Last night was THE BIGGEST NIGHT IN HOLLYWOOD. Or so they say. That’s right – the Oscars! I was live tweeting the shit out of the night, which means that I lost a soul-sucking four hours of my life to boredom and half-assed attempts to make lame jokes, so for all my pithy remarks you’ll have to turn to my Twitter timeline.
The Oscars this year were… boring. But also, I felt they were very AMERICAN. More so than usual. Here are my loosely formed reasons supporting this claim:
• Best Picture went to The Hurt Locker – a movie with some seriously American themes (okay I haven’t seen it, yes you can shun me, but what little I know about this brilliant film, is that it was awesome and it was about an American bomb-diffusing squad... or something. Wow, I suck.)
• Best Director went to Kathryn Bigelow – this was very American because she was the first chick to win the award. Badass.
• Of the four acting categories, three of them went to Americans and it’s worth pointing out the Sandra Bullock is practically the poster child for All-American – I mean she dropped “y’all” in the first sentence of her acceptance speech. Jeff Bridges is THE DUDE and totally fucking rad and that just screams AMERICAN to me. Like I want to drink a beer and smoke a joint and play the guitar with this guy. And Mo’Nique again was making history with her win – it felt super AMERICAN.
My favorite dress of the night went to Sandra Bullock… okay I might as well just say it: I LOVE SANDRA BULLOCK. She and Michelle Pfeiffer are probably two of my favorite actresses, like, EVER. And it just really kicks ass that Sandy (I can call her Sandy right? I mean, we’d totally be BFFs if we knew each other in real life and not just in my dreams) won last night.
Anyway, I’m already sick of all the post-show recapping and breakdown so now that I’ve said my piece, I’ll leave it at that. Also, Sandy if you are in the market for a new BFF, call me. (And Bradley Cooper you are really hot and I have no idea why you were at the awards, but I am glad you were because it reminded me of your supreme hotness. So, yeah, call me.)