Record Breaking

So.

This is my 60th blog post for the month of March. Which means not only have I delivered on my promise, but I have broken a record for most posts per month (passing the previous record of 56 posts in May 2008) and as this is a seriously record-breaking post I feel that it should also be ground-breaking and trouble-breaking and maybe bone-breaking too.

Alas, the creative juice supply is low today. Instead I find myself staring at Horace, envisioning what sort of nametag I should make for his pretty basket. What? You thought that because he’s a plant he doesn’t deserve a nice name plate? Horace has been a big addition to my life, here, people. Think about it. When you sit at a desk for 9 hours a day, a large green plant can really spruce up your daily existence.

What other fun things do I have at my desk, besides the standard office equiment?

A small calendar
A card my boss gave me on my birthday
My Twilight bookmark (it’s taped to the side of my computer)
A picture frame I made during an arts & crafts project that contains the words that embody the spirit of my team for the year (THINK SYNERGY)
A silly picture my friend drew for me
A sign taped on my computer that says “BE PROFESSIONAL”
Another sign on my computer reminding me what places I need to pay bills to
A photo of the Obamas and Bidens (because I love freedom)
A small “Thank You For Not Smoking” placard I once stole from a cruise ship
A big picture that says “Gen Y. Their stereotype? Entitled.”

And that’s about it.

It was GAYMAZING

Last night I went with the roomies to see Elton John and Billy Joel in concert (they're still doing the Face 2 Face series--a hilarious title but so DEAD ON BECAUSE THEY HAVE THEIR PIANOS FACE EACH OTHER IN A MASTER PIANO-OFF). IT WAS A PHENOMENAL SHOW. One of those epic nights that EVERYONE needs to experience at somepoint in their life--they played almost all the hits, with each playing separately for an hour and a half, then together for an hour, for a total of 4 hours of serious musical bliss. I realize that it's essentially a gay man's concert combo dream but this show is for anyone who loves America and loves to rock, so anyone. SERIOUSLY.

Elton John did the most incredible version of "Rocketman" I've ever heard.


And this was hilarious. They are both quite theatrical.


And of course, "Candle in the Wind." (And you catch the beginning of "Piano Man" which is what they closed with...)

conversations with my "cubemate"

This is what happens when you have IM conversations with the person who sits next to you and has to see your every move and gives you plants that you name Horace and asks what's wrong when you are strangely talking to yourself.

Please note that before recieving this IM I was going through my Twitter on my iPhone but I had my head in my hand.

Cubemate [4:08 PM]:
are u sleeping?
Me[4:08 PM]:
no
i wish
i am so tired
looking at my phone
Cubemate[4:08 PM]:
well, u look REAL comfortable
Me[4:08 PM]:
hahaha
Cubemate[4:09 PM]:
u should talk to horace
he'll keep u awake
Me [4:09 PM]:
he's delightful
i was just thinking i dont have anyone to procrastinate with
Cubemate [4:09 PM]:
tell horace
that's what he's there for
very good at listening

Meet Horace

Today my "cubemate" gave me a plant. He inherited it and decided it was time to put some foliage on my desk (even though our desks are connected--I think it was just taking up too much space or something). I named the plant Horace.

Meet Horace:



Isn't he lovely?

On a side note, anyone have idea what kind of plant Horace might be? Suggestions appreciated.

In Which Jon Watches a Movie and Tells Me His Thoughts (cont'd)

Here's the rest of Jon's commentary on Twilight. Hot off the press.

And we are back for RP's piano solo
Why didn't David Arquette get the dad role? (I wonder if he means Bella's dad or Edward's "dad")
A league of their own? (This is the baseball scene)
except why don't their hats fit on their heads? that's what I want to know.
Ohhhh shit games over...
Great point on the hats
Dad is cluless
I smell a rat! (I have no idea what is happening here but I think it's James?)
Wait what part are you at...
Hall of mirrors (not Versailles)
things get weird here. listen for RP's song playing near end of scene however... yes he sings (better than he acts)
I'm glad Jasper has virtually zero special powers (they're explained in the book)
This is exactly how I imagine Pheonix actually
"Carlyle"....really?
Jacksonville?! I'd rather die.
Prom-really?
She looks like shit
Yeah but that kiss? Amazing.
3...2...1...I'm there
When he cried he looks like Marlon Brando minus 180 lbs
Sequel central
OH and the Radiohead song at the end is THE BEST. 15 Step.
One of my favorite songs
Did you hear that Boston Latin had to issue a formal statement from the board saying that despite rumors, "there is not a vampire infestation at the school?"
I give it a solid 7
Over and out (Thank you Jon!)

Okay readers, help us pick the next movie for this new feature... Any requests?

In Which Jon Watches a Movie and Tells Me His Thoughts

My dear friend Jon is all away across the country and I miss him so. Thankfully, he’s been watching Twilight this morning and emailing me his thoughts. Below, a continuous (but temporarily interrupted—he had to get a message) commentary. Each paragraph signifies a new email, my responses are in italics, my comments on his thoughts in parenthetical italics. If you haven’t seen Twilight you probably won’t get it. And you are dead to me.

Oh and the he = Robert Pattinson (RP) and KS is Kristen Stewart... in case you are pop culturally illiterate.

How are you? I'm watching Twilight.
I love that new Volvo he drives
Washington = depressing.
I love her two friends! Good actresses.
Money, sex, money, sex, cat?!?!
He looks Japanese in that way that Kate Moss looks Japanese
KS and RP do monotone brilliantly
I would love to go skiing with RP; no ski lift
This part is very "Where the Red Fern" (I have absolutely no idea what he’s talking about here.)
Bella is a strong independent woman
Annie,” you are like my own personal brand of heroin."
Love that scene. I love boys who sparkle.
Go to West Hollywood
LOVE the Wayfarers scene... he's embracing his new image.
That's my favorite scene of the ENTIRE film. He's so hot getting out of that car...
Tofu metaphor was dead on
The Indians vs. RP is lost upon me, should I bet patient?
Oh you will learn. Through historical re-enactment, you will learn.
Love the fam!! Brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!! This is so Terry Gilliam!
Jasper.
looks like he just farted in every scene and is hoping no one smelled it? Wait for the spider monkey line too...
The Claire de Lune scene works really well. Seriously. Woah, and their off! We are in spider monkey. I have to go get a massage. I’ll be back at 4 to continue this cinematic bonbon.

Oh Boy

“Facebook is like ‘Cheers,’ where everyone knows your name,” she said. “Twitter is the hipster bar, where you booze and schmooze people.” NYT

Debbie Downer

Hmm. In re-reading the below post I realize it is weird and cryptic and mildly depressing. Pay me no mind, just one of those days.

