It's come to my attention...

In my daily dose of self-promotion on my G-chat status, Facebook and Twitter I bragged about the post two-below as touting 2000 words. Why do I know this? Well I typed it up in a word document first (yes, it still had that many spelling/grammar errors, what can I say? I am shitty when it comes to proofreading my own work) and then plopped it up here and hooo boy it was long.

But you know what?

It's come to my attention that some of you may not enjoy reading my longer posts. See the following exchange:

Me:
i mean its 4 pages single spaced in a word doc
Friend:
wow
that's 1400 words?
Me:
maybe
Friend:
oh single spaced?
Me:
yep
Friend:
that's like a million pages
words
Me:
hahaha
Friend:
shit stamos
i'm not reading 8 double spaced pages

In this day and age we are so accustomed to processing nuggets of information in 140 characters or less (ooooh Twitter burn!) that we seem to freak out at the idea of reading any lengthy section of prose.

To which I say, SERIOUSLY?

I'm suprised we don't all have ADHD! In fact, I predict in the near future we will!

You know if I am going to devote my entire lunch break to some narcissistic ramblings about people you don't even know, the least you can do is read the entire thing and then leave me comments about how brilliantly hilarious I am and how you would like to buy my blog and make it a book and then how I should quit my job and how my amazing column will resurrect print media from its current death bed and then I'll win a Pulitzer and maybe a Peabody (DID YOU KNOW THAT BATTLESTAR GALACTICA WON A PEABODY? THAT'S HOW GOOD IT IS!) and then my life story will be made into a brilliant movie that will be both happy and sad but more happy and then I will win an Oscar and I will get to thank my Orthodontist after all (the second one, not that first asshole doctor) and then I will buy my Dad a big house in Italy and myself an even bigger one in France.

Actually I don't really care. If shorter posts are preferred, then BY GOLLY! LET THE PEOPLE EAT CAKE!

(No but seriously I like comments).