Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Other Careers Worth Pursuing

Today was one of those days at work... the one where you suffer some sort of mental breakdown and have the urge to shove a variety of office supplies in your eyeball. I am currently reevaluating my strengths in an attempt to consider some of the following other career options.

1. Motivational Speaker. I am incredibly motivational. (Most School Spirit, Falmouth High School class of 2002). Just ask Roomie #1, currently on the master cleanse and getting some serious pep talks every day.

2. Self Help Book writer. I love to play shrink. This is also heavily connected to be motivational. Maybe I can combine the two fields and become some motivating therapist guru for the people.

3. Blogger. Already do that--not making any money. (Hint, hint: tell people you know in positions of wealth to read the blog and find friends to invest in the blog and then give me money for the blog). You know, if this became successful then I could be like all the other pretentious writers in LA and sit at a coffee shop down the street (Coffee Bean over Starbucks, bien sur) with my Apple MacBook (obv) and tip tap away while listening to bands you've never heard of from places like Norway or Detroit.

4. Yoga Instructor. I've noticed that yoga teachers often don't actually do yoga while teaching. It's a lot of speaking with a calm voice and talking about finding the union between the mind and body and all sorts of zen bullshit.

5. Exotic Dancer.

6. Waitress. As tempting as it is to return to the industry where every night at any restaurant would make for a great reality television show--gossip, alcohol, drugs, hook ups, and mutiny included--it's probably not the best idea for me. I lasted about a month at my last waitressing job and took a ten day vacation in the middle of that to go to Bonnaroo. You can definitely make some serious cash in this job, sadly more than I make now probably, but the skills gained aren't so worthwhile (besides learning how to carry three plates on one hand, which I actually did earlier today).

7. Drug Dealer. I don't really have any great leads on how to make this happen, and the only prescriptions I have to share are Zyrtec or Orthotricylcin. So unless people are really itching for some allergy relief or can't enough of that pregnancy-stopping stuff, I got nothing.

8. Dog walker. I would love to walk dogs for a living. How great would that be! Actually I think it would be terribly heart-wrenching when at the end of each day I would be reminded that I do not own any dogs and am solely responsible for exercising their legs and cleaning up their poo in public places.

9. Ski bum. At the moment, this seems like the only feasible choice. Despite the fact that I would probably get sucked into years of only caring about how many inches of snow fell the previous night or which lodge is better to eat lunch at to avoid the midday crowds, chances are high I would be happy and have some incredibly strong leg muscles and a high tolerance for cold weather. Not a week goes by that I don't longingly think about how sweet life would be if I just skiied all the time. Unrealistic and ultimately unfulfilling, I will just have to settle on infrequent ski vacations for now.

10. Assistant to a Hollywood Agent. Oh wait, I already do this. No comment.

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