I'm wearing leopard print ballet flats today, so that's something.

Okay, I believe you now.

Just about every morning when I drive to work I listen to NPR. The national news is on at 8 am and I think it's simply the best way to commute. I will admit that for a little while after the election I took a 3 month hiatus from my news immersion, but it's back to being a part of my daily routine. It's interesting to measure the mood of news stories day by day. Half the time I am listening I think I am still in morning, pre-coffee mode, and probably only digest a portion of the information. However today I noticed something--the stories seemed especially grim and the facts about the recession and the economy stood out more than usual.

Add this to The Huffington Post's typically dramatic headline last night: "Tent City, USA" and I think it's starting to sink in: we're fucked.

I realize you're maybe reading this, thinking, uh, yeah? Thing is, here in LA it's been easier to distance myself from what's going on. We're away from DC and Wall Street and from the heart of the financial crisis. Out here people care about the same thing--buying and selling good entertainment. However I've noticed more change, and change that's hitting closer to home.

My dad tells me that in change comes opportunity--and I agree, however it's difficult to embrace that or to remain optimistic about opportunity in such turmoil. For some reason, today I feel like I get it. Times are tough. I see now. But on the flip side--and even when I seem to finally grasp the gravity of the situation, I can't but help remain positive. Maybe it's my nature, maybe it's being a product of Gen Y, or maybe it's just because... but I can't help it.

About a month ago I was at a Chinese restaurant and my fortune cookie told me something interesting that I have held onto: YOUR CAREER PLANS LOOK BRIGHT. I keep that fortune in my wallet.

I have no idea what the future holds or even fully understand what's happening right now, and even though I sort of get it--or at least I feel the massive grip of hard economic times, I find it hard to believe that it won't all work out. I'm going to hold onto that fortune.

Now that's what a trailer is supposed to look like...

One of the most magical books of my childhood come to life:



It's a great trailer and looks like the movie will be fresh adaptation. Seriously, something about this film tugs on my heart strings, much like the book once did. I can't wait!

Some Wednesday Nostalgia

The Jungle Book is probably my favorite Disney movie off all time (right up there with Robin Hood, Alice & Wonderland, and The Sword in the Stone) but then came the cartoon Tailspin and I was always significantly confused why the animals from that beloved film were all friends and adventurers. Didn't stop me from watching the cartoon when I could.

Just for Fun

This video is stunning. A nice 5 minute mental break. (It gets really fantastic around the 3-minute mark).

Heaven (Fully Flared Intro Video Remix)
by UNKLE_UK

via PSFK

wtf is a "pedicab?"

Because apparently there's one parked in my apartment's parking garage. I am the roommate delegated to street parking this month so have yet to see it, but Annie sent me this photo earlier:



So that explains the hilarious passive aggressive notes in our elevator declaring that the illegal, unliscensed pedicab needs to depart the garage or it will be forcefully removed by the Santa Monica police.

What I'd like to know, is who drives a pedicab? And can we hang out?

Ha.

Haha.

Because I wasn't already shitting my pants...

From my Google Reader (but really from LAist):

42 Microquakes Has Experts Wondering if the Big One is Next
Between Saturday and Monday morning, 42 small earthquakes shook, ranging in in magnitude from 0.5 to 3.3, near the Salton Sea, east of Los Angeles, according to the LA Times. "The worry for scientists comes from a case in 1987, when a magnitude-6.2 earthquake on one of the crossing faults appeared to trigger a 6.6 quake 12 hours later on the Superstition Hills fault to the south. The San Andreas fault is north of these crossing faults and the geometry is similar, [research geophysicist Graham] Kent said. This swarm, he said, 'is a flashing yellow light that tells you to be prepared and to spend some time trying to understand the significance.'" Of course, we never will really know until it happens. The only thing we are in control of is how prepared you are. Do you have at least 10 gallons stored per person in your household (and don't forgot some for your pets!).

Great. Just when I start to humor ideas of staying in LA a little longer. You know, I am so incredibly freaked out by earthquakes that I occasionally will wake up in the middle of the night thinking there is one about to happen. It's becoming somewhat problematic. However, IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN. I guess it's probably unnecessary to live in a state of constant fear but I CAN'T HELP IT, OKAY?

milk was a bad choice

I had sour milk this morning. It was DISGUSTING. And completely unintentional, but that doesn't change the fact that it happened and was so NOT okay, especially considering the milk was in the fridge AT WORK which is replenished DAILY. WTF?

FURTHERMORE, said milk had to be dumped out--which meant my delicious tea had to be dumped out (where said milk had been poured into) which was upsetting.

In other news I have both spilled on myself and ripped a pre-existing hole in my jeans even larger. Clearly, things are going swimmingly this morning.

Additionally, I realized that my hair has gotten quite long and I have a renewed love for wearing a ponytail.

And finally, I finished the fifth season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer last night and am patiently waiting for my season 6 DVDs to arrive via Netflix either today, or tomorrow, perhaps. A break from all that vampire slaying and teen angst might be nice. And my book reading has really suffered from my TV watching.

Ew. The milk.

Stamos vs. Stamos

Okay.

So remember that time (aka every time) when I beat John Stamos in a "Stamos vs. Stamos" competition, mostly by default, but also because I am biased toward myself winning in all irrationally stupid web-based competitions with famous TV actors?

Well, you can forget about me ever saying I was always a guaranteed win, folks, because today I have Earth-shattering proof that Stamos has just owned me. Dominated. Destroyed. He is the victor supreme.

Why?

Please see this photo:



Stamos: Epic Win.
1. He is posing with TINA FEY. This is a no-brainer.
2. He is at Disneyland.
3. He is also standing with Belle, Cinderella, and Snow White and while I’m slightly concerned he might be marginally racist (where are Jasmine and Ariel? What, do you have a thing against Persians and Mermaids, Stamos?), he is posing with some Goddamn DISNEY PRINCESSES.
4. He is wearing a fedora and dirty old-people Velcro shoes. And PULLING IT OFF. SOMEHOW. PROBABLY BECAUSE HE IS JOHN STAMOS.
5. He is referred to as a Disneyphile.

Stamos: Epic fail.
1. I have no pictures with Tina Fey (besides the one I have tucked into my mirror with a word bubble that says “work on some improv Stamos and someday you might have a shot. Like me. Also: try glasses.” That’s a lie. I have no such picture. Just in my head. And the drawer in my nightstand).
2. I have never been to Disneyland. Only Disneyworld. And naturally, Florida = Fail.
3. The closest I have ever come to standing with a princess is when I took that ridiculous Facebook quiz "Which Disney Princess are you?" and somehow landed with Mulan. Fucking Mulan.
4. I do not own a fedora nor do I have any shoes with velcro, nor could I successfully pull off this look.
5. I am not a Disneyphile. The only “phile” I might be is an X-Phile. (Also a Francophile—these two “-philes” were actually united in my secret 5th grade AOL screenname XFille—literal translation is X-Girl, which unbeknownst to me at the time did not indicate I was a nerdy fan of The X-Files but rather portrayed me as a French porn star, and resulted in a lot of confusing spam email). The shame!

I’ll get you next time Stamos.
MARK MY WORDS.

Green with Envy

My friends and I have been emailing around this article from the NYT today, expressing our supreme jealousy of this quartet of successful female screenwriters. Here's hoping that envy turns into motivation...

Family Guy Friday

I can't remember if I've already posted this clip. But I obviously don't care to check because I'm posting it anyway.



Okay I looked it up and have posted this entire episode (it's called "McStroke" if you care) before but Hulu no longer allows it to be seen. You're welcome, loyal readers.

This is gross and your probably don't want to hear about it but

my jeans smell.

Like in that weird, "I bought them somewhat recently but don't wear them too much but have yet to wash them" strange denim-specifc smell. It's that JEANS SMELL. You know the one! I know you know... everyone experiences this odd jeans smell. Clearly, mine are due for that requisite wash (and then I'll probably never wash them again) but it's GROSS because the scent is overpowering DESPITE the amount of perfume I am wearing/strongly fragranced conditioner I use in my hair. I mean it's distracting. I wish I wasn't wearing this jeans. I am tempted to go down to my car and get the sweatpants in my gym bag. (By sweatpants I meant those awful velour Juicy pants that I still wear around the house, okay?) And I am wondering if I could pull those off at work... I mean it is "casual" day or whatever...

Seriously this denim odor is NOT OKAY.

Things I've Learned in Hollywood

Today's Lesson:
If Hollywood assistants are given the opportunity to dress "casually" at work, 3 out of 4 will wear a plaid shirt.

OBAMA HAS COME TO LA TO PERSONALLY THANK ME FOR WINNING NEVADA FOR HIM!

Okay so the subject line of this post is obviously not true. However it did not prevent me from telling EVERYONE I work with that this was the clear reason President Obama (I still get excited writing that) was coming to LA, and (as rumor would have it) staying in the hotel across the street from my office. Co-workers were only marginally amused (as with most of what comes out of my mouth). Unfortunately yesterday afternoon was so hectic I didn't even get to write the fake scenario in which I envisioned our impressive president greeting me and shaking my hand and commending me for my hard work in Pahrump and for all those lives I touched and for loving freedom so very much. And then his little visit went and f-ed up my morning commute so now I just don't know if I have it in me to write this sure-to-be hilarious/award-winning scene in which I would be rewarded for my patriotic devotion.

Thank You For Ruining One of My Favorite Childhood Books

Growing up, the children's book Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs was one of my very favorite stories. I have found memories of both my parents reading aloud the story of a strange town where food was delivered via weather patterns.

As it happens with many books, this one has been adapted to a movie. I was so excited to see the trailer and then, this:



If you can't see the clip in full, watch here.

Now, those who haven't read the book might think this still looks entertaining. Sure. Why not. However--this whole bit about an inventor? Completely NOT faithful to the original story that was so convincing in whimsy and idea that my imagination spun at the possibility of such a creative concept. Some of my favorite images from the story were the restaurants that lacked roofs, or the sailboats made of bread. While some of those images seem to have been recreated, overall this new plot line that the food-weather is man-made is upsetting. Will I see it anyway? Probably. But the book will forever hold a special place in my heart.

Oversharing

In my narcissistic opinion, if you read my blog and follow me on Twitter then maybe, just maybe, there's a chance you might also want to see what articles I am reading on a regular basis (and sharing). If that is the case--then voila, I've now included a link to my Google Reader on the side box here (look to your right). Sure, there's a lot about social media and new tech trends and science fiction and pop culture, but occasionally I might share something of interest to all.

Broken Record

I realize that I can't shut up about certain shows, Friday Night Lights, Bones, Buffy being some of them--and I'd like to take a moment to wax poetic about Battlestar Galactica, which is sadly coming to an end with it's 84th hour this Friday night. BSG is a profound show--that's probably one of the best ways I can think to describe it. So profound in fact, that last night there was a BSG panel discussion at the United Nations in New York. Yes, you read that correctly, THE UNITED NATIONS.

Now, I have some experience at the United Nations. Please, try to hide your shock, but I was at one time--a scholar. (Continue holding shock please. Thanks). My last semester of college was not spent toiling in the hallowed buildings of Middlebury, but rather at the UN home base in Geneva, Switzerland, where I spent 5 months studying and working on my senior independent project/essay/thesis type thing. (Something about the EU and Turkey and national identity and politics and big words and the overuse of the phrase "most salient issue" and other things I've obviously blocked from my memory). The UN is an interesting place--a lot of worldly types, impressive politicos, negotiators, bureaucrats, decrepit library, peacocks wandering the grounds, great cafeteria, the works. Obviously, the fact that BSG was at the UN says something about the legitimacy of the subject material of the show (and not the illegitimacy of the UN, thank you very much) and even though the show bids farewell in two days--it's a must see, and thank God for TV on DVD. Do yourself a favor and get watching. Start with the mini-series and go from there. It's 4 seasons of compelling drama, characters and story lines.

Great write-ups of the UN event, where the topics included Human Rights, Children & Armed Conflict, Terrorism, and Reconciliation & Dialogue Among Civilizations & Faith, can be found here and here.

I really need to stop doing that...

I keep talking to myself. And it's completely unintentional. I mean, it's a strange habit I have--I talk to myself when I write or when I am IMing with a friend or emailing... and sometimes I'll notice that I've been whispering or being exceptionally expressive (smiling big, squinting my eyes, moving my hands, lots of GESTURES). Anyway, I suppose it's somewhat normal when I am by myself at my computer AT HOME. But when I am at work? It's awkward. And it freaks out my co-workers (add that to the long list...)

Strangely enough (in a bout of free association) this for some reason made me think of reading aloud... I used to enjoy reading aloud, be it in class or when I was babysitting and would read aloud to kids. Perhaps I should sign up to tell stories at a library somewhere... Perhaps LIBRARIAN is my true calling?

Spending Tuesday with Friends

Friends is one of my all time favorite TV shows and I've decided I am going to attempt to start posting little clips that capture some of my favorite moments with some sense of regularity (we'll see how long I keep this up for). Here's a great one from the final season to kick things off:

Star Wars as it's never been seen!

I'm a month or two behind in posting this video, but it's a must-see. It's a hilarious description of the Star Wars trilogy from someone who's never seen it (and better appreciated by those who have).


Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn't seen it) from Joe Nicolosi on Vimeo.

via Nerdist

School Spirit

Just four years ago I was spending an epic St. Patrick's Day in Dublin, dressed in green complete with face paint, an Irish Rugby shirt and a headband with shamrocks, watching a bizarre celebratory parade, drinking copious amounts of Guinness, getting intoxicated in public (and by 1pm in the afternoon)--all that fun stuff. And here I am, 4 years later and the closest thing to green I'm wearing today is a large turquoise necklace. And did I mention I am wearing a hot pink skirt?

Truth be told, I completely forgot it was St. Patty's today--I wouldn't say LA isn't the most "spirited" of cities, and certainly doesn't seem to have the same rambunctious Irish-American population as a city like Boston does (I imagine a few my friends there are already drunk, and rightly so). It appears to be just another day like any other in this city.

I'm a little sad I forgot to show some Irish pride today (although I am pretty sure I am all British/Scottish on one half--no Irish) especially because I pride myself in my spirit. Yes, I was deemed one half of Most School Spirit, Falmouth High School Class of '02 (my good friend Nate being the other half, the yearbook photo featuring me sitting on his shoulders with one of those giant foam thumbs on my hand--in retrospect we probably both won that accolade because we were equally obnoxious at soccer games and the like). I like to think I still bring that spirit with me still--and it applies to holidays or other occasions. But here I am today--feeling apathetic and likely to not go out tonight (what, I've got a 6:30am pilates session tomorrow?). Does this mean I am getting older? Or have I become jaded and am one of the many who now accept apathy as a necessary crutch to coping? God, that's depressing. I'm going to go with my original theory--I simply forgot.

So, Happy St. Patrick's Day--whether you're wearing green or not.

What do you think?

I kind of really want to buy this watch:



What do you think? Comments/questions/thoughts are appreciated.

What did I do before the internet?

So I just remembered that I can program our DVR on the internet. WHICH IS AWESOME. But as the account is in Ashleigh's name she gets all the emails about what is programmed. Which can be a little awkward when you program shows like "Battlestar Galactica: The Last Frakkin' Special." See the below screenshot:



Hehehe (awkward laugh).

My B

Excusez-moi but I just realized that the previous post was CHOCK FULL O' spelling errors. HOW EMBARRASSING! How will anyone ever take me seriously (cough Entertainment Weekly/my dad cough) when I am clearly such a terrible proofreader? I will tell you HOW. Because they will be AMAZED at the speed at which I write. It's true. In addition to typing at a record 95 words per minute I am able to pump out meaningless and irrelevant diatribes in as few as five minutes (sometimes four!). AMAZING! To be sure.

Oops. This is taking WAY longer than 4-5 minutes because I got distracted by the 4 other conversations I am having online THIS MINUTE. SEE, YOU ARE STILL IMPRESSED! Because in addition to blogging and chatting with friends I am miraculously DOING MY WORK!

Speaking of, must get back to it. But first--a spell check! HUZZAH!

The Orthodontia Monologues

Remember that time I said I shall forever be plagued by orthodontia? (And remember that time I named my ENTIRE BLOG ABOUT THE TWO MONTHS AFTER MY JAW SURGERY WHEN I HAD TO EAT LIQUIDS AND ONLY LIQUIDS?) Well I wasn't kidding. In today's story, related to the surgery-recovery-that-shall-never-end, I started out my Monday morning at the orthodontist--yep, still have that invisalign on the lower teeth--to apparently close a minor gap that my perfectionist doctors obsess over.

Speaking of perfection, Dr. Jacobson was not pleased with the progress this morning--and I was informed by one of his female minions (why is it that both my orthodontist here and in New York are surrounded by droves of female assistants? And they're always blond and attractive, I've noticed. Actually more brunettes in New York. What's the deal with that? Note to all guys: become an orthodontist and surround yourself with fine attending women) that I might need a new kind of retainer to really get the job done.

Yes, I am 25, and yes, I have been dealing with this for the past 15 years of my life. Moving on.

Well folks, Assistant Lady said to me "The doctor might switch you to a wire retainer. Do you just want the natural color? It's pink, like your gums." I looked at Assistant Lady and said,

"HAH! If I am going to get a wire retainer with color options then I am going all out. Show me what you got!"

Next thing I know I got to choose not only a color, but a STICKER. Yes, nowadays you can put a sticker on your retainer. Naturally I chose electric blue and a sparkly seahorse (I wanted to express my love for marine biology) and previous frustration at pre-pubescent orthodontic devices quickly transformed into excitement to show off my hilarious and personalized new mouthpiece.

However, all this enthusiasm was crushed when the always-eerily serene Dr. J swung by for his 5 minute check-in, during which he spoke in code (something like "lets see the RDT. Yes and on her 16. Hmm."), asked me about my "jaw health" and shook my hand, twice. He then left. I had no idea what just happened so Assistant Lady told me that in fact they were going to stick with the invisalign and I was to come back in a few days to pick up a new model.

No electric blue sparkly seahorse retainer for me. Single tear.

Friday the 13th

It's Friday the 13th! I love when shit like this happens! I feel inspired to build a fort and then bust out some flashlights and tell my friends ghost stories. Anyone else?

I used to LOVE ghost stories. This should come as no surprise. In fifth grade I remember writing my own story, thinking it to be the most horrific and epic tome of all time. It was, appropriately titled, "Pools of Blood." Yes, as an 11 year old, I wrote a story called POOLS OF BLOOD. And as the title suggests, (and as I recall, shoddy memory and everything,) it was quite gruesome and had something to do with three dudes named Larry, Bill and Sam and a cabin and discovering pools of blood and lots of people dying. I also remember thinking I was seriously badass for composing such a masterpiece. I then went on to write about a lobster in a tidepool and a fisherman/boat tale that was a crappy rip off of The Old Man and The Sea.

In retrospect, I guess I was a strange kid.

American Idol: Some General Musings

If you've been following my Twitter feed at all, you might have noticed a streak of American Idol related tweets last night, including one in which I declared I'd be writing a blog post about why American Idol is everything that is wrong with this country. I don't know if I fully believe that--because you could certainly argue that there are some wonderful aspects to the show, including, on the one hand--it truly is the American dream manifested (come from nothing, outshine others to become something). In theory, sure, it's great. However, in practice--it's miserable.

I had never seen more than 10 minutes of Idol before last night, when I probably watched a total of 45 minutes while Annie and Ashleigh were catching up on the shows from this week. While they explained to me how the show worked ("Why are they all singing Michael Jackon songs? Why does Paula sound like she's about to pass out? Who's the other chick? Why does it take an hour to kick someone off?") I found that I mainly suffered a lot of secondhand embarrasment, as well as shock at the cheese factor, as well as at the young mothers performing (maybe it's close minded of me, but I am still amazed when I see girls under 23 who have kids--I just figured everyone waits until they are a little older these days). The production felt very 90s, including various participant family members' hairstyles--and the fact that half of the kids seem better suited for an Off Broadway musical or community theater.

I had no idea the show was in it's 9th season, and for someone as TV-obsessed as me, I must admit my complete ignorance about AI (and much of reality TV) could be considered out of character. However, I've written about my dislike for reality TV in the past (how it ruined the sitcom, and most other scripted shows, among other things); so I won't get into it again. And although the roommates were giving me lots of shit (in response to my Twittering about my dislike, Annie tweeted "Get over yourself, Stamos." And yes, we were Twittering in the same room together--that's Gen Y and technology today, folks) I just don't think I could ever, ever get into that show. I did appreciate Kanye West, I mean performing in a Canadian Tuxedo is PHENOMENAL, but from here on out--count me out.

Friday Frivolity

This video has already gone viral, but I can't not post it here. It's pretty amazing.

What I'm Watching and Reading and Doing and Thinking

So you probably noticed that some time ago I added that little box to the right, and it includes such fascinating details ABOUT ME such as what I am eating and watching and listening to and wishing and you may have ALSO NOTICED (that I love spontaneous capitalization? DUH!) that I sometimes updated it daily and sometimes not at all and that it once said reading but as I embarassingly have been doing more watching than reading I changed it and ANYWAY THE POINT OF THIS INCESSANT RAMBLING is that I want to talk about what I am going to be watching on TV tonight/this weekend.

So. I am house sitting this weekend and have some serious plans to live like a little hermit and NOT GO OUT. Why not go out? A few reasons: I am low on cash (it's the economy, stupid!), I sometimes have an inner conflict that I drink too much when I do go out, and I NEED A MOMENT. That moment will be catching up on TV, and trying to finish the two books I am reading, and of course, if it is nice, feeding the tanorexia in Malibu.

So let me talk about some shows for a moment because as we ALL KNOW, TV is my true passion. Well one of them (some others include: hot tamales, aquaphor, talking to myself, wearing odd clothing combinations).

Tonight is a new episode of Bones. FOX 8 pm. I AM REALLY EXCITED. My roommates are probably less excited because everyday TNT runs a repeat and they've been going straight from Season 1 the past month or so, and so almost daily I've been watching Bones and, consequently, so have Annie and Ashleigh. But it hasn't been new in like THREE WEEKS and it FINALLY is tonight and I am really excited. Yes, I LOVE a show all about icky human remains. Obviously it's more about the "will they or won't they" relationship of the two leads, but there's a serious geek component there too.

What else... okay well obviously I am still in the middle of catching up on Buffy the Vampire Slayer although I haven't been as engrossed in it the past two weeks. In fact, this week I think I've only watched two episodes total, and I have one left in Season 4 before I move onto Season 5. Loving my Netflix subscription though--I feel as though it's going to enable me to start watching so many other shows (on deck: Big Love, Dexter, Damages, Six Feet Under).

I'm also pretty psyched for new episodes of 30 Rock and The Office and I haven't watched Grey's Anatomy or Private Practice in about a month, but I am thinking one of these days I might go on a binge and go back to those buzzed-about crossover episodes and catch up. Oh and I haven't watched this weeks episode of The City yet (yes, I am still watching that craptastic mess, what, did you think I would have forgotten? PUHLEEZE.)

More importantly, only two episodes of Battlestar Galactica remain. Three for me because I STILL haven't watched last week's ep (and shockingly have remained spoiler-free). That show is so unbelievably good and I don't care if you are averse to science fiction or special effects or something that airs on the SciFi channel because if you like a show that explores morals, ethics, politics, religion, love, friendship, loyalty, ETC, then you will LOVE THIS SHOW. And if you don't like a show that explores such things then I am guessing you hate freedom.

I'll also probably watch Dollhouse tomorrow night because I'm starting to enjoy that show, and I would be watching Friday Night Lights if I hadn't already watched the whole season on DirecTV (FYI, WATCH THAT SHOW).

As for books, I got about halfway through the intense and captivating The Handmaid's Tale before my brother gave me UnLunDun which is a YA Fantasy book (of course) that I read at whiplash speeds until I got distracted with TV shows and still somehow have 100 pages left. I need to finish it. And I got my new issue of the New Yorker in the mail yesterday which I plan to read (apprently the cover is controversial for poking fun at the Michelle Obama sleeveless arms debacle). And now that I am hooked on my Google Reader I'm sure I won't be too far from my phone or computer all weekend...

So that's that.

Twitter: The Future of Blogging?

In the past two weeks Twitter has BLOWN UP. I like to think I joined the movement before it was everywhere, but I think I am more on the cusp of figuring it out before it got cool, and being on the first wave of those who discovered its trendiness. For the sake of my own narcissism, I am going to argue that I obviously jumped on the bandwagon BEFORE it was cool.

In any case, I have more and more friends who are signing onto Twitter, and I've noticed a significant increase in press that is Twitter related.



Twitter is, in a sense, micro-blogging. However, I've found that in the past week or so, as I've been increasingly busy with work, all I have had time to do is micro-blog (tweet), and subsequently my actual blog has been suffering. It's significantly easier to tweet on the go--I have the app "TwitterFon" on my iPhone--than it is to blog, and there's significantly less pressure to write anything profound or well thought out (although I'll be the first to admit that these posts lack much planning or anything too profound). I don't feel the need to edit my tweets for spelling or grammatical errors; when you only have 140 characters (or less) to write something, all spelling and grammar rules go out the window.

I'm also noticing that various public figures who's blogs I've read in the past are now Twittering more than they are blogging--why read their blog when I can get quick tidbits of info from a Twitter feed? It's more time efficient--like an RSS feed of various peoples' streams of consciousness.

That being said, Twitter still isn't as mainstream as Facebook or even the general blogosphere, and the average person might remain uncomfortable about signing on. At it's core, Twitter is most useful to celebrities, writers, reporters, and public figures of any notoriety, and especially brands looking to track buzz. It's a strong branding tool, either for an individual or for a company, and as I've mentioned before I'm convinced that it's ushering in a new phase of web 2.0.

However, AND LET ME BE CLEAR, just because I have a new found love and appreciation for the simplicity of Twitter, I vow to NOT LET this blog become obsolete--I shall continue to write and ramble and do my best to entertain or annoy. I shall Tweet and I shall Blog and I shall remain, above all, a huge, huge nerd.

Stress Relief

Manu Chao solves all probelms (and not a tea latte, so I have learned)...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

That is all.

Spontaneous Combustion

You know when you break up your morning routine and it just throws EVERYTHING off? That happened today... had a doctor's appointment which meant I was over an hour late to work and it's all been kablooey since then... I feel like my head might explode at any time. The only solution? Chocolate, obviously. Going to my most favorite of favorite drug stores (Mickey Fine) for my new favorite chocolate indulgence: dark chocolate M&Ms.

Food Coma

Had one of those monthly lunches with co-workers (gotta love corporate bonding) and I am now suffering a severe food coma. WHAT DID I HAVE FOR LUNCH? I will tell you. I split (with my friend who I shall refer to as V) a salad and a turkey burger and both were delish. And now I just want to take a little sleep on my desk. However, I do believe that sort of thing is frowned upon.

In other news, I just read a fascinating New Yorker piece that, among other things, looked at the longstanding pop culture obsession with vampires. It's really an astute point. Which makes me wonder, what IS IT with people loving vampires? I mean shit I would be all about having a forbidden love with Edward Cullen or Angel ANY day (but not that Bill dude on True Blood, he's gross), so my next question is, does that make me extra weird? (I say EXTRA because I am already regular weird). Maybe I am just a hopeless romantic? (Ew. I also like a nice steak and long walks on the beach). Maybe I am a tween? Maybe I should go write some shitty fan-fiction and publish millions of books to angsty tweens/housewives Twilight style? I mean, think about it. Anytime anyone writes a book or creates a film that has something to do with vampires people go nutso for it. Clearly, the human inclination is for a sadistic obsession with a blood-sucking demon, so perhaps I should look for a way to capitalize on our perverse nature.

Anyway I have big plans tonight to purchase a tennis skirt and tennis shoes. See, now that I am SERIOUS about tennis (and seriously less terrible than I was--still moderately terrible, though) I need to start looking the part a little more. This doesn't mean I will cease attending classes in various themes (various themes usually translate to anything 80s when it comes to me), but I need some more appropriate/practical clothes (aka a pair of shoes that prevents me from falling, which almost happened in Sunday's lesson).

Okay I have to go procrastinate some and then I have to stare blankly at my computer screen and then I have to daydream and then I have to think about doing work and then I am going to have to do all the work I have to do in the last hour during which I am supposed to be here.

Adieu.

Pet Peeves (Part Five of an Endless, Multi-Part Series)

Pet Peeve:
You know when you go to the bathroom and there’s a fresh roll of toilet paper? I’m talking brand spanking new. So new, in fact, that to access the first square you sort of have to detach it on the perforated edge—but then it gets complicated because for some reason that first square is always extra sticky and you are sort of clawing at it, and then you have to rip into the toilet paper from the side so then you just end up shredding it and ultimately you get way more squares than you actually need but it’s all shredded and stuff and by the time you are done the toilet paper rolls looks like a cat has attacked. Ugh. That’s so annoying

Pet Peeve:
Pink Eye. Pink Eye sucks. I am prone to pink eye. I haven’t gotten it in a while though (might be the longest time I’ve gone without). I think the last time was the summer of 2007. I remember I got it twice when I was studying in Paris and thanks to social healthcare I was able to easily prance into a pharmacy, announce “J’ai conjunctivise” and get some eye drops for about 5 Euros, no problem. Not so much here. Here you actually have to wait for your eye to be seriously red and watery before a doctor will treat you. My roommate Annie has it though and I am definitely starting to come down with it. I couldn’t sleep last night because I had an irrational fear of my eye sticking shut. This morning it wasn’t looking promising, which means no make-up and scaring co-workers with that glassy eyed “I’m either high or about to start crying” look.

Actually, in a related note, this brings me to another pet peeve—people who are like “EW OMG PINK EYE THAT’S GROSS.” GET OVER IT you squirmish pricks. Yeah, it’s conjunctivitis and it’s weird and if it gets really bad your eye gets crusty and you have to pry it open in the morning. DEAL WITH IT.

Daylight Stealings

As great as it is leaving work in daylight hours, daylight savings always messes up my sense of time. Yesterday felt all out of whack, especially when I woke up with a splitting headache, and thought I had hours until I had to report for tennis, when it was much less than I thought. I was able to pull it together for the lesson (during which Adam and I laughed that our identical outfits were, actually, unplanned). NPR this morning did a hilarious piece about people needing to be more AWARE on their commute. Why? Well, folks, it's darker in the morning and BEWARE OF ENTHUSIASTIC JOGGERS AT NIGHT! Gee thanks for the heads up!

While I would like to complain about how I could use that hour of sleep back--it's March and summer is just around the corner in LA. I can't wait.

Saturday Morning Cartoons

Nerd Alert: Level Orange

I'm trembling in anticipation for this flick. Or maybe it's just the large coffee. No seriously, I'm geeking out over this new Star Trek trailer.



Wow... from Watchmen to this... it's so overwhelming. And on a side note, a male co-worker just told me I'm a "nerd's dream." So does that mean I might meet my soulmate at Comic Con?

Watching the Watchmen (A Jaw Wired Shut Review)

I have not read the graphic novel the film WATCHMEN is based on. However, I can imagine (and have read repeatedly) it is a tome of epic proportions, this statement now enforced by my viewing of the film at a midnight screening last night. Prior to watching the movie I regretted not having read the book—I’ve wanted to read Watchmen for a while but it had been relegated to a long list of “books I intend to read” some time ago. Now, I feel as though I have to read the book. I simply must. While the movie was fantastic, I got the sense the book would be an unparalleled literary experience—much how I feel about Lord of the Rings. The films are incredible at putting that story to life, and while they are faithful—it is impossible for a movie to completely capture the grand scope of the tale, and such is the case with Watchmen, even in such a detailed adaptation.

Yesterday when I told people I was going to the midnight screening of Watchmen, I was greeted with varying responses. My brother was envious, a co-worker declared my Geekdom official, and a friend asked “Why? It’s gotten terrible reviews.” Indeed, reviews have been mixed—but a common complaint is that the film is too faithful to the book, and at 2 hours and 45 minutes—I don’t doubt that. Certainly, its length is exhausting—especially at the end, when I was again reminded of Lord of the Rings and its multitude of endings. However, I appreciate when a film is faithful to a book, and also when a film does what a book cannot, be it eliminating extraneous story lines, or putting words to image. Watchmen must have been a bitch to adapt—you already have images, as it’s a graphic novel, and an extensively intricate one at that. One of the reasons I wish I had read the book before seeing the movie was because in some scenes it was obvious certain frames were exact replicas of a comic panel—as a book fan that would have been very gratifying.

The film’s plot is complex and smart; one in which an alternative history of the US is imagined, complete with Nixon in a fifth term as president and the US and Russia on the brink of nuclear war. It’s 1985 and masked vigilantes—the superheroes that comprise the Watchmen—are outlawed. Cities are gritty, full of crime and paranoia. It’s oddly beautiful, however, both the cinematography and the effects. I especially loved the 80s jams accompanying the film, as well as the clothing. Overall the setting was spectacular, which made up for the occasional lack of backstory or confusing plot hole.



Watchmen is not for the faint of heart. It has graphic violence and sex, spans settings from New York to Mars (yes the planet) and Antarctica. The plot is complicated but packs a punch—there’s a great twist, and Easter eggs planted in many shots (probably more for original book readers—another reason I need to get my hands on a copy of the novel) and even with the length, I was captivated well into the wee hours of the morning. In fact, I want to see it again. I’m not sure that the average comic book movie fan will enjoy this—some of my friends didn’t love it as much as I did, even if they were X-Men or Dark Knight fans. I do think it’s worth seeing—it’s groundbreaking and thought provoking and one hell of a ride.

Today I am the model of efficiency

I just wanted to announce that.

We now return to your regularly scheduled programming.

"If only I'd followed CNBC's advice, I'd have a million dollars, provided I'd started with a hundred million dollars."

CNBC got OWNED by The Daily Show last night. This video has gone viral today, but it's a must-see, so check it out.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

CNBC Gives Financial Advice

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Joke of the Day

Holy Coffee, Batman!

Side note, I think that "Holy [word], Batman!" saying is excessively trite, but any sense of creative originality escapes me today...

I AM SO CAFFEINATED TODAY. WOW. And I didn't even have the kitchen's coffee flavored battery acid. I think it's because all week I've been drinking tea in what I like to think of as cost-effective means of preserving my money for other things I care about (new J. Crew collection, hot tamales, alcohol) so when I splurged for a Coffee Bean latte this fine morning it has HIT ME. Bonus side effect? High productivity on several fronts, although most is work-related (that's a first!).

In other news I have tickets to see WATCHMEN at the midnight screening tonight and I AM FIRED UP. I AM A HUGE NERD! I am wearing a YELLOW BELT OVER A NAVY BLUE T-SHIRT TODAY! SOMEONE SEDATE ME!

This Captures My Love/Hate For Facebook

Gets really funny about halfway in. I can relate.



I miss the Facebook of 2005. Times were simpler then.

Free Association

It’s Wednesday. Of course it’s raining today. The weather the past few days has been very odd. Crazy hot and sunny this weekend, dreary on Monday, sunny again Tuesday, torrential downpour Wednesday. I’m curious to see what Mother Nature has in store the rest of the week. Who knew LA weather could be so interesting. Isn't it? Aren't you fascinated by my weather reports? I sure am.

Speaking of interesting, last night Adam and I went to tennis at a new night and time because we’d finally had enough of our poor excuse for an instructor and delinquent classmates. Honestly, it was as though we were in an outreach program at the local playground where people happened to be swinging rackets around. We thought we were the best in the class, and that we were really improving. That is, until, we joined this other class with a competent instructor and realized that for the past 6 weeks we really had been in an outreach program. We learned more in the first 10 minutes than in all previous classes with Captain Shitty Coach Who Loves Innuendo. Of course this class was made up of 4 other women, all in their late 20s (I’d guess), except for one highly Type A competitive bitch, who we decided was 38, single, and although she was similar to one of the Plastics of Mean Girls, she was really just a huge tool (Adam and I might be more like the Plastics of Mean Girls, in retrospect). At one point I saw her shooting me dagger eyes while I was practicing serving and I turned around to face her and she spluttered out “that was a good serve” in her least convincing/most-machine like voice. It was uncomfortable. Final decision? It’s private lessons from here on out.

And in other news, if you haven't already noticed, I figured out how to get my Twitter feed on the blog (look to the right). Very exciting. For you. Obviously. What does this mean? This means that in addition to daily posts you now can come back here for regular updates in 140 characters or less! I still recommend getting on Twitter (and trust me, once you are there you will soon get addicted), but now it's a little microblog on the blog. GOD IS ANYONE AS OBSSESED WITH ME AS I SEEM TO BE? Seriously I could use a good slap in the face right now.

Speaking of face, mine is starting to peel a little bit. I'd forgotten how much I love being tan. I know that sounds shocking, considering I often contemplate my battle with tanorexia, but in the winter I let myself go.

And with that I am going to go... I've been dreaming up this whole opinion piece (because I never write my opinion) on the case for Twitter, but I feel like I've already beaten that one to death, so I'll spare you that, for now.

Speaking of beating to death, the roommates and I are still getting many a laugh out of the story of the woman who's pet chimp went AWOL and tore off her friend's face, prompting her to tell the police "shoot on sight" and that when she stabbed her beloved pet it was though he looked up at her saying, "why Mommy!"

Oh and speaking of the roommates we are getting our nasty carpet cleaned today. I'll believe it when I see it.

Some Tuesday Nostalgia

Okay, I'm bringing back this weekly post topic with a classic:



Yes, so maybe I already posted this on Facebook but I am not friends with all blog readers on Facebook. So just revel in the glory that is Reading Rainbow as though it were the first time!

EEK!

Annnnnnnnnnnd I just had another minor freakout when I realized that I only posted 33 times in February. That is the least amount of posting per month since I started posting regularly.

EEK.

No good, I tell you, no good.

From henceforth, I commit to a minimum of TWO POSTS A DAY! (Weekends not included). I am already on a role, as this is a gratuitous post to make #4 for this lovely Tuesday (and because I am feeling particularly self-indulgent/verbose today, expect more to follow).

And now, what I think my animal spirit god looks like*:



*In case you were wondering, I googled "native american wolf" and that fine lassie just HAPPENED to be in the picture. Or maybe she's the Native American version of me. I haven't decided yet. I want it on a t-shirt though. Okay yeah that's me. I have great hair.

Just. Stop.

OKAY. I just have to point out that I POSTED ABOUT SQUARE ONE/MATHNET LONG BEFORE ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY DID (today) AND WHILE PERHAPS IT WAS FOR A LESS RELEVANT POST (blah blah, it's Square Root Day, and I was writing about my nostalgia for PBS) I AM TOTALLY ON THE PULSE OF THINGS.

See here for my original post. Dated March 25, 2008. THAT IS A YEAR AGO.

See here for EW's post today.

And all the posts in between where I whine about my sad dream-crushed future.

On a side note, I am thinking I need to get over my "woe is me" moment and do some more of those fun nostalgia posts. Hold please...

Woe Is Me

Ugh.

I just read this depressing/sarcastic article on Gawker about how kids today graduating from journalism school have miserable chances at getting jobs (I am too depressed to link to the specific article. Do some sleuthing). Apparently, the chances of being a sports reporter are about the same as being a pro athlete. Hah. Hah.

Seeing as I harbor lofty dreams of being a star reporter/writer capturing all things pop culture/TV/nerd (because I'm so original<--note sarcasm) I find the recession to be mostly upsetting for trampling on my silly Gen Y dreams. They should have told me when I was growing up that no, the world is not my oyster, and there was a decent chance that I wouldn't graduate into a hedonistic free-for-all where promotions come every six months. Yes, for some reason I was under the impression that the post-college years would be great--like college but maybe less responsibility (no homework) and more money (at least, self-made money).

Well, to whoever "they" are--thanks for nothing. Actually, I am pretty sure countless adults warned me of such likely post-grad sentiments (my family included), but I of course refused to believe any such nonsense. And here I am, idly dreaming of capturing award-winning creative content on the most frequented websites in website history... but to no avail.

I bet you feel pretty bad for me. You read my constant complaint-laden posts and think, "Poor Stamos, times are tough for her. Getting sunburnt in March. Living by the beach. Fear of Earthquakes. Existential crises around the clock. What can I do to help her?" Well, let me tell you how YOU can help me. (Because in these hard economic times I am the prime candidate for help<--again, please note sarcasm and attempt at sincere ironic self-deprecation).

1) Start commenting on my posts. Seriously. I want feedback! And ideas. I've been at this for well over a year and am starting to lose creative juice, and I imagine you get sick at my self-centered weekend recap posts (or maybe not, but tell me!). If you want me to write about something, leave a comment, or email me.
2) Tell your friends to read my blog. Spread the word. I really want to increase readership, and if I have a good sense that I am writing about things that other people might be interested in reading about, well then it is a win-win for all of us, no?
3) Follow me on Twitter. I know that seems like a disconnect, but I truly believe Twitter is an incredible tool for writers, both the amateur, aspiring and professionally inclined--and I count myself somewhere between the first two categories. Follow me here: http://twitter.com/stamos.
4) If you or anyone you know is looking for a writer or anyone who would gladly offer up an opinion on short notice--well that's me. Sure, my posts might often be filled with grammatical errors and nonsensical ramblings, but you'd be amazed at the speed I can pop this shit out on short notice.

Okay, that's enough relentless self-promotion for today. I'm going to mope for a little while, stalk some people on Facebook, do some work, then daydream about my fabulous future life as a travel writer... all thanks to your help.

While the rest of the country was shoveling...

...and I was frying, this is what Malibu looked like on Sunday:



Yep, heaven.

Also: yes, that is my hat. It is awesome. You are probably jealous. I wear it all the time.

The story behind the hat (because yes, those gauche trucker caps are so passe) is that I bought it when driving cross country and we were camping in Utah visiting Arches National Park for a few days.

There's another story there that involves sleeping in a car and a tent being ripped to shreds and running out of gas and hitchiking with a nice couple named Jan and Gary (in their RV), but I'll have to save that for a longer conversation in which I talk about my not-so-secret love for hitchiking. Among other things. Anyway, the deal with the hat was that you got to pick a blank hat (I obviously bee-lined for neon green) and then the iron-on stamp (yes this was 2008, not 1992, but whatever); and I picked that beautiful Moab print. Best $10 I ever spent. Well maybe not the best, but high-ranking, certainly.

Chicken: It's What's For Dinner

There's nothing quite so satisfying as one of those just-cooked rotisserie chickens from your local grocery store. Seriously. I love that shit. Eat some of it for dinner and then you've got plenty of leftovers for tomorrow's lunch. If there's anything I like more than a cheap meal it's leftovers. Okay sure, that fine herb-flavored bird will run you anywhere from 7 to 13 clams, but it's definitely worth it. And you can tell yourself you're being healthy if you just don't eat a lot of the skin or dark meat. Mmmm. Chicken.

It feels like 11:30 pm. It's just before 9 pm. I'm going to bed.

Things I've Learned in Hollywood

Today's Lesson:
People will judge you if you are freakishly tan in March, even after a weekend in Malibu. They will.

(Per Ditont's post they will also judge you for said tan combined with surgical boot).

Not so much a No Judgement Zone

I was going to ignore Stamos' request that I blog about my equally awkward appearance today until about 3 minutes ago when an interaction with a Hollywood agent pretty much summed up just how awkward I/my appearance can be.

Please keep in mind I recently was moved in my office and have the ever so demeaning job of answering our lobby door due to corporate politics and egos (bitter, table for one)...

Enter hollywood agent I've met: Hi, yes I'm here to meet with
Me: O hey! How are you?
Agent: Uhh, Di Tonto?? Wow, I almost didn't reconize you. You look...different?
Me: O well I have bangs now.
Agent: No...you had those. Umm did you just get back from a vacation?
Me: (embarassed) No, Malibu...over did it I guess. (get up to get popcorn/awkwardly hobble away)

Also note I had to go see a foot doctor this morning for what I thought was a small procedure, but instead involved lots of needles and digging and apparently an overly dramatic surgical boot.

Agent: O dude, what happened to your foot??
Me: Umm, well, you see, I had this problem with my toe...

Enter Boss: Just tell people you got shot or broke it. No one wants to hear about your ingrown toenail.

Agent and I exchange awkward/disgusted looks...END SCENE

When Tanorexia Turns Awkward

While everyone on the East Coast is suiting up in their finest outer gear for a snow day I am really awkwardly tan. Well... orange might be more appropriate.

It was another beautiful weekend in LA and I spent all day yesterday at the beach in Malibu, just loving the perfect weather and the sun and the heat, totally unaware of any blizzards elsewhere in the country.

Five hours later I'm sufficiently well done, which means today I'm a cross between burned and tan--making me orange. Not one of my co-workers has failed to mention my crisp glow today, and it's quite embarrassing when everyone else looks normal and I look like I just spent a week in the Bahamas or something. I'm assuming that it will go down by Wednesday and I'll just look like I have some fresh color. Until then... call me George Hamilton.