Monday, March 17, 2008


To quote from Oklahoma, "Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day, I've got a beautiful feeling, everything's going my way!" (Okay so maybe I've never actually seen all of Oklahoma because the last time I attempted to watch was when I was in fifth grade with my mom and my best friend and both my mom and I feel asleep leaving my poor friend feeling really uncomfortable watching such a boring musical, but I digress...)

I am off the Cleanse, and oh my goodness gracious, I feel FANTASTIC. So fantastic that I plan to often capitalize words, to emphasize that when speaking these words I might be enthusiastically screaming them! Which brings me to my next point, WHEAT GRASS IS DELICIOUS.

I know, I know--you are thinking, once again, my goodness Stamos you've become so LA it's laughable... skateboards, cleanses, wheatgrass? Well let me say this: skateboarding is NOT as easy as it looks, the cleanse has NOTHING to do with living in Los Angeles, and WHEAT GRASS IS DELICIOUS and I will drink it whenever and wherever.

My first post-cleanse, non "lemonade" substance was a 2 oz. wheat grass shot from Jamba Juice. It was delightful, refreshing, EUPHORIC I might say! Even better was the FRESH SQUEEZED ORANGE JUICE that followed. DIVINE INSPIRATION! This foray into food took place yesterday afternoon, when I had decided the tongue was pink enough and I had reach Day 10. I proceeded to drink the "lemonade" for the rest of the day but then in a moment of effortless motivation I compiled a long shopping list and drove off to Whole Foods to stock up on delicious VEGETABLES and other FUN VEGAN FOODS for the week. Walking into Whole Foods was like walking into paradise. Parsley, thyme, tomatoes, onions, leeks, KALE! FAKE CHICKEN NUGGETS! SOY YOGURT! VEGETABLE JUICE! STEVEN WEBER!

Wait, what? Steven Weber? Of Wings, and most recently Brothers & Sisters? Yes, Steven Weber, Brian Hackett himself! Right there in the cereal aisle! And let me say, for a 47 year old man, he was ATTRACTIVE. (While this could be the post-cleanse euphoria talking, he really was a looker). Anyways, nothing better than a little celeb spotting to really top off the beautiful grocery shopping experience!

Back home I went to begin preparing the vegetable soup of all vegetable soups, summoning forth cooking skills I didn't know I had. Iron Chef, here I come because I am a PHENOMENAL cook! The kitchen smelled so savory I thought I might have concocted my own heaven simply through sauteeing some onions and herbs. I didn't eat any last night because it was still a detox day pour moi, but I am so EXCITED to taste my creation today.

I slept like a baby last night, especially with the knowledge that today a whole world of food awaits. Birds were singing when I woke up! It's St. Patrick's Day! Why not wear my favorite BRIGHT GREEN big tee/dress! My hair looks fantastic! My skin is GLOWING! My tongue is (almost) completely PINK!

And at 7:55 am this morning, there it was; my Mecca, my promised land of milk and honey--my Jamba Juice on San Vicente in Brentwood, with wheat grass and orange juice waiting for me. And as the smell of a freshly cut lawn filled my nostrils, I threw back my head and sipped mightily, taking in the shot, thinking once again, THIS WHEAT GRASS IS DELICIOUS!

The end.


Shannon said...

As a fellow "cleans-er" I want to say GOOD JOB! I am so glad you feel great! And I am so proud of you for completing what was honestly the most difficult thing I have ever done.

Nathaniel said...

I mean I feel like I have to chime in here. I just looked up the master cleanse diet... There is nothing in there that even remotely resembles science.