But then today, today I cracked. At the start of the lunch hour, I spent several minutes staring at the various Lean Cuisines and fake chicken products in the freezer and everything looked so miserable I decided I was going to do it. I was going to EAT OUT and I was going to get some soup. Because if there's one thing I can splurge on it's soup. A cup of soup. Not a bowl (too expensive.)
So I walked across the courtyard behind my office building to this lovely little organic soup place. After spending what seemed like an eternity deliberating over WHAT SOUP (I mean this is my one meal out all week so I want to make it a good one) I ordered Basil Chicken Chili. The lady at the cash register asked,
"Would you like crackers or a roll with that?"
I looked at her suspiciously. Was she attemping to get some more money out of me? Can't she just smell I am an assistant from that well-known odor of "over-achieving desperate fool?"
I responded, "does it comes with cracker or a roll?"
"Yes." She said this almost as though I had to be the dumbest or saddest person around.
With relief I ordered a roll. What a bargain, soup AND a roll!
The saddest thing is, if she had told me it was extra for the crackers/roll, even just 50 cents extra--I wouldn't have gotten any. I am seriously that cheap. The end.
P.S. I got back to my desk and found this email from my roomie waiting for me:
omg i tooooooooootally forgot to tell you about the radio commercial that had me dyyying and thinking of you.
it's this guy talking to his friend about how he's all, "hey you know how i'm so broke i don't go out for dinner, get drinks, or go to the movies. and i only eat rice, pasta, and dry toast" and his friend is like, "yeeeeah" and he goes, well i figured out how to make a lil more money so my girlfriend doesn't have to cover my dinner so often. the friend is like, o yeah, how?
selling phone books !!! baaah ahahah
i can't even imagine. times be tough when you're selling phone books. he says all you need is a car with insurance. and then the friend makes a joke about how he can't believe he can afford insurance and asks if now that he's making extra money if his saint of a girlfriend won't have to pay for him so much.
it's the longest, most absurd ad EVER. i hope you get to hear it some day.
Thanks DiTonto. See, what my dear roommate knows is that taking up some other source of income has definitely crossed my mind. Thing is, I am lazy. So it's just my measly assistant paycheck for now... some day I will fondly recall this time in my life when soup was a luxury. And then I will shudder in disgust and have the butler fetch me another Bloody Mary. And make it spicy.