomes very white as a sign that the toxins are leaving the body (there's a much more scientific way of putting that--it's in the book) and my tongue has been scary white since Tuesday. It's been clearing up slowly but I am at the point where I just want to wake up one morning to find a beautiful pink tongue and feel a general sense of euphoria. Right now all I feel is a little annoyed and a little like I wish they wouldn't crank the AC so high in this building and inspire feelings of the need for a down comforter all the time.

Anyways, I am so glad this week is just about over. In retrospect, it's pretty nuts that I went this entire work week on the cleanse, having to suffer while my co-workers picked out their delicious lunches from the plethora of menus we have. Twice I had to order for my boss. Twice I had to present him with his tasty looking food (and I don't even like tuna!) Yesterday when boxes and boxes of girl scout cookies were delivered I had to witness my colleagues shoving the delectable Tagalongs and Thin Mints into their mouths. It became so torturous that at one point I asked to smell a Samoa.

Okay wait a minute. Is that what anorexics do? Smell other people's food and pretend they are okay not eating it? What kind of wayward path have I stumbled into?

While I contemplate whether or not I am due for counseling and a nutritionist, I have to remind myself that by no means here am I starving myself. The only thing I am not getting from the "lemonade" is protein. I get tons of vitamins and important nutrients from the lemons and syrup, including well over 1000 calories. (FYI, maple syrup has a LOT of calories). Furthermore, one of the benefits of the cayenne pepper is that it keeps your metabolism moving fast. Besides, I know that one side effect of the cleanse is not really being hungry, but missing food--I can definitely relate to that. It's a feeling I know all too well thanks to my post-surgery liquid diet. Actually, doing the cleanse now makes me look back on my time with the closed jaw and the constant protein shakes as an impressive 2 month physical and mental challenge. I remember reaching for a grape once without thinking, and remembering I couldn't eat. Or the other time when I figured because I could open my mouth enough to fit in a straw maybe I could get in a Hershey kiss. The chocolate got stuck and I realized that I wouldn't last a day at fat camp. Now, however, I physically can eat but have chosen to cleanse and detoxify my system. What it comes down to is that I have got mad self control.

Anyways, the tongue better clear up by Sunday because I don't know if I am all that interested in doing this past 10 days. Then comes the tricky part of breaking the fast, which has to be done very sensitively. I am going to ease back into solid foods, and do the first two weeks on a vegan diet.

Veganism. This brings me to my next point. Apparently LA is rubbing off on me. Not only am I on the cleanse (which I guess is a very LA thing to do), but last night I bought a skateboard. Considering I've never set foot on one before, it should be an interesting new venture. Fingers crossed I don't break a leg my first day on it, or even worse--my jaw. I am just hoping I get good enough to be able to skateboard to the gym or the Farmer's Market on a Saturday morning. Don't worry, despite my new affinity for crazy health kicks and skateboarding, today I am wearing my standard Vineyard Vines polo and cable knit sweater--some things will never change... me. I'll be the girl in her Lilly Pullitzer dress, skateboarding.

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