I have a problem.
I am addicted to the news.
BAD. VERY BAD.
Every five minutes or so (probably less) I refresh the following websites, desperate for any new information that wasn’t available five minutes previous:
I’m a junkie. 100%
Thing is—my guy won! The election is OVER yet I remain in a frenzied pre-election state where I am expecting all news outlets to be live blogging EVERYTHING. So much so, that this morning I began actively searching for MORE new blogs/online newspapers to read. But it doesn’t help! It’s like I will never be satisfied. It's gotten so bad that I start to recognize writers, and know sources before I see bylines or credits. And all that dumb liberal blogosphere in-fighting and joking--I get it all. Even worse, I think this is really messing with my other skills—like being able to write, or generally just accomplish any amount of work. It’s like I am brain dead because I spend all related brain power clicking from one website to the next, hungry for one new headline after another.
I don’t know what to do.
DiTonto has suggested I take a Valium, but seeing as any potentially helpful pharmaceutical drugs remain out of my reach, I think I need to just quit this cold turkey. Yes, the only way to eliminate cravings is to just cut back altogether (hence my current ban on carbs and sugar—getting rid of bad habits and cravings, folks). I am considering an “internet vacation” but not sure how that would go down... maybe over Thanksgiving? Stay off the computer for 4 days straight—no news, no nothing? But what about TV? I gotta watch TV then... and movies... but I need to just get away from it all! How can that EVER happen when I am glued to a computer screen?
Despite my love for my own Mac at home, the big problem here is that for about 10 hours of the day I sit in front of a computer. And it seems that no matter how much work I have to do, like I did in high school and in college, I’ve already figured out how to get by, by doing enough work that makes me look good (and I will be the first to admit I never over-perform), while spending more time doing things that are entirely inconsequential to any relevant tasks. I seem to have perfected the art of procrastination and the lowest tier of success.
So what does this mean? Am I in a profession, that, once again I am not suited for? Is the reason I can’t throw myself into my job whole heartedly because I don’t really love it? But maybe this is just who I am (it seems to be a pattern)—maybe unlike those who are destined for greatness, I am merely headed towards mediocrity. (God, that’s depressing). I wonder if I were doing something I really loved, would I really be able to devote myself to it in a way I often see others do? Or maybe am I just not challenged enough in my current position? Maybe, like I often suggest, I am simply not suited for the corporate environment, and the years of brainwashing and self-convincing simply cannot cover the fact that I am not meant to spend my days at a cubicle. Or maybe, as my friend Ida just suggested, what I really need, the only solution to my current predicament is in fact that of the pharmaceutical variety—
Which brings me to my next question: does anyone know any doctors who are trigger happy when it comes to writing prescriptions